On and Off

My Vamp Fiction Wicked Wednesday One Shot

Inspired by one of my fave fics "The Cliffs of Icarus" by Greeen Goldfish.

Yeah, yeah—I know it's VAMP fiction, but I thought I'd go off on a tangent and write about wolves. Why? Well, why not? Variety is the spice of life, so they say.

Massively huge thank you to FrozenSoldier for the perfect banner she made me. I couldn't have dreamed it better!

Thanks to KelseyJane and PheonixJedi at Project Team Beta

I don't own Twilight, no copyright infringement intended.

~X~

I tried to sneak into the bedroom. As tightly wound up as I was, it was near impossible to be quiet. I managed to resist the urge to slam the door, but maybe I wasn't as silent as I should be at this time in the morning.

A snoring shape shifted underneath the white sheets. Despite the climate, we were never one for thick blankets—with my body heat, it wasn't necessary.

We might be better with black sheets rather than white, I thought, and not just because they matched my mood right now. I pulled off my cut-offs and then looked at the bottom of my feet.

The perils of living with a wolf—dirty sheets and dark carpets. Ah, what the hell, it was too late to shower.

I crept over to the bed and climbed inside. Emily subconsciously rolled towards me and one of her arms flopped over my chest. I looked down at her sleeping face just as the corner of her mouth twitched while she smiled in her dreams.

That was my fiancé all over: happy, smiling, and content with her lot. I wished I could spend my time in her head, rather than my own or the pack mind.

Leah had been trying to head-fuck us all again tonight. I swear if I didn't love her so much I'd have thrown her off the goddamn cliffs at La Push long ago, myself.

But that was the issue, wasn't it?

I loved Leah too much, and she loved me; just when Emily came on the scene, the love I felt for Leah wasn't enough to prevent the imprint.

I knew that and so did the two women in my heart.

Just because Leah knew how I felt, and now she was a wolf she could see for herself why, it didn't mean she let up on me any. We all suffered because of what I had done to her.

When I'd left her for her cousin, I'd felt like the lowest of the low. I was worse than my father and that was saying something. I knew I'd broken Leah's heart brutally. It was the fault of my genetic engineering, and there was nothing I could have done to behave otherwise. I was disgusted with myself over the way it looked on the outside.

One minute Leah Clearwater was my everything and then, without warning, she was second fiddle to her cousin.

I'd expected Leah to hate me. I wanted her to hate me, and actively encouraged her to do so. I deserved it; it would have been better than her still loving me. Except it hadn't worked; she loved and hated me at the same time. Intensely.

What I hadn't been prepared for was seeing and feeling everything through her eyes once she joined the pack. I couldn't have planned for that; there had never been a female wolf in the tribe. Leah was unique.

There weren't words to describe the double hit of agony it gave me each time I saw her pain.

Almost half of me wanted to scoop her up, hold her to me, and tell her it was alright. I longed to say that I still wanted her and needed her, but the bigger part of me belonged to Emily.

And so the two conflicting halves of my heart pulled apart. I would never, ever, do anything to hurt Emily. All I could give Leah was my pity. My own emotions were at civil-war with one another. My head and my heart were the battleground.

Now that she was part of the pack, Leah could see my thought processes, as I could see hers. She knew it hurt me to see the pain I'd caused her, and used it against me and the innocent bystanders who shared the pack mind.

Two wrongs didn't make a right, but hell had no fury like a scorned woman. Leah did furious vengeance pretty well and I was the focus for all her bitterness and bile.

The root cause of the problem was that she knew how to press all of my buttons.

Before I phased and when we were together, she always managed to get under my skin. One minute we'd be laughing and joking, the next she'd provoke me to anger, and then moments later we'd be fucking against the nearest wall or whatever surface was closest.

She was an animal, but then I guessed I was too. We fuelled each other's fire.

Sex with Leah Clearwater was intense. It still got me hot just thinking about it. God help me if she caught me doing exactly that, but sometimes it was hard not to.

How do you keep your thoughts clean when you're getting dressed or undressed between phases with naked Leah only feet away from you? The hottest woman alive—literally—she has the wolf body temperature of 108.9.

I try not to think too hard about what the side effects of the change might have done to Leah's body; it does bad things to me. I hate that I still react to her in that way, but I'm a guy; I have eyes and I have hormones.

I'm not the only pack member who has that problem and Leah despises it. I can understand her completely on that one. I'd be pissed if the guys constantly had the hots for me, and I could see what was going on in their goddamn minds.

If we so much as glimpse at her tits, she gives us holy hell.

For most of the guys, it had gotten to the point where looking a hot female body just wasn't worth the hassle afterwards. I have to give her credit for that. I don't want any of them looking either.

She hates that I'm so possessive. I don't mean to be.

If I'd have stayed with Leah, seeing red every other minute, I was sure I would have turned into my father; the wife-beating loser who'd given me my wolf genes, and most likely given Embry his, too.

Leah would have driven me to drink in the end, and I knew what that had done to him. My father was the last person on earth I wanted to emulate.

I was also certain it was the reason I'd imprinted on someone else.

My body knew how she made me react, and although it felt so right and I loved her, my inner wolf had a different idea of what was best for me.

If Leah pushed the big red button that made me rage, then Emily switched it off. They were like chalk and cheese.

Emily just had to smile at me and the red mist cleared. Her arms around my shoulders set me free. Her legs around my waist? Well, that released me from hell and sent me to heaven.

I looked down at my sleeping wife-to-be as she snuggled herself into my bare chest, then traced her scar with my fingers.

She had given so much to make this work—too much. I had given her a whole load of supernatural drama in return.

I'd given her scars.

It had been an argument about Leah, and I'd momentarily lost control for a split second. Just like my father. I couldn't think about it. To have done that to the living centre of my universe, even by accident, made my stomach churn.

Emily's beautiful face was a constant reminder to keep myself in check at all times. When I looked at her, I saw her perfect, serene features against the stark contrast of my own inner ugliness.

I'd felt guilty for pursuing Emily after the imprint, knowing how sick it was that I'd dropped her own cousin like a hot brick to do so. My intense attentions made Leah resent her cousin; my ex didn't handle things like that very well.

I knew I came across like a prize dick, but at least I could tell Emily why it had happened. A kindness I was forbidden to give to Leah. Even though Leah now knew, that didn't mean things were any easier. If anything, it made the situation even worse.

I had been a good-looking kid, but Emily wasn't shallow. She had told me to get lost at first, and that she didn't want anything to do with me. I'd behaved pretty creepy back then; I followed her all the way back home when she left and pretty much stalked her. Guarding La Push had been only a secondary consideration.

Emily came first above everything, and she always would.

I loved her—more than I loved Leah and more than I hated myself. I felt it all intensely; there were no half measures. I was tearing apart; only Emily held me together and helped me find purpose.

As if she knew she was filling my thoughts, Emily's eyes flickered open and looked at me.

"Hey," she whispered. I responded in kind.

"What's up, babe?" Her pretty brown eyes searched mine and I looked back wearily. I didn't have to say what was up; she would know because she could read my every mood.

I didn't know if that was some supernatural power that came with being my imprint, or if it was just her. All I knew was I appreciated it. Understatement. I didn't want to tell the love of my life that the other love of my life had been tearing me apart again. It wasn't fair on Emily.

Her hand ran across the hairy shadow on my chin, before she lifted her mouth to mine. She kissed me slow and tenderly. It was exactly what I needed, and I kissed her back in the same way.

As always her touch soothed the fire in my veins left from the mental altercation with Leah, and filled it with blue skies and warm sunshine. My body became less tense as I gave into it.

"Better?" Emily asked. I nodded.

Emily clambered on top of me. She sat on my thighs and ran her fingers down my feverish chest.

"Even better?" She grinned at me.

My frown collapsed into a smile. A really wide smile. Goddamn, I love this woman.

"Much better," I whispered, and kissed her more passionately this time.

Emily bent forward and kissed me back. My heart flipped and then accelerated as her slim frame pressed against mine. I never wore boxers, and my growing erection pressed against her soft stomach.

The fire slowly returned to my veins, but this time in the good way. It wasn't the type that consumed me and left me feeling scorched. It warmed me gently, until every cell in my body burned for her cool touch.

It was pretty fucking sexy.

I grabbed her ass, and deepened the kiss as she sighed into my mouth. My hands moved up her body: over her hip, following the curve of her waist, caressing her ribcage, until I found her breast and held it delicately in my hand.

Emily shifted herself and I groaned out loud, thankful for the fact we both slept naked. She broke the kiss and ground her wetness against the place I wanted to feel it most. We looked into each other's eyes for what seemed like eternity.

"I love you, Emily Young." Every time I said it, it felt like I handed my heart over to her on a plate. It didn't hurt because I had no fear that she wouldn't take good care of it. My only concern was that I wouldn't be able to take care of her right; to give her some kind of normal life despite her choice to tear her own family apart to become surrogate mom to a pack of werewolves. The choice she had made to be with me.

"I love you, too, Sam Uley." She guided me inside her and then slowly pushed down. I groaned again.

Right now, I couldn't think of anything other than the woman sitting on top of me. My woman. The woman who was a genetic perfect-fit for my inner wolf. The pain from earlier in the night was forgotten as she slid herself back up the length of me.

I love you, I thought, as she moved herself back down, and then again on the next stroke, and each time, until on the final stroke I released and whispered just loud enough for Emily to hear.

"I love you."

She lifted herself off me while I was still too sensitive, and it sent tremors through my body. Emily laughed as she rolled onto her side and snuggled herself into my chest.

"Hey, don't fall asleep on me. We're not done yet," I breathed huskily.

Emily looked up into my eyes and I looked back before I kissed her gently. My rough hands traced the lines of her body as softly as she deserved to be touched. Rolling her onto her back and kneeling over her, my hands moved lower, over her taut stomach, and then slowly parted her thighs.

She moaned, and a shiver of pleasure ran through my own body as I looked down at her lying beneath me.

She was a goddess. She was my goddess, and the only thing in my power at this moment was to worship her.

I ran my fingertips down the length of her thighs, and back up. The hungry look in her eyes reassured me that I was doing right. I kissed a trail from her knee to her hips as my hands found her slick lower lips.

I pushed one, then two fingers inside, coating myself in the mixture of both of our fluids. My heartbeat increased its rate, but I reminded myself that this was her time, not a time for my own gratification.

Once my fingers were sufficiently lubricated, I rubbed her in her most sensitive area, in the way I knew she liked. I took my time and made sure I did it right. Emily began to pant and run her hands over her own body.

Her not me, I reminded myself again. I took a deep breath and cleared my head.

Once I was happy that I wasn't going to ruin the moment by going all caveman on her, I increased the pace at which I rubbed, pausing briefly to thrust a couple of fingers inside her. Emily gasped and lifted her hips, so I withdrew and penetrated her twice more with my fingers before they returned to their previous task.

I shifted my position so I could capture her breast in my mouth. Emily writhed beneath me. The whimpers and sighs that escaped her were like music to my ears, but she was no instrument. She was my princess, and I was the happy servant who would gladly cater to her every whim.

Emily's hands found my hair and dragged my mouth to hers. I supported myself on one arm while I continued to play between her legs with the other hand. Emily pressed her body against me as she lifted her hips for more contact.

Finally, spectacularly, she gasped and froze. I stopped what I was doing and just watched in awe. I smiled, and felt the same pride I did each time she responded to me in that way.

I did that.

I kissed around her jaw line, down her throat, and along her collarbone while Emily's breathing returned to normal. She smiled back at me, and then lifted the crumpled sheet so we could both climb inside.

I put my arms around her and held her close to my heated body.

Damn, the woman knew how to help a guy wind down. She kissed my neck and I buried my face in her hair.

I love you, Emily Young.

I got all wistful as she drifted off to sleep in my arms; I wished she could stay here with me forever.

I knew I had a hard decision ahead of me. One thing was for sure, I would spend the rest of Emily's natural life by her side. There was nowhere else in the world I'd rather be.

The question was...would I choose to grow old with Emily?

Could life ever be worth living without her? She was my heaven.

I tried not to let thoughts of Leah's frozen aging influence my decision. I was pretty sure the prospect of torturing me for all time outweighed any love she still felt. My brain began to whirr again as I too fell asleep.

Die with Emily, or live alone...

Have cake and eat it...

Heaven or hell...

Emily...

Leah...

Emily...