A/N from A.C.: I got to see the Roger Waters' The Wall concert. So while I'm on a Pink Floyd rush, how about a song fic? Saix P.O.V.
Song is "Goodbye Cruel World" by Pink Floyd
Warnings from A.C.: Character death, suicide, XemSai, homophobicness, depressingness.
I look around myself, eyes grazing over the small apartment that I call home. Today was the day. I have planned this. I wrote a letter to my parents and friends explaining everything. But, I just couldn't deal with any of this anymore.
Six years ago, Xemnas and I got together. Five years ago, we both graduated high school at the top of our class. Four and a half years ago, Xemnas asked me to move in with him as we both went to college. Four years ago, we both started college at the same school, myself as a writing major and him with website construction. Three years ago, we were both such a happy couple, never afraid of public displays of affection, and never afraid of the mocking or name-calling coming from our classmates. Two years ago, Xemnas' and my other roommate walked in on us, both of us shirtless, lips locked on Xem's bed. That… That homophobic bastard reported us to the dean of the university. I took the fault. We both knew that "our type of relationship" was forbidden in this school. Hell, it was forbidden in the world.
Two years ago, I left that school. Two years ago, I left the love of my life. Ever since then, my life has been in ruins. Rumors and stories have spread as far as possible and I haven't been able to get a job. Haven't been able to recover from that incident… That one tragic mistake that we made has cost me everything.
I saw him a few days ago, too. He's successful. He was dressed in a suit with his hair tied back. I locked his eyes, too, and he didn't realize it was me. Either he didn't realize it was me or he didn't want anything to do with what I've become. You see, I'm dirt poor now. My rich and 'loving' parents kicked me to the curb once the stories about Xemnas and I spread. I live in apartments that no one has rented out; I sneak in through the fire-escape. My clothes are tattered and filthy; they only get clean when I can get enough money to go to the Laundromat.
But I just can't live this life anymore.
Goodbye cruel world
I turn my back on my meaningless possessions and make my way down the fire escape and go to the streets. People meet my golden eyes at times and they give looks of disgust. My pointed ears twitch as my sensitive hearing picks up what they whisper.
"He's the one that was caught in bed with another man…"
"How horrid that creature is! A filthy mongrel rather than a human being!"
I'm leaving you today
I looked down at the ground and sighed as I made my way to the highest bridge in the town. The perfect place to go, the way I wanted to go. Suffocated by water; drowning. Just like my life… Suffocated by society and drowned by the rules made by the world around me. No happiness can be held by those that have it stolen just as fast as it is given.
I untie the rope that I had wrapped around my waist and search for a large enough rock that would bring me down to the bottom of the river under the bridge.
I don't weigh a lot, lack of food be praised. So, it really shouldn't be that difficult to find a rock that would take me down.
I planned this through, I thought about this for months. I wondered how my family would react, and concluded that they wouldn't care. I asked myself 'how would my friends react?' and finally settled on the answer 'they wouldn't give a damn'.
What would it even matter?
Xemnas was the one.
My one and only…
A single tear fell from my eye, streaking through the dirt and muck that had covered my face.
Why am I sad? Why am I crying?
I already told myself that I wanted to do this. I already said that this was the only solution to my problems.
Kicking a rather large rock to the bridge, I heard a voice.
My eyes went wide and I looked up.
It was him.
Goodbye, all you people
I tried to speak, but I hadn't in so long, so my voice was raspy and dry, "Xem… Xemnas?"
He was in that suit and had his hair tied back, just like when I saw him last.
He walked over to me and I held back more tears.
"Saix, what happened to you..?" He hand came up and caressed my face, wiping dirt from my pale skin.
I brought my hands up and pushed him away, "No!" my voice cracked as it reached a panicked volume, "You… I gave up everything…"
There's nothing you can say
"You saved my career, Saix."
"I gave up everything…" I repeated, voice getting softer. Did he not get it?
I looked away from him and crouched down beside my rock, beginning to tie the rope to it securely.
"What are you going to do with that?"
I looked up at him, pain and sadness probably evident in my golden eyes, "Committing suicide…"
"You… You can't be serious!"
"More serious than anything."
"Saix! You can't!"
I blinked slowly, studying his face, "Why not? I gave up everything…" I repeated it again, trying to get him to understand.
"I love you, Sai!" He was crying now, tears falling from his amber eyes. I wanted to do nothing more than hold him and kiss those tears away.
"No." I stated bluntly, "No, you do not."
"I do! I do love you!"
To make me change my mind
I stand up once I feel satisfied with the security of the rope around my boulder. Taking the other end of the rope, I tie it around my waist.
"You do not love me, Xemnas. So do not say it."
"But I do!" More tears.
"No. I let you have a good life. I sacrificed my own success as a writer and I let you become successful by leaving. The rumors are everywhere." I kept my voice low, "I cannot walk anywhere without being called a monster, an animal, a whore…"
He interrupted me, "Saix, you aren't…"
"Let me speak." He nodded. "My parents disowned me, and I cannot get a job, so I have no money. I have to dig in dumpsters for food. I have to sleep in empty apartments for shelter. I have no money for clean clothes or showers. All because of what happened back then."
I bent down and picked up the rock, setting it on the edge of the bridge.
"Saix, you saved me from…"
"From what? From being a laughing stock? From being a 'whore'? From being a homeless animal?"
"I didn't mean…"
"Yes. You did."
I climbed up on the side of the bridge and I stood next to the boulder.
Xemnas let out a little sob, "Saix! Don't do this! I love you."
"Nothing you say could stop me…" I reach into my pocket and hand him a letter. "Take this. My suicide note. Show my parents."
I kick the boulder and it falls, pulling me with it.
I hear a scream, "SAIX!"
I close my eyes as I hit the water.
My body's instinct prevents water from coming into my body and the feel my chest ache as my air supply starts to run out.
Not out of my own will, my mouth opens to take in air. Though, only water entered my lungs.
Black started to seep into my vision…
… Finally free…
… … He never loved me…