SORRY FOR THE WAIT! BUT THIS IS MY FAVORITE KOGAN SO FAR! :D I really tried something different, and I'd love some feedback :D
THIS IS SET in MINNESOTA and is and AU (I imagine the boys are 16-17). It is based on the song "Welcome to My Life" by Simple Plan (which I don't own). This song-fic was requested by DNOBSESSED. No one's singing in it, the lyrics are just used to support the theme :)
Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush :( I just play with them a bit ;)
"Welcome to My Life": Logan Mitchell is depressed and withdrawn until he meets Kendall Knight, and his world is turned upside down.
Sometimes life is just too much for Logan Mitchell… but the real problem is when it's nothing at all. Nothing happens to him. No one speaks to him, and he's grown accustomed to that. He moves through his days with no emotion or connections. He lives in the small, beautiful suburb of Sherwood, Minnesota. His parents are successful and wealthy surgeons. He has a great life. So, what's the problem?
It's not his life. It belongs to his parents, and he is just there. He just exists, and that's it. There is nothing else. He only does what his parents ask of him and gets good grades. He feels completely out of control and alone. The world is so loud and surreal. He hates everyone because they're no one… and so is he. Most of the time, he feels like he is trapped in the solitude that he's created for himself in his head. It's frightening and he doesn't know how to get out of it, but he's not even sure if he really wants to. It's all so confusing. He feels like he doesn't know anything except how to breathe, and, sometimes, he wishes that he'd forget about that too.
Logan has gone thirty eight straight days without saying a single word, and nobody in school cares. His parents haven't even noticed. They are too busy with their own happy lives to notice that their son is drowning.
Logan walked into his room after another silent family dinner. His father had stayed on his phone the entire time, and his mother worked vigorously on her laptop while her meal got cold. Neither took any interest in their son even as he left the table without eating.
He walked into his room and immediately turned his radio up to full volume before lying on his bed. A heavy metal song that he didn't even recognize played so loud that his ears stung with each wail of the guitar, but he wouldn't have it any other way.
Logan held a pillow over his face and cried and screamed wildly, letting tears drench the fabric while he stretched the vocal chords that haven't been used just to try to hear himself and actually feel something… even if it's only the soreness of his throat and his lungs begging for air after every drawn out scream.
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you.
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming.
On day thirty nine, Logan's silence catches up with him. Someone finally notices, but he finds that he can't even speak anyway. He's a straight A student, but only because of his outstanding IQ. It has nothing to do with his social skills. The only educational department he lacks in is participation.
Logan was called upon in his American Literature class. The teacher asked his opinion on their latest reading assignment, and he said absolutely nothing. He was silent because he couldn't find the right words… He couldn't think of anything to say that would matter or make a difference and, when the teacher yelled at him as he sat there completely emotionless and he couldn't even feel embarrassed for himself, he knew that there were no right words and that he would never make a difference.
Later in the day, Logan entered the after school detention room. It was empty except for the teacher at the front of the room sitting at his desk. The man gave Logan a big, fake smile as he signed him in, and the smart boy recognized him as one of his teachers from a few years back. He actually used to be his favorite teacher before he realized he didn't have a favorite anything.
Logan took a seat in the center of the room and simply sat there and stared at his hands on top of the desk. He does absolutely nothing… He's gotten quite good at it. He's convinced that he must look like a statue... and that's what he feels like: solid, but with no real substance… tangible, but with no real purpose.
The door opened and closed, but Logan did not look up from where he had fixed himself into his seat. He sensed another student plopping down into the desk right beside him, but made no effort to glance over. It didn't matter who was there… nothing mattered.
It only took about three minutes for the teacher to excuse himself, most likely for a cigarette break, leaving the two students with a stern warning not to leave the room as he made his own hasty exit, shutting the door loudly behind him. Logan continued staring at his desk, but soon found his view of the wood obstructed by a single white piece of paper. It was a note with words written in scratchy handwriting:
"Hi! I'm Kendall Knight :D"
Logan finally looked to his right at the only other person in the room. It was a handsome blonde boy with shaggy hair and jade colored eyes. Kendall was studying him with curiosity, and a permanent grin decorated his features like it always belonged there. Logan takes a mental note of the confusion that the small facial expression brings him. This smile doesn't seem like all of the others… it's different… almost as if it were genuine…
Logan hesitated, darting his eyes down to the paper and then back at Kendall. The blonde was just sitting there, smiling and staring. Kendall seemed to get an idea, and rolled his eyes at himself. He tossed his pen onto Logan's desk as if that would solve the lack of communication. Logan let his instincts guide him as he picked up the pen. He shook it back and forth between his fingers nervously, still moving his eyes from Kendall to the paper. This blonde kid had the patience of a saint. He kept watching in interest for ten minutes as Logan fought an internal war… and his curiosity won.
"I'm Logan Mitchell…"
He wrote it out in perfect cursive, contrasting greatly with the blonde's sloppy, yet endearing penmanship. Logan let the pen linger as he drew the three final dots on the paper as if searching for something to add, but what else is there to say? What's the point of this?
Logan slid the paper and pen over to the persistently smiling Kendall without making eye contact. The room remained perfectly quiet except for the light rustling of paper and the scratching of the pen. Just as Logan started to count the doodles on his desk top, the paper was in front of him again.
"I'm here because I forgot to hand my assignments in one too many times :( What are you in for? :)"
Logan couldn't help but stare at the note and process it. He hasn't been asked a question in a long time, but this guy is showing an interest… And what is with the smiley faces? Kendall seems to be perpetually cheery while Logan feels like a storm cloud. Why would the blonde boy want to associate with that?
Logan turns to take the pen from Kendall's already outstretched hand. Both of their fingers lingered on either side of the instrument for a few seconds when Logan paused for a reason he couldn't figure out. He furrowed his brow and shook his head before turning to the piece of paper.
He wrote his response simply and slowly, still left with nothing to say. Kendall was already prepared to take the paper and pen with an eager smile. Logan watched as he read, and his smile grew wider as he scribbled something down.
"You're a man of few words…Kind of mysterious. I like it :)"
Logan looks at the new words with a mixture of shock and confusion. This kid wasn't just passing the time. He was really trying to have an honest to god conversation with him… For the first time in over a month, Logan felt like speaking.
He cleared his throat nervously, swallowing his own saliva a few times in preparation before he took a deep breath…
"W-Why… uh… Why are we writing n-notes?" his voice breaks the thick silence like an air horn, and it sounds weird in his own ears, his tongue feeling awkward against his lips and teeth. Logan looked over to Kendall. The blonde was staring at him and blinking rapidly, shaking his head before smiling and laughing.
"I thought you were mute!" Kendall chuckled in disbelief and embarrassment.
The first time Logan hears him speak he feels his heart move rapidly as if it actually existed in his chest. It makes his ribcage ache with… emotion. The smart boy runs through his memories buried deep within, before the depression settled over him, trying to decipher which emotion it is: anticipation… excitement… happiness? They all seem so foreign… and now there's fear; fear of the unknown…
"Oh," Logan can only mumble a single syllable response. He found the tightness in his throat debilitating at the onslaught of everything coursing through his mind and body.
"It's just… I see you around school, and you're always so quiet. I shouldn't have assumed. I'm sorry, Logan…" Kendall looked absolutely sincere, giving him a nervous and tentative smile with his bright green eyes looking right at him… into him.
The genius couldn't even fathom a single reason, but Logan wanted to smile back. He wanted to talk. He wanted to laugh. He wanted to be normal and feel… but he couldn't. He wouldn't. He couldn't believe that Kendall's simple, friendly gesture of a smile was real. It had to be a lie because he just couldn't handle actual sincerity. It's all too much…
It's too much.
Logan stood up abruptly, sending his chair crashing to the floor, much to the surprise of Kendall. The nervous boy grabbed his bag from beneath his feet and stumbled through the rows of desks as he bolted for the door. He fumbled with the knob a few times with shaking hands before finally slamming it open with a frustrated sigh and running far away without a second glance back at his astonished detention-mate.
"What the fuck?" Kendall whispered to no one. He wasn't angry. He was completely bewildered and almost amused. This dark haired boy intrigued him like no one else. His odd behavior only made him want to know Logan more. One afternoon and one conversation is not enough. He needs more…
He needs more.
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over.
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies,
While deep inside you're bleeding.
Later that night, Logan passed on his usually infuriating dinner all together and chose to pace in his room. He moved up and down the length of the room with long strides like a caged animal. Every time he passes his bed he glares daggers at the silent radio beside it. He knows he should do what his body is telling him and turn it on and follow his normal routine of mindless sobs and screams until he falls into a restless sleep, but he doesn't want to.
The smart boy stops to stand in the center of his dark room when he comes to the sudden realization that he'd been holding back since leaving detention that afternoon: he wants to think. He wants to think about something other than quadratic equations. He wants to think about something that has nothing to do with his parents. He wants to think about Kendall.
Logan threw himself down unceremoniously onto his bed. He didn't even bother changing his clothes. He just laid in his jeans and sweater on top of his sheets and pondered his unusual day.
The entire afternoon made no sense to the brunette genius. No one had spoken to him in 39 days, so why now? None of it was logical, and, therefore, Logan couldn't wrap his head around it. The meeting with Kendall was emotional and social; two aspects of life he did not associate with. As Logan replayed every second of their interaction through his mind, he worked his hardest to convince himself that he must have misread Kendall's signals.
He couldn't have been being genuine with him. He couldn't have been interested in talking to him. His smile couldn't have been real. It had to have been fake like all of the others…
Logan fell asleep with a convinced mind but a renegade heart. His brain told him Kendall didn't care, but his instincts made him crave for the opposite as he dreamt of the blondes' smirk and gentle green eyes…
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right.
You don't know what it's like
To be like me…
Kendall lay in bed well past midnight unable to sleep even after a vigorous hockey practice.
He muttered the two words to himself with a brilliant smile… It was unexplainable what the silent boy did to him. How had he never really seen Logan before? He had passed his lowered head in the hall so many times, watched him sit and diligently do his homework while other students gossiped and rough-housed during lunch, and he had never tried to speak to him once until detention.
Kendall felt so pulled to the mysterious brunette. He thought he didn't speak, and he hadn't even found it odd, just intriguing and… cute? Kendall was always so sure of everything, but he couldn't decipher Logan, which only made him more driven to get him to communicate…
The second that the brunette had opened his mouth and stumbled adorably over his words, Kendall could have sworn he was going to fall out of his chair. His body had coursed with adrenaline and endorphins he had never even felt in the most brutal hockey match of his life. He wanted Logan. He wanted to hear him speak more… He wanted to make the boy smile just for him… He wanted to touch him…
Kendall's eyes snapped open like he had been burned. He had never thought about a guy in the way he thought about Logan: sexually. Thoughts of the nervous, mysterious brunette with his soft words, meticulous handwriting, and dark brown eyes had him instantly hard.
Pushing himself up to lean his upper body against the head board, Kendall looked down at the tent in his boxers. Logan had only spoken a total of eight words to him, but it was enough to fog his mind with delicious sounds. Kendall stared at his groin incredulously, assuming himself to be crazy. How could those eight words and a few stutters elicit this reaction from him?
Kendall sighed heavily and couldn't shake the pure desire for Logan out of his mind. Mentally dismissing his confusion, the blonde placed his hand on his bare abs and slid it smoothly down his flushed skin.
"Mhm…" he sucked in a harsh breath as he palmed his stiff cock through his boxers, loving the friction that the fabric provided. After a few rough passes, Kendall was breathing hard and craving more. He swiftly reached for the hem of his boxers and slid them down and off of his legs, tossing them to a random corner of his room. He couldn't even care where they landed. He only needed a release.
Kendall bit back a groan as he wrapped a firm hand around his shaft, stroking a few times before pausing to lick his palm once. He returned it to his pulsing dick, the slight lubrication making the motions easier: making them more fluid as if it were a certain brunette's muted mouth around his member… But Kendall didn't imagine Logan quiet at all. He used the boy's few, short words to form a myriad of lustful sentences in his head… sentences he dreamt of experiencing in reality…
"You taste so good, Kendall…"
"Touch me, Kendall..."
"I love you, Kendall…"
"Fuck!" Kendall cursed with a harsh whisper as he stroked himself roughly from base to tip, smearing the pre-cum at the head of his dick with his thumb to tease himself, picturing Logan's tongue lapping at him with delicate, almost innocent, movements.
The blonde watched his hand speed over his cock, and he shut his eyes tightly as he pressed his head onto the wood of the bed frame behind him. He could practically see Logan with him. He imagined hovering over the brunette and tasting his pale skin, feeling him shiver beneath his exploring tongue and teeth. Logan would whimper and clutch onto him for dear life as he grinded down into the smaller boy with everything he had. Kendall would run his fingers through his soft, brown hair and lean forward to finally kiss the quiet boy's underused lips…
"Logan…" the blonde came with the smart boy's name tumbling past his lips. Kendall bucked his hips off of his mattress, biting his tongue as his orgasm shot through him, sending cum onto his stomach and fist.
Kendall panted heavily with a lazy smile as he lifted himself off of the bed with weak muscles. He stumbled towards the bathroom to clean himself up with only one thing on his mind. He was determined to see the boy plaguing his thoughts and body the next day…
He had to know Logan Mitchell.
Logan did his best to avoid Kendall the whole next day at school. How had he never noticed the blonde before? It's like he was everywhere the smart boy turned. They were in the same gym class, and their lockers were only yards apart. It was difficult because it felt as if Kendall was watching him all day, but he successfully dodged every stare and curious glance.
Logan was only more confident in his decision against talking to Kendall when he saw the boy during lunch. He sat with friends; something Logan did not have and he wasn't sure that he wanted. In his experiences, people only let you down, but the popular boy didn't seem to mind in the least bit. Kendall sat talking, laughing, and joking with two other boys, and other students surrounded the group like animals gathering at the water hole. It was absolutely electric; the amount of presence the two gave off. Logan couldn't imagine actually being seen. His point was only proven as multiple students ran into him without a word as he stood enthralled by the group of gods.
He was looking forward to the silence and solitude that his second afternoon detention would bring. Logan wasn't supposed to have another one, but he found himself in the familiar room again because he had skipped out early the previous day. After he checked in, he sat in the same desk at the center of the classroom and stared at his clasped hands as time ticked on.
Ten minutes later, the silence was interrupted as the door swung open and none other than Kendall Knight strolled in.
"I hate this just as much as you do, Mr. Knight. So, I'm just going to assume that you got lost on your way here…" the teacher in charge spoke without enthusiasm as he scribbled on the sign-in sheet and stood up.
"It is a big school…" Kendall smile sheepishly in thanks as he took a seat far away from Logan, unlike the day before, while the teacher excused himself quietly with a dismissive wave and made sure to lock the door behind him this time.
"Great. Now I'm trapped… At least Kendall's not even sitting by me. I must have scared him off. It's better this way-"
His thoughts were cut off when a crumpled piece of paper pegged him right in the shoulder. Logan froze and slowly brought his gaze down to the ball of paper on the floor, and then moved his eyes to the blonde two rows over. Kendall was sitting there smiling, of course, and he waved gently at Logan while they both remained silent. The smart boy gave him an inquisitive look, and Kendall gestured to the paper. Logan hesitated, but reached for it anyway while keeping a cautious eye on the popular blonde…
"If you don't like talking, we could just keep writing :)"
Logan sighed and crushed the paper back into a small ball and tossed it into the garbage can a few feet away. It was difficult enough to keep Kendall out of his mind, but now the persistent blonde was right next to him, and he wasn't giving up; only making it harder. When the smart boy looked at Kendall, he was frowning. It looked so wrong. He was always smiling, and Logan felt like he had just kicked a puppy. He hated seeing the boy upset, and he couldn't even start to guess why…
"W-Why do you care?" Logan spoke softly, keeping his brown eyes on Kendall's downturned head, which shot up in astonishment when the brunette spoke. The smile was immediately back, and Logan tried to fight the relief he felt.
"Can't I just talk to you? Can't we just chat?" Kendall threw him a playful smirk that stirred something inside of Logan. The smart boy forced himself to look away and take a breath. He sighed heavily and turned back to Kendall.
"Why are you back today?" he shocked both himself and the blonde by speaking clearly without fumbling over his words. Kendall hopped up from his seat, seeming as if he was going to laugh from excitement as he launched himself over the row of desks separating them, and sat right next to Logan.
"I got into trouble," Kendall responded with a small, sheepish shrug, but he was still smiling like there was something more to it.
"Well, that's vague…" Logan rolled his eyes, and Kendall was amused.
"You're funny… You should talk more…" the blonde smirked jokingly.
"You didn't answer my question," Logan insisted, but he was able to grin back at the boy, almost as if he was having… fun?
"I cheated on a test," Kendall admitted without batting a lash.
"Why?" Logan asked the question out of simple curiosity.
"Because I knew I would get detention… and I knew this is where you would be," Kendall spoke softly as he waited for Logan's reaction.
"So, you got detention… for me?" Logan was astonished and hoped that Kendall was joking, but the blonde only nodded enthusiastically. "That's just stupid…" the smart boy scoffed, but Kendall laughed. The sound made Logan's heart flutter and his body relax completely.
"It was worth it…" Kendall whispered as they locked eyes.
Curious brown met upbeat green in an indescribably intense stare. It seemed to go on forever before Kendall blinked and shook his head slightly.
"So… Why did you run out yesterday? I didn't say anything to offend you, did I?" Kendall seemed suddenly panicked with wide eyes and tense shoulders.
"No, no… I just - It's hard to explain…" Logan assured him in a soft and distant whisper.
"I've got time…" Kendall insisted gently and sincerely. Logan sighed and bit his lip. He nervously fidgeted with his hands as he brought his attention back to his desk. He actually felt like talking, and, more importantly, he felt as if making an impression on Kendall mattered… Could something really matter?
"Yesterday… You were the first person I spoke to in 39 days…" he swallowed hard as he waited for a response.
"Did you take a vow of silence or something?" Kendall laughed.
The blonde immediately sobered up and it nearly shatters the heart Logan's starting to believe he actually possesses. Logan looked away again.
"I don't get it…" Kendall whispered sadly as he moved his chair closer to the brunette so that their knees were practically touching beneath the desk.
"It's stupid," Logan insisted with a shake of his head.
"You not talking to anyone for over a month and being sad is not stupid," the popular boy declared.
"What makes you think I'm sad?" Logan whispered shakily as Kendall studied him, looking terribly upset himself.
"Well, you certainly don't look happy…" the blonde pressed on.
"I'm not really anything… I don't feel much… Have you ever walked through your day and felt like you were there but not really here?" Logan asked, knowing he must not be making any sense.
"I don't think so…" Kendall was sympathetic and struggling to understand the boy he wanted so badly.
"Well, that's the only way I can explain it… I'm alone. I guess I'm depressed… I haven't really thought about it much…" Logan looked away shyly.
"Seems to me like you've thought about it a lot," Kendall raised a prominent brow that made Logan weak in the knees and happy he was already sitting.
"I've accepted that it's just how things are. I'm fine with the way I am," the smart boy spoke weakly.
"No, you're not," Kendall was definitive and determined in his response. His lips were pursed in a tight line.
"You're miserable. That's not being 'fine'," Kendall spat the word in disgust.
Logan only managed to shrug his slouched shoulders.
"What about your parents?"
"They're busy," Logan supplied lamely.
"Too busy for their son?" Kendall's voice was rising with each word.
Logan only shrugs again, his words seeming to bury themselves back into a safe place in his brain.
"This shit is ridiculous!" Kendall yelled angrily, throwing his hands in the air in exasperation. He was pissed because he felt protective of Logan… Being adorably shy was okay. Being neglected was absolutely not.
"Sorry…" the smart boy gulped at the show of emotion, thinking he upset the blonde.
"You shouldn't be apologizing! They should be apologizing to you! If they're too fucked up to see how great you are then that's their loss…" Kendall insisted with sincerity, but his underlying anger was still pushing through at thoughts of cursing out Mr. and Mrs. Mitchell.
"You don't even know me…" Logan mumbled almost incoherently. He felt a certain joy hearing Kendall stand up for him, but the blonde had no idea what he was doing…
"I bet I know you better than anyone else," Kendall insisted with his full smile returning, knowing he spoke the truth and feeling a little giddy at the thought of being significant to Logan.
"I guess you're right," the smart boy admitted with his own small grin that only resulted in Kendall's smile widening.
"That makes me your best friend!" Kendall declared proudly, pushing his chest out slightly and shifting the glum tone of the room toward one of playful joy.
"What?" Logan was pushed back into one word statements with astonishment.
"Yup! It's you and me, Buddy… Get used to having me around because, unlike some assholes, I stick by the people who are important to me," Kendall was still giving his million dollar smile.
"You're kind of crazy…" Logan raised a curious brow, but almost felt like smiling.
"Then we're in the same boat… It's another thing we have in common. That's why we make such awesome friends," Kendall insisted with excitement.
"What else could we possibly have in common?" Logan asked, unable to fully push away his doubt.
"Our knack for getting detention, which I'm getting really tired of by the way… We should go some place else tomorrow," Kendall seemed to already be thinking of the possibilities.
"You act like being here is a choice…"
"It was for me," Kendall's voice and smile soften as he looks at Logan with interest. The room had gone completely silent and Logan felt pressured under his intense gaze. The smart boy bit his lip and looked down again to fidget nervously with his hands. Kendall suddenly lessened the gap between them and grabbed his hand, wrapping it tightly in his own.
It was their first contact. It had Logan sucking in a harsh breath, and it froze everything. He stopped breathing. He stopped blinking. He stopped thinking. There was so much running aimlessly through him, and he couldn't describe it at all. Logan looked up at Kendall.
The blonde appeared just as surprised. He was staring at their hands clasped tightly together on top of the desk with a slackened jaw and a bewildered expression. He looks up into the brunette's eyes, and Logan can't handle what he is giving him…
Kendall was making him feel good… He was making him feel warm… He was making him feel.
Logan was suddenly full of fear, and he stood up abruptly to run again, but Kendall rose to his feet with him. The popular boy didn't let him get far because he refused to let go of his hand. Logan tugged a little, but didn't give much resistance. Deep in his heart, he wanted to do anything but let go…
"Please, don't run away again…" Kendall was begging him with a gentle voice and pleading eyes that had Logan's shoes glued to the floor.
The blonde stepped closer until there were only mere inches between them. He squeezed the brunette's soft hand and reached forward to take the other. Logan let him do it without any protest. He felt out of control, but it's not in a bad way anymore…
"Do you feel it?" Kendall whispered with desperate green eyes as he looked down at Logan. He darted his gaze anxiously to each of the boy's brown eyes like he didn't want to miss a second. He knew that Logan understood what he meant… He was talking about their connection; the heat in their palms and the electricity shocking their spines.
"Yeah," Logan could only whisper back. His throat is dry, and his heart is fighting against his ribs.
"And?" Kendall was searching for something more… He's waiting for Logan to say the right thing…
"It scares me…" the smart boy admitted it in a weak voice, but made no move to step away.
"Me too… Do you want it to stop?"
"Never," Logan said it instinctively, and he realizes that he means it… He wants this. He hasn't wanted anything in so long...
Kendall smiled sweetly and broke one of his hands away to reach up and brush his fingertips against the skin of Logan's pale, delicate cheek as if he couldn't believe it was real. He rested his hand against the crook of Logan's neck and leaned in to get closer. Logan could feel the boy's breath on his face. They both shut their eyes, but Kendall didn't make contact yet.
"If I kiss you, will you promise not to ever run away from me again?" Kendall let his lips graze Logan's for a split second; just enough to feel the static shock.
It was all Kendall needed. The blonde closed the centimeters of distance between them and crashed his lips to Logan's, sending every positive emotion to the smart boy: happiness… passion… relief… They're all coursing through him at lightning speed and completely washing away the fear, leaving Logan desperate for more.
The brunette wrapped his arms around Kendall's neck, and the popular boy hugged his waist until they were fully pressed together as the kiss deepened. Kendall smiled into the lip lock and ran his tongue along Logan's soft bottom lip. The smart boy immediately gasped and let him in, savoring the deeper taste of Kendall that it brought.
Grazing his tongue against the roof of his mouth, Kendall groaned and let the tips of his fingers roam under the back of Logan's shirt to touch the heated skin of his smooth lower back. He could feel the brunette shiver and gently tug at the blonde locks above his neck hungrily.
It was the most intense thing either one of them had ever experienced, but it was over entirely too soon. The soft click of the door's lock echoed through the welcomed silence of the room like a jackhammer. The two boys reluctantly jumped apart just as the door swung open and the teacher strolled in.
"You're free to go boys," he gave them a quick nod as he gathered his belongings from the front desk, oblivious to what had gone on.
Kendall and Logan just stood there and stared at each other. The blonde studied the other boy's shocked, frightened face and realized that he was the one who had to break the silence because he knows that Logan certainly isn't going to do it. Just because he was talking to him didn't mean that he was ready to speak with anyone else.
"Alright!" the blonde smiled cordially. "Have a good night…" he started walking towards the door when he noticed Logan was still standing there, seeming to be in shock. "Come on, Logan."
Kendall's voice brought the smart boy back into reality, and he looked over to him. Kendall was smiling warmly at him, and Logan managed a small smile back as he followed the blonde out of the room. Once they were alone in the hallway, Kendall began to speak as he stared down at the flushed boy.
"Maybe we cou-"
Logan turned to see the blonde's friends from earlier coming down the hall. The tall, pretty boy had spoken first, and the short Latino was next.
"We've been waiting forever, man!"
The two boys were rushing toward them. Well, the short, peppy boy was practically running and the pretty boy was laughing and just trying to keep up.
"Hey, guys. I almost forgot about our plans…" Kendall trailed off nervously. Truthfully, he had forgotten about everything but Logan.
"How could you forget? You love hockey!" the shorter boy exclaimed with a brilliant smile that made all of Kendall's seem like scowls.
"I just had other things on my mind," Kendall bit his lip with a smirk as his eyes darted toward Logan, who was finding his shoes very interesting.
"Who's this?" It was the pretty boy's turn to speak again. Both of Kendall's friends were smiling happily at the smart boy, but it didn't seem to affect Logan at all… He had shut himself off again.
"This…" Kendall interjected bravely and placed a hand on Logan's back. He rubbed up and down soothingly, causing the brunette to visibly relax, "… is Logan Mitchell. He's my new friend. We're detention buddies!"
"Only you would make friends in detention… I'm James Diamond," the tall brunette rolled his eyes and chuckled playfully with a nod at Logan.
"And I'm Carlos Garcia."
Logan looked up at their cheery faces and seemed like he wanted to say something, but he hesitated and only managed a small wave and a nod.
"Do you play hockey, Logan?" Carlos asked happily with interest.
James and Carlos were looking at him and expecting him to speak. Kendall was biting his lip harshly and running a hand up and down his back. Logan opened his mouth, but immediately snapped it shut. He glanced nervously and shook his head from left to right slightly. Logan brought his hands in front of him and started to fidget again. The blonde stiffened and wanted to make him feel better. So, he shamelessly ran a hand over the boy's back, down his arm, and took one of Logan's fidgeting hands into his own.
"Give us a minute, guys…" Kendall spoke to James and Carlos, who looked curious and confused, before pulling Logan to the other end of the hallway.
They stood far enough so that they could have a private conversation.
"Too much?" Kendall asked apologetically, knowing Logan was overwhelmed.
Logan only grimaced and nodded.
"Hey…" the blonde spoke gently, squeezing his hand, and lifted Logan's chin with a finger so that he would look at him, "… you can talk to me." He didn't want Logan to be silent with him or think about running again, not when they had come so far that afternoon.
"S-Sorry… I don't really know why I couldn't speak. It was weird…" the smart boy trailed off sadly, ashamed.
"It's okay," Kendall smiled warmly and rubbed his shoulders soothingly. "Did you at least feel like you wanted to talk?"
"I think so…" Logan was grinning.
"Good!" Kendall was excited and wrapped the brunette in a tight hug as he continued to whisper in to his ear, "You can trust them, you know. They're like brothers to me. I've known them my whole life. They won't hurt you…"
Logan nods into his neck before they break apart to watch James and Carlos. The two boys were in the middle of an intense thumb war, laughing hysterically. Carlos kept trying to distract James by reaching for his hair, and the pretty boy kept flicking the Latino's helmet. Kendall was ecstatic to see that the exchange had Logan smiling softly.
"You should go. They're waiting…" Logan spoke quietly, bringing his attention back to the blonde with his arms around him.
"I guess so…" Kendall was hesitant and ran a thumb along the back of Logan's hand, "You wouldn't come to the rink with me if I asked, would you?" he raises a hopeful brow, but he already knows the answer.
"It's alright. Maybe next time," Kendall doesn't let him squirm.
Logan nods, liking the idea of spending more time with the blonde.
"Here…" Kendall spoke with excitement and took a pen out of his pocket, biting the cap between his teeth as he pulled Logan's hand up, "This is my number…" he wrote the numbers in black ink on his pale palm, "I want you to call me later, or whenever you want. If you're feeling shitty, then pick up the phone, okay?"
"O-Okay," Logan studies his hand, instantly committing the number to his memory despite the semi-permanent ink.
"Promise me," Kendall begged.
"I promise, Kendall," the brunette gave him a cute lopsided grin that had the taller boy shaking.
"Good," Kendall regained his composure and leaned down to plant a solid kiss to Logan's forehead. "I have to go now, but meet me back here in the morning before homeroom."
Kendall smiled brilliantly and pulled Logan into his body, pressing their lips together in a soft kiss, and the brunette finally relaxed completely.
"Don't be sad, okay? Even if you feel alone, I'm here. I promise," Kendall embraced him tightly, littering kisses all over his scalp. "I'll see you soon… Bye, Logan," he forced himself away with a gentle smile as he walked backwards toward James and Carlos.
"Bye, Kendall," Logan sighed in contentment and shoved his suddenly cold hands into his pockets as he watched the blonde move away.
Kendall turned his back to the smart boy and approached his friends. James and Carlos were chuckling and mocking him with kissing noises.
Logan thinks he should be embarrassed or nervous, but then, as the trio disappears down the hall, he finally takes a good look at the two other boys and sees something he hadn't noticed earlier.
James and Carlos were holding hands.
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like…
Maybe Kendall can save him.
For once, Logan feels hope as he sits on his bed at night. So far, the blonde has saved him from his usual routine of solitude and self loathing two evenings in a row. On this one, he hasn't even looked at his stereo once. Instead, he keeps his eyes on his cell phone as he sits with his legs folded beneath him on his bed.
He wants to call Kendall, but he's hesitating. Logan worries that he'll only bother the blonde with his problems, but then he remembers his promise. He remembers Kendall's soft lips against his own. He can't see him, but he needs to hear his voice…
Logan bit back a smile as he looked at his palm and reread the number for the hundredth time. He dialed with unsteady fingers, and it barely took two rings before he was connected.
Logan found himself frustratingly silent. He was still under-practiced, and his mouth felt dry. It was hard to speak without being able to see him…
"Hey, Logan" Kendall spoke so sweetly and cheerfully that the smart boy could practically hear his smirk.
"H-How did you kn-know it was me?" Logan asked, sighing softly.
"Who else is as quiet as you?" the blonde chuckled, making Logan smile as he slumped down into his bed.
"I'm happy you called. I was just thinking about you…"
"You were?" Logan was still unable to fully believe Kendall really wanted him.
"Actually, I haven't stopped since I left you in the hallway," Kendall's voice sounded completely sincere, yet Logan wouldn't give in.
"You always sound like you can't believe what I'm saying," the blonde chuckles, "You can trust me, Logan. I'd never lie to you…" he finished softly.
"I believe you… I don't know why, but I believe you…"
"Stop trying to dissect everything. Sometimes things just are," the popular boy spoke with knowledge and life experience that Logan couldn't comprehend.
"I guess so…"
"I know so… Did you call for a specific reason? Are you okay?" Kendall brought an edge of worry and anger to his tone.
"Y-Yeah… No… I'm fine… I don't know," Logan sounded as confused as he felt, but at least the words were coming out of his mouth.
"Well, am I at least helping with your big, confusing, nonexistent problem?" Kendall chuckled, joking about the smart boy's indecision and causing Logan to laugh with a short breath.
"Yes, you are. I like hearing your voice. It makes me feel- " he stopped to try and pick the right word, but he came up empty, "… You just make me feel."
"I'm glad, because you make me pretty happy, Logan Mitchell. I hope I return the favor…"
Logan and Kendall had talked for hours, just getting to know each other more. The smart boy even laughed a few times, finding it easier and more comfortable to talk with practice. He learned unimportant, yet somehow significant, facts about Kendall: his favorite color, his preferred ice cream flavor, the name of his first pet… random topics that had Logan enthralled until they both had to sleep.
The brunette rushed to school the next morning, finally eager about something… eager to see Kendall. Logan walked through the crowded hall, near the room where he and Kendall had detention the day before, searching for the blonde. When Logan saw him, he stopped walking.
Kendall was at his locker with James and Carlos. They were smiling and laughing like they had done it all their lives, meanwhile it felt as if Logan's face would break if he tried to do more than grin. He didn't want to interrupt. He didn't want to interfere. It felt like he would ruin things… He doesn't belong there…
"Hey, Logie!" Kendall was suddenly grinning from ear to ear as he spotted the brunette and ran to close the distance between them, leaving James and Carlos to roll their eyes behind him.
"Hi," Logan feels all the doubt trickle away when Kendall is looking at him like he's the only one there. He feels warm again at the nickname. The blonde immediately leaned in to peck his lips like it was the most natural thing in the world and wrapped an arm around his shoulders as he pulled him close.
"Do you want to talk to Carlos and James today?" the popular boy seemed excited at the idea as he moved them towards the pair.
"Um…" Logan didn't feel like saying 'no', but he wasn't fully sure he could manage a 'yes'. They had discussed James and Carlos the night before, and Kendall told him all about them, preparing Logan for this moment…
"I'll be right beside you the whole time. Just say 'hello'. You don't have to make a speech," Kendall laughed lightly when Logan nodded hesitantly.
As always, the blonde stayed true to his word. Kendall held up most of the conversation with his arm around Logan's waist, rubbing soft circles into his skin every time his body would tense. Logan was even able to form a few comments on his own with Kendall by his side, and he found James and Carlos… fun. James had a contagious confidence, and, paired with Carlos' sweet optimism, they made the perfect couple.
"Meet me after homeroom. I'll walk you to class… What do you have?" Kendall asked after the other two boys had left and most of the students abandoned the hallway to start their day. The blonde didn't seem concerned about being late.
"History," the smart boy frowned, but walked forward with Kendall anyway.
"Why do you sound so bummed about it? Are you failing?" Kendall teased slightly.
"No… not yet," Logan shrugged.
"What do you mean?"
"We're having a debate, and, when I don't participate, my grade is gonna plummet," Logan explained, sounding defeated.
"So, skip it," the blonde smirked at his solution.
"No, I can't… Can I?" the smart boy was skeptical.
"Sure you can, and I'll do it with you. I don't want to go to chemistry anyway," Kendall said the word like he had a bad taste in his mouth, making Logan chuckle.
"O-Okay…" it would be the first time he ever cut a class, but he had a feeling Kendall could talk him into anything.
"Sweet! I'll see you right back here in thirty minutes."
Logan stood against a row of lockers a half-hour later, feeling jumpy in the eerily silent building. All of the students had started first period, and the brunette felt a bit guilty for not being there himself. He had never done something badbefore. Granted, he did end up in detention twice, but it wasn't intentional. This was Logan's old self creeping in… He wasn't anything a few days ago; not jumpy or guilty… But, since he met Kendall, he had started feeling again… feeling like he used to…
"Can I see your hall pass?" the blonde was suddenly in his ear, holding his waist from behind.
"You scared me!" Logan whispered harshly, but his smirk betrayed him as he twisted around to face Kendall, still in the boy's embrace.
"Sorry," Kendall whispered back with a coy smile as he pulled the brunette against him.
The tall boy instantly lost himself in Logan. They were finally alone, even if it was in the middle of school. He ran a hand through the soft, brown hair he dreamed about and brought his lips down to meet Logan's in a slow kiss that heated up almost as soon as it started. Kendall hungrily shoved his tongue past a shivering Logan's lips, earning a gentle and satisfied moan from the brunette. The response was only making Kendall crazier. He pushed his body against the shorter boy's, and they backed up until they hit a wall, both of their hands roaming mindlessly over each other. They ended up in a small alcove that was separate from the hallway and lead to an exit door at the back of the building. They were out in the open, yet unable to be seen unless someone walked all the way to the end of the abandoned corridor.
The boys pulled apart to catch their breath.
"W-Why do you keep doing that?" Logan whispered, licking his swollen lips and shaking his head lightly as if trying to clear it. When Kendall kissed him, he lost all control and any worries he had disappeared.
"Because I like you," the blonde rolled his eyes playfully.
"No one likes me…" Logan insisted like it was a fact.
"Then call me 'No One'…" Kendall smirked and bent forward to brush his lips against Logan's cheek, "… I like you because you're different… You're special, Logan…" Kendall kissed along the brunette's jaw as he continued huskily, "When you speak, my skin tingles. I just wanna touch you…" the blonde does what he says and runs his hands beneath Logan's shirt to caress the bare skin of his ribs and lower back. The brunette leans into the touch. "You're warm and soft. I just can't get enough…" the tall boy keeps his voice low and seductive as he presses harder into Logan and places wet kisses onto his hot neck. The smart boy doesn't hesitate to whimper softly and turn to allow Kendall better access, "When you look at me with those big, brown eyes… eyes that you use on no one else but me…" the blonde pauses to take in Logan's gaze, "…it makes my heart stop…" he finishes, and they're both breathing heavily.
Logan stared right into Kendall, all of his words ringing through his ears and his body constantly buzzing where he's being touched. The smart boy couldn't fight the wide smile that came to his face.
"You're smiling," Kendall seemed thrilled and astonished. Logan had only ever given him a small grin or smirk, but this was a beautiful and lopsided smile that had Kendall's legs threatening to buckle.
Logan seemed shocked at the revelation and dropped it as soon as he became aware of what he was doing.
"No! No, don't stop…" Kendall brushed his thumb along his bottom lip as the boy smiled for him again, "… It looks really fuckin' good on you…" he leaned in to kiss him hungrily, running his tongue fully around his mouth before pulling away, "… feels good too…"
Kendall closed the small distance between them once again and attacked Logan's lips furiously. The smart boy eagerly accepted his advances, concerned with nothing but getting more of Kendall. The blonde slid his hands down Logan's back until they were gently planted on the boy's ass. When he received no protests, Kendall grabbed him roughly and jerked their bodies together. Connecting at the hips, Kendall realized he wasn't the only one who was into it. Both of them were painfully hard.
"Oh god… I don't normally do this," Logan struggled to catch his breath and tried to find his sanity, but it all proved too difficult when the blonde kept grinding their erections together, only pushing reality farther and farther away.
"I know. Me neither," Kendall was smiling happily, but had a hint of disbelief in his features. He couldn't understand how the shy boy could get him so worked up that they were dry humping in the middle of school, and he only wanted more…
Kendall nipped and sucked along the pale boy's neck, getting more aroused at the soft sounds passing Logan's lips. He lapped at the brunette's pulse point, letting his tongue taste everything the warm flesh had to offer. Logan brought a hand up to the blonde's hair and tugged it firmly, eliciting a stifled groan from the boy. Kendall smirked and brought his hand around to roughly palm Logan's bulge.
"Shit," the smart boy hissed and bucked into his touch.
"You like it? You want more?" Kendall asked huskily, breathing heavily into his ear as he groped the boy's dick and grinded his own member furiously against Logan's thigh.
"Y-Yeah…" Logan whispered, biting his lower lip and strengthening his hold on the boy's blonde locks.
"Okay, baby… Let me make you feel good…" Kendall placed a sweet kiss to his lips before dropping down to his knees in front of Logan.
The brunette opened his eyes wide as Kendall worked open his jeans. He couldn't believe it. Just three days before, he was sitting alone in his room in complete silence, and now he was uncontrollably whimpering and about to receive a blow job…
Kendall rushed to remove Logan's pants, pulling them and his boxers down to his thighs so he could get a clear view. The brunette's throbbing cock sprung free and the pre-cum at the tip had his mouth watering like he never thought possible. He wanted to taste him.
"Hey, Logie…" the blonde called up to him in a hushed tone with a mischievous smirk. He refused to touch the boy just yet.
"Mhm," it was all the brunette could manage. He was breathing hard and struggling not to thrust his hips into Kendall's face.
"Will you be my boyfriend?" he taunted him with a playful smile and blew a breath of warm air onto Logan's shaft, causing the boy to groan in frustration.
"Fuck… yes, Kendall, but if you don't stop teasing then I'm gonna have to cut you loose," Logan joked halfheartedly with a weak grin and a lick of his lips.
Kendall chuckled softly and braced his hands on Logan's hips before leaning in to lick a clean line from his balls to the tip, sucking in the end to lap up the boy's pre-cum. Logan threw his hand over his mouth, knowing he would be loud if he didn't control himself, because Kendall felt amazing. The blonde sucked him harshly, running his tongue along the sensitive underside of his shaft. Relaxing his throat, Kendall fought away his gag reflex and took all of Logan's member in. The smart boy groaned as the blonde hummed around him, sending the vibrations all over his groin.
"Good?" Kendall asked in a raspy voice with a raised brow and a breathy smile as he pulled away, reaching up to stroke Logan rapidly.
"Ngh- Really good…" the brunette nodded and thrust into his boyfriend's fist.
Kendall smirked and nipped the skin at Logan's thigh, biting gently all the way up to his sensitive hip. The blonde palmed his own erection as he jacked Logan off, needing to relieve some of his tension. He leaned in to suck at the smart boy's balls before looking back up at him.
"Just let go, Logan…" he coaxed him softly and brought his mouth back around his cock, setting a furious pace.
Logan did as Kendall asked and gave in completely. The only thing he held back were his moans with his teeth clamped down firmly on his swollen lip as he threaded all of his fingers into Kendall's hair and thrust forward hard enough to get relief but gentle enough not to choke the boy. With the tall boy's wet heat constricting around him, it wasn't going to take long for him to finish. Kendall hummed softly and encouragingly as he continued to rub himself roughly, getting enough satisfaction from the stifled whimpers coming from the brunette.
"K-Kendall, I'm gonna c-cum…" the smart boy whispered a warning.
Kendall moaned a bit louder and sucked just a tad harder, sending warmth through Logan as he tumbled over the edge. The brunette kept his eyes open wide, looking down as Kendall greedily swallowed his cum with muffled groans. The blonde was looking right at him as he came in his jeans with little more than Logan's intoxicating taste pushing him into release. Kendall bucked his hips involuntarily into the air as he slipped off of Logan, both of them coming down slowly from their orgasm. He knew he was going to have to run to the locker room to change his clothes before the rest of the day, but he couldn't care less. All that mattered was Logan.
Kendall breathed heavily, trying to regain control of his body as he laid his head against Logan's thigh. The smart boy loosened his grip on Kendall's hair and resorted to petting it soothingly, everything feeling hypersensitive to their skin. Placing one last kiss to the tender flesh of Logan's dick, Kendall climbed to his feet and leaned against the boy.
They gazed at each other with lazy smiles, still panting softly as they met in a slow kiss. Suddenly, the school bell cut through the blissful silence and doors slammed open.
"Damn it!" Kendall yelled, but couldn't help but laugh, still feeling high from their activities.
Logan should have panicked, but he downright giggled at Kendall's infectious laughter as they both rushed to put the brunette's clothes back in order. Kendall tucked him back into his pants as the halls flooded with students that were mere inches from seeing them before the blonde grabbed Logan's hand and pulled him through the exit door after he was zipped up.
The two teenagers laughed uncontrollably as they ran away from the building and toward the surrounding forest. Kendall collapsed to the ground in a fit of giggles when they reached the edge of the trees several dozen yards away from the school. Logan threw himself down beside him into the thick layer of leaves. All of the various browns, yellows, and oranges littered the frozen November ground. The pair grew silent a they brought deep puffs of chilly air into their lungs.
Kendall studied the clear blue sky with a wide smile as his chest rose and fell rapidly. When he looked over to the brunette, his features faltered. Logan was still giving him a beautiful smile, but silent tears streaked down his face.
Every emotion that Logan had been denying for so long is suddenly flooding back in so fast that he doesn't even have time to consider resisting. He just accepts it. He's ecstatic… high… alive…and wanted. Kendall wants him. It gives him a purpose. Everything has just that much more meaning.
"Logan- " Kendall starts with concern but stops when the brunette vigorously shakes his head.
Logan chuckled through the sobs and crawled through the dry leaves beneath them to reach Kendall. They flew up into the air as he launched himself into the blonde's arms with excitement. He straddled the taller boy and buried his face into his neck as the tears and smiles continued steadily. He squeezed him tightly, appreciating every bit of beautiful warmth Kendall gave him.
Up and down. In and out. Yes and no. Yin and Yang…
Logan later remembered why he rejected emotions years ago. They're fucking complicated. It's not easy. With everything that makes you feel good, there's something right around the corner waiting to douse you in gasoline and strike a match. When you ignore the feelings, you may not feel happy, but at least you don't have to suffer through the pain… right? It's not worth it… is it?
Kendall insisted Logan come to his house after school. He wanted him to meet his family. It was all moving so fast, but Logan didn't want to slow down at all or it might stop all together. Also, after what happened in the hallway, Kendall could have asked him to kill someone and he probably would have done it…
Now he was regretting it…
He didn't belong here. It was okay when he was alone with Kendall, but that wasn't the real world… This is: Mrs. Knight is all warm smiles and optimism. His baby sister, Katie, likes to act tough, but she admires her big brother for the god that he is. They're happy. Logan doesn't belong near them…
He and Kendall couldn't be farther apart: outgoing and painfully shy, popular and socially outcasted, warm and cold, good and bad… Kendall is everything he's not, and the brunette just knows he'll find a way to ruin the handsome boy… Nothing ever stays good for long… not around Logan. Kendall has been blessed with the life he's been given, and Logan can't see himself as part of it…
He belongs in his room; in the absolute darkness and overwhelming silence. It will be better for everyone in the long run. Things need to go back to the way they were; the way they were before Kendall…
You might think I'm happy, but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like…
It's almost midnight now. Katie had left hours before to sleep over at a friend's house, and Mrs. Knight headed off to the local diner to work the night shift. Kendall is standing with Logan on his front lawn…
"What's wrong, Logie?" the blonde whispered sadly.
He could see the smart boy becoming more and more silent as the evening went on. His smiles turned into grins, which slipped into smirks before disappearing completely. He didn't even perk back up when they were alone. They had watched a movie in silence, Kendall attempting to soothe the brunette's tense shoulders the whole time. He rubbed soft circles over his back, which usually did the trick, but Logan's nerves wouldn't relent… and, now, Kendall was feebly attempting to help the boy after Logan insisted he walk home by himself.
The two teenagers are on the small area of grass in front of Kendall's house. The entire neighborhood is quiet and still. There is no breeze, and the sky is the purest black. It's well below freezing, and Logan can see his breath ghost in front of him in an angry cloud of smoky white when he speaks.
Kendall sighs heavily, seeming dissatisfied with his answer. The blonde is frowning again, and Logan is hurt to see it. A frown will never suit Kendall Knight… but he can't give in…
"You're lying. I can tell," Kendall insisted.
"Because of that," the popular boy pointed at the brunette like there was something to see and raised his voice.
"What?" Logan was confused. He should have known Kendall wouldn't make this easy…
"Your one word responses! You haven't done that since we met!" Kendall was practically yelling now, frustrated at Logan's complete turn around.
"We met two days ago, Kendall!" the brunette screamed back, angry with himself and at the blonde for making everything so fucking hard, "… You don't know me, and I don't know you," he finished quietly but sternly, making his face into a well practiced mask, devoid of any emotion; positive or negative.
"Where the fuck is this coming from?" Kendall yelled angrily, shaking his head and peering around the yard as if someone was playing a joke on him. He thought that he and Logan had a special connection… He knew Logan felt it too… What went wrong?
"I'm just thinking about things clearly. All of this is stupid. It's not real. You don't want me…You just think you do," the smart boy tried to explain everything like it was fact, despite the feeling deep in his gut that it was all a lie.
"Stop telling me what I think! I know that I care about you. I know that I want you. Why can't you just accept that?" the blonde was still screaming, but he looked more like he wanted to cry. He didn't want to lose Logan right after he had gotten him. It was too soon…
"Because I like you!" Logan yelled back at him, losing his mask of indifference as his heart took over his mind.
"You're so infuriating!" Kendall rolled his eyes and growled in confusion. The brunette wasn't making any sense.
"I don't w-want to r-ruin your l-life…" Logan whispered sadly, his breaths becoming slower, creating thicker clouds of fog between them. Kendall immediately softened, his frown forming into more of a pout.
"I'm not good enough for you, Kendall. You're perfect. You have everything: great friends, a loving family, popularity… and happiness," Logan bit his lip and blinked back the hot tears gathering in his eyes.
"Logan, sweetie, you are my happiness… Why can't you just let yourself believe it… believe that you deserve it?" Kendall's voice was strained with his own unshed tears as he gathered the brunette's flushed face into his hands, begging him with his eyes and touch to understand.
"I'm used to being alone," Logan explained weakly, squirming out of Kendall's comforting grasp and stepping back.
"You're not," the blonde insisted sternly.
"Then why does it feel like it?"
"Because you won't let me in…" Kendall let a few tears fall as he moved to take Logan's hands into his own. The brunette hesitated and then stepped out of range. The tall boy sighed and wiped his eyes.
"Listen, I'm gonna be honest with you," Kendall spoke with a clear definition and paused until Logan looked up at him, "… The world is a shitty place, Logan. No one's life is perfect… Yeah, I have a good family. My sister is great, and my mom is wonderful and caring… but, did you see my dad in there?" Kendall asked urgently, pointing to his house. Logan shook his head, "… He's gone. He gave up and left behind the people who loved and needed him when things got too hard…"
Kendall had Logan's undivided attention, and the brunette didn't fight him when he grabbed both of his hands tightly.
"We're connected and more alike than you think… We all are. You're never alone, Logan… There are six fuckin' billion people on this planet making choices and connections. Our relationships and decisions define us…"
Kendall stopped, breathing heavily as he stared right into Logan's brown eyes.
"Are you going to be the guy who gives it up or the guy who sucks it up?"
Logan blinked slowly, his tears streaming steadily down his pale face. He opened his mouth, struggling to form coherent words. Kendall was getting to him again… He was seriously considering giving in…
"You make it sound so easy…" he shook his head in slight disbelief. Maybe he was over thinking things…
"It is! Think about what you want and do it! Just take- "
Logan cut Kendall off with a fierce kiss, following his newly found heart instead of the brain that had only caused him misery before. The blonde smiled into his mouth immediately. It was the first time the smart boy ever initiated their kiss…
"I want you…" Logan laughed softly as they pulled away to suck in cold air and press their foreheads together, "… I want you," he repeated with absolute clarity, his beautiful smile returning.
"Then take me," Kendall chuckled and nipped at Logan's bottom lip sweetly before they met in another lip lock.
As the boys kissed passionately, the sky opened up and small snowflakes fell through the still air straight to the frozen ground with no wind to propel them, signaling the oncoming winter and the beginning of so much more…
"Spend the night," Kendall whispered into Logan's mouth before diving his tongue back in hungrily. The smart boy moaned and nodded vigorously as the blonde's hands roamed his body.
Kendall pulled away to take in the sight of a fully happy Logan. His eyes were bright. His skin glowed. His smile was astonishing. Both boys looked around at the steadily falling snow, noticing it for the first time with light laughter.
"Come on. Let's go get warm," the blonde suggested huskily, causing Logan to latch onto him as they ran into the house and up to Kendall's room.
As soon as the door slams shut, Kendall has Logan pressed up against it. The blonde attaches his lips to his neck hungrily, starting right where they left off in the hall earlier in the morning. Logan moaned and raised his arms, allowing Kendall to rip his shirt over his head, and did the same for himself, before attaching his lips back to Logan's pale skin. Kendall licked his way down the boy's chest, catching a nipple between his teeth and making Logan thrust into him.
"Ngh," Kendall groaned as their erections met. He grabbed at the brunette's ass and pulled him forward. Not able to get enough, Logan jumped up to wrap his legs around Kendall's waist. The blonde held him easily and bucked forward, grinding their members together with every thrust into the wall.
As Logan tugged his hair, Kendall growled and moved backward until his legs hit the bed. He sat down with the brunette in his lap, constantly rubbing into him as their tongues danced.
"I think I owe you something," Logan whispered playfully, trailing a hand between their heated bodies to grope Kendall through his jeans.
"Fuck…" Kendall could definitely get used to a playful Logan.
Kendall smirked as he shifted backwards before Logan pushed him down onto his back and kneeled in front of him. The brunette smiled sinfully as he worked the blonde's pants and boxers away from his body, leaving him to squirm naked and watch the smart boy strip himself. Kendall looked on with hooded eyes as Logan pulled his clothes off, letting his hard cock spring free. The tall boy made a move to touch himself, but Logan swatted his hand away with a firm shake of his head.
The brunette kneeled on the bed in front of him again and wrapped a tentative hand around Kendall's pulsing shaft. He watched for his reaction, and, when the blonde boy thrust up into his touch, the smart boy surged forward with confidence. He stroked Kendall from base to tip, smearing the pre-cum at the head with his thumb before bending down to taste him. Kendall groaned excitedly as Logan sucked him tenderly in a way only the coy teenager could; with complete affection and care. The blonde watched his dick disappear between Logan's soft lips, and the sight was too much. If he didn't stop-
"Logan, I want to cum inside of you…" Kendall struggled to keep himself calm. The brunette pulled away from him with a shy smile as the tall boy sat up to pull Logan against him for another gentle kiss, "… Get on your hands and knees," Kendall pleaded between breaths.
Logan blushed, but complied, as he crawled past the blonde and put himself on display. Kendall growled at the sight of the boy's tight, twitching hole. He kneeled behind him and sucked two fingers into his mouth, coating them in saliva before bringing them down to Logan's entrance. He circled the ring of muscle slowly and then eased a finger in fully. The brunette squirmed at first, but still relaxed and pushed back for more. Kendall rubbed his lower back soothingly as he jammed another finger into the tight heat. He scissored the digits and pressed forward, hitting Logan's prostate and earning a loud and glorious moan from the boy.
"Kendall, please…" the brunette begged for more as he pressed back repeatedly to fuck himself on Kendall's fingers.
"Alright, baby…" the blonde cooed softly as he pulled his hand away. He spit into his palm and rubbed his cock up and down before placing it against the brunette's prepared hole, "… Are you sure?" Kendall have him an opportunity to back out, but, deep down, he knew he wouldn't.
"Make me feel alive, Kendall…" Logan whimpered with a gentle smile as he peered over his shoulder at the blonde.
Kendall smirked and bit his lip as he pushed into the brunette slowly, both boys groaning until he was buried to the hilt in the constricting warmth. It only took a few moments before Logan was urging him on with wiggling hips, eager to get past the pain and onto the pleasure he knew Kendall would bring. The blonde pulled out almost all the way before surging forward with a force he knew they both wanted.
"Mhm," Logan moaned at the sensation of being filled and his prostate being struck perfectly.
Kendall growled and fucked Logan at a rapid pace, both of them hungry for each other like they needed one another to keep breathing.
"Turn over… I wanna see you…" the blonde whispered harshly, forcing himself to pull out and allow Logan to flip onto his back. The brunette smiled up at him and instantly parted his legs wide, allowing Kendall to slide back in with a satisfied sigh.
Kendall laced his fingers with Logan's above their bodies as he thrust into him slowly but sharply. He watched in amazement as the brunette's body jolted forward with each movement, and his hips rose up to meet Kendall in every buck of his hips. Logan's eyes were darker than ever, and a thin layer of sweat coated his brow as he bit his plump bottom lip.
"Shit… You're beautiful… You're perfect… Do you believe me?" Kendall asked between thrusts while he placed chaste kisses onto Logan's rising and falling chest.
"Yeah, I do," the smart boy smiled sincerely, realizing it kept getting easier with practice, and leaned up to kiss Kendall tenderly as their movements grew more furious.
Kendall groaned and pounded into Logan, using the brunette's hands to brace himself as they bucked into one another. The familiar heat pooled in their groins. Kendall struck Logan's prostate one final time, sending them into their releases simultaneously. The blonde shuddered and came deep within the smart boy and watched as Logan painted his stomach white with cum. They panted hard and rocked their hips in shallow movements as they worked through their orgasms. Kendall rested on top of Logan, laying most of his weight on his forearms.
"I love you," Logan spoke with a wide smile.
He was the first to say it because he truly believes it. He believes in himself and in Kendall. Logan realizes that it is worth it… Loving Kendall, and having Kendall love him, is worth any pain that is paired with it. In this case, the good outweighs the bad by a million tons… He almost couldn't see it, but it's there… It's in the way Kendall watches his every move with gentle eyes… It's in the way he whispers in his ear with soft smiles… It's in the way his hands explore every inch of his body with glee… It's in the way Kendall speaks the truth with every syllable that leaves his mouth…
"I love you too, Logan," the blonde smiles as if he could cry and falls beside him, hugging the brunette tightly against his body, "… I love you too."
Logan had gone through 39 days of his young life in complete silence, but it only took less than 3 for Kendall to change everything. It was only 72 hours; a mere 4,320 minutes… Such a small time for such a monumental shift…
Logan felt his old world slipping away as Kendall ushered him into the next phase of his life…
…Or maybe Kendall had just inserted himself into the life Logan already had; giving him something new and worth living for.
As Logan lay in Kendall's arms, listening to the soft breathing of the blonde and watching the snow fall silently to the ground outside, he placed a gentle kiss over his lover's heart.
"Welcome to my life…"
WELL? What did you think? Did you enjoy the plot and the smut? How was the narration? I tried a different style, and I'd really love to hear what you guys thought :D
And if you want to read the most AMAZING Kogan, then go read rumbleroar846 's "Bad Boys Know What They Want" - BEST STORY EVER, imo :D
PLEASE Review (anonymous are enabled so don't be shy! ;)