I don't own Jacob or Bella or Twilight.
This takes place in New Moon after Bella jumped off the cliff and Jake brings her home. They start out in her truck talking. This is how I would have wanted things to go :) First story ever! Review?
"You can't keep blaming yourself for everything, Bella. He hurt you. His whole family tore you apart and left you. Why do you blame yourself for that?"
"I don't blame myself." I said mechanically.
"Bella, I can see that you do. I just don't know why."
"Jacob..." I didn't want to do this now.
"How could he do that to you…? I don't understand. And you miss him! You love him. Still. After everything he put you through. Just give yourself a chance to breathe again. Give your life a chance now that he's gone." His eyes were angry and his forehead was creased.
"Even if I could love you, Jacob, I'm still…broken. If I loved you, how could I let you be with me if you only get to have a part of me?"
"I'd take you just as you are. I could put you back together. I've already started to." He pleaded.
He was right. "But I should be fair to you."
"Bella, you and I both know life is never fair." He said in bitterness. "You think I don't wish I could give you better than what I am, too?"
I hated when he was upset. "Jake, you're perfect."
His eyes turned hard and he slapped the steering wheel with his palm. "If I was perfect you would want me."
"I can't say anymore that I don't."
He looked down at me, his big brown eyes scrutinizing my face. He skin of his cheeks and jaw bone blended perfectly into his neck and shoulders. His arm wrapped around me put warm pressure on my back and I felt safe. He closed his eyes.
"Tell me if there's a chance. I know you don't feel the same way I do about you now. I know that. But later… could you?"
I knew I couldn't ever be to him what I was, or what I thought I was, to…Edward. But I could see myself trying. If Jacob is the only person who can hold me together, how could I not be near him and ever breathe on my own again? But it was unfair to him.
"I don't care what you think is fair." He said, reading my mind. "Bella," he breathed.
I was so exhausted. My throat still burned from the salt water as I took a deep breath. My eyelids started to fall.
He stroked the side of my face, sighing. "You must be exhausted. We can talk later, after you've slept." I nodded. Jacob knew everything. "I'll bring you inside."
He walked over to my side of the cab and helped me down. I felt him eyeing me, gauging me to see if I could walk myself inside, and decided it would probably be safer for me if he just carried me. I was clumsy enough without the impending exhaustion.
Charlie wasn't home when Jacob brought me in. He sat me down in a kitchen chair and started to flip on the lights.
"I can stay here until Charlie gets home..."
"It's okay, Jacob. You don't have to stay. Everyone at the reservation needs you. Leah and Seth…" I sighed.
"I really don't want to leave you like this. I probably should've taken you to the hospital…," he muttered. "Why don't you go get ready for bed and I'll call and see if Charlie is coming home any time soon."
I nodded and got up to make my way slowly to the stairs. Every part of my body ached inside and out. I walked into my bathroom and started to slide of my heavy, wet jeans. They were caked in sand and gravel and I tried to fold them up in a way that kept all the dirt from getting on the floor. My shirt was damp and dirty, too, and I saw the arm of the sleeve had ripped, probably from the rocks I hit underwater.
Half-naked, I looked in the mirror. I hadn't looked this rough in a while. I couldn't remember what I had looked like in the months immediately following my abandonment, but there were a few instances when Charlie suggested awkwardly that I brush out my hair or wash up. I looked absurdly messy now – my hair a tangled mess strewn with dirt, grime and salt, and for a moment I felt embarrassed at having Jake see me this shape. I had to remind myself that he'd seen me looking, and feeling, much worse.
It was obvious Jacob had decided to stay- I could hear voices floating up from the TV and someone rummaging around in the kitchen. Charlie must not be close to coming home or Jake would have left already. I figured the TV and food would keep him occupied long enough for me to take a shower.
I took my time letting the warm water heat my skin and steam soothe my throat. The water droplets slid over my forehead and eyelids, across my shoulders and down to the backs of my knees and it felt nice. I towel dried my hair and combed it out, putting on a sweatshirt and yoga pants for bed.
There was a startling knock on my bathroom door and I jumped. "Bella?" Jake's deep voice sounded. "Are you okay?"
"You can come in."
I heard his hand grab the doorknob but he hesitated. "Um, are you sure?"
I smiled a little. "Yeah, Jake, it's fine, I'm dressed."
He opened the door and leaned up against the door frame with his arms crossed while I rung out a little bit more of the water left in my hair.
Looking at me, he crossed his arms across his chest. "You were taking a long time so I came up to check to see you hadn't fallen asleep in the shower."
I smiled again. "What would you have done if I had?"
He cleared his throat and shifted his weight. "Your dad isn't coming home for a long time, and I really don't feel comfortable leaving you…"
"If you think it would be okay with Billy, you can stay. I don't have another bed for you, though..."
"Don't worry about a bed; I'll sleep on the couch." He suggested.
"If you're sure," I said, doubtful.
"Positive." He replied, nodding.
I put the towel down and yawned. "This isn't going to be much of a fun sleepover. I'm already half asleep."
"That's okay, Bells. I'm wiped. It's been a long day for me, too." He did look tired, still, even after his short nap back at his house. His eyes were rimmed in red and the shadows under his eyes were pronounced. Poor Jacob, he really got worked hard.
I yawned again and swayed a little where I stood. Definitely needed to crash. Now.
"I guess I'll let you go to sleep now, then. Can you make it to your bed?"
I nodded weakly and started moving, slowly, to my room. Slipping through water on the bathroom floor, my feet flew out from under me as they so often did and I almost hit the ground hard. Or, I would have, had Jacob not caught and steadied me. My face had hit against his chest as I fell, and while it was undoubtedly softer than the floor, it didn't feel particularly great. His arms were wrapped around me now, though, and that did feel good.
"Sorry," I mumbled, my voice muffled by his chest.
Jake chuckled. "I was going to ask for a goodnight hug, anyway..." Confident I wouldn't fall if he loosened his grip on me, he put one hand on the small of my back and one calloused hand on the back of my head. He leaned down to rest his face against my hair and I could feel his soft breath warm the places he touched. The fingers of the hand on my back moved ever so slightly. For once I didn't protest his affection; I was too tired.
"Bella… I care about you," he breathed.
"I know," I sighed. I didn't want him to push it now. All I wanted was sleep.
"Good. I hope you sleep well. I'll be downstairs on the couch if you need me." He let go of me and started to turn.
"Good night, Jacob."
"Good night, Bells."
Thanks for reading :) More to come - chapter 2 almost done!