Ridiculous one-shot for the kink meme. Thought I'd share :3

"Soren, give me some tactics," said Ike tersely, looking out across the swamp toward the Dawn Brigade and their army.

"In all technicality we merely need to survive until the Gallians ford the river," Soren reported, "However, that being said-"

"We can totally take them!" Boyd exclaimed with glee.

"Precisely," the tactician said with a stern glance in Boyd's direction. The larger man looked sheepish and went quiet. "They vastly outnumber us, but we are superior to them in every other way. They have numbers, yes, but not the skill necessary to defeat us. The sole exception is the Black Knight."

Ike nodded sharply. "That battle will come, but not now. I'm not ready now."

"Well that's all well and good but what're we supposed to do now?" Shinon drawled.

Ike looked to Soren. Soren's eyebrows furrowed before he replied, "Mia."

"Ooo, what do I get to do!" she asked with glee.

"An offensive against the Black Knight would be suicide. However, you are quick enough that he couldn't even hit you. Therefore, you are going to engage and launch a defensive attack against him. Distract him, but do not get yourself killed in the process."

"Right!" she exclaimed, cracking her knuckles.

"And," Soren continued, looking thoughtful, "Shinon and Rolf paired with Boyd and Gatrie should be able to easily take care of their wyvern riders. Ike, you and I should launch spearhead the charge, as we work quite well together and thus should not be easily hit either, and even then what wounds we do suffer I can mend. The rest of our team – Haar, Mist, Ranulf and Illyana – can provide backup for any units that we do not take out."

"All right! Greil Mercenaries, go!"

It was hard to comprehend at first. Micaiah couldn't understand – how was it that ten people could take on an army of over a hundred and be winning?

"I will never sleep again," Leonardo admitted.

"That was scary," Edward agreed. "I thought I was strong, but…"

Micaiah was bandaging her own wounds after she and Laura had fixed everyone else up. "I can't believe I met another one like me," she said softly, "and he hit me with two meteors!"

"I walked up to Ike," Zihark recounted somberly, "and he knocked me out in one hit. I didn't even touch him. I have never been so embarrassed to be alive."

"I got nearly chopped in half by a hellspawn on the back of a wyvern," Nolan recounted. "There was no way that that creature was truly a mere wyvern lord."

"That was Haar," Jill said sadly. "Not that I got to see him, as I was struck down by lightning from Illyana."

"Micaiah, I'm sorry," Leonardo said sadly, "I tried so hard to kill that little mage who hit you with the meteors, but he dodged way too fast and then he hit me with magic so hard I had to run before I died and he may have given me a concussion."

"It's okay, Leonardo," Micaiah replied, patting him on the shoulder.

"Even the Black Knight couldn't kill Ike," Edward reminded him. "He hit him, yes, but didn't kill him. I think that's the first time I ever saw the Black Knight not kill something. He didn't even hit the purple-haired girl!"

"Poor, poor Meg," Fiona said sadly. Volug said something, but no one knew what it was.

Sothe, the only other person to have survived the charge, had been gagged to assure he didn't exult in the Greil Mercenaries' victory.