For Sara345's prompt "Can you say that a little louder? I don't think they heard you back in Lima" Slightly modified to fit properly.

"Noah? Would you like to accompany me into Macy's? They may have appropriate dresses that fit the budget that Daddies gave me."


Rachel bites her bottom lip slightly as they walk into the store quietly. They were in Cincinnati for the 2011 Regionals Competition, and Schue had scheduled a free Friday afternoon for the Gleek's to relax at the mall. Kurt, Mercedes and the Cheerios were doing anything but relaxing as they zoomed through the large shopping mall as if they were auditioning for Shop Til You Drop or the Amazing Race or something. Tina and Chang were darting between Hot Topic and the Sanrio Hello Kitty store, in their own words, "chinking out".

Racists. Rachel blew out an exasperated breath. Noah had declined the rest of the Glee boy's offer to hang out at the arcade in order to escort her around the mall, gripping onto her hand with a gentler force than normal. She had been half-heartedly shopping for a dress, hoping to find something miraculously beautiful and equally as miraculously cheap for the junior prom. Her shopping budget had been dramatically reduced when her father's realized that she was spending 85% of the money on contraceptives in the last four months she and Noah had been dating.

She squeezed his hand a little as she stopped to peruse a rack of sequined gowns. She thought he would drop his grasp on her hand, but he didn't and she looked at him curiously, wondering what on Earth was going on with her boyfriend. She tried to meet his gaze and was surprised to see it was trained on a small family walking through the store, two young parents and a small baby girl, not quite old enough to walk on her own.

…Regionals. Of course! Rachel couldn't even believe her own forgetfulness and unabashed ignorance. Beth would be turning one next week. She felt Noah's hand squeeze hers as the small family walked past them. Her heart broke for him as her mind scrambled to find a direct avenue to lifting her boyfriend's spirits.

Normally lifting Noah's spirits would involve her being naked. Or even showing a bit of shoulder…sometimes he would perk up if she merely opened her mouth a certain way. They were in a public place however, and she refused to engage in sexual endeavors when they were set to perform in less than twenty-four hours. She had discovered two and half months ago that Noah's Glee club performances went from a solid nine to a completely amazing ten if she could get him to abstain from sex for more than 48 hours.

He would laugh at her and call her heartless under different circumstances, in his proud and amused sort of way. But there was no way she would lose to Vocal Adrenaline this year. Noah had to be at the top of his game in order for him to nail his solo verse in their showstopper. She furrowed her brow as he reached out and picked up a cherry red sequined mini-dress and she smiled.

"Want me to try this one on?"

"Yes please," Noah smirked, although his expression was still slightly less mirthful and deviant than usual.

They made their way to a dressing room, Noah slouching in one of the overstuffed ottomans by the three-way mirror as Rachel went into a dressing room. She looked at the sequined dress on the hanger and sighed slightly, when suddenly her mind clicked into place. She beamed suddenly before fidgeting in place, playing with the button on the front of her fashionable skinny jeans. (She of course shelved the skirts when she was trying to keep Noah's hands out from underneath them).

"Oh no!" she whined.

"You okay in there babe?" Noah's voice carried into the small dressing room.

"My zipper is stuck…Noah, would you be a dear and please come in and assist?" Rachel pleaded in her soft, dulcet tones that she always used to get what she wanted from him. Usually it was to get him to watch iCarly reruns or recreate old dance movie sequences in her backyard.

He hauled himself off of his comfortable seat and walked towards the room, a small chuckle in the back of his throat, "Babe, you don't have to use your iCarly voice in order for me to get you undressed."

"What can I say, you are the expert in this situation, Noah," Rachel smiled sweetly as he squished his body into the dressing room with her. She grinned in spite of herself when he dropped to his knees in front of her. His hands went towards her buttoned jeans and she moaned loudly and dramatically, "Oh Noah!"

He was suddenly very speechless as he looked up at her with a gaping mouth, although his expression clearly read What in the holy fucking fuck? He unbuttoned the jeans and she let out a loud cry, "Oohhhhh! Yes…that's good!"

"Rach!" Noah muttered, his lips turning upward into a heavenly smirk. His girl was the effin SHIZ. His fingers went to her zipper and pulled on the little metal tab ever so gently.

"Don't TEASE me, Noah…please, you know what I want!" Rachel cried out in the most accurate impersonation of a porn actress ever. Noah had never been more proud of his girl than at that very moment. "Give it to me, Noah! Unfff….yes!"

His laughter started in soft chuckles and with every porny and dramatic shout of ecstasy that fell from Rachel's cooing and moaning mouth, the laughter became louder and louder, until he was literally shaking in front of her, his sides aching with the uncontrollable giggles pouring from his previously morose self.

"ALMOST THERE…almost there! YES!"

Rachel punctuated her declaration with her hands slapping against the dressing room wall.

"Get it Noah!"

Another slap echoed as Noah inched her zipper down. He tried to control his chuckles as he looked up as her Oscar-worthy performance came to a satisfying conclusion.

"Oh God…thank you. Thank you so much, you're the best in the world. The best that ever was. The best that ever will be. You, Noah Puckerman are a god among men!"

"Glad to be of service," Noah grinned, getting to his feet. He kissed her lips soundly before turning and opening the dressing room door, where ten shocked faces stood on the other side. He shifted uncomfortably as Rachel squeaked in embarrassment behind him, burying a suddenly red face into his back. He shrugged at the Gleeks who had gathered in their dressing room and explained, "I was helping her."

"Can me and Santana help Rachel next?" Brittany asked hopefully. "I really think that you shouldn't be called the best in the world if I didn't get a turn first."

"Jesus, Man-hands, could you do that a little louder? I don't think they heard you back in Lima," Santana laughed, beaming with pride as Rachel leveled a still shamefully embarrassed glare back at her.

"I gotta go to the bathroom," Finn nervously squeaked, before walking stiffly out of the dressing room.

"I need to shower, now," Kurt cringed, grabbing Mercedes who in turn grabbed Quinn as they fled the dressing room.

"Let's go back to Hot Topic," Mike ushered Tina away. He whined, "You said if Rachel caves and gets sexy fun times with Puck, then you'd give me back the sexy fun times too!"

"Uhm…" Sam shrugged, staring between Puck and Rachel. "Guess you're not gay after all."

"I like the va-jay-jay, dude," Puck rolled his eyes watching as Sam flipped him the bird and laughed on his way out of the dressing room with Artie. He smirked at Santana and Brittany as Rachel finally stopped using him as a human shield. He couldn't quite focus on what happened in the next few moments. He just knew that in the matter of half a second, Brittany and Santana had man-handled him out of the tiny dressing room and had shut themselves in with his girl.

"Our turn," Santana laughed evilly.

"Santana Juana Lopez! That is not in the least bit-Brittany, get your hand OUT of there this instant!"

"It's only fair. You can't give out awards without letting everyone compete. This is America, afterall," Brittany insisted.

"Noah! HELP!"