One shot - My take on the "not my type" line

As usual, the character's aren't mine, please don't sue me!

"You know what your problem is, Maura? You take things too literally. I tell you no one's in the building today, and you point out that we are in the building. I say we're up to our eyeballs in something, and you point out that it's a 'physical impossibility' to be up to our eyeballs in something that's 'not a physical object'." Jane was pacing around the morgue ranting at full tilt as a teary eyed Maura stood by her desk and watched. "Just once, could you not be so literal? I mean, what could it hurt to just accept the figure of speech as just that, a figure of speech?" Jane stopped pacing and turned to glare at the ME. "It's like calling the reddish brown stain blood, which is what it is."

"Technically, that issue is separate from my inability to appreciate colloquialisms." Jane gave Maura her patented 'are you serious' look. Maura flinched.

"Maura," Jane stopped herself and ran her thumb and forefinger over the bridge of her nose. She inhaled deeply and let it out slowly. "Maura, really? That's exactly what I'm talking about." It was then that Jane noticed Maura was starting to sniffle. "Don't cry. Do not cry. I hate it when you cry." She rushed over to the now trembling blonde and put her hands on the other woman's shoulders forcing her to look Jane in the eyes. "Hey, it'll be okay."

"Jane, I… I," Maura dabbed at her eyes, "I didn't mean to be annoying."

"I know. I just… well, it's just that sometimes," she grimaced. "I'm sorry, Maura. I shouldn't have said those things. Hey," she leaned down to get a better look into Maura's eyes, "You're perfect just the way you are. Besides," she smirked, "You know I'm just grumpy most of the time."

Maura laughed, and Jane let go of her shoulders. "Better?"

"Yes, I think so." Jane watched as Maura made her way to the other side of her desk. She pulled out a small mirror and began to check her makeup. "Jane, why do these things bother you so much?"

"You know," Jane walked around the desk and leaned against the edge as she looked over to watch Maura work on her carefully crafted makeup. "I don't know." She shrugged. "To be honest, I'm not sure that it actually does."

"I don't think I understand." Maura looked up from her mirror.

"I don't know, Maura. I mean, your Google-mouth, your literalness, your need to be accurate, the fact that you're bossy," she smirked again as Maura made a face, "I just don't see them as bad qualities. That's all."

"What then?" Maura set her mirror and compact back inside her drawer and shut it.

Jane frowned. She was suddenly not liking where this was going. She considered lying but decided she had really never lied to Maura about things that mattered, and she'd rather not start. "It's cute."

"You think I'm cute?" Maura smiled.

"No. I mean, yes. I mean, I think some of the things you do are cute." Jane rolled her eyes. Yes, this was not going well at all.

"But, you don't think I'm cute?" Maura narrowed her eyes at the brunette who was now clearly out of her comfort zone.

"Of course I think you're cute, Maura. In your little designer clothes and high heels," Jane made a motion that indicated the clothes the ME was currently wearing. "With your perfect hair and makeup… How could you not be cute?"

"So, you think I'm attractive?"

"Yeah, of course I do."

"Would you date me?" Maura smiled, but there was clearly a gleam of mischief in her eyes.

"What?" Jane pushed off the desk and took a few steps away from the blonde. "Maura, that is not something you ask your friends, especially your female friends."

"Why not, Jane? It's a perfectly reasonable question. I don't expect you to actually ask me out on a date. I know you consider yourself to be fully heterosexual, and I respect that. Aside from that fact, as we've discussed before, I don't think you're my type." Maura raised an eyebrow, daring Jane to respond.

It was enough to set the brunette off again. "I can't believe you just said that again." Jane threw her hands up in the air. "I really can't," she put her hands on her hips. "I am totally your type."

"I believe I gave a thorough explanation as to why you would not, in fact, be my type."

"Yeah, and all of that stuff was so," she shook her head as she searched for the right word. "So… superficial. That's not you, Maura. I can't believe you'd determine who you wanted to spend your downtime with based on something as superficial as clothing and stuff like that."


"No! You've got more substance than that. You're smarter than that. You," she gave out an exasperated sigh. "You would base who you want on what you need logically and emotionally." Jane began to tick the reasons off on her fingers. "You need someone who can protect you. Someone who understands your quirks and can appreciate them. Someone who can help you understand, well, everyone else. Someone you can have fun with. Someone you're comfortable with. Someone who can understand your job and not be weirded out by it. Someone who can appreciate how smart you actually are and is not threatened by it. Someone you're not afraid of telling things to because you know they won't really judge you for it. Someone who can accept that there are times when your world will collide with theirs but you still have their back. Someone who cares about you and your turtle."


Jane chuckled, "Yeah, tortoise."

"You believe you possess all 10 of those traits, Jane?"

Jane's eyebrow went up in surprise. "Don't you?"

She watched as Maura chewed on her bottom lip and seemed to consider everything Jane had just said. Finally, she gave a slight nod. "Yes, Jane, I believe you are correct."

"Okay, then," Jane huffed, "So, what's the problem? How could I possibly not be your type?"

"That's a good question." Maura tilted her head to the side. "However, I still feel you are not actually my type."

"What? Okay, this is just too much. What do I have to do prove to you that I am your type?"

"I'm not certain. Do you have something in mind?"

"Maybe I do." Jane crossed her arms in front of her.

"Would you care to elaborate?"

"Maybe I should just take you out on a date? I think that would prove me right and you totally wrong, for once." Jane scowled at Maura.

"Okay, when?"

"It's Friday night. So, why not tonight?"

"What time?"

"I'll pick you up at seven. That should give you plenty of time to get all," she made a vague motion with her hands, "Dressed up or whatever you need to do."

"How formal or casual should I dress?"

"I don't know," she shrugged. "Something nicer than the Dirty Robber but not as nice as that French place we went to a couple of weeks ago."

"Okay, I believe I can manage that." Maura smirked at Jane.

"Fine. I'll see you at seven." She stormed out of the morgue without another word.

As she sat down at her desk in a huff, her mind raced with what she was going to do. She was determined to prove Maura wrong.

"Korsak," she stood up and grabbed her piece from her desk. "I'm going to go run some errands and stuff."

"It's pretty late in the day, Jane. Are you coming back?"

"No, call me if you need me." She headed to the door.

"Okay, have a good weekend!"

Jane was going to make sure this was the best date she could possibly put together. She would prove Maura wrong completely. This date was going to be her winning hand.