October 5th

I don't actually know why Kiku is making me write in this diary-journal thing, but he's a fellow BAMF so I'mma do it anyways. He said to "record what happens each day for a few weeks" or someshit. Honestly, I got nothin' better to do.

October 6th

Dear diary-journal thing;

I decided to give you a name today. but I couldn't think of one. I was thinking during Physics today and I guess I MIGHT HAVE STARTED TALKING OUT LOUD TO MYSELF OR SOMETHING IDK, but my stupid teacher said I was interrupting and totally gave me detention. I was in there for, like, an hour with Ivan's freaky sister. She's kinda hot.

I swear, if she wasn't so batshit insane, I'd do her.

So anyway, I'm in there thinking even more about your name and fucking Francis walks in and I wave like crazy and ask him what I should name my diary. He said something French and weird and the librarian pissed his pants and gave us both another detention tomorrow.

Francis had to sit at a different table so I wrote him a note and folded it up in some kick-ass origami airplane thing and threw it at him when the library guy wasn't looking. Except it missed and hit Natalia in the face and for a second I thought she was going to cut me and harvest my organs for her creepy gothiclolita organ-harvesting fest.

But the bell rang and I ran to lunch instead.

I met up with Arthur as usual and we got our lunch together.

Arthur is, like, my best friend. If he didn't always drink tea, I'd probably make out with him 24/7.

He has the softest hair and the most orgasmic accent I have ever heard, mmm.

Eventually, Frenchy and Kiku joined us, and Ivan and his Chinese boytoy, too. I have the coolest homies.

Francis thinks we need to talk to more chicks.

I think he has just gotten bored.

After all, he has tongued everyone at our table. Even Ivan, and that's just weird.


Well, sorry, diary thing, I guess I'll come up with a name tomorrow in detention.

But Mattie just came home and I have to bribe him to do my homework for me.

- Alfred Fucking Jones

October 7th

I'm writing this during passing period and I haven't even run into a wall or a person or anything! People are giving me weird looks, though, cuz this journal Kiku gave me has some anime lady on it with giant boobs.

Her hair is green.

I don't think that is her natural hair color. She probably dyed it.

She looks like she is ten years old.

Her mother let her ten-year-old daughter dye her hair green?

And those boobs! How the fuck is she even standing? I didn't think they made school uniforms big enough to cover all that boob! That's interesting.

... They're even bigger than Katyusha's, and holy hell, Kat's are giant.

I think-

Later - Still October 7th

... Apparently I ran into that Berwald guy from Sweden when I was walking and fell down and hit my head so hard on the tile I had to go to the nurse.

Owwwwwww, my heeeeaaaad, dammiiiit.

I want Arthur.

He's supposed to drive me home today and stay the night and play Guitar Hero with me, shit.

I bet if he was here right now, I would feel better.

afdsahgkjcbadfjnd, Arthur, where are yoooouuuu?

On the other hand, I'm totally missing detention right now, eheheheh.

October 8th

Arthur is kind of cute when he is asleep. Aw, look at him on my bed. I don't even care that he is drooling all over my pillow, that's how good of a friend I am. He should feel lucky that I am his friend. If I was not, I would probably slap him or something.

Mom made us breakfast before she left for work, and Dad's on a business trip, I think. Matt already left for school because he's a nerd. I don't think I am going today. I'll convince Arthur to ditch with me. He'll say yes, I'm sure.

I think I'll make tea for him to get on his good side. He's kind of a bitch when he wakes up.

So it's settled then. I grab a tea bag (AHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHA) of Arthur's favorite flavor. It's Earl Grey. My mom drinks it to, which is the only reason we even have any because that shit is disgusting. I think everyone should just drink soda.

Oh, I hear Arthur , I think he ran into something.

... Yes, he did. He even swore. Mmm, I like the way his voice sounds when he swears.

I finished making his tea. I even put in the right amount of milk and sugar. I'm very satisfied with myself. Now I'm sitting at the table eating the waffles my mom made and, oh, here comes Arthur.

"Dammit, Jones, why didn't you wake me up? I'm going to be late for school."

"I made you tea."

"... I can see that. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Alfred, why are you writing down what I am saying?"

"Do you want to ditch school with me today?"

He looks pissed that I ignored him, haha.

"...That's because I AM pissed."

"Arthur, you're not supposed to read my diary! What is wrong with you!"

"Oh, shut up."




"What do you want?"

"You're acting like a bitch. I think you should drink your tea."

Arthur threw his tea at me. Now I probably taste disgusting. Fucking Arthur. My skin is burning. He'd better help me with this, it's all his fault.

- Alfrizzle


Yeah, a diary-entry fic, get over it okay.

Will NOT end up USUK, sorry to say. Kind of.