Hello Degrassi fans I'm just trying to get some unwelcome feelings off my chest I hope you guys like this one-shot

DISCLAMIER~ I don't own nor will I ever own Degrassi = (



"1, 2, 4,9,21 ready or not here I come!" Clare yelled as she ran around as fast as her four year old feet would take her trying to find her father.

"I'm going to find you" see looked around giggling. She saw his feet sticking out from under the table she jumped on the feet.

"Caught ya!" she giggled

"Drats!" her father said snapping his fingers he got out from under the table and lifted her up in the air and throwing her on to the couch to tickle her to death.

"NO…DADDY…DADDY...STOP!" She shouted in-between laughter.

"What's this?" her mother walked in smiling.

"Mommy tell daddy not to tickle me" she crossed her arms fake pouting.

"Randall don't tickle Clare"

"Thank you mommy"

"No he won't tickle you again… I will!" with that she jumped at Clare tickling her

"MOMMY!" Clare laughed her mom and dad got up and so did Clare

"I'm going to get you" Clare said with her arms stretched out with her fingers wiggling.

"Oh no" her mom and dad fake scared faces and ran while Clare giggled as she chased them.


Clare was pulled out of thought as she hear a loud crash she went to the stairs to investigate she looked down and saw the china bowl her parent received on their wedding day shattered her mother and father were frantically trying to pick it up

"Helen… I'm so sorry"

"I've been hearing that a lot lately haven't i?" her mother asked harshly

"Helen come on its just china I can replace it"

"Just get away from me" he mother whispered loudly.

"Look… would you stop your going to cut yourself"

"Stop it I'm, I'm fine" just then her mothers finger began to bleed.

"Would you look, oh come here" her dad rushed in the kitchen to get the first aid kit

He rushed back in tending to the wound I actually thought they were getting along… silly me.

"See good as new"

"Nothing is good! Why don't you understand that there is a problem?"

"Why do we have to get into this again?"

"Randal ignoring it isn't going to make it go away"

"What do you want from me?"

"Love! That's all I've ever wanted was love but you can't give that to me anymore can you? You're always at work I'm lucky if I see you once a day I miss you we never talk or go out anymore."

" I'm sorry the world doesn't revolve around you I'm sorry I'm trying to keep a roof over our head and food on our table Clare is getting older college tuition doesn't grow on trees you know"

"fine" her mother said monotone. I ran back to my room to get away watching their love die out wasn't on my agenda for the day how could this be happening they were so in love did that just disappear how can you just wake up one day and realize you don't love the mother/father of you kids your wife/husband they have been my inspiration for love the only hope and proof I had to prove that love exist now what?


I ran in the house past my parents and straight to my room to continue crying, when I heard a soft knock at the door I ignored it and continued to cry the door opened and soon came almost silent footsteps my father plopped down next to me and wrapped his arms around me and in that instance I felt safe. I cried more and more.

"Are you going to tell me who I have to beat for hurting you or are you going to make me guess?" he asked I tried to smile through the tears he wiped them away.

"What happened Clare?"


"Then why are you crying? Don't lie to me, you know you can tell me anything we are best friends remember" my dad was my best friend he was there for me my rock.

"I'm, I'm not pretty" I sobbed

"Who told you that lie?"

"Mason Gohl"

"Mason lied sweetheart you are the most prettiest girl in the world"

"No I'm not"

"Why not?"

"Look" she smiled and he saw why she was so upset her two front teeth were gone he chuckled she sobbed again

"I told you!"

"No, no, no honey you're beautiful your baby teeth are gone but soon you will have new teeth come in"

"Really so I will get my teeth back?" she asked excitedly

"Yes grown up ones"

"I'll grow up?"

"No sweetie just your teeth" he chuckled, and pulled her into a tight bear hug.

"I love you daddy"

"I love you to Clare bear"

"I love you always and forever and don't you forget it, my beautiful girl"


I was interrupted of my thought by a similar knock to the one from my memories.

"Clare sweetheart we need to talk. May I come in?" my father asked I simply nodded.

"Listen honey you know I love you more than anything"

"I know daddy I love you more than anything as well"

"Clare I have to leave for a while" I remained silent trying to let it sink in but it wouldn't.

"Me and your mother aren't getting along well anymore this has been coming for a long time we can't deny it anymore hiding from it just isn't health" I stay quiet I couldn't find my voice.

"do you understand? I love you so much honey"

"I understand if you and mom don't love each other you can't just pretend"

"Exactly thank you sweetie for understanding were I'm coming from"

"Well now that that's settled when do we leave?" I asked while grabbing my suit case I love my mom but she would understand I need my dad and he needs me"


"well yeah I am coming of course" I said in a duh tone he had to have known I would want to come

"Clare listen you have to stay you can't just leave your mother" he said while pulling my suit case away


"Honey I'm not leaving you I'm leaving your mother I will always have you in my heart your mother needs you"

"I need you!"

"I'll write you and call you everyday"


"Just go to sleep Clare bear we will talk about this in the morning"


As soon as he left the room I started packing I was going to go with him I knew he wouldn't be able to leave me.


I woke up earlier than usual I had to sneak my suit case into the car so even dad couldn't stop me. I went out to the hall and saw a light on who is up at this hour? I wondered I looked down to see my father with his suit case about to go out the door I went after him with mine he put the suit case into the car with the rest. I ran out with mine

"Wait for me!"

"Clare! What are you doing we talked about this you can't come" I laughed

"I'm coming mom will be fine I put my suit case in the car he pulled it out and handed to me.

"I'm sorry he whispered before he jumped in the car i tried to do the same but he locked the doors I dropped the suit case and started to pound on the door

"NO DADDY! PLEASE I'M COMING YOU NEED ME, YOU NEED ME" He started to drive I tried to run after the car but I couldn't keep up soon the red break lights disappeared into the trees.

[A/N to picture what I mean it's like the Kelly Clarkson video because of you just a little different oh yea and at the time Clare is twelve.]

I collapsed in the front yard crying my eyes out.


When my dad first left I received letters every day but as time went on the letters became shorter and stop coming everyday to every other day to once a week until they just completely stopped.

I walked home and unlocked the front door the house was the same as when I left not that I expected any different mom usually didn't get up and when she did she wasn't happy to be honest I liked it better when she started in bed I blamed her for my dad leaving.


"Upstairs!" shocker

"What do you want for dinner?"

"I don't care"

"Mother you have to eat"

"I'm just not hungry"


"Are you sure I could make your favorite shepherds pie"

"I'm a grown women don't talk to me like a child"

"Then don't act like on"

"Excuse me young lady I am your mother"

"Could have fooled me"

"What is wrong with you little missy"

"I miss my dad who do I have to thank for that"

"It's not my fault your father abandoned us to make a new family with a younger woman"

"That's not what happened" I said through clenched teeth

"He left you not me he said so" she scoffed

"And you believed him tell me Clare did you get any mail today?" I stayed silent

"That's what I thought"

I went to walk out but she stopped me

"I'm sorry Clare, come here"

She pulled me into a hug and I didn't fight it I missed her hugs

"Mom I love you"

"Love you to I'm so sorry things are the way they are"

"I'm going to go to bed now" her mother stared to climb into bed

"I wish you would get up and try to be happy"

"I wish I could Clare"

"I love you"

"I love you too"


I crawled out of bed to make breakfast to surprise my mom maybe I could get her in a better mood

"Mom" no answers "Mom!" nothing I jiggled the knob it was locked I went to my room and got a bobby pin I picked the lock my mom was still asleep I jumped on the bed beside her and gently shook her she wouldn't wake up I started to shake her more harshly nothing I pulled the blanket off and heard something hit the floor I look down to see a little orange pill bottle oh no! I thought as I picked it up to read the label they were antidepressants I didn't even know she took these.

I picked her up by the shoulders and her head fell back I checked her pulse … nothing I started to sob I ran down stairs for the phone calling 911.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"My mother I think she committed suicide she took pills I don't know how many but she won't wake up" I sobbed harder.

"Please stay calm what's the address?"

"2648 Rosa parks"

"Ok stay calm we are sending a unit"

"thank you" I said before I hung up


I was still waiting in the waiting room with my grandma when I got to the hospital I called her she rushed right over.

A doctor in a white coat came out

"hello are you the Edwards?"

"yes how is she" my grandmother asked

"I'm doctor sugar and I'm sorry she took too many we pumped her stomach but I'm afraid we were too late… your daughter didn't make it"

I collapsed to the floor sobbing this can't be it just can't my grandma cried to the doctor brang us tissues and told us to take our time we just couldn't bring ourselves to leave…without her.


Things have gotten a little easier but I miss my parents don't get me wrong I love my grandma but it's not the same. We have a schedule 6 am wake up, eat breakfast, go to school, come home, do homework, talk to Alli home by 5 watch wrestling at 6pm 7:30 bed

[A/N that's so my grandma bingo and wrestling is her life she so predictable like she says "it ain't broke don't go tinkering with it" ha-ha love you grams xoxo]

I wanted to find my dad I went to my room and found one of my old letters shoved it into my bag I put my uniform on as if I was going to school even though I knew better.

I walked toward school once my grandma's house was out of sight I turned in a different direction I got on a bus and went to the other side of town was were the address was to

I walked down the street and saw the address that had been written on the envelope I saw little kids playing I got worried I thought maybe h moved away now how will I find him maybe if I ask these new home owners they can give me a forwarding address right when I was about to cross the street I saw two figures come out of the house

I jumped into a bush so I could watch without them seeing it was some blonde lady and… my dad?

"Daddy!" I heard the two little one call daddy what?

"ahhh!" yelled her dad or their dad as the two little girls jumped on him

Wait how is this possible that girl must be at least five… that cheating bastard! Tears were streaming down her face her mother was right he wanted to leave me not to spare my mother but so he could get back to his family.

She got up dusted her self off and crossed the street she saw the shock all over her fathers face

"Hi dad! What's wrong you look like you just saw a ghost"

"Excuse me little girl who are you" what? He's pretending not to know me that hurt her heart

"Daddy you don't remember me Clare bear you baby girl"

"Honey what she is talking about?" oh my, she has no idea the fake that she is married to.

"I think she has me confused with someone else"

"Oh I do then how would I know you're allergic to tomatoes you hate spinach and you have two strawberry birth marks on your fore arm oh yeah and the tattoo on your ankle."

"How does she know this?"

"Hello, I'm Clare Edwards I know because I'm not his daughter"

"Oh my god! You bastard!"

"Let me explain it-"

"I don't want to hear it I want you out of my house and out of our lives go back to your ex I'm sure she-"

"is dead" I cut in they both looked at me shocked "yup suicide thanks daddy"

"Clare you can't blame me I-"

I can and I will she was happy before you left or before you cheated tell me daddy was it worth it the tears welling up in my eyes I turned to run away and did even care where I was going I heard him yell "CLARE! WATCH OUT" I turned to see big bright lights coming towards me I wanted to run to be with my grandma safe in bed but my feet wouldn't move.

I felt a sharp pain punch my whole body up to the air and felt the impact of being tossed back down that was the last thing I felt… the last thing I would ever feel I remember hearing my dad scream what I have done. I felt good It had been a long time since I felt anything other than anger and grief but now I felt light I saw a bright light and I could hear my mother calling my I walked straight into the doors to my future without a glance back. I wasn't daddy's little girl anymore.

A/N Sorry if it was bad it was pretty hard to write b/c my dad passed away when I was younger and I can remember him and my mom separating and him telling me I'm not leaving you I'm leaving her I thought it was bull but they worked it out before he passed oh yeah I forgot about Darcy hey she isn't even on the damn show anymore ha-ha =P