Thank you – first of all – to my betas – Kcerena & Reamhar. Many thanks also to Kisvakondok – who took the time out to pre-read most of this story.

I had to work late last night and therefore did not update. I apologize.

Another big thank you to the ladies over at the perv pack smut shack for rec'ing my story. I feel very, very flattered and honored that you mentioned this tale.

I know I got some mixed reviews about B having the occasional drop of liquor while pregnant. For me it was part of the character – a girl who is not necessarily ready for a child (despite her age), nor embraces motherhood completely. I have also done some asking around and there are in fact several OBGYNs who believe it's perfectly acceptable for a pregnant woman to have a glass of wine on occasion (as long as she follows the cardinal life rule – everything in moderation). Of course, nobody recommends binge drinking.

I don't own Twilight.


IV. SPRING

April 2012

"Do you ever regret it?" My eyes are closed. The sun is warming my face and arms.

"No. Not really. Only once," I answer without elaborating, leaning back into the park bench. Thinking back on that time makes my heart contract.

"When?" Emmett asks, elbowing me in the side. I open my eyes. The sunshine is yellow-white and too bright. I squint.

"When they pushed Bella into the OR. I felt so fucking useless … and I kept on thinking, I should have been more insistent when I took her for her check-ups, I should have looked closer at the ultrasounds … I don't know … like I should have done something."

"But you know there's probably nothing you could have done anyway, right?"

"Yeah, I know there's nothing I could have done." I roll my eyes. "That's why I say, I'm not regretting it. I would have been a lousy doctor."

"Mmmh, yeah… maybe I need to think about other career options," he mutters, scratching his belly. Emmett started working as a teacher six months ago and already hates it.

I hear a gurgling sound coming from the stroller next to me and look over, checking up on Molly. "Hey," I whisper and pick her up out of her stroller. I hold her close to me, rubbing her back and she burps.

"Any other regrets?" Emmett says laughing.

"Nope. I'm good," I answer him with a smile.

"I can't wait until she can walk. I'm going to teach her how to play soccer," he coos, petting her cheek. I can tell he likes kids by the way he's always fawning over Molly; it's just that teaching might not be his thing.

"Right. About the teaching thing … I don't know, Emmett, maybe give it another six months before you throw in the towel?"

"Yeah, you're right. Summer break is just two months away and I should stick it out for another semester after that." I get up to put Molly back into her stroller. The April sun is only warm for a little while and I want to get her home before the sun disappears again and the temperature cools. "Hey, do you think Tanya will take me back if I stick it out?"

I chuckle. Tanya kicked his ass to the curb three months ago because she got tired of his perpetual pot smoking. She might have also mentioned something about how he didn't offer to contribute to her rent. "I don't know, Emmett."

"I miss her, you know?"

"You miss her or her apartment in the city?" I say as we walk out of the park. He's now living on the last stop of the F line and complains about his commute almost every day.

"Both. But mostly just her." I glance at him and he looks like he means it.

"I don't know what to tell you," I say laughing. Tanya had some pretty loud discussions with Bella after she kicked him out of her apartment and judging from what I overheard, it would take a lot more than a permanent job for her to take him back. I don't say that though. No need to kick him while he's down. "Do you love her?"

"Yeah, of course I do." He shrugs his shoulders and gives me a sad grin.

"Beg and plead … woo her, send her flowers, chocolates and candy … I don't know. Try something." I try to be positive and give him suggestions, even if they might not get him anywhere.

"Do you think she'd fall for that?"

"I don't know, but it might beat doing nothing and complaining to me about it."

"You're lucky, man," he says patting me on the shoulder, when we reach my house. "Girl of your dreams and a cute kid."

"I remember you telling me not too long ago that that sounded horribly boring."

"Yep, well I can admit when I'm wrong, bro."

"Do you want to come in?"

"No, I think I'm going to head home. Tell Bella I said hi!" He waves his hand at Molly and me and leaves. I push the stroller into the basement entrance and walk up the stairs. The first floor is empty and the house is quiet.

I walk up to the second floor and hear the faint noise of someone typing. I knock on the door softly, before I push it open.

"Hey." Bella turns around, away from her computer and gets up. I kiss her and she reaches for Molly. "Did you guys have fun in the park?"

"Yeah, the weather was nice. Did you get enough stuff done?" I stand behind her and hold her as she cuddles our daughter.

"Yeah, I can finish the rest up tomorrow. Let's make dinner," she says walking ahead of me.

"So what's Emmett been up to? You know you could have invited him for dinner?" Bella asks, setting water to boil for pasta.

I pour some wine into two glasses and join her standing next to the stove.

"I did. But he didn't feel like it."

"Does he still want to quit teaching?"

"Yeah, I told him to give it another six months."

"Why? He hates it, right?" she asks me, laughing.

"Yep. One of the kids kicked him in the crotch last week and he was about to walk out. Honestly, I don't know what to tell him. He asked me whether I regretted quitting med school."

"And?"

"You know I don't." I glance at her from the side. Almost a year has passed, but on some days she still looks really tired. Giving birth to Molly nearly killed her and it took a while until she recovered. None of the doctors had noticed that she had a heart condition that was being aggravated by the pregnancy. I don't know what I would have done if I'd lost her that day. "Only that one time …" I continue.

She furrows her eyebrows. I never told her how scared shitless and helpless I felt when she lost consciousness during labor.

"You know… when they rolled you into the OR."

"But you wouldn't have been able to do anything. The nurse told me you only looked at my face while they performed the c-section. You couldn't even cut the umbilical chord."

"Yeah, but it was the only time I wished I could do it … you know… if only just to help you," I say staring at her. She bats her lashes and smiles at me. "But you're right. I don't have any regrets. I have what's most important … to me anyway."

I pull her into my arms and hold her, thinking how fortunate I am.

The End


Thank you so much for reading and taking this ride with me.

I'm a contributing author to the Fandom for Sexual Assault Awareness. If you want an outtake or future take of this story, let me know. I'd be happy to write it.