This is my second attempt at a fan fiction, and I hope this one is better, I personally like how this one turned out so far, though it is sorta short right now, it should get longer! ^_^
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. I never have, and I never will. I do however, own this fan fiction of it. XD It makes me feel professional. ^_^
Anyways, on with the story!
Chapter 1: I'm Not Who I Think I Am
The darkness wore on me, consuming me. I thought I had found shelter in my own mind, that I could create boundaries, set goals for myself deep in my subconscious. I thought that I could remain as Light Yagami, that Kira was another person far underneath, that I could hide the real me. What a fool I was. For years, I was in a position in which I hid myself. Everyone smiled, talked to me, figured I was just some normal honor student, but it hurt. It hurt to know that sanity was running away from me, that insanity was pushing through my mask, changing my smile, my habits.
Blood covered my body, showering me in the red liquid that I knew my heart so badly craved. In the darkness that consumed me like a temperate storm, I found myself consumed in hate. I hated L. I hated the world. Though in the end, the thing I hated the most, was myself. Bodies laid against the wall, stacked to the heavens, covering the world with the smell of copper and burned skin. This was my world, a world I had made, a place that was a sanctuary for the innocent. Everywhere I looked though, there was no one; no one left that was innocent. Everyone was evil, their deeds disguised as mistakes, as something forgivable.
Placing my hand against the cover, I felt the blade slice through my skin, the words coming to life, spreading across my palm. "Die." I heard it whisper, "You're the biggest killer of them all." No. That wasn't right! I'm the God of the new world! The one who made the crime go away. A girl stood a foot away from me, close enough that her blood-coated tongue could reach my ears. "You'll die, Light Yagami. That is your destiny, for trying to become something you never could." Screaming, I woke up to my own screaming. Dreams were the only thing that kept me attached to the old Light Yagami. The fact that dreams like that scared me was the only innocent thing left, the only thing left of the old me.
Recently, I was lead to believe that this world was rotting. One person tried to change that, one person made an indent in the shell I so often wore. "The chiming of bells." I heard him whisper as we stood on the rooftop, the wind coursing through our hair, spinning the detectives wildly out of control. "What would you do if I jumped?" He asked, and I found myself pondering the question. 'I'd let him die.' My brain thought instantly, and I smiled at the conclusion. I wanted him to die, wanted him to jump. "You have no reason to do that, L." I mumbled, but I saw him shake his head. "Kira will kill me, soon enough."
Pushing myself up from my bed, I looked out my window, the sun rising slowly in the horizon. "You'll die…" The voice echoed in my head, reminding me of my fear, the constant nagging of my anxious insanity. So badly it wanted to be in control, so badly it tried to pry my sanity away from me. Walking towards the bathroom, my laughter echoed in my ears. Why was I laughing? Only Kira would know the answer to that question, not me. I was too far-gone to control what I did anymore. "Kill me? Really?" I heard myself laughing, and I entered the bathroom, walking towards the shower, discarding myself of my clothes that in my eyes, were coated with the blood of my victims.
Stepping into the shower, I let the water cascade around me, cleansing me of the sticky feeling sweat made on my skin. I breathed in the scent of strawberries, a shampoo I had come to love, a scent I had become addicted to. I continued to turn the knob, making the water warmer to the point where it burned my skin, wanting to relieve myself of the pain of how dirty I felt. In my mind, I wanted to die, but Kira would never let me, not when he was in control. "Give it back." I whispered, and heard myself laughing. "Never." He had won again, today was one of his days, he controlled the mind while I controlled the body.
After getting myself dressed, I covered the burns on my arms with my long sleeved shirt, disposing of the bloody clothes I had worn that night. I found that in my nightmares, I would scratch at my neck, trying to kill myself was I wasn't conscious, while Kira couldn't stop me. Opening the door, I walked down the long dark hallway, using my hand to lead the way. The lights weren't on yet which meant either no one was up, or that L hadn't even bothered. Most likely the second one.
"Light is up early." I heard the voice echo once I reached the main investigation room, and I grunted, sitting down on the couch, keeping my turtleneck sweater in place, covering my claw marks. "I suppose so." I muttered, hating small talk. I didn't like talking much anymore, my voice didn't sound like mine, it was someone else's. "Recently, you look very tired, Light. Are you getting enough sleep?" Always prying into someones life, aren't you L? "Yes, Ryuzaki. I'm getting enough sleep, thank you very much." I said rather boredly.
"Hmmm." L hummed, but returned his attention to his beloved computer screen. My day consisted of helping Ryuzaki with the Kira investigation, hiding myself from prying eyes, and drinking coffee, a drink that I had recently become strongly addicted to. 'I need to find a way to kill him.' I thought, and then I argued with myself. 'No I don't.' My mental battle must have lasted a long time, because I was disturbed by L clearing his voice. "You don't look okay, Light. You seem to be distant today." I smile my secret Kira smile. "Of course not, Ryuzaki. I'm perfect as I am everyday." My words seemed arrogant even to my ears.
"Light is not perfect, no matter how many times he says so." I laugh, "Keep telling yourself that, Ryuzaki." I murmured, looking at the ground. Ryuk laughed behind me, his wings making an annoying flapping sound. "You can't hide from him forever, Light." I smiled in my mind, 'Of course I can.' There goes the arrogance again. My mind told myself it was only natural to be that way, that that was what I had always been like. I wasn't sure though, I wasn't sure about anything anymore. Confused, I felt double crossed by myself, my thoughts mixing together into two different forms. Maybe one day I would decide to give up and let Kira win. That day didn't feel long off, but I knew, at least for today, I could hold onto the reality of me being Light Yagami. Only Light, and nothing more.
Well, I hope you like it! This is my second shot so please review, I hope you enjoy the story and I Will try to update regularly. Thank you for reading! XD