Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass or its characters. I do however own this inane concept.
" Welcome Unsolved Case Files. Our first case involves a missing emperor. What really happened to Emperor Charles. Did he really get eaten by a shark while deep sea diving or was it something more sinister? He was last seen in the company of this guy, Kaname Ohgi."
A picture of Charles and Ohgi getting ready for the deep sea dive is shown.
"Who had a reason to get rid of the emperor? What this guy? A homicidal brother seeking world domination."
A picture of VV picking flowers while drinking Dr. Pepper with Rolo is shown.
"Could it be this guy. A homicidal son with a sister complex seeking world domination?"
A picture of Lelouch in ecstasy receiving felatio from Shirley who is under the desk.
"Or this woman. A homicidal, sexual repressed daughter with a sister complex."
A picture of Cornelia covered in blood after putting down a rebellion. Rivalz is in the background carrying her luggage which happens to have a suggestive picture of Euphie on it."
"Even this guy, and closeted homosexual son seeking world domination."
A picture of Schniezel in bed with Kannon who is wearing a wig.
"Damn the emperor had some real family issues. Maybe some therapy would have solved the whole thing. Oh we have some more suspects. It could have been these three. Although seemingly naïve, these three are more than they appear."
A picture of Suzaku, Euphie, and Nunnally swimming at the newly opened Milly World
"Really I don't think those guys didn't it. I mean it could have been anyone. A jilted lover, this Jeremiah guy. Isn't Lady Marianne back? It could have been the cameraman Jinta, or the guy who does my taxes. Really we could spend a whole week on people who wanted Emperor Charles dead. Hell we could spend a year thinking up crazy scenarios."
That is exactly what they do.
Schniezel and Nina are floating around in emptiness. They have no idea where they are or how long they have been there. They see others float by and some sort of roller coaster thing, but nobody stops to help them out. Suddenly they see someone walking towards them. Whoever it is, is wearing scraggily clothes and smells like they haven't bathed in months.
"My goodness Kannon, is that you?' Schniezel covers his nose, "When was the last time you bathed."
Kannon looks down at his clothes. He looks up at Schniezel and blinks several times
"Your highness, it is you. They have been toying with my emotions for several months now. I have been looking for you ever since you disappeared."
Schniezel covers his nose even tighter as Kannon gets closer.
"Yes but when was the last time you bathed."
Kannon sniffs his clothes and his face turns green.
"I bathed this morning, but it's a pain to get in here since no one wants to help me."
"Where are we?"
Kannon clears his throat.
"We are inside the Schniezinator roller coaster. This particular course is called the Einstein. They named it in honor of you two."
"But what is this place Kannon?"
"Oh that. We are in Milly World on the site of the former Ashford Academy. Well the school is still here. It has just been moved a little to the side to make room for the amusement park. This is the exact spot where Lelouch got married to Milly."
Nina just stands there in silence. Schniezel considers Kannon's comments.
"What is happening outside Kannon? Did Lelouch become emperor? What happened to father?"
Nina also has questions, "What happened to Princes Euphemia? Did Lelouch become emperor and give Milly unlimited power?"
At this comment Kannon begins to cry. After regaining his composure Kannon begins to tell them about the outside world as he calls it. He has been living in the amusement park waiting for Schniezel for several months. They just take the money from Schniezel's bank account.
"The emperor was eaten by a shark will deep sea diving off the coast of Hawaii. Prince Odysseus and Princess Guinevere are witnesses. They were too shocked to continue so Lelouch took the throne with the help of Cornelia and some little blonde kid. Cornelia married that Rivalz guy and continued as commanding general. They have eight children with another on the way. Suzaku married Princesses Euphemia and Nunnally because Lelouch decided if Suzaku was going to have sex with one of his sisters, he might as well have them both. They have four children."
Schniezel begins to shake Kannon.
"What about the Knights of the Round? Surely Bismarck wouldn't stand for this. Hell even Karine would do something."
Kannon shakes his head.
"The Knights of the Round got their own cartoon series. Bismarck is Lelouch's main advisor. He says it reminds him of the old days with your father. He has his own cooking show on the Zero Network. Karine went on Zero's talk show and confessed that her anger is because you sexually molested her as a child."
Schniezel falls to the ground.
"What about Lelouch?"
"Well after becoming emperor. He made many reforms. Within months he took over the Chinese Federation and EU. The whole world lives under the rule of Emperor Lelouch. He ended up marrying several other woman," Kannon is in deep thought, "Let me see. Kaguya Sumeragi, Cecile Croomy, Anya Alstriem Tianzi the Chinese Empress, Villetta Nu, Nagisa Chiba, Rakshata Chawla, Ayame Futaba, Alice Liddell, and that blonde girl from your favorite TV show. He even married Nina posthumously."
Schniezel is in shock.
"He married the blonde girl. The one whose fan club I started. Remember I was going to ask her out as soon as we got back to Britannia."
Kannon nods, "Yes my lord, I remember. After you disappeared she found solace in Lelouch."
Schniezel straightens himself out.
"How long have we been gone Kannon."
"About ten years."
"I see. Well now things will be set in order. Since we have not aged, Lelouch is about as old as I am. Cornelia and the others even older. I trust that you have maintained my bank accounts. We will begin to contact a few people that I am sure are still hanging around. With the help of young Miss Einstein here, I will be back on top in a matter of months."
Kannon is looking around trying to avoid Schniezel's gaze. He sees Nina climbing onto the roller coaster track.
"Oh that fool. She's going to get…"
Suddenly Nina slips and gets stuck in the track as a car comes flying down at her.
Both Schniezel and Kannon cringe. Schniezel waves that away.
"Well that is a loss but not a great one. I will just have to hire some new help."
Schniezel begins to look for a way out before Kannon can explain that he wasted all of Schniezel's money while living in Milly World waiting for Schniezel to reappear. Kannon helps Schniezel out. Once Schniezel walks out the door, he begins to adjust his clothes. He will have to wait for Kannon to come out. Schniezel notices that people are pointing at him.
"My people, I have returned to lead you to glory."
Suddenly there are gasps. Schniezel assumes that Kannon is behind him because he can smell him. He turns around and begins to push Kannon back into the room.
"Hey you pervert! Leave that guy alone."
"Ya, it's bad enough that you ruined Princess Karine's life. It has taken her ten years to get her life back together."
Schniezel looks at the people with a horrified look. Up on a screen he sees Karine singing at a concert. She looks very mature. Then Nunnally comes out, and they hug.
"Just what are you doing here perv? Are you looking for your next victim or are you doing grown men now?"
Before Schniezel can explain himself, they begin to throw garbage at him. A few minutes later Milly World security turn him over to the police. Eventually Kannon comes over to see him.
"Kannon, why haven't you bailed me out yet. The only charge is disturbing the public peace."
Kannon is looking down at the floor.
"Well you see your highness. I spent all your money living at Milly World waiting for you to return. After Lloyd and Cecile discovered what Nina did, they began making calculations to figure out where you went. The thing is that after Cecile married Lelouch, she no longer wanted to help. Lloyd would only do it for money. He only told me that you would return to the exact spot that you landed in. After a few years of waiting and haggling with Lloyd, he finally told me the exact time and date of your return. Well that day I got held up because of my shift at Black Knight Burgers. You see since I spent all your money. I had to get a job inside the amusement park that way they wouldn't charge me an entrance fee every day."
Schniezel does not appear amused at all of this.
"So who has my money?"
"Damn that is one fine woman," one of the other prisoners proclaims.
The other prisoners are watching Milly ash Britannia's Big Giveaway, a show where Milly gives money away to contestants after they do crazy stunts. Kannon points at the television, and Schniezel begins to cry.
"Don't worry, your highness, I have a plan to make some more money."
A few nights later Schniezel is transferred to a high security room.
"Is this really necessary? Do I like that dangerous?"
The guard shakes his head.
"No sir. We were told to move you here because of what the other prisoners might do to you, but you are pretty much free to move around here and out in that garden if you like. The others here are pretty much like yourself."
Some of the guards look like the want to punch Schniezel in the face. The guards turn on the television. Late Night Rebellion with Zero is on. Schniezel goes to change it but decides to watch for a bit.
"Okay we are back. That is of course Shinichiro Tamaki and the Best Buddies." a pause as the crow applauds the band, "How long have we been on, ten years?" Tamaki nods in agreement, "And you still haven't improved," Tamaki laughs as the drums roll, "Yes enough about that. Our guests today all have one thing in common. They have all been sexually molested by Schniezel el Britannia."
Schniezel's eyes open wide as he sees who is walking onto the stage.
Zero continues, "We have with us Karine Weinberg nee le Britannia. We have heard Karine's brave story before. We have also heard from Euphemia and Nunnally Kururugi. We have also heard the touching story of Cornelia Cardemonde who has moved on to have several lovely children with her husband Rivalz. Now we have a new victim who wishes to let it all out, Kannon Maldini."
Kannon goes to explain that Schniezel's disappearance was just a plot by Schniezel to keep Kannon all to himself. That Schniezel kept Kannon locked up first at Ashford Academy and then at Milly World. It was only when Schniezel ran out of money that he decided to come out. A few days later Kannon comes to bail Schniezel out.
"I told you I had a plan to get some more money, your highness."
Schniezel groans but follows Kannon.
"You just have to go on Zero's show and submit to some bogus therapy. After that you write a book about your 'problem' and you begin the book tour. Maybe you can even get your own talk show out of it. Of course you'll have to blame it all on your father."
That's what Schniezel does. He spends the next twenty years on television hosting a variety of shows.
Of course Lelouch spends the next sixty years in the arms of his lovers.
Author's note: Just wanted to point out that sexual molestation and assault are no laughing matter. That's it for this story. There might be a poll on my profile for a replacement soon.