Carnival of Lust
We were going back.
Back to the only place I ever thought of as home.
But things were different now.
I was different.
My life had been irrevocably altered. Sirius was gone – dead – never to return. He was the only family I had ever really known that loved me. Lord knows the Dursley's didn't care two whits about me.
The Hogwarts Express lulled me into a false sense of security. The familiar rattling of the coach; the click-clack of the wheels along the rails; the droning of Hermonie engrossed in a conversation with Ron all contributed to my melancholy mood. My thoughts drifted back to that horrible night in the Department of Mysteries.
The curses flew left and right. In the haze and confusion it was hard to tell who was aiming at whom. Sirius had gone through the veil and I wanted so badly to follow, but steady arms prevented me. I was so filled with my own grief that I hardly gave two licks about the fallen Death Eaters. When the dust cleared I barely had time to notice that Malfoy Sr. was among the fallen. But later, alone with my thoughts, I felt bad for Draco. He had lost someone important that night as well.
When I received his owl asking me to meet him over the summer break – in a Muggle café of all places – I had to admit I was curious.
He was dressed all in black; from his tight fit Muggle jeans, to the soft, thin, form fitting cashmere v-neck jumper to his black dragon hide boots. The effect was striking with his creamy pale skin, white blond hair and silver grey eyes. The Muggle clothes looked good on him as I'd only ever seen him in Hogwarts robes. The effect it had on me was confusing. There was a distinct tightening in my trousers. I shifted in my seat and discreetly adjusted myself as he walked up to the table. I rose to shake his hand and he gazed at me, his steel grey eyes penetrating my own. My mouth was suddenly dry.
We placed our order and spoke of the time we first took notice of each other in Madame Malkin's and he confessed how terribly hurt he had been when I refused his hand in friendship on the train that year.
"I've always liked you, Harry," he admitted, the corner of his mouth tugged in a small smile. "It seemed pointless though, being on opposite sides of the war."
The food came and we tucked in. The conversation light, until towards the end of the meal. Malfoy, or Draco, as I was calling him in my head now, leaned on his elbows cradling his head in his hands, his eyes boring into mine.
"I don't blame you for what happened in the Department of Mysteries. My father made his own choices. The fact that you were also there that night doesn't make you culpable." He suddenly looked tired, worn.
I was finding it hard to make coherent sentences after hearing my given name from his lips and had resigned myself to making non committal grunts and nodding, allowing him to control the conversation.
"I don't pretend to understand what's in store when we return to school," he fidgeted with the remains of his meal, "but I'd like to help in any way I can. You're not the only moral guardian, you know."
I gaped at him. This wasn't the Malfoy I remembered. Always taunting and teasing. He was being serious. I didn't quite know where to place this new, improved Draco.
As we exited the café Draco did something completely out of character. He gave me a hug. Not a manly one arm guy-hug the way I'd seen he and his other friends do, but a full body hug. It didn't make sense. This was Malfoy. I was surprised to find how my body molded into his, like the two final pieces of a puzzle clicking into place. We just fit. My body thrummed with electricity.
I watched him walk down t he road away from me. What would happen when we returned to Hogwarts? Out here in the Muggle world we were just Harry and Draco, easy, peaceful, comforting. When we got back to school would he return to his Slytherin ways? I was almost certain he would.
The Hogwarts Express came to a halt and as I exited the carriage I noticed Draco disembarking as well. I turned to acknowledge him, but he turned and walked away from me.
So that's how he wants to play it, then. Well two can play that game.
Ron and Hermonie would never understand this growing "obsession" I had with Malfoy. They were too caught up in their own new-found interest with each other. I found myself constantly wondering what he was doing, and where he was going. I took to following him around the castle under my Invisibility Cloak and checking the Marauder's Map for his location.
Malfoy had changed over the summer. We'd both lost someone who was important to us. It was comforting to know that we had made a connection, even if it was in grief. I thought we had come to an understanding, only to find that it was business as usual once we got back within the castle walls. I had never been this fascinated with anyone before. I had kissed Cho Chang in the Room of Requirement after a meeting with the D. A. It was a nice kiss, wet because she had been crying over Cedric. But now, I found myself wondering what it would be like to kiss Draco. My body had tingled long after that hug outside the Muggle café. Could there be more to this? Did I want more with Draco?
I checked the Marauder's Map again. There he was. Malfoy was wandering around on the seventh floor. Suddenly he just disappeared from the map. You can't Disapparatewithin Hogwarts. Where could he be going? What's on the seventh floor? The Room of Requirement. So this was where he was going.
The following evening I found myself standing outside the wide expanse of wall opposite the tapestry of Barnabus the Barmey. I paced back and forth three times chanting in my head, 'I need to see the room where Malfoy goes to be alone.'
The door appeared and I slowly turned the knob. I was apprehensive. I didn't know what to expect to find there. The Room of Requirement is unique in that it tailors itself to the seekers need. I had only seen it as a space to hold the secret D. A. meetings, but I knew that Dobby had used it to hide Winky when she was sleeping off a bender, and Dumbledore had said it was filled with chamber pots when he had found it.
I surveyed the room. It was large and filled with objects stacked around haphazardly in piles towering up to the ceiling. In the center of the room off to the right a bit was a clearing, and in that clearing stood a tall cabinet. I stepped up to the cabinet, turned and waited. I checked the map again. Would he come tonight?
I was distracted for a moment by buzzing and whirring noises coming from the back of the room and didn't notice that someone else had entered the room. I turned to look back and there he was. Draco.
"How did you get in here?" he gasped.
"I've been waiting for you." I held up the Marauder's Map. "The Map never lies."
"There's something I needed to ask you," I continued, "and it seems that you've been avoiding me. I wanted - needed - to get you alone. So I waited here. And here you are." The words rushed out of my mouth, wanting to confess everything I'd been thinking up until then.
"What did you need then?" He arched one perfect eyebrow, a smug smile forming on his lips.
"Just to know if you feel this too..." I rushed at him stumbling a bit, and pressed myself flush against his body. I turned my head up and pressed my lips gently across the corner of his mouth. My body exploded with a tingly fiery sensation.
He took in a sharp breath, then relaxed and returned my kiss full force. The tip of his tongue swept across my bottom lip begging for entrance which I eagerly granted.
Even with my eyes tightly shut I could feel the magic of the room changing. The air shimmered around us and when I opened my eyes again, the room had evolved into a comfortable sitting room complete with a lit fireplace and a large bed centered against the far wall.
No words were spoken.
Draco turned me in his arms and peppered the back of my neck with feather light kisses trailing up to the shell of my ear where he nibbled gently on the lobe.
He ghosted his hands down the expanse of my chest and abs and tugged at the hem of my t-shirt, lifting it off and tossing it aside. He returned his hands to my shoulders and pushed me towards the bed. I stumbled forward and turned to sit against at the edge of the bed and watched as he removed his shirt and trousers, kicking off his shoes and letting each item fall to the floor. He stood before me clad only in a pair of green silk boxers. He moved forward then and tugged at my belt, undoing the buckle and removing it from the loops. It landed on the floor with a 'thunk'. He undid each button of my jeans and slid them over my slim hips, letting them pool around my ankles. He pushed me back against the comforter, lifted my legs and removed my trainers, socks and crumpled up jeans.
We scooted back into the middle of the bed, propped up against the plush pillows, where he nestled himself between my thighs and pressed his body full against mine. It was heaven.
My mind was whirling in a sea of confusion. I wanted this so badly, but what did it all mean? I've only ever liked girls before. I never thought I would fee this way about a boy. I figured I would be able to sort it out later, for now, I just wanted to feel.
Draco was here, in this room, and he wanted me.
I don't remember how long we spent exploring, touching and tasting each other, but it was late when I returned to the dorm in a haze of blissful oblivion.
In the weeks that followed I was more confused than ever. Draco was avoiding me like the plague. Each day that went by I was closer to losing my mind.
When he said that he wanted to help with the war effort this year, I believed him. But he made no contact with me other than the time we shared in the Room of Requirement, and I was the one who had initiated that encounter.
Did he really not feel for me the way I was beginning to feel for him? Is he just using me as a pawn in some crazy, fucked up game of his?
I found myself glaring at him across the Great Hall at breakfast one morning. Hermonie who sat beside me glanced over to see what I was so engrossed in looking at.
"What's going on with you and Malfoy?" She bumped my shoulder breaking me from my trance. "I see the way you look at him."
"There's nothing going on, Hermonie." I shook the wild thoughts from my head and collected my books. "Double Potions with Snape. We better not be late."
I got up from the table and continued making my way through the hall and down into the dungeons.
"What's got his knickers in a twist?" Ron whispered loudly to Hermonie following close behind.
"Malfoy," she mocked whispered back. Ron nodded in assent.
They didn't see me roll my eyes.
Later that evening we were gathered around the fire in the Common Room. Ron was sitting on the comfortable sofa with Hermonie on the floor, leaning back against it, Ron's legs surrounding her. They looked cozy.
"Have you noticed that there's something wrong with Malfoy," she hedged.
I didn't respond.
"He just seems tired, you know, withdrawn, lacking in enthusiasm. He didn't even flinch when Seamus's cauldron exploded again. That would have normally made the Slytherins excited to say the least." She sighed heavily.
"How am I supposed to know what he gets up to?" This conversation was hitting a little too close to how I was feeling.
I needed air.
I stood up and hustled my way up to the dorm, grabbed my Invisibility Cloak from the bottom of my trunk and high-tailed it out of there, not stopping until I reached the corridor on the seventh floor.
Draco would be here. I just knew it.
When I opened the door I was expecting to see the room we were in before: the one with the bed. I don't know why I wanted to see that room again. But then again I did.
However, I found myself back in the room piled high with all the broken and discarded objects. He wasn't here. I was staring once again at the large weird looking cabinet. I pulled the Invisibility Cloak off over my head to get a better look. There were strange markings on the outside and around the handle of the cabinet. I'd seen something like this somewhere before but I couldn't place where, exactly.
I heard commotion coming from the other side of the wall and pulled my Invisibility Cloak back over my head. When I did I dislodged one of Hedwig's snowy owl feathers from the bottom of my trunk into the air.
Malfoy stepped into the room and stood in front of the cabinet. He reached for the handle and when he did Hedwig's feather floated down and landed on the sleeve of his robes.
He lifted the feather to examine it.
"Harry," he breathed. My name was like a prayer on his lips.
I pulled the Invisibility Cloak off and stood before him.
The look of shock on his face turned to pure lust. He rushed to me and grasped my arms, crushing me to his body. The next moment we are back in the cozy, comfortable room, naked and falling onto the bed.
What is this magic?
We tumble together kissing, touching, tasting, and exploring as we had before. When I try to speak he shushes me with a finger to my lips then closes his mouth over mine again.
This is bliss.
All questions float out of my brain in that instant. All I can do is feel the want pouring from his body. He wants me. I lift myself up from the bed and stare down into those piercing grey eyes. They are completely mesmerizing. I am lost in a haze of lust, want and need. I look at the angel spread out beneath me. I want him.
I lean forward and place a gentle kiss on his forehead. Then continue down across his cheeks and nose, then down the long pale column of his neck and across his chest until I reach his rosy nipples. I pull one into my mouth sucking gently while rolling the other between my fingers. They both pebble at my touch.
I continue my tour across the expanse of pale flesh beneath my fingers, running my tongue along the muscles of his tight abs, dipping my tongue into his belly button and earning a twitch from the beautiful boy beneath me. I skim my nose along the line of pale blond hair leading from the base of his belly button to the thatch of hair coiling around his beautiful cock jutting out proudly before me. I take in the heady scent of him, more concentrated in this, his most private area.
I take a tentative swipe with my tongue at the fluid gathered at the tip. I've never done this before and I'm not sure of what I'm supposed to do here. It's salty and not entirely unpleasant. He responds by arching his hips up into my face.
Emboldened, I run the flat of my tongue up the underside of his cock from base to tip and circle it before I plunge my mouth down around the head.
He cries out and thrusts his hips again clutching at the sheets with his fists.
I must be doing this okay if this is his reaction.
I use my fist to grasp the base of his cock and slowly ease my mouth down his stiff shaft, taking in as much of him as I can before I gag. His skin is like velvet on my tongue sliding against the hardness beneath.
I breathe through my nose allowing my lips to press firmly against his flesh forming a vacuum of pressure. After only a few moments he begins to establish a steady rhythm of small thrusts up into my mouth. He groans and untangles one hand from the sheets and brings it to the back of my head guiding it gently and running his fingers through my hair.
I know this isn't going to last long. I can feel the tension building within my own body.
I sense his impending release as the gentle rocking motion he created ceases and his body stiffens. I groan and pull my mouth away just in time as his cock pulses and erupts, shooting thick globs of pearly white fluid over my hand and onto his chest.
I look up to find his silver-grey eyes boring a hole into mine. He's breathing is erratic. His cheeks and neck are flushed. His hair is mussed and he just looks so thoroughly debauched. It is the single most erotic thing I have ever witnessed.
"Fuuuuck," I groan softly.
He continues to gaze at me his eyes never leaving mine as he sits up and reaches out for my own cock now straining with need and leaking from the tip. He grasps it firmly in his hand and begins to tug in a rhythmic fashion, sweeping his thumb around the tip to spread the moisture there.
He picks up the pace and my breath comes out in short gasps. My senses are over loaded as my body is brought to new heights. My mind is racing with a combination of thoughts - of the pleasure I just brought to his body which he is now returning to mine.
It's too much.
My entire body tenses as my orgasm overtakes me. I shudder and throw my head back as waves of pleasure wash over me. Nothing this good was ever brought forth from my own hand.
I slump forward against him bringing us both back to the bed in a tangled heap of limbs. He places a gentle kiss on my shoulder and rolls me forward scooting up behind me and draping his arm over my waist. I'm suddenly exhausted and my eyelids are heavy with sleep. I feel him as he reaches for the sheet to cover us both, his nose running up the length of my arm, across my shoulder to my neck as he resumes his place behind me, and I drift off into a peaceful slumber.
I awaken sometime later, alone. I find my clothes in a neat pile at he foot of the bed. I dress quickly and make my way back to Gryffindor tower under my Invisibility Cloak. It's late or early rather, as I climb through the portrait hole and thankfully the Common Room is empty. Trudging up the steps to the dorm the only thought in my head is: What have I done?
"Yes!" Ron pumps his fist in the air. "Hogsmead this weekend," he shouts jubilantly.
We've just gotten back to the Common Room after dinner. Students are gathered around the notice on the pin board on bright orange paper announcing the next Hogsmead trip.
I'm exhausted and am in no mood for his overabundant enthusiasm.
We take our places gathered around the fire in the Common Room. Hermonie is snuggled into Ron's side. I'm sitting on the floor crossed legged facing them with my back to the fire.
"You're coming with us aren't you?" Hermonie asks out of the blue.
"I don't know, Hermonie," pointing to myself, "third wheel here."
"Oh, no you are not," she laughs. "You're always most welcome."
"Yeah, alright. I guess so." I don't really want the argument which I'm sure is about to follow if I don't agree. "Well I need to start on that Transfiguration essay. So if you don't mind, I'm going up."
It snowed a bit during the night, making the trip to Hogsmead slippery and cold. Ron and Hermonie are snuggled up close together as we trudge down the drive to the front gates. Feeling like the third wheel more than ever I can't help but envy their apparent happiness.
This is what I'd always wanted for myself, someone to share my time with; my hopes, dreams and aspirations. Yet here I was completely and utterly alone. I always thought that the person beside me would be a girl. It's what's been lambasted into our minds from day one, isn't it? To meet a girl, get married, have bunches of kids and live happily ever after. What a load of tripe.
These feelings for Draco that have been tumbling around in my mind for some time now are making me rethink everything. Could there be a future with him at my side? Would the outside world be accepting of us as a couple in a relationship? I was really beginning to wonder if it was indeed possible. He's given me no clue as to what his feelings are before, during or after our 'encounters'. I have no basis on which to decide how to proceed from here, if this is even something he has considered. I'm just a jumbled mess of confusion.
We reach the Three Broomsticks and thankfully it's warm and comfortable inside. We find an empty table and move towards it through the crowded room. I turn to take off my coat and look up. There's Malfoy walking towards us as if to approach our table.
My body stiffens. What would I say to him here in public? Ron and Hermonie have no clue as to what's been happening between us in the Room of Requirement.
The look of shock on my face must have warded him off, as he looks as stunned at seeing me here as I do of him. He stops walking and abruptly turns and heads out the door without so much as another glace. I'm hurt. I crumple into my seat as a look of concern passes over Hermione's face.
"What is it with you two?" She lowers her voice and nods her head to the empty space at the door - the door through which Malfoy has just made a hasty retreat.
"I don't know what you're talking about, Hermonie," my voice is suddenly dry and raspy.
"You look like you wanted to murder each other. I know you two never really got on before, but this is just getting ridiculous."
"Yeah, mate," Ron adds, "I've never seen you this pissed with ole' Ferret Face before? What's he gone and done now?"
"Nothing," I rub my face with my hands and look up to the ceiling. I bring my head back down to the table and rest my chin on my fists stacked upon each other. "That's just it. I know he's up to something, but I can't figure out what it is."
"He's hiding something in the Room of Requirement," I press on. It feels good to talk about the one thing I can speak aloud about Malfoy. "I've seen him disappear from the Map when he's on the seventh floor. That could be the only place he can go to up there."
"What do you think it could be?" Ron asks, his interest in a scheme of Malfoy's peaking.
"I haven't got a clue," I reply honestly.
I honestly don't have a clue as to what he's hiding in the Room of Requirement because every time I do go up there to investigate it turns into something completely different. Satisfying yes, but not at all what I was expecting.
The tension I've been feeling has reached a boiling point. I cannot for the life of me figure out what it is that Malfoy is playing at.
He hasn't shown any interest in me other than the moments we shared in the seclusion of the Room of Requirement. Is this all just something that I'm building up in my own head? Is this even something I even want to consider? Do I really fancy Draco as more than just a whim and eventually every thing will go back the way it was and I'll like girls again? I don't think I'm gay. I never really thought about it much before. I've never considered shagging other blokes like Neville or Seamus or Dean. But the thought of being intimate with Draco sends my senses whirling to the point of madness. It's times like these that I really miss Sirius. I could really use someone like him to talk to. I know he wouldn't judge.
I corner Hermonie, alone for a change, in the Common Room and drag her off to a quiet corner. I don't know what I'm going to say to her or how I'm going to approach the topic, but I trust her beyond question. She's the only one here that I can turn to, to help me sort out these feelings.
In a hushed voice with our heads together, I confessed everything I'd been feeling towards Draco up until now, leaving out the more colourful bits, those thoughts are too private to say aloud. It felt like a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
"Well, I can certainly see why you've been so confused lately," Hermione nodded sagely. "Have you given much thought to how you feel about girls now?"
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. "I told you. I've only ever kissed one girl before all this…stuff," I waved my hand in the air, "happened."
"Then I think maybe you need to try it again to see how you really feel."
"You really think that would work?" I asked skeptically.
"It doesn't hurt to try," she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth.
"Right. Do you think Cho would still be willing?" I was beginning to rethink this whole endeavor.
"Don't worry. We'll be right there for you," she patted my knee gently.
The next morning the Great Hall was slowly filling up with students around me for breakfast but I took little notice of them. Hermonie and Ron were sitting across from me looking fondly at each other. Ron nicked a couple of sausages off her plate and Hermonie squealed slapping his arm in protest, but not really minding.
After our talk last night I figured there was no time like the present to get this done and over with. I had had feelings for Cho in the past. There was only one way to settle this in my view. If I kissed Cho and felt any kind of feelings towards her I would chalk up what ever this was with Malfoy as a fluke. But if there was nothing there, no spark like I had felt with Draco that first time, I was going to confront him.
I scanned the Great Hall. Draco was nowhere to be found. What if I kissed Cho and felt nothing, and I went to confront Draco and he didn't care for me? What if this had all been a cruel joke?
I saw Cho standing with a group of her friends at the top of the Ravenclaw table. There was nothing for it now. It was now or never. I slammed my book shut and rose from the table and made my way over to her. I tapped her gently on the shoulder and she turned to look at me.
Without hesitation I leaned down and pressed my lips against hers. They were warm and soft and after a moment they moved gently with mine. I waited.
I felt nothing. I pressed into her deepening the kiss. Still nothing.
There was no spark, no fire in my belly, no sensation of taking off like a bird in flight soaring to new heights like the way I felt when I kissed Draco.
I broke the kiss.
"What was that for Harry?" Cho giggled.
"Nothing. Just…" Cho's eyes widened as she spotted something over my shoulder.
I turned to look and Draco was standing awkwardly at the entrance to the Great Hall with a look of pain on his face so devastating I though my heart would burst into millions of tiny pieces. It felt like time had stopped. I was floored for a moment, caught in an inescapable web of confusion. He turned and fled.
It took a second that felt like ages for me to realize exactly what I had been feeling; that my feelings for Malfoy were indeed genuine. I had to go after him. I had to tell him so badly what I learned. That it was him; that it would always be him.
My feet felt like lead as I turned to go after him. I fought through the throngs of students making their way into the Great Hall. I pushed past them with only one thought in my head: Don't walk away, please don't walk away. I'm yours – all yours.
I caught up with him in the bathroom on the second floor. He was crying. My heart felt heavy with the devastation before my eyes. For the first time in who knows how long, I looked at him – really looked at him. He looked tired with dark circles under his eyes, his creamy pale skin ashy, and his lithe body thinner than usual. I tried to put that aside as I confronted him. I wanted to reveal the epiphany I had just had about him.
He stood before me agitated by my very presence.
"Draco, I…" I began.
"Don't call me that. You don't get to call me that," he spat, venomously.
"Look, what you saw just now wasn't what you thought it was," I pleaded.
"You don't get to tell me what I can and cannot believe, Potter. I just saw you with her with my own eyes." His shoulders slumped in defeat. It seemed the weariness of the world was upon him.
He was taking this all wrong. How was I going to explain to him what was in my heart if he wouldn't listen?
"Would you just listen to me for a moment, please?" I beseeched. "Yes, I kissed Cho, but only to figure out …"
"I don't care what you've figured out, Potter. I took what I could get. I knew you would never be able to feel the same way. You were just using me to get your kicks. Now, will you please just leave me be."
He turned, defeated, his body still wracked with sobs.
"You're wrong," I hissed and slunk out of the room.
I was giddy with excitement and Malfoy's don't do giddy.
The Vanishing Cabinet that I had been working on for what seemed like forever was finally fixed.
I had been sworn to secrecy. Professor Snape had come to me with a plan after I implored him to allow me to help in the war against the Dark Lord.
"You are aware of the Vanishing Cabinet in Borgin and Burke's in Knockturn Alley, are you not, Mr. Malfoy?" Snape had asked me whilst sitting in a private room at the Leaky Cauldron.
"Indeed, I've seen it once before when I went there with my Father second year." I confirmed.
"There is another, a twin. Its sister resides at Hogwarts and together they form a passage. If you could fix the broken cabinet I could guarantee your safety from involvement with the Dark Lord."
I couldn't believe my ears. I would be able to keep my promise to Harry and help him defeat Lord Voldemort.
"When you have completed your task, the cabinet will deliver some of the Dark Lords most valuable accomplices into hands of the Order of the Phoenix. He will be vulnerable once more.
"Your silence in this matter is crucial. You must not speak of it to anyone, lest the Dark Lord find out about your plan. You must make the Unbreakable Vow."
"I will do anything if it means helping Harry." I assured him.
I didn't know how hard it would be to keep that vow. It took every ounce of courage I had not to go directly to Harry and tell him everything.
The feelings I've had for Harry have been long in the making. I was drawn to him, like a magnet to metal, even as a child when we had first met in Madame Malkin's so long ago. But he refused my friendship. So I did the only thing I could do when faced with adversity. I turned it back on him, making him the butt of all my jokes; making him as miserable on the outside as I felt on the inside. It was cruel, I know it. But it was the only way to squelch my displaced emotions.
After my father died, I couldn't resist the pull any longer.
I went to him, sought him out. I wanted to be near him. So I asked him to meet me on neutral ground.
He was marvelous; tongue tied and twisted with a hint of longing and desire. I didn't even know if he swung that way, but I wanted to make him mine.
His emerald green eyes engraved his name upon my soul. I was well and truly fucked.
When I found him waiting for me in the Room of Hidden Things I didn't know what to think. But he was there and he showed me that he wanted me too. That room is truly magical. I don't even know how it turned from the room filled with broken objects to my bedroom at the Manor. But it was every single one of my fantasies realized in that instant: to have Harry Potter in my bed.
The second time we met there, I swear, if I had not been sworn to secrecy I would have told him everything. It was all I could do not to be swept up in the tide of emotions flowing between us. I would have died a thousand deaths to feel his lips upon mine. The things that boy could do with his mouth….
And then he had to go and kiss that bint Cho. Merlin, what was I thinking? I should have known he was using me for some adolescent experimentation. I put my heart out there on the line only to have it squashed ever so cruelly by the one person who could do me the most damage. I trusted him with my heart and he gave it up so willingly.
But I had a mission to accomplish. I had to get the Death Eaters into the castle and lead them to the awaiting members of the Order of the Phoenix.
I could do this. No, I needed to do this to restore honor to my family's name.
I waited patently for the cabinet doors to open. The Death Eaters made their way into the castle and I led them into the hands of the Order.
It was done.
Professor Snape made sure to Oblivate them leaving me free of any involvement. They would be at the mercy of Dumbledore and the Order now.
A sense of accomplishment washed over me as I made my way back to the Hospital Wing, my cover for my whereabouts this evening, and my thoughts turned once again to Harry. He had tried to tell me something that day in the lavatory, but I was having none of it.
"Yes, I kissed Cho, but only to figure out …"
His words rang in my ears. Only to figure out what - that he didn't want me; that he was just playing me for a fool?
It didn't help. I was still enamored of him. I still wanted him with every fiber of my being.
In another weeks time we would be going home and everything would return to normal. Normal - I didn't even know what that was anymore.
The train pulled into the station and the rest of the students disembarked. I stayed behind. I had felt a tingly sensation earlier, a sensation I had come to equate with being around Harry. When he was near me my body thrummed with his presence. He was here, he must be. Probably hiding under his damn Invisibility Cloak, curse that wretched thing.
I got up and closed the shades. When I turned around there he was standing before me. My heart soared. I needed to tamp that down.
"You didn't let me finish," he rushed into speaking without the common courtesy of greeting.
"You wouldn't hear me out. And you must hear me, Draco, when I said that what you saw wasn't what you thought it was."
"And what makes you think I'll listen to you now, Potter?" I sneered.
"You've got to listen, you've got to understand. I wasn't mistaken, I can't have been. I know you can feel it too."
He lowered his eyes and looked positively forlorn.
"Go on." It was taking me everything not to just run to him and hold him in my arms.
"I know we haven't always been the best of friends. Some would say worst enemies, really when it comes down to it. But there's something about you that changed for me.
And it made me rethink everything."
He pierced me with those emerald green orbs so filled with emotion I thought I might perish from the force of it.
"I love you, Draco. I love you and there's nothing I can do about it."
I hissed in a breath. He was confessing his love for me. It was everything I ever wanted and didn't know I needed all wrapped up in one famously shabby and brave and good boy – Harry. Just Harry. He was all I ever wanted.
"I've told Ron and Hermonie," he babbled, "they know everything. I've wanted to tell you for so long…"
I silenced him with a searing kiss. When we came up for air I took his face in my hands, and staring deeply into his eyes I poured all my emotions into him.
"I love you, too."