This is my first DK fanfic. It should hopefully address why Cranky is so cranky. Obviously, I do not own Donkey Kong. My lifelong friend Nintendo does. :)
Cranky gently rocked in perfect rhythm in his creaking rocking chair. His nephew Donkey Kong had come to visit, and Cranky was always ready to unleash a lecture or two in an attempt to shape the young ape up.
"And it's also a shame to have someone so lazy carry our family name," he told Donkey Kong, who was by this point sprawled out on the floor trying to sleep. "For generations, we Donkey Kongs have kept watch of the jungle, working endlessly day and night. We were proud men. Strong men. Wise. We didn't waste our brawn on naps and banana hoarding and attempting to get dates with ladies."
Donkey Kong rolled onto his stomach, covering his ears with his hands.
"When I was your age, I was whisking off maidens and throwing barrels at pesky little Italian plumbers."
DK moaned. He knew coming here was a mistake.
"It's a part of growing up," Cranky continued. "The testosterone in youth. Discovering your strength and who you really are. When you get older, that's when you can begin to settle down. When I did, I met ol' dear Wrinkley… except of course she wasn't called that then. Now SHE made me a happy primate. And I appreciated her because of the maturity I gained by experiencing life. All you kids have now are musical instruments, games, and guns. You call that life, boy?"
There was no response.
"Are you even listening? You only seem to do anything when your filthy bananas are stolen. What kind of motivation is that? Half the time that crazy crocodile gets you and you have to be saved by that scrawny chimp and his pink-clad girlfriend!"
"I don't need to put up with this," Donkey Kong muttered, as he pushed himself back up and started to head outside the tree hut.
"What's that, boy?" Cranky asked.
"It's not like I am the only one that's had trouble with the Kremlings. I don't need to hear anymore of your tales."
"Oh, that's right. Both you and Diddy have had to be saved by a girl before. What happened to manhood?"
Donkey Kong was almost out the door. "I think I can handle this on my own," he said. "Pretend I never came here."
"Fine!" Cranky called. "But remember, I am your elder! And as your elder, I am a voice of experience! You are not going to get far in this world without my help. If you go, you'll have to take care of yourself!"
But by that point, DK was long gone.
"Kids these days," Cranky muttered under his breath. "Can't get peace with them always barging in expecting you to do things for them. Took a while for him to get the hint. Now I can finally get some shut-eye."
He sat back and relaxed into his rocking chair, folding his hands onto his stomach and closing his eyes. "Finally. Peace," he thought to himself. The only thing he could hear was the gentle brush of the wind on the trees. Slowly, Cranky found himself dozing off to sleep.
It was not much later when the peace was broken by the sound of young Diddy Kong bursting into the hut. "Cranky!" he shouted frantically.
Cranky sat back up, gripping the arms of his rocking chair, startled out of his nap. "You kids and your noise!" he shouted, scanning the room before noticing Diddy right in front of him. "What is it boy? Out with it!"
"Donkey Kong has been captured by Kremlings again!" Diddy cried. "What are we going to do?"
"You say he what now?"
"He got captured by Kremlings!" Diddy shouted, growing frantic. "We need to save him! Should I go get Dixie? I need your advice! What should I do?"
Cranky sat back in his chair, stroking his beard. Diddy waited in anticipation to hear what the wise ape would say. Every second felt like eternity. Finally, Cranky spoke. "Have I ever told you about the time when my heart was broken by Pauline?" he asked.
Poor Cranky! All he wants is some sleep! He probably doesn't get too much with the other Kongs always bothering him. Maybe he's not so Cranky after all… nah.