This is my first DK fanfic. It should hopefully address why Cranky is so cranky. Obviously, I do not own Donkey Kong. My lifelong friend Nintendo does. :)


Cranky gently rocked in his steadily creaking rocking chair.

"And it's also a shame to have someone so lazy carry my name," he told Donkey Kong, who was by this point sprawled out on the floor trying to sleep. "I wish I knew what a lazy bum you would end up to be. At least you have some brawn. I don't know what I'd do if a scrawny chimp like Diddy tried to carry on my legacy."

Donkey Kong rolled onto his stomach, covering his ears with his hands.

"When I was your age, I was whisking off maidens and throwing barrels at pesky little Italian plumbers."

Donkey moaned. He knew coming here was a mistake.

"It's a part of growing up. Almost everyone grows out of that behavior once they get older. When I did, I met Wrinkley… except she wasn't called that then, of course. Now SHE made me a happy primate. And you know what? At least I had experience in life. All you kids have are musical instruments, games, guns, and bananas. You call that life? I've seen a couple of generations come into this world, and I'm certain we're not far off from total annihilation due to sheer stupidity! The next thing you know, we'll only get around by climbing on floating pegs in the sky or control our lives with bongos or something even crazier!"

There was no response.

"Do you understand the struggles I went through growing up? I didn't have my ma or pop. Nope. I had to do everything on my own. I was aggravated and I was lonely. I was picked on. But I LEARNED from all of those experiences. It made me the wonderful primate I am today. You only seem to do anything when your filthy bananas are stolen. What kind of motivation is that? Half the time that crazy crocodile gets you and you have to be saved by that scrawny chimp and his pink-clad girlfriend!"

"Diddy's been caught too. Leave me alone." Donkey Kong pushed himself back up and started to head his way outside the tree hut.

"Oh, that's right. So you both had to be saved by a girl and a baby. What happened to manhood? And are you ever planning on getting married?"

Donkey Kong was almost out the door. "I think I can handle this on my own," he said. "Pretend I never came here."

"Fine!" Cranky called. "I am a voice of experience! You are not going to get far in this world without my help! If you go, you'll have to take care of yourself! I won't help you!"

DK was gone.

"Kids these days," Cranky muttered under his breath. "Can't get peace with them always barging in expecting you to do things for them. Now I can finally get some shut-eye."

Cranky relaxed into his rocking chair, folding his hands onto his stomach and closing his eyes. Peace, he thought. The only thing he could hear was the gentle brush of the wind on the trees.

It was not much later when Diddy Kong burst through the hut. "Cranky!" he shouted frantically. "Donkey Kong has been captured by Kremlings again! What are we going to do?"

Cranky sat back up, gripping the arms of his rocking chair, startled. "You say he what?"

"He got captured by Kremlings! Should I get Dixie? I need your advice! What should I do?"

Cranky sat back in his chair, starting to stroke his beard. "Have I ever told you about when my heart was broken by Pauline?"


Poor Cranky! All he wants is some sleep! He probably doesn't get too much with the other Kongs always bothering him. Maybe he's not so Cranky after all… nah.