Of spatio-temporal hyperlinks and Gallifreyan poetry

In which the Doctor gets stuck in a time bubble with River and they test their inner-Gorgi acuity and Gallifreyan poetry is uttered.


Many things in this universe are a matter of relativity. What to some people is the certain sign of foreboding death is to other people the very delightful symbol of peace – and a third party might even come to the conclusion that the symbol is an indication of a peaceful death. You see! relativity. Naturally the whole descriptive category of 'people' is relative too – and since I highly doubt you've ever been to the Gorgininium galaxies let alone beaten a off-track away from the atmosphere of one planet Earth the term 'people' is more along a standard term so as not to confuse you.

Je0hs are from a non-strict relatively point of view somewhat positively associated with the definition of 'people' if you categorize 'people' as a collective group of 'beings'. Relatively speaking the 76gjo are rather like people too if you squint really hard and look underneath their armour of golden grass. Most importantly if you are ever lost in the wilderness of space ask a 76gjo for directions. Unlike some other species the 76gjo will actually politely point you in the correct direction whereas the Je0hs will blatantly ignore you and the 101.001.b.2 will purposefully mislead you if they do not kidnap you first – which would rather be the cause for the 101.001.b.2 not even remotely belonging to the term 'people'. Relatively speaking, mind you – the 101.001.b.2 do after some fashion see themselves as 'people'.

Intelligence is one of those relative dimensional-things as well – from a non-linear time-travelling view. In some northern orbitiary-tutis galaxies 'people' are considered mighty wise if they can calculate the occurrence of magic doors in the whole of existence. Since magic doors exist outside reality and our perception and therefore prove rather hard to count, no one is actually considered wise in the northern orbitiary-tutis galaxies. A shame really, since most of the inhabitants of northern orbitiary-tutis galaxies are curiously considered among the universe's sparse collection of wise sentient beings, from a strictly outside-looking-in encyclopaedia-way.

"Galileo and Gallifreo"

"Doctor, seriously"

"No, no – you're doing it wrong"

"According to who?"

"Whom-boom"

"Bullocks and bullshit"

"That's better - Newton and Jiewthon"

"You cheat"

"You cheat and I cheat"

"Bastard and dastard"

"Hmm – Gallilinium and Thanininium"

"Time and swine"

"Hey, I take offense at that"

"I would apologise if it wasn't intended"

"Smug and bug"

"Are you trying to insinuate something?"

"No, I thought it was painstakingly obvious"

"Gah and blah"

Yes, the Doctor and River are currently taking part in a Gorgininium verbal-sparring contest; a so rare occurrence that when it takes place – assuming we are not in the proximity of a Gorilla-Planet – we can postulate the origin of their troubled behaviour without postulating wrongly. Anything Gorgininium-related that comes into contact with the Doctor and River in the same time-stream and time-line and the only explanation is that the two troublemakers are stuck. Undoubtedly. Painstakingly. Heartachingly. Indisputably. Stuck.

And the only way to be indisputably and undoubtedly stuck in the universe is to be stuck in a bubble of time – still and unmoving time that is. Now, this might sound ridiculously ridiculous to all you human beings; time standing absolutely still and encasing living things in a bubble of stasis but it actually happens quite periodically throughout the galaxies. Sometime even time gets tired of running, and decides to stack some z's – an event that frankly disturbs many. Unfortunately suing 'time' proves a rather difficult task, so difficult I'd tell you to go count the magic doors instead.

"Athjuu and you are awfully incorrigible, River"

"Damn and bam, Doctor – you started this"

"Mess and yes, back when I was under the delusion you could hold your own in a little Gorgininium test of acuity"

"Sure, fine, whatever"

"Snark and bark – you know the rules"

"Doctor and nutter – this is insane"

"Insane and mundane, maybe – but I still win"

"Twit and twat"

"I win and grin"

"Twig and gharry-wig"

You might at this point in time (the sentence 'this point in time' is a conundrum in itself when encased in a bubble of time seeing as such an event does absolutely nothing to time at all, making it significantly redundant and imaginary to talk about any point in time let alone one specific point in time) wonder about this whole Gorgininium semidebatealis and how long the Doctor and River are going to act on it.

Unfortunately, of maybe that would be incidentally, the trick in unlocking a time bubble is to find a magic door. And coincidentally, or maybe that should be regrettably, the key to finding a magic door in a bubble of time is to generate a relative amount of random words that has absolutely no point of origin or directive logic.

Relatively and randomly speaking, now that is the art of the Gorgininium semidebatealis; the lost talent of the 41th Gorgininium race of Septa who developed this skill when their entire galaxy was assaulted by a rather gargantuan bubble of time. Or at least that is the rumour in the seventh circle of Gorgi 40. No one has seen the 41th Septa since the 39th and most 'people' assume they never escaped the bubble. The Doctor, however, is putting the stakes on the 41th – a most favourite number of his.

Did you know that 41 is the 13th smallest prime number? It's also a supersingular prime and an Einstein prime. Why, 41 is a prime-lovable number. Then there's the Messier object M41, a magnitude 5.0 open cluster in the constellation Canis Major and also the Balder 41x space station in the orbit of Sol41. Curiously 41 is the atomic number of niobium in the periodic table on Earth whereas in the big encyclopaedia of sciency-thingamajigs it's the supratomic happy-prime of Gallilinium – which coincidentally is another favourite of the Doctor's. But please, for the sake of sanity who very much appreciates sanity, do not mention Gallilinium to the Doctor – he will babble about it till you go utterly insane.

"Doctor!"

"River!"

"What are the odds of actually localizing a spatio-temporal hyperlink – even if we continue this gorgi-babble-nonsense?"

"I never actually calculated the statistics – I've always thought it would be impossible for me to be imprisoned by time"

"Great"

"Gorgininiumally-speaking, I'd imagine the chances are rather random – just as likely to occur were we to do something else entirely, I suppose – randomly speaking"

That is the trouble with the mystery of a random universe – everything is as likely to be random as the next. The root of the problem, so to speak, lies in the complex nature of understanding something that really has no logic appearance at all. Magic doors, I tell you, are rather like a nasty headache that just consist and consist... for a very very, very very long time – only it doesn't really exist at all.

"So, Doctor, we might as well talk in a G'messierian dialect?"

"Yes"

"Might as well discuss the latest political uproars in Rambess?"

"Yes – though I suppose Rambess would be a little too well-ordered"

"Read any good books lately?"

Now, River likes randomness just as much as any normal person should – but she has never cared much for the art of Gorgininium-semidebatealis and would much rather talk about recreational mathematic or possibly submerge herself in melting candle wax than continue with the obstinate nature of nonsense.

"Actually, I read a rather curious thing a while back"

"While back?"

"Yes, it must have been around the time I had that rather strange obsession with yellow, because I remember I was in the middle of spring cleaning the Tardis and I found this little yellow notebook in a pile of dust"

"You spring clean?"

"You don't?"

Now, you might wonder how the Doctor keeps track of spring in the Tardis since that would be a rather relatively-dimensional thing to keep track of in a time machine – a curious mystery which is coincidentally also on River's mind.

"So what, you clean every time you accidentally land somewhere spring-correlated?"

"No, no – you see whenever the Tardis passes through the bilateral temporal atmosphere of -"

"Never mindnow what about the yellow notebook?"

River always had an obsession with interrupting the Doctor when he was about to explain a curious and rather unexplainable thing – something he found rather curious in itself and he often wondered about it, striking up obscure theories and calculations raging from her already having heard the explanation before to her being a temporal-hybrid sonic-hedgehog. It never crossed his mind though that she merely didn't want to spend the next hour being lectured about the bilateral temporal whatsit atmosphere of whatever.

"It was a wonderful collection of Gallifreyan poetry"

"Poetry?"

"Yes"

"Did you write it?"

"Well…"

"You wrote it, forgot about it and discovered it – that is so you!"

"Incidentally yes, it was authored by me"

"Naturally"

"But there was this one poem, which I might have written under the guise of amnesia for I frankly do not remember writing it, but it was about the colour yellow and the spacial-hyperness of -"

"Just cite the poem for me sweetie... – I have a feeling it's shorter than the summary."

"Right… mind you I was rather young at the time"

"I shall keep an open mind then"

"… ξό ϟϠ ϗϱ Ϭ Ϲ"

And curiously enough the Gallifreyan poem unlocked a spacial-temporal hyperlink in the time bubble, and the Doctor and River managed to escape. Of course it also meant it was one magic door counted and located which was one more than everyone else's calculations, and accordingly the Doctor and River are considered among those ancient wise sentient beings in the universe by the northern orbitiary-tutis galaxies.


=)