AN: Eons ago, I offered those reviewing a specific chapter (13 if I remember right) a bonus 'lost moment' I'd written. At the time, I promised to eventually release it for everyone to see, because it was making me giggle a lot.
So here it is: the first lost moment from Tattoos Like Mile Markers. Any future outtakes/alternate versions of scenes will be in this 'story', so be sure to add it to your favourites.
As always, SM owns Twilight. I own no pipe wrenches, but do like to challenge people to fights with them as a laugh.
Lost Moment 1: Pipe Wrench Fight?
Moment lost between the end of chapter 8 through 9…
"It's ten after midnight," Bella absently mused, her fingers running lightly along Edward's arm as she lay across his lap.
Bella chuckled, "It's just occurring to me that we have been surfing YouTube for at least two hours now, with no signs of stopping. Are we becoming like the masses? Losing our non-conformist points?"
"You lost those when you bought that bra at American Eagle Outfitters yesterday," Edward remarked dryly, laughing as Bella punched his arm, then shook her own fist in pain.
"I'm poor! It was six dollars and you were literally drooling. Fuck off!"
Edward grinned, reaching for Bella's hand with his. His strength overpowered her protests as he brought it to his lips, brushing his lips lightly across each knuckle. Her thumb automatically moved to run along his lower lip, prompting his tongue to dart out along the sensitive flesh, eliciting a murmur of pleasure. The tiger is a kitten once more, Edward thought to himself, his breath catching as Bella rose from her reclined position, quickly straddling his hips.
"You know I'd buy you anything you need or want," Edward whispered, "I'll always take care of you, Bella. Always."
"I take care of me," she insisted, punctuating the statement by grinding her core against the bulge in his jeans. "And you, in my own way…" she added slyly, pressing her soft lips against his, grazing them, a tease.
"Mmm… You gonna take care of me right now? I sense a large problem looming…"
Bella giggled, grinding her hips again, amused by Edward's groan as she leaned back, reaching for his hands. With a lick of her lips, she pressed his palms to her breasts, sighing as he squeezed them gently.
"I'm going to take care of something, alright…"
Without warning, she pulled away, leaping to her feet and prancing down the hallway. Edward gasped, his jaw slack in shock. Wait! That was going… Well, I was going to go! Her tinkling laughter as she shut the bathroom door made him grimace. Blue balls. She's blue-balling me! Taking a deep breath, Edward called down the hall.
"I think you forgot to finish what you started, Miss Swan."
"I have to piss like a racehorse! Besides, I'm not going home tonight," Bella replied through the door.
"You're not?" Edward beamed. Bella had sworn from the start that she would go home at least once this week, lest her father begin to suspect that she wasn't staying with Ronan and Emily, as she was claiming to. But if she was staying tonight, and the next night was her late night at Breaking Dawn, then that meant…
"She's not going home 'til the weekend," Edward whispered happily.
It was irrational, and he was sure the granola shrink would label it co-dependent, but Edward found the prospect of sleeping without Bella at his side daunting at best. In her, he'd found something he could neither articulate nor breathe without, something he hadn't known was missing until he'd kissed her the first night here, in his apartment. As the door opened and Bella's bare feet padded back towards the living room, Edward rose quickly to meet her in the doorway, his hands gripping her taut ass and pulling her against him.
"I could get used to this," he mumbled, inhaling the scent of her hair.
"What's a douchebag without a bitch, right?" Bella quipped. "Now, my turn with the YouTube! I have to show you something magical," she declared, pushing away and seizing his hand.
Edward turned the tables as they neared the couch, ensnaring Bella in his arms and pulling her to the couch in a giggling heap, legs flailing wildly as she pawed at his fists, trying to yank free. Twisting sharply, he pinned her beneath him, licking her cheek playfully.
"What are you, five?" Bella squealed.
"Only mentally. Physically, I'm every inch a grown man, but you know that."
"You!" Bella groaned, "You're just damn lucky I like 'em perverted. Now, lemme up!"
Releasing her, Edward watched as Bella's black tank top hitched up, exposing her lower back as she clicked through to her account, then loaded a playlist. Clicking 'Play All' and humming triumphantly, she swung herself sideways across his lap, kissing his neck lightly.
"Behold! A wonder bestowed by the music of the 80s and the sarcasm of the new millennium: Literal Music Videos."
"Literal what? Wait, isn't this that song, that 'take me on' one?"
Bella nodded happily, "This is the original that begat a whole subclass of videos, not unlike the misheard lyrics phenomenon. The premise is this: what if artists sang what happened in the actual video, instead of the song itself? It's fucking brilliant! Why didn't I think of it?"
"You were busy being detached from social media? Oh my God, he does a crazy imitation of the original singer. Speaking of him, I wonder if his girlfriend blue-balled him before he recorded the chorus?"
Bella thrust her tongue out, shaking her head, "Men!"
"I'm kidd-hahahaha! Holy shit! This would be awesome even if we hadn't knocked back all that Chivas."
Bella knocked back the rest of her drink, nodding enthusiastically as she sang along, "When I stand here, it makes me human. I'm handsome either way! You know you like it that I'm flirting with you!"
As Edward watched the video (This concept is genius!) and Bella's pantomiming and harmonies, he felt something give way within, something tense uncoiling. A release. Bella's presence alone seemed to lend a more vibrant hue to his world, his every sense sharpened, his world completed a sharp relief to the dreary loneliness before… before her. But at this moment, there were layers peeling away, dried and dulled by the warmth of her sun. The snake was shedding his skin.
A caterpillar becoming a butterfly.
"Band montage!" Bella squealed, giggling and shattering his brief reverie.
"Did he just say, 'They're gonna beat you up with that pipe wrench?' Wait… " Edward buckled forward, Bella protesting at their origami pose as he laughed harder, "This video really made no sense for this song!"
"Like any video makes sense? I offer up pretty much every video made for a pop song ever as my proof," Bella replied. "And thus, the brilliance!"
Edward's laptop blared as the song built to its finale, Edward gasping as the background vocalists happily chanted, "Pipe wrench fight!"
"They have shirts," Bella mentioned, reaching for the half-empty bottle on the floor for a refill, "He's a clever man."
"Pipe Wrench Fight ones."
"WHERE?" Edward shouted, "Must own!"
"Are you serious, Edward?"
Edward forced himself to act serious, "Bella Swan, the shirt is symbolic of our dystopian view on today's popular culture and its failure to engage youth in more than acts of promiscuity and public intoxication. We must wear it proudly, for the future generations, so that they might learn to critically examine the media's effect on their social mores."
Bella froze, her head tilting to the right, weighing his words for a solid minute before responding: "You just dropped acid while I pissed, didn't you?"
Edward burst out laughing, embracing a confused and startled Bella as he clicked through to the linked t-shirt site, "Bella, how often can you wear a shirt that says Pipe Wrench Fight? It'll be a fun little mindfuck for the oblivious, and Emmett will die when we explain them."
"Oh, I'm getting you one, too," Edward replied, tapping the keys for his credit card number in a hurry.
"What? No, wait! I can't afford-"
Bella rolled her eyes, "'Oh gosh, Dad! He's so dreamy! He brings me roses and gimmick t-shirts.'"
"You forgot to add that said shirts are white babydoll style, and thus will hug your amazing tits and look great wet," Edward interjected, submitting the order triumphantly.
"Enough!" Bella gasped, "You need to see the one for the Safety Dance!"
As Bella searched, Edward wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, planting a delicate kiss upon her neck. I could love this girl. As her hand found his, fingers lacing between his own, his heart stuttered. Maybe I already do. But it's only been a few days! No… Yes?...
"Edward? Pay attention!" Bella admonished, handing him the large bottle of Chivas.
Struggling to focus, Edward inhaled, counted to three, then released it. Fuck it. Whatever this is, it just is. And it's what I want. Just feel. His body curving closer as he knocked a shot back straight from the bottle, Edward laughed harder than he had in years, since the looming bars of his prison had slammed down on all sides. Was it possible to escape the suffocating darkness that had been his closest friend for so many years? He didn't know. In that moment, he only knew Bella, and them, a force of nature when aligned…
And pipe wrench fights. He now knew pipe wrench fights, thanks to this paradox of a woman at his side. Edward understood plainly, even through the haze of liquor, that he was never going to be the same without either of these, not ever again.
I figured with all of the angst lately, we needed a reminder of the good times.
Review, and please, do let me know what you think of Literal Music Videos. My favourites are Safety Dance and Total Eclipse of the Heart.