So, I have now written a second Power Rangers parody in a totally different style. Hope you like it!
How to Become a Power Ranger in Three Easy Steps
So, you want to be a Power Ranger.
You're life's ambition is to fight off fairly silly-looking monsters while covered head to toe in brightly colored spandex and to keep a major part of your life secret from nearly everyone you know.
Well, who am I to judge? After all, those giant robots are pretty awesome.
But how will you go about becoming a Power Ranger? It isn't as though a powerful interdimensional being is going to walk up to you in the street one day and say, "You're a Power Ranger now, good luck."
First of all, he'd teleport you against your will to his base first and, second, that only happened to the Original Five. You're too late.
So, you could catch the bad guy's eye with your sheer talent at martial arts or your… prettiness and cool accent. (1)
The villain will turn you into a brainwashed slave, but once the other Rangers free you, you'll automatically become a member of their group, no questions asked and, if you aren't already a Power Ranger, you will become one with time.
But what if the villain doesn't notice you? Or, alternately, what if you don't want to deal with the repercussions of having done evil things whilst under mind control? (Though, honestly, you needn't worry. The whole "formally evil" thing will be forgotten within days by everyone—yes, even you—unless it happens to be temporarily remembered because it's relevant for an adventure or two.)
How do you get the Rangers to choose you for their team?
Well, first, let's talk about what you don't need.
You don't need any particular talent in martial arts, science, or strategy. You'll magically learn everything you need to know about these things almost as soon as you put on the costume. (You actually won't learn any strategy, but who needs strategy?)
You won't become an inventor, but that's okay. Chances are, the team already has one.
You don't need to show any signs that you're capable of handing great power without becoming corrupted. People will just assume that you are.
You don't need to prove your willingness to fight, though you probably don't want to be a Ranger if you aren't willing to fight.
You don't need to prove that being a Ranger will be your first priority and that you'll be willing to drop anything else, no matte how important, in the event that the world is in any sort of danger. Again, it's just sort of assumed.
You don't need to be old enough that sending you to fight wouldn't be considered gross negligence at best and child endangerment at worst. Most of the Rangers are in high school, anyway. When they first became Rangers, they were 14 or so.
So, what do you need to do?
Three easy steps:
(1) Discover the Ranger's secret identities.
This is best done accidentally, through some unexpected twist of fate.
As I will explain in #3, it isn't strictly necessary to know the secret identities of the Rangers, provided that you know the Rangers themselves, though it does make things much simpler.
But if you have not yet accidentally stumbled upon the Power Ranger's secret identities, how will you know who to endear yourself to?
It's quite simple, really.
Find a group of five to six teenagers who all hang out together, all are martial artists, and each wear the same color every day. This color will correspond to their color within the team. They may or may not have other teenagers whom they hang out with—three at the most—who may or may not have chosen their colors already.
The Rangers will, of course, disappear every time a monster attacks, no matter what they're involved with at the time.
Spend time with them, but don't reveal that you know their identities, they think they're being highly secretive.
(2) Live in Angel Grove, or at least close enough that you can switch to Angel Grove High at a moment's notice without raising too many eyebrows.
This is absolutely crucial.
Despite the fact that the Rangers have technology fully capable of teleporting the entire team from Australia to the United States at a moment's notice—not to mention other planets—the unwritten by-laws of the Rangers state that every Ranger must attend Angel Grove High, even if they're twelve or if they aren't from planet Earth and thus probably shouldn't attend high school in the first place.
(3) Do a good deed.
This is even more important than #2, as this is where you will prove that you have the one and only trait which is actually required in order to become a Power Ranger: a good heart.
You're good deed should attract the Ranger's attention and should, ideally, involve rejecting evil in some way.
If you do not know the Ranger's identities, you need not reject evil, but your good deed should be somewhat bigger and more impressive and should also demonstrate a second useful character trait such as being able to keep your head in a crisis or not abandoning your friends.
Belonging to a minority is useful, but not necessary.
Already dressing exclusively in one color is also useful, but again, not necessary.
Now you just have to wait. Sooner or later there will be a vacancy on the team, and you can join the ranks of those who fight against ancient powers dedicated to conquering your planet and possibly more.
Try not to die.
Note: If you're very lucky, you may be the only person on hand when the Rangers are really desperate for a replacement and thus become a Power Ranger by default, but this is very rare. I wouldn't count on it.
1: Do we ever find out what Rita's interest in Kat was?
Thank you for taking the time to read. I hope it was informative and your feedback is, as always, greatly appreciated.