We don't own Star Trek: Voyager, the god Gene Roddenberry is responsible
but actual it was my idea but Gene Roddenberry said he would trade my idea
for a Happy Meal (trademark of McDonalds) I was five so I said yes (just
joking). We also don't own Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, the almighty Joss
Whendon owns the rights to Buffy. It's too bad we don't own Buffy because
if we did we wouldn't be broke
GoddessVixen & Doec Present
1 Time Warped: The Second
(Captain Janeway is setting in the mass hall at 0300, and she gets a craving for something other than coffee. [suspend your disbelief for just a minute!] But she is not sure what to ask for)
Janeway: (mutters to herself) Oz…maybe I should try it. Computer, a bowl of hummus. (It produces it for her; she takes it to her table and pokes at it. Suddenly there's a ping! And Q appears in front of her with a look of horror on his face. She looks up at him, almost bored. Yawns, smiles at him casually) Oh. Hi, Q.
Q: (looks genuinely scared for the first time in his life. Well, at least not since he'd been turned into a human and was attacked by just about everyone from irate aliens to a fork-wielding Guinan) Kathy, put it down and step away.
Janeway: (now totally confused) What? This? (Holds the bowl under his nose)
Q: Ugh! I warned you! (Snaps, she looks shocked before she disappears) Ah, the threat is gone.
Janeway: (reappears in a man's bedroom, bowl still in hand she looks around in alarm. Looks up and hisses) Q?! (She hears the sound of a shower being shut off and a man humming the Passions theme song absently as though a certain vampire had gotten it stuck in his head) Oh god, oh god…(feels for her phaser) Damn. (The bathroom door opens and Giles comes out. Not sure she's seeing right she squints at him) R-Rupert?
Giles: (eyes go wide) Kathryn? How did—where did—what—
Janeway: Shhh. I…think I provoked Q into doing it somehow.
Giles: Are you all right? You look a little dizzy.
Janeway: (rolls her eyes skyward in her annoyed-at-Q face) Give me a minute. I'm fine. Just a usual side effect.
Giles: Can I get you anything?
Janeway: Hmm? (Yawns) What time is it? I haven't even slept yet.
Giles: (checks his watch) Oh, it's about 10 in the morning.
Janeway: It's about 3 in the morning for me. I doubt Q will send me back any time soon, if I know him.
Giles: You can take a nap here if you like. Oh, Kathryn, what is that in your hands?
Janeway: (looks down at the bowl) Ah, it's hummus, I was thinking of Oz so I decided to give it a try
Giles: (nose crinkles up in slight disgust) I wouldn't advise that, it tastes terrible. (still trying to take the whole situation in, pretends its perfectly normal) Kathryn, enjoy your nap
Janeway: (flops down, sighs in relief) Thank you, I owe you.
Giles: (tucks her in) Over-working yourself again? (But he gets no response, she's out like a light. He kisses her forehead and leaves her alone.)
(About six hours later, Janeway wakes up and stumbles out, barely aware of her surroundings)
Janeway: Uhmm…?
Giles: It's all right. Remember where you are?
Janeway: (glances around, focuses on him) Oh. Yeah. Oh god, I'm in…what year is this, anyway?
Giles: 2002
Janeway: Some kind of sick joke…I'll get you for this, Q. (muttering to herself)
Giles: So, tell me, Q is your boyfriend, right?
Janeway: Q is not my boyfriend! At the moment I wouldn't touch him with a ten-foot pole.
Giles: He seems to take particular interest in you, from what I've seen.
Janeway: He got bored with his old playthings; I'm just the flavor of the week.
Giles: Confessions of a human Baskin-Robbins.
Janeway: Baskin who?
Giles: Uh, never mind. I'm curious, how long has it been since our last encounter?
Janeway: About a week? Yes, that's right. How about for you?
Giles: It's been almost 2 years. I'd be lying if I said I haven't found myself thinking of you. (There is an awkward silence, a slight trace of romantic tension between them that they're trying to suppress.) I'm sorry, where are my manners? Can I get anything for you?
Janeway: I wouldn't want to impose.
Giles: Oh, not at all.
Janeway: Well, the Doctor gave me explicit instructions to avoid caffeine for an indefinite amount of time since I nearly gave myself a heart attack from an overdose during one of my infamous all-nighters, so I guess coffee's out of the picture.
Giles: I've got decaf
Janeway: (makes a face) Decaf is not coffee, its dirty water.
Giles: Spoken as a true addict. Charming. How about some tea?
Janeway: never touch the stuff usually, but I'll give it a shot. Would you…mind if I used your shower?
Giles: Oh, go right ahead. Make yourself at home. (She hops in and a few minutes later he hears her scream and splutter and finally a loud clunk. He runs in and immediately turns the other way. Blindly holds a towel out to her) All right in there, Kathryn?
Janeway: (stands up and dries off quickly, shivering) Your sh-sh-shower is malfunctioning, it became…cold (shudders violently), then I tried to get out and I slipped!
Giles: You just used all the hot water; it will replenish itself in about a half-hour. I'm sorry, I should have warned you. (Leaves, embarrassed. Not long after she comes back out in his robe, his jaw drops)
Janeway: Hope you don't mind. (Indicates the robe)
Giles: Oh, that's no problem. No…problem at all. (Hands her a cup of tea) I know it's no replacement for your usual fare but…
Janeway: That's perfect, thank you. (Pulls the robe more tightly around her. She sits down and they start their little tea party. Just then Buffy walks in, not even bothering to knock, doesn't even notice Captain Janeway at first)
Buffy: Hey Giles. (Glances over at Janeway and waves, not really processing it yet) So Giles, I was out last night and—(looks back at Janeway, stares) What the—
Janeway: Q. Don't ask, I don't even know. Guess he just felt like playing a prank on someone and it might as well be me. At least I get to be on Earth even if it is the past. (Looks like she has an idea brewing) Which reminds me…(makes a quick dash outside, she kneels on the ground and kisses the earth. A moment or two later she comes back inside and sits back down) Don't ask.
Buffy: Wow, um, sorry but you are the last person I was expecting Giles to be, uh, entertaining. (Notices her attire, or lack of saying)
Giles: Buffy, don't even think about it, its not what it looks like.
Buffy: (nods) Okay, super. I was supposed to meet you here, right? Gloria refresher course, remember?
Giles: Oh yes, of course. You're the only one here, none of the Scoobies are here right?
Buffy: Yeah, but the gang will be here in about an hour. I just was in the neighborhood and thought I'd warn you.
Giles: (looks at his scantily-clad descendant, then back at Buffy) Okay, first things first. Could you perhaps take Miss Janeway to the mall? She needs clothes, take my credit card.
Janeway: (laughs) I haven't been called "Miss" since I don't know when.
Buffy: Uh, sure. I think I can handle a mission like this. (Takes his credit card) She can't go in that, though. I mean, casual Friday, sure, but that's a bit far. Oooh, credit card! What's your limit?
Janeway: I could do a brief cross-dressing number, if that's all right.
Giles: (tallies it up: she's so far slept in his bed, used his shower, used his towel, and is currently wearing his robe. Now she's proposing to roam the streets of Sunnydale in his clothes?) I don't know how well it would fit…
Janeway: I can make do, I'm no slave to fashion, never was. (After a few minutes of playing dress-up, she ends up finding a few things that are relatively flattering)
Buffy: Great, let's go.
Giles: Don't go overboard, this is not a shopping spree.
Buffy: Wouldn't it be better if you went then instead of me? I'm hardly a good advisor for adults when it comes to clothes.
Janeway: She's got a point, Rupert.
Buffy: Great, see you two in an hour. Have fun!
Giles: Um, very well. My car is out here, follow me. (In the garage she stares at his car)
Janeway: (circles it, doing a complete analysis) You fly this thing? Not exactly aerodynamic…no warp nacelles…
Giles: Kathryn, this is an automobile. I'm afraid we aren't flying anywhere.
Janeway: Oh, yes. I forgot. It's…interesting. Tom anything for something with this archaic design
Giles: okay (gets in, she can't get the door open. He reaches over and opens it from inside) Buckle up.
Janeway: I beg your pardon?
Giles: Essentially, you have to strap yourself in. We don't have inertial dampers either.
Janeway: Oh. How…(primitive?) quaint. (Giles starts up the car and she jumps about a foot) Is it supposed to make that noise?
Giles: (smiles over at her, amused by her level of nervousness) Trust me, all right? I'll tell you if there's something to worry about.
Janeway: Sorry, this is my first time in one of these. (They start on their errand; she stares out the car window at just about everything, a bit uncomfortable with the human-only society she's walking into. She'd almost be relieved to see a Romulan or Andorian. Giles notices her with her face practically glued to the window and rolls it down automatically. She gasps, and then sticks her head out for a better view. Once inside the mall she draws a great deal of attention to herself by marveling at everything in sight.) This place is a Ferengi's dreams come true. Look at all this! Incredible. (Giles steers her into a ladies clothing store where she gets two or three new outfits, wondering loudly what the numbers on the tags meant until Giles tried to discreetly as possible explain their monetary system. They wander around afterwards, Janeway getting her first taste of being a mall rat and liking it.) This place is amazing; I don't think I could ever get tired of it.
Giles: It can be a bit overwhelming at first, most people Buffy's age spend their free time here. I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. (Stops when he feels she's not really listening, tries to find where her line of vision is)
Janeway: What's that? (Points to a photo booth)
(Soon the hour has flown by and they each have a strip of miniature black and white photographs of themselves to commemorate the event. Most of them look like usual friendly poses, but one is a candid one of Giles stealing a kiss. Late that night, when they're going back home, Janeway looks out the window and sees a glimpse of blonde hair and a wooden stake)
Janeway: Was that Buffy? Stop the car.
Giles: (stops the car) Yes it was. Our newest enemy, "Gloria", has been keeping her on her toes.
Janeway: "Gloria"?
Giles: Its short for Glorificus. It's an exiled god from another dimension. She's trying to find the key so she can go home. However, if she does, all of the realms of hell will drain into our own world, thus causing another apocalypse.
Janeway: Sounds like someone the Borg Queen would have over for a visit.
Giles: Sorry?
Janeway: Never mind, an old "friend" of mine. So how are your friends doing? I'd like to tell Oz about my encounter with hummus.
Giles: Word of warning Kathryn, don't mention Oz. It's rather a touchy subject.
Janeway: Oh. What happened?
Giles: He's left, enough said there. Last time Willow got on the subject of Oz, I was stricken blind, we were ambushed by an army of demons, and Buffy and Spike thought they were getting married.
Janeway: Oh. Sorry I asked. (They drive the rest of the in silence to the Magic Box)
Giles: Okay, you can get out, this is my store
(Janeway, still not understanding the concept of the door, has difficulty finding out how to open the door. she looks down to see the door handle, and thinking it is the emergency hatch lever, she pulls as hard possible, in the process pulling it off. She waves it at the window for Giles to see. Then Giles walks over to Janeway's side of the car and, like the English gentleman he is, opens the door for her)
Janeway: Thank you Rupert, the opening sensors must be on the fritz too. (Hands him the handle) I'd have the emergency handle checked out, too, if I were you.
(Giles and Janeway make there way into the Magic Box to hear Anya and Xander arguing at the counter.)
Xander: You're not supposed to tell the customers to get lost after taking the their money. You say, "Have a nice day".
Anya: But I already have their money, I don't care how their day is
Xander: (shakes his head in frustration because this is the fortieth time he has explained it today) Just say it for me okay
Anya: Okay I'll say it (Anya looks up to see Giles stand by the door with some women) Hello, Giles; who is your friend?
Xander: Hey, Giles is back. (Still looking down at the counter) So, have you found a solution to the hell-god problem? (Xander looks up to see Giles stand there with a woman) Captain Janeway, is that you? Are you here for a kiss session with Giles? (Puckers up with a death wish)
Janeway: No, I am here because of Q, and can we leave that in the past…future…whatever. Can we just forget it? Giles, is this girl one of the Scoobies?
Giles: Yes, Anya is an ex-vengeance demon who is getting used to being human again
A customer enters the store, and walks up to the counter)
Customer: Do you guy carry Orbs of Aphrodite?
Anya: Yes we do (she goes to the back of the store and grabs the orb, hands it to customer) that will be $19.95
Customer: thank you so much I have been looking for this all over town. (He hands her the money)
Anya: Okay, I don't care, get lost, I have your money
Xander: Anya, honey, what did I just tell you?
Anya: Oh sorry (she screams as the customer is leaving) I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO HAVE A NICE DAY EVEN THROUGH I REALLY DON'T CARE. OH AND PLEASE COME AGAIN WITH MORE MONEY (at this point the customer has gone screaming out of the store)
Xander: See, now wasn't that easy? And this time they didn't leave in tears. Here I have a special treat for you (he pulls out a plush pink stuffed bunny rabbit)
Anya: It's a bunny!!! No!!! (Runs in terror from behind the counter and hides behind Giles and peeks out from behind his shoulder) Giles, we have to get Buffy, Xander has monster so kill it, kiiilll it!!! (She whines)
Janeway: it's just a stuffed animal
Giles: Look, Anya, Kathryn isn't afraid of it. It won't hurt you.
Xander: (realizes that she is fighting back tears, so he walks out from behind the counter to comfort her) Anya it is okay don't cry, here watch this (he shows her the stuffed animal, we can hear her whimpering in the background. Then Xander pulls the off the stuffed bunny's head) See? Everything is okay.
Anya: (runs out from behind Giles and wraps her arms around Xander's neck)
My hero!
Xander: Oh Anya, you never need to worry, I'll always protect you from bunnies because I love you.
Anya: just for that let's go have lots of sex in your parent's basement.
Janeway: wow that was weird. But Rupert, didn't Xander start all this?
Dawn: (enters the store) Are Willow or Tara here? I need their help to give someone at school warts
Xander: They're not here, sorry
Dawn: (notices Janeway) Hey, what are you? Giles' newest doomed girlfriend or something?
Janeway: No, I am not! It so happens I am from the future, and I'm a straight-line descendant of his. Drop it or you'll be sorry! (Gives everyone her look. They all back away slightly) Oh Xander, not a word. So who are you?
Dawn: I am Buffy's little sister.
(Janeway glances at Giles)
Janeway: I thought you said that Buffy was an only child.
Dawn: Fine! Rub it in! Orbs of light don't have any feelings because they are nothingness! (Dawn runs from the store crying and accidentally floors Buffy and is gone)
Buffy: What was that all about?
Xander: Captain Janeway asked if you were an only child.
Buffy: You said what?! It took Giles and myself three weeks for us to get Dawn over the fact that she really didn't exist and was the Key. Next thing you know you'll say the O word. Xander, what time is it?
Xander: It is about two- thirty
Buffy: Okay, I'll be at Spike's to try to fix this
Anya: Why are you going to Spike's?
Buffy: He and Dawn are addicted to "Passions", they watch it every day together.
(Later that evening after clearing up the whole Dawn thing we see Buffy on patrol in the Sunnydale with Captain Janeway tagging along to watch)
Buffy: Just stay close and don't make too much noise.
Janeway: (whispers) This is like the last time we lead an offensive against the Borg, the Queen has me on her permanent hit list now.
Buffy: (a demon jumps out from behind the bushes) Back! Back! Out of the way! (shoves Janeway to the side and gets out her little axe. Another comes out right behind Janeway and they both struggle. Buffy quickly decapitates her demon and watches Janeway neatly dispose of hers with a few quick and strategic jabs. It drops to the ground and turns to dust) Wow, nice job. For a beginner.
Janeway: That's high praise coming from you, I take it. (pants, a bit winded) I'm sure you got about, what?, thirty on your first night out.
Buffy: (looks embarrassed) Well, that's not exactly what happened. When Merrick—my first Watcher--first took me out I kinda missed the heart and got him in the leg. Didn't do too much damage there.
Janeway: So how did Rupert get to be your Watcher?
Buffy: Merrick, uh, he died (looks shaken up) It was my fault. Lothos, my first Master Vampire I had to fight, killed him.
Janeway: Oh. I'm sorry. Were you close?
Buffy: (nods) Yeah. But then I got transferred here, and got Giles. He's great, he really is, he's almost like he's my father, but I still think of Merrick sometimes.
Janeway: In future, I had someone on Earth like that, I was supposed to be married to this man, he seemed so right…but he thought I was dead and…I can't really blame him for marrying that…little…tramp (snaps her stake in half)
Buffy: Whoa, easy there! Cool it.
Janeway: Sorry, this wasn't your lucky stake, was it?
Buffy: No, thankfully, that was just a spare.
Janeway: Anyway, he's out of the picture and…when you and Rupert first came it was almost like he was…(stops herself from getting misty) Well, that's that.
Buffy: I'm sure there is someone in the future that will be perfect for you captain.
Janeway: Sometimes I wonder, do you have a special man in your life?
Buffy: (looks a bit uncomfortable) Yes, at one time there was a man that I love passionately. However, no matter how much Angel and I love each other we can never be anything more than friends. We found that out the hard way.(we can see that Buffy is emotional moved think about Angel and the way they were before he left for Los Angeles)
Janeway: Seems we superheroes never have any luck with love do we.(laughs)
(Buffy is still caught up in her memories of Angel and the past. She walks over to a stone bench in the cemetery, sits down and starts crying heavily into her hands) I am sorry, I don't mean to make you cry, it seems that today I'm upsetting just about everyone. (walks over and sits down beside Buffy and places a motherly arm around her) you're still in love with Angel aren't you?
Buffy: No, I am not crying over Angel. I crying because my mother just died and I still haven't had the time to mourn yet.
Janeway: I understand. I lost my father when I was eleven so I realize how painful it is to lose a parent.
Buffy: (looks up at Janeway, tears still in her eyes) It's also because I don't think I'll win this time. Gloria is a god. She is too strong and we haven't even found a weak point yet. More importantly, if I lost this battle Dawn dies--my sister dies. I can't let that happen. I am the slayer, it is my job to save the world. Besides, I promised my mother that I would protect Dawn. I don't even care about the world this time; I just don't want my sister to die.
Janeway: You'll win, Buffy, trust me; I'm from the future. But for now just let the tears out it will be good for you.
Buffy: No, not this time, Kathryn. I can feel it in my bones.Besides when I what congered the first slayer she told me the my gift was DEATH.So I have a feeling that the only thing that I can offer the people around me is death and misery I don't think I'll win.
(begins to cry harder, she collapses off the bench and she just sits on the ground as if frozen. What Buffy doesn't see is that there is a vampire is approaching her)
Janeway: Buffy! (without even look Buffy slays the vampire) How…? Good shot!
Buffy: My spidey sense was tingling (by this time Buffy has regained her composer) I have spent too much time crying. Let's head back to the Magic Box.
Janeway: All right (finds herself pitying Buffy because from a young age she has been told that she is to defend the world. That is a lot of responsibility for anyone, let alone a single person. Even the Federation has reinforcements to help to maintain peace in the Alpha Quadrant. But this girl, no matter how much information Rupert gives her she must fight the battle alone.)
Buffy: Are you coming? Oh, and Kathryn please don't tell anyone about what just happened, please.
Janeway: (as they're walking to the Magic Box) Don't worry about it. I know how you feel.
Buffy: You do? (in wonderment because Janeway is the first person that has ever said they understand what she is going through and meant it) How could you?
Janeway: Well, on Voyager we are on a continual journey to return to home, but sometimes I think of all the crewmembers that have died along the way and I can't help but wonder how many more we'll lose before we get home. But I can't even show that I think about things like this because I'm their Captain, and I have to uphold an illusion of being superhuman and invincible. They need something to believe in out there, and I'm all they have. (looks a little self-conscious) I've never told this to anyone before.
Buffy: Don't worry, your secret's safe. I understand sometimes it can be hard to play to part of the leader . (another vampire pops out at them, growling, Janeway gives him a round-house kick, knocking him down and she stakes him in one fluid motion) Wow, you're really good at this.
Janeway: Thanks, I've had lots of practice back on Voyager. (they go inside the Magic Box and make themselves at home)
Giles: You're back, how did it go?
Janeway: Apparently I'm a natural. Buffy and I had a great time.
Giles: (comes out from behind the counter and gives Janeway a hug) What can I say? I'm proud of you. (kisses her forehead)
Buffy: Hey, ew! Reality check here people.
Xander: Aw, come on, Buffy. There's nothing wrong with a little familiar affection.
Buffy: Yeah, well, if they start playing tonsil-hockey I'm turning a fire hose on them.
Xander: Well at least it not a bad as have the First slayer trying to kill you in your dreams. And have some man in the dreams who is obsessd with cheese waving them at you, and then have that same cheese man tell you that the cheese won't help and that he wear the cheese and that the cheese doesn't wear him.(shudders at the memories of the Man With Cheese.)
Buffy: You're right, that Cheese Man was creepy.(all of the Scoobies hear Xander's ranting about the Man With Cheese and they all, including Giles, shudder at the idea of the Man With Cheese)
Giles: So Buffy how was it out and about in the cemetary tonight?
Buffy: Just couple of Glory's henchman and I slayed one vampire. It was a pretty slow night.
Janeway: Do you mind if I ask you a personal question Rupert?
Giles: Go right ahead, I don't mind.
Janeway: I know this may upset timeline, but could you show me a picture of your wife?
Buffy: Wife? Giles isn't married
Janeway: But I did my math after you left. He should have been married as well as had his first child for me to exist.
Xander: GILES, YOU HAVE A KID?? HOW? WHAT? WHEN? WHO?
Willow: Are you leading a secret life as a super spy like James Bond? Is your code name like "Ripper 002"?
Dawn: No, its a groupie who thinks that you are the newest stud to join N*SYNC! Does she have Giles posters hanging all over her room?(Dawn said all of this trying not to laugh at Giles) right?
Buffy: Was it that female watcher that I caught you with?
Giles: No it is no one you have listed
Scoobies in unison: Tell us, come on! Tell us who it was! (the scoobies sound like a set of children asking "are we there yet?")
Giles: (yells) Enough! It was when I was under the spell of that candy that made everyone act like a teenager!
Buffy: But who was it?
Giles: Let's just say you knew her very well
Janeway: Buffy, if you know her then who was it?
Buffy: (thinks for a moment, trying to think of who Giles was with during the candy incident) No, no, and no again! I know who I found you with and No! (with one more "No" Buffy puts her fist though the counter) No!
Giles: (looks guilty) Yes, Buffy, it was Joyce. But we decide it would be best to the little girl up for adoption.
Buffy: But I would have noticed her getting bigger!
Giles: Well Joyce gave birth before you came back after from running away that one time.
Spike: (waltzes in like he owns the place, having overheard most of the conversation from outside) Good choice, Rupert old boy. I have always liked Joyce, she was nice to me and all. She even helped me when Dru had left me for that chaos demon.
Xander: Shut up, Spike or I'll your ass.
Spike: How do you know that Giles didn't shag your old lady too, if you remember all of the old folks ate the candy.
Xander: (worried) Gile did you?
Giles: No, I don't believe so. I am pretty sure that it was just Joyce
Xander: (sigh of relief, does not want that image in his head) Good
Spike: (walks up behind Buffy and places an arm around her) I bet this make the whole Buffy-bot thing look like nothing, right?
Buffy: No, Spike, it doesn't make the Buffy-bot thing any better. You still made a robot of me and did the unthinkable to it (she slaps Spike's arm away). Oh and Kathryn do you still what to see what your great grandmother looks like (multiply the "great" by maybe 20 or more)
Janeway: Yes, I would.
Buffy: (reaches into her inside jacket pocket a produce the picture of her mother that she always carries with her, now that she has passed away. It comforts Buffy to have Joyce close to her heart) She actually kind of looks like you. Oh, Giles, by the way, what did you name the little girl anyway?
Giles: We decided on Gretchen
Janeway: (looks surprised) that's my mother's name.
Giles: It must run in the family. But enough with this, we need to get you back to your ship before it effect your timeline somehow. Willow, have you and Tara thought of a spell yet?
Willow: Yes, its pretty simple. We just need lemon and peppermint tea with some Herbs of Chronos.
Janeway: Has Willow gotten better? I wouldn't wish to end up the 38th century
Giles: No, Willow as grown into an exceptionall young witch. I think you can trust her. Willow does Kathryn need to say anything before she leaves?
Willow: Yes, she has to say what year she wishes to go to and where exactly she wants to end up. (hands her the cup of tea)
Buffy: Get over here and give your Auntie a hug before you leave. I know there was a reason you could take those vamps out so easy--you got slayer blood in you!
Janeway: (whispers in to her ear) You said that the first slayer told you gift is death, maybe it means something more than just death. I'll miss you Buffy and good luck
Buffy: Thank you Kathryn, now let's all clear out and give her and Giles some time alone.
(the scoobies go to the back room the of the store so Giles can say goodbye without any comment from the peanut gallery)
(Giles gives her the cup of tea to send Janeway home; she looks on with an expression of regret)
Giles: Something on your mind?
Janeway: (smiles musingly) Sorry, I was just thinking…I'll miss this. Back there I have to be this larger than life figure for my crew, but none of them know that somewhere deep inside me I dream of something…warm and romantic…to have someone to come home to at the end of the day (she ends in a whisper, her voice near breaking) I wished it…could have been you. Fate can be cruel, can't it?
Giles: Yes, it can. I'll miss you, too. (She stands and presses herself into his arms. He holds her briefly but when she squeezes him into a longing lovers' embrace he pushes her gently away) No, don't. You'll only hurt yourself. I know what its like to be lonely, but we can't. You know that, it's wrong.
Janeway: (sits back down, holding back tears) I know, Rupert. I know I shouldn't feel this way, we're directly related and all, but…oh I've never felt so in love. I wish I wasn't, and I know that if it were more permitted it would feel wonderful, but it just feels like something's amiss. I try to stop myself, I'm really trying, and it's just so hard.
Giles: (sits beside her, puts his arm around her) I understand. I'm fighting the same battle with myself, but we'll get over it. (Puts a finger over her lips) I wish we didn't have to, I wish things were different too, but I can't change it. I love you, Kathryn, but we have to do our best to..., well, you know.
Janeway: I know. (Looks at him, then she tears herself away from him, to the other side of the room) I can't stay, please hurry and get this over with.
Giles: I know, the sooner it's done, the sooner we'll all be better off. There. Now close your eyes. (hugs her again and slips a couple of 20's in her back pocket at the same time) Drink up.
(The next thing Janeway sees is Voyager's bridge. Everyone looks mildly surprised to see her appear, she looks around and gives her First Officer a nod of assurance before taking her seat)
(Meanwhile in Sunnydale, Giles still stares at the place that Kathryn was just standing on; he finally shakes himself out of the trance he'd gone into and walks away. The next day Buffy and Willow come over.)
Buffy: Hey, Giles. How did it go? She's not here is she?
Giles: No, she's gone. She looked so sad.
Willow: I don't get it, she knew you were her ancestor of times ancient, but the way she reached out to you implied she wanted more than a father figure.
Giles: Well, she hasn't allowed herself to have romantic feelings while she's on her ship; she's done a remarkable job of suppressing them from what it sounds like. I guess the fact that we got along so well our first couple of days together, paired with me not being her subordinate, was enough to give her the go-ahead to let herself feel that way.
Buffy: Yeah, she told me, poor Kathryn. I hope she finds someone. She's strong but she needs to be loved as much as the rest of us. Of all the men to pop into her life it had to be someone who was related.
Giles: That about sums it up, Buffy, yes.
Willow: You liked her back, I could tell.
Giles: How very perceptive. Yes, she will be missed, but this is all for the better that we get on with our own different lives.
(Back on Voyager, Janeway is poking around in her ready room, trying to act as though nothing had happened. Lieutenant Torres enters with a status report from Engineering and notices her commanding officer looking a bit blue)
Torres: Excuse me for asking, Captain, but are you all right?
Janeway: No. But I will be again soon hopefully.
Torres: He sent you to that Giles character's place and time, didn't he? (Janeway nods) That rat!
Janeway: No, I'm glad he sent me. I wish I hadn't been so high-strung though.
Torres: What happened?
Janeway: It would be hard for someone so young to understand, but Rupert made me feel a way I haven't felt in ages.
Torres: (smiles, sure she understands by imagining how Tom can make her feel) Like a goddess? A beauty queen?
Janeway: (smiles, shakes her head) Like a woman. (Sighs) a real woman. That's what I was to him. (Dreamy expression like it would be the sweetest compliment she can imagine)
Torres: I see. (Changes the subject) So aside from all that did you have a good time?
Janeway: I did. I bought clothes in a mall, with real money…I got my photograph taken (tilts a new picture frame out towards her Chief Engineer, which holds their pictures they got at the mall, as well as a $20 bill he'd planted on her), I rode in his automobile, I even killed two vampires while patrolling with Buffy!
Torres: Wow, sounds like you had fun. Bet Tom would've given anything to go along.
Janeway: (laughs) I'm sure he would have, too. (Sly look) Tell him to try hummus. Oh that reminds me. Giles gave me this. (She pull the other twenty dollar bill out of her pocket) B'elanna, give this to Tom, I think he'll like it. I believe it's what they called money back then.
Fin
GoddessVixen & Doec Present
1 Time Warped: The Second
(Captain Janeway is setting in the mass hall at 0300, and she gets a craving for something other than coffee. [suspend your disbelief for just a minute!] But she is not sure what to ask for)
Janeway: (mutters to herself) Oz…maybe I should try it. Computer, a bowl of hummus. (It produces it for her; she takes it to her table and pokes at it. Suddenly there's a ping! And Q appears in front of her with a look of horror on his face. She looks up at him, almost bored. Yawns, smiles at him casually) Oh. Hi, Q.
Q: (looks genuinely scared for the first time in his life. Well, at least not since he'd been turned into a human and was attacked by just about everyone from irate aliens to a fork-wielding Guinan) Kathy, put it down and step away.
Janeway: (now totally confused) What? This? (Holds the bowl under his nose)
Q: Ugh! I warned you! (Snaps, she looks shocked before she disappears) Ah, the threat is gone.
Janeway: (reappears in a man's bedroom, bowl still in hand she looks around in alarm. Looks up and hisses) Q?! (She hears the sound of a shower being shut off and a man humming the Passions theme song absently as though a certain vampire had gotten it stuck in his head) Oh god, oh god…(feels for her phaser) Damn. (The bathroom door opens and Giles comes out. Not sure she's seeing right she squints at him) R-Rupert?
Giles: (eyes go wide) Kathryn? How did—where did—what—
Janeway: Shhh. I…think I provoked Q into doing it somehow.
Giles: Are you all right? You look a little dizzy.
Janeway: (rolls her eyes skyward in her annoyed-at-Q face) Give me a minute. I'm fine. Just a usual side effect.
Giles: Can I get you anything?
Janeway: Hmm? (Yawns) What time is it? I haven't even slept yet.
Giles: (checks his watch) Oh, it's about 10 in the morning.
Janeway: It's about 3 in the morning for me. I doubt Q will send me back any time soon, if I know him.
Giles: You can take a nap here if you like. Oh, Kathryn, what is that in your hands?
Janeway: (looks down at the bowl) Ah, it's hummus, I was thinking of Oz so I decided to give it a try
Giles: (nose crinkles up in slight disgust) I wouldn't advise that, it tastes terrible. (still trying to take the whole situation in, pretends its perfectly normal) Kathryn, enjoy your nap
Janeway: (flops down, sighs in relief) Thank you, I owe you.
Giles: (tucks her in) Over-working yourself again? (But he gets no response, she's out like a light. He kisses her forehead and leaves her alone.)
(About six hours later, Janeway wakes up and stumbles out, barely aware of her surroundings)
Janeway: Uhmm…?
Giles: It's all right. Remember where you are?
Janeway: (glances around, focuses on him) Oh. Yeah. Oh god, I'm in…what year is this, anyway?
Giles: 2002
Janeway: Some kind of sick joke…I'll get you for this, Q. (muttering to herself)
Giles: So, tell me, Q is your boyfriend, right?
Janeway: Q is not my boyfriend! At the moment I wouldn't touch him with a ten-foot pole.
Giles: He seems to take particular interest in you, from what I've seen.
Janeway: He got bored with his old playthings; I'm just the flavor of the week.
Giles: Confessions of a human Baskin-Robbins.
Janeway: Baskin who?
Giles: Uh, never mind. I'm curious, how long has it been since our last encounter?
Janeway: About a week? Yes, that's right. How about for you?
Giles: It's been almost 2 years. I'd be lying if I said I haven't found myself thinking of you. (There is an awkward silence, a slight trace of romantic tension between them that they're trying to suppress.) I'm sorry, where are my manners? Can I get anything for you?
Janeway: I wouldn't want to impose.
Giles: Oh, not at all.
Janeway: Well, the Doctor gave me explicit instructions to avoid caffeine for an indefinite amount of time since I nearly gave myself a heart attack from an overdose during one of my infamous all-nighters, so I guess coffee's out of the picture.
Giles: I've got decaf
Janeway: (makes a face) Decaf is not coffee, its dirty water.
Giles: Spoken as a true addict. Charming. How about some tea?
Janeway: never touch the stuff usually, but I'll give it a shot. Would you…mind if I used your shower?
Giles: Oh, go right ahead. Make yourself at home. (She hops in and a few minutes later he hears her scream and splutter and finally a loud clunk. He runs in and immediately turns the other way. Blindly holds a towel out to her) All right in there, Kathryn?
Janeway: (stands up and dries off quickly, shivering) Your sh-sh-shower is malfunctioning, it became…cold (shudders violently), then I tried to get out and I slipped!
Giles: You just used all the hot water; it will replenish itself in about a half-hour. I'm sorry, I should have warned you. (Leaves, embarrassed. Not long after she comes back out in his robe, his jaw drops)
Janeway: Hope you don't mind. (Indicates the robe)
Giles: Oh, that's no problem. No…problem at all. (Hands her a cup of tea) I know it's no replacement for your usual fare but…
Janeway: That's perfect, thank you. (Pulls the robe more tightly around her. She sits down and they start their little tea party. Just then Buffy walks in, not even bothering to knock, doesn't even notice Captain Janeway at first)
Buffy: Hey Giles. (Glances over at Janeway and waves, not really processing it yet) So Giles, I was out last night and—(looks back at Janeway, stares) What the—
Janeway: Q. Don't ask, I don't even know. Guess he just felt like playing a prank on someone and it might as well be me. At least I get to be on Earth even if it is the past. (Looks like she has an idea brewing) Which reminds me…(makes a quick dash outside, she kneels on the ground and kisses the earth. A moment or two later she comes back inside and sits back down) Don't ask.
Buffy: Wow, um, sorry but you are the last person I was expecting Giles to be, uh, entertaining. (Notices her attire, or lack of saying)
Giles: Buffy, don't even think about it, its not what it looks like.
Buffy: (nods) Okay, super. I was supposed to meet you here, right? Gloria refresher course, remember?
Giles: Oh yes, of course. You're the only one here, none of the Scoobies are here right?
Buffy: Yeah, but the gang will be here in about an hour. I just was in the neighborhood and thought I'd warn you.
Giles: (looks at his scantily-clad descendant, then back at Buffy) Okay, first things first. Could you perhaps take Miss Janeway to the mall? She needs clothes, take my credit card.
Janeway: (laughs) I haven't been called "Miss" since I don't know when.
Buffy: Uh, sure. I think I can handle a mission like this. (Takes his credit card) She can't go in that, though. I mean, casual Friday, sure, but that's a bit far. Oooh, credit card! What's your limit?
Janeway: I could do a brief cross-dressing number, if that's all right.
Giles: (tallies it up: she's so far slept in his bed, used his shower, used his towel, and is currently wearing his robe. Now she's proposing to roam the streets of Sunnydale in his clothes?) I don't know how well it would fit…
Janeway: I can make do, I'm no slave to fashion, never was. (After a few minutes of playing dress-up, she ends up finding a few things that are relatively flattering)
Buffy: Great, let's go.
Giles: Don't go overboard, this is not a shopping spree.
Buffy: Wouldn't it be better if you went then instead of me? I'm hardly a good advisor for adults when it comes to clothes.
Janeway: She's got a point, Rupert.
Buffy: Great, see you two in an hour. Have fun!
Giles: Um, very well. My car is out here, follow me. (In the garage she stares at his car)
Janeway: (circles it, doing a complete analysis) You fly this thing? Not exactly aerodynamic…no warp nacelles…
Giles: Kathryn, this is an automobile. I'm afraid we aren't flying anywhere.
Janeway: Oh, yes. I forgot. It's…interesting. Tom anything for something with this archaic design
Giles: okay (gets in, she can't get the door open. He reaches over and opens it from inside) Buckle up.
Janeway: I beg your pardon?
Giles: Essentially, you have to strap yourself in. We don't have inertial dampers either.
Janeway: Oh. How…(primitive?) quaint. (Giles starts up the car and she jumps about a foot) Is it supposed to make that noise?
Giles: (smiles over at her, amused by her level of nervousness) Trust me, all right? I'll tell you if there's something to worry about.
Janeway: Sorry, this is my first time in one of these. (They start on their errand; she stares out the car window at just about everything, a bit uncomfortable with the human-only society she's walking into. She'd almost be relieved to see a Romulan or Andorian. Giles notices her with her face practically glued to the window and rolls it down automatically. She gasps, and then sticks her head out for a better view. Once inside the mall she draws a great deal of attention to herself by marveling at everything in sight.) This place is a Ferengi's dreams come true. Look at all this! Incredible. (Giles steers her into a ladies clothing store where she gets two or three new outfits, wondering loudly what the numbers on the tags meant until Giles tried to discreetly as possible explain their monetary system. They wander around afterwards, Janeway getting her first taste of being a mall rat and liking it.) This place is amazing; I don't think I could ever get tired of it.
Giles: It can be a bit overwhelming at first, most people Buffy's age spend their free time here. I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. (Stops when he feels she's not really listening, tries to find where her line of vision is)
Janeway: What's that? (Points to a photo booth)
(Soon the hour has flown by and they each have a strip of miniature black and white photographs of themselves to commemorate the event. Most of them look like usual friendly poses, but one is a candid one of Giles stealing a kiss. Late that night, when they're going back home, Janeway looks out the window and sees a glimpse of blonde hair and a wooden stake)
Janeway: Was that Buffy? Stop the car.
Giles: (stops the car) Yes it was. Our newest enemy, "Gloria", has been keeping her on her toes.
Janeway: "Gloria"?
Giles: Its short for Glorificus. It's an exiled god from another dimension. She's trying to find the key so she can go home. However, if she does, all of the realms of hell will drain into our own world, thus causing another apocalypse.
Janeway: Sounds like someone the Borg Queen would have over for a visit.
Giles: Sorry?
Janeway: Never mind, an old "friend" of mine. So how are your friends doing? I'd like to tell Oz about my encounter with hummus.
Giles: Word of warning Kathryn, don't mention Oz. It's rather a touchy subject.
Janeway: Oh. What happened?
Giles: He's left, enough said there. Last time Willow got on the subject of Oz, I was stricken blind, we were ambushed by an army of demons, and Buffy and Spike thought they were getting married.
Janeway: Oh. Sorry I asked. (They drive the rest of the in silence to the Magic Box)
Giles: Okay, you can get out, this is my store
(Janeway, still not understanding the concept of the door, has difficulty finding out how to open the door. she looks down to see the door handle, and thinking it is the emergency hatch lever, she pulls as hard possible, in the process pulling it off. She waves it at the window for Giles to see. Then Giles walks over to Janeway's side of the car and, like the English gentleman he is, opens the door for her)
Janeway: Thank you Rupert, the opening sensors must be on the fritz too. (Hands him the handle) I'd have the emergency handle checked out, too, if I were you.
(Giles and Janeway make there way into the Magic Box to hear Anya and Xander arguing at the counter.)
Xander: You're not supposed to tell the customers to get lost after taking the their money. You say, "Have a nice day".
Anya: But I already have their money, I don't care how their day is
Xander: (shakes his head in frustration because this is the fortieth time he has explained it today) Just say it for me okay
Anya: Okay I'll say it (Anya looks up to see Giles stand by the door with some women) Hello, Giles; who is your friend?
Xander: Hey, Giles is back. (Still looking down at the counter) So, have you found a solution to the hell-god problem? (Xander looks up to see Giles stand there with a woman) Captain Janeway, is that you? Are you here for a kiss session with Giles? (Puckers up with a death wish)
Janeway: No, I am here because of Q, and can we leave that in the past…future…whatever. Can we just forget it? Giles, is this girl one of the Scoobies?
Giles: Yes, Anya is an ex-vengeance demon who is getting used to being human again
A customer enters the store, and walks up to the counter)
Customer: Do you guy carry Orbs of Aphrodite?
Anya: Yes we do (she goes to the back of the store and grabs the orb, hands it to customer) that will be $19.95
Customer: thank you so much I have been looking for this all over town. (He hands her the money)
Anya: Okay, I don't care, get lost, I have your money
Xander: Anya, honey, what did I just tell you?
Anya: Oh sorry (she screams as the customer is leaving) I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO HAVE A NICE DAY EVEN THROUGH I REALLY DON'T CARE. OH AND PLEASE COME AGAIN WITH MORE MONEY (at this point the customer has gone screaming out of the store)
Xander: See, now wasn't that easy? And this time they didn't leave in tears. Here I have a special treat for you (he pulls out a plush pink stuffed bunny rabbit)
Anya: It's a bunny!!! No!!! (Runs in terror from behind the counter and hides behind Giles and peeks out from behind his shoulder) Giles, we have to get Buffy, Xander has monster so kill it, kiiilll it!!! (She whines)
Janeway: it's just a stuffed animal
Giles: Look, Anya, Kathryn isn't afraid of it. It won't hurt you.
Xander: (realizes that she is fighting back tears, so he walks out from behind the counter to comfort her) Anya it is okay don't cry, here watch this (he shows her the stuffed animal, we can hear her whimpering in the background. Then Xander pulls the off the stuffed bunny's head) See? Everything is okay.
Anya: (runs out from behind Giles and wraps her arms around Xander's neck)
My hero!
Xander: Oh Anya, you never need to worry, I'll always protect you from bunnies because I love you.
Anya: just for that let's go have lots of sex in your parent's basement.
Janeway: wow that was weird. But Rupert, didn't Xander start all this?
Dawn: (enters the store) Are Willow or Tara here? I need their help to give someone at school warts
Xander: They're not here, sorry
Dawn: (notices Janeway) Hey, what are you? Giles' newest doomed girlfriend or something?
Janeway: No, I am not! It so happens I am from the future, and I'm a straight-line descendant of his. Drop it or you'll be sorry! (Gives everyone her look. They all back away slightly) Oh Xander, not a word. So who are you?
Dawn: I am Buffy's little sister.
(Janeway glances at Giles)
Janeway: I thought you said that Buffy was an only child.
Dawn: Fine! Rub it in! Orbs of light don't have any feelings because they are nothingness! (Dawn runs from the store crying and accidentally floors Buffy and is gone)
Buffy: What was that all about?
Xander: Captain Janeway asked if you were an only child.
Buffy: You said what?! It took Giles and myself three weeks for us to get Dawn over the fact that she really didn't exist and was the Key. Next thing you know you'll say the O word. Xander, what time is it?
Xander: It is about two- thirty
Buffy: Okay, I'll be at Spike's to try to fix this
Anya: Why are you going to Spike's?
Buffy: He and Dawn are addicted to "Passions", they watch it every day together.
(Later that evening after clearing up the whole Dawn thing we see Buffy on patrol in the Sunnydale with Captain Janeway tagging along to watch)
Buffy: Just stay close and don't make too much noise.
Janeway: (whispers) This is like the last time we lead an offensive against the Borg, the Queen has me on her permanent hit list now.
Buffy: (a demon jumps out from behind the bushes) Back! Back! Out of the way! (shoves Janeway to the side and gets out her little axe. Another comes out right behind Janeway and they both struggle. Buffy quickly decapitates her demon and watches Janeway neatly dispose of hers with a few quick and strategic jabs. It drops to the ground and turns to dust) Wow, nice job. For a beginner.
Janeway: That's high praise coming from you, I take it. (pants, a bit winded) I'm sure you got about, what?, thirty on your first night out.
Buffy: (looks embarrassed) Well, that's not exactly what happened. When Merrick—my first Watcher--first took me out I kinda missed the heart and got him in the leg. Didn't do too much damage there.
Janeway: So how did Rupert get to be your Watcher?
Buffy: Merrick, uh, he died (looks shaken up) It was my fault. Lothos, my first Master Vampire I had to fight, killed him.
Janeway: Oh. I'm sorry. Were you close?
Buffy: (nods) Yeah. But then I got transferred here, and got Giles. He's great, he really is, he's almost like he's my father, but I still think of Merrick sometimes.
Janeway: In future, I had someone on Earth like that, I was supposed to be married to this man, he seemed so right…but he thought I was dead and…I can't really blame him for marrying that…little…tramp (snaps her stake in half)
Buffy: Whoa, easy there! Cool it.
Janeway: Sorry, this wasn't your lucky stake, was it?
Buffy: No, thankfully, that was just a spare.
Janeway: Anyway, he's out of the picture and…when you and Rupert first came it was almost like he was…(stops herself from getting misty) Well, that's that.
Buffy: I'm sure there is someone in the future that will be perfect for you captain.
Janeway: Sometimes I wonder, do you have a special man in your life?
Buffy: (looks a bit uncomfortable) Yes, at one time there was a man that I love passionately. However, no matter how much Angel and I love each other we can never be anything more than friends. We found that out the hard way.(we can see that Buffy is emotional moved think about Angel and the way they were before he left for Los Angeles)
Janeway: Seems we superheroes never have any luck with love do we.(laughs)
(Buffy is still caught up in her memories of Angel and the past. She walks over to a stone bench in the cemetery, sits down and starts crying heavily into her hands) I am sorry, I don't mean to make you cry, it seems that today I'm upsetting just about everyone. (walks over and sits down beside Buffy and places a motherly arm around her) you're still in love with Angel aren't you?
Buffy: No, I am not crying over Angel. I crying because my mother just died and I still haven't had the time to mourn yet.
Janeway: I understand. I lost my father when I was eleven so I realize how painful it is to lose a parent.
Buffy: (looks up at Janeway, tears still in her eyes) It's also because I don't think I'll win this time. Gloria is a god. She is too strong and we haven't even found a weak point yet. More importantly, if I lost this battle Dawn dies--my sister dies. I can't let that happen. I am the slayer, it is my job to save the world. Besides, I promised my mother that I would protect Dawn. I don't even care about the world this time; I just don't want my sister to die.
Janeway: You'll win, Buffy, trust me; I'm from the future. But for now just let the tears out it will be good for you.
Buffy: No, not this time, Kathryn. I can feel it in my bones.Besides when I what congered the first slayer she told me the my gift was DEATH.So I have a feeling that the only thing that I can offer the people around me is death and misery I don't think I'll win.
(begins to cry harder, she collapses off the bench and she just sits on the ground as if frozen. What Buffy doesn't see is that there is a vampire is approaching her)
Janeway: Buffy! (without even look Buffy slays the vampire) How…? Good shot!
Buffy: My spidey sense was tingling (by this time Buffy has regained her composer) I have spent too much time crying. Let's head back to the Magic Box.
Janeway: All right (finds herself pitying Buffy because from a young age she has been told that she is to defend the world. That is a lot of responsibility for anyone, let alone a single person. Even the Federation has reinforcements to help to maintain peace in the Alpha Quadrant. But this girl, no matter how much information Rupert gives her she must fight the battle alone.)
Buffy: Are you coming? Oh, and Kathryn please don't tell anyone about what just happened, please.
Janeway: (as they're walking to the Magic Box) Don't worry about it. I know how you feel.
Buffy: You do? (in wonderment because Janeway is the first person that has ever said they understand what she is going through and meant it) How could you?
Janeway: Well, on Voyager we are on a continual journey to return to home, but sometimes I think of all the crewmembers that have died along the way and I can't help but wonder how many more we'll lose before we get home. But I can't even show that I think about things like this because I'm their Captain, and I have to uphold an illusion of being superhuman and invincible. They need something to believe in out there, and I'm all they have. (looks a little self-conscious) I've never told this to anyone before.
Buffy: Don't worry, your secret's safe. I understand sometimes it can be hard to play to part of the leader . (another vampire pops out at them, growling, Janeway gives him a round-house kick, knocking him down and she stakes him in one fluid motion) Wow, you're really good at this.
Janeway: Thanks, I've had lots of practice back on Voyager. (they go inside the Magic Box and make themselves at home)
Giles: You're back, how did it go?
Janeway: Apparently I'm a natural. Buffy and I had a great time.
Giles: (comes out from behind the counter and gives Janeway a hug) What can I say? I'm proud of you. (kisses her forehead)
Buffy: Hey, ew! Reality check here people.
Xander: Aw, come on, Buffy. There's nothing wrong with a little familiar affection.
Buffy: Yeah, well, if they start playing tonsil-hockey I'm turning a fire hose on them.
Xander: Well at least it not a bad as have the First slayer trying to kill you in your dreams. And have some man in the dreams who is obsessd with cheese waving them at you, and then have that same cheese man tell you that the cheese won't help and that he wear the cheese and that the cheese doesn't wear him.(shudders at the memories of the Man With Cheese.)
Buffy: You're right, that Cheese Man was creepy.(all of the Scoobies hear Xander's ranting about the Man With Cheese and they all, including Giles, shudder at the idea of the Man With Cheese)
Giles: So Buffy how was it out and about in the cemetary tonight?
Buffy: Just couple of Glory's henchman and I slayed one vampire. It was a pretty slow night.
Janeway: Do you mind if I ask you a personal question Rupert?
Giles: Go right ahead, I don't mind.
Janeway: I know this may upset timeline, but could you show me a picture of your wife?
Buffy: Wife? Giles isn't married
Janeway: But I did my math after you left. He should have been married as well as had his first child for me to exist.
Xander: GILES, YOU HAVE A KID?? HOW? WHAT? WHEN? WHO?
Willow: Are you leading a secret life as a super spy like James Bond? Is your code name like "Ripper 002"?
Dawn: No, its a groupie who thinks that you are the newest stud to join N*SYNC! Does she have Giles posters hanging all over her room?(Dawn said all of this trying not to laugh at Giles) right?
Buffy: Was it that female watcher that I caught you with?
Giles: No it is no one you have listed
Scoobies in unison: Tell us, come on! Tell us who it was! (the scoobies sound like a set of children asking "are we there yet?")
Giles: (yells) Enough! It was when I was under the spell of that candy that made everyone act like a teenager!
Buffy: But who was it?
Giles: Let's just say you knew her very well
Janeway: Buffy, if you know her then who was it?
Buffy: (thinks for a moment, trying to think of who Giles was with during the candy incident) No, no, and no again! I know who I found you with and No! (with one more "No" Buffy puts her fist though the counter) No!
Giles: (looks guilty) Yes, Buffy, it was Joyce. But we decide it would be best to the little girl up for adoption.
Buffy: But I would have noticed her getting bigger!
Giles: Well Joyce gave birth before you came back after from running away that one time.
Spike: (waltzes in like he owns the place, having overheard most of the conversation from outside) Good choice, Rupert old boy. I have always liked Joyce, she was nice to me and all. She even helped me when Dru had left me for that chaos demon.
Xander: Shut up, Spike or I'll your ass.
Spike: How do you know that Giles didn't shag your old lady too, if you remember all of the old folks ate the candy.
Xander: (worried) Gile did you?
Giles: No, I don't believe so. I am pretty sure that it was just Joyce
Xander: (sigh of relief, does not want that image in his head) Good
Spike: (walks up behind Buffy and places an arm around her) I bet this make the whole Buffy-bot thing look like nothing, right?
Buffy: No, Spike, it doesn't make the Buffy-bot thing any better. You still made a robot of me and did the unthinkable to it (she slaps Spike's arm away). Oh and Kathryn do you still what to see what your great grandmother looks like (multiply the "great" by maybe 20 or more)
Janeway: Yes, I would.
Buffy: (reaches into her inside jacket pocket a produce the picture of her mother that she always carries with her, now that she has passed away. It comforts Buffy to have Joyce close to her heart) She actually kind of looks like you. Oh, Giles, by the way, what did you name the little girl anyway?
Giles: We decided on Gretchen
Janeway: (looks surprised) that's my mother's name.
Giles: It must run in the family. But enough with this, we need to get you back to your ship before it effect your timeline somehow. Willow, have you and Tara thought of a spell yet?
Willow: Yes, its pretty simple. We just need lemon and peppermint tea with some Herbs of Chronos.
Janeway: Has Willow gotten better? I wouldn't wish to end up the 38th century
Giles: No, Willow as grown into an exceptionall young witch. I think you can trust her. Willow does Kathryn need to say anything before she leaves?
Willow: Yes, she has to say what year she wishes to go to and where exactly she wants to end up. (hands her the cup of tea)
Buffy: Get over here and give your Auntie a hug before you leave. I know there was a reason you could take those vamps out so easy--you got slayer blood in you!
Janeway: (whispers in to her ear) You said that the first slayer told you gift is death, maybe it means something more than just death. I'll miss you Buffy and good luck
Buffy: Thank you Kathryn, now let's all clear out and give her and Giles some time alone.
(the scoobies go to the back room the of the store so Giles can say goodbye without any comment from the peanut gallery)
(Giles gives her the cup of tea to send Janeway home; she looks on with an expression of regret)
Giles: Something on your mind?
Janeway: (smiles musingly) Sorry, I was just thinking…I'll miss this. Back there I have to be this larger than life figure for my crew, but none of them know that somewhere deep inside me I dream of something…warm and romantic…to have someone to come home to at the end of the day (she ends in a whisper, her voice near breaking) I wished it…could have been you. Fate can be cruel, can't it?
Giles: Yes, it can. I'll miss you, too. (She stands and presses herself into his arms. He holds her briefly but when she squeezes him into a longing lovers' embrace he pushes her gently away) No, don't. You'll only hurt yourself. I know what its like to be lonely, but we can't. You know that, it's wrong.
Janeway: (sits back down, holding back tears) I know, Rupert. I know I shouldn't feel this way, we're directly related and all, but…oh I've never felt so in love. I wish I wasn't, and I know that if it were more permitted it would feel wonderful, but it just feels like something's amiss. I try to stop myself, I'm really trying, and it's just so hard.
Giles: (sits beside her, puts his arm around her) I understand. I'm fighting the same battle with myself, but we'll get over it. (Puts a finger over her lips) I wish we didn't have to, I wish things were different too, but I can't change it. I love you, Kathryn, but we have to do our best to..., well, you know.
Janeway: I know. (Looks at him, then she tears herself away from him, to the other side of the room) I can't stay, please hurry and get this over with.
Giles: I know, the sooner it's done, the sooner we'll all be better off. There. Now close your eyes. (hugs her again and slips a couple of 20's in her back pocket at the same time) Drink up.
(The next thing Janeway sees is Voyager's bridge. Everyone looks mildly surprised to see her appear, she looks around and gives her First Officer a nod of assurance before taking her seat)
(Meanwhile in Sunnydale, Giles still stares at the place that Kathryn was just standing on; he finally shakes himself out of the trance he'd gone into and walks away. The next day Buffy and Willow come over.)
Buffy: Hey, Giles. How did it go? She's not here is she?
Giles: No, she's gone. She looked so sad.
Willow: I don't get it, she knew you were her ancestor of times ancient, but the way she reached out to you implied she wanted more than a father figure.
Giles: Well, she hasn't allowed herself to have romantic feelings while she's on her ship; she's done a remarkable job of suppressing them from what it sounds like. I guess the fact that we got along so well our first couple of days together, paired with me not being her subordinate, was enough to give her the go-ahead to let herself feel that way.
Buffy: Yeah, she told me, poor Kathryn. I hope she finds someone. She's strong but she needs to be loved as much as the rest of us. Of all the men to pop into her life it had to be someone who was related.
Giles: That about sums it up, Buffy, yes.
Willow: You liked her back, I could tell.
Giles: How very perceptive. Yes, she will be missed, but this is all for the better that we get on with our own different lives.
(Back on Voyager, Janeway is poking around in her ready room, trying to act as though nothing had happened. Lieutenant Torres enters with a status report from Engineering and notices her commanding officer looking a bit blue)
Torres: Excuse me for asking, Captain, but are you all right?
Janeway: No. But I will be again soon hopefully.
Torres: He sent you to that Giles character's place and time, didn't he? (Janeway nods) That rat!
Janeway: No, I'm glad he sent me. I wish I hadn't been so high-strung though.
Torres: What happened?
Janeway: It would be hard for someone so young to understand, but Rupert made me feel a way I haven't felt in ages.
Torres: (smiles, sure she understands by imagining how Tom can make her feel) Like a goddess? A beauty queen?
Janeway: (smiles, shakes her head) Like a woman. (Sighs) a real woman. That's what I was to him. (Dreamy expression like it would be the sweetest compliment she can imagine)
Torres: I see. (Changes the subject) So aside from all that did you have a good time?
Janeway: I did. I bought clothes in a mall, with real money…I got my photograph taken (tilts a new picture frame out towards her Chief Engineer, which holds their pictures they got at the mall, as well as a $20 bill he'd planted on her), I rode in his automobile, I even killed two vampires while patrolling with Buffy!
Torres: Wow, sounds like you had fun. Bet Tom would've given anything to go along.
Janeway: (laughs) I'm sure he would have, too. (Sly look) Tell him to try hummus. Oh that reminds me. Giles gave me this. (She pull the other twenty dollar bill out of her pocket) B'elanna, give this to Tom, I think he'll like it. I believe it's what they called money back then.
Fin