Disclaimer: I think everyone here can guess I am not Stephanie Meyer. So quite clearly I do not own Twilight.
Author's Note: I wrote this because I think there simply isn't enough of not-too-vulgar Edward/Bella lemon fics in this world. Just a one-shot of (hopefully) high-quality smut and fluffy romance. Enjoy!
1. Thoughts and Actions
Many seem to be under the impression that reading minds is a convenient gift to possess. And sometimes it can indeed be rather useful, especially if one needs to live like we do - in hiding, lying, fooling others to guarantee some peace of mind.
But what no one considers is the true nature of the human mind. It's deceiving. It's deep. It's black. It's full of things not meant for voicing aloud, not meant for the ears of strangers. Like a mother, so carefully nursing her child, who deep in her exhausted mind thinks about smashing the child into a wall. It's just a flickering, passing thought. Later she's ashamed of her weakness, blaming herself for being a bad mother. And the thought is buried deep down, locked up. But it remains there nevertheless, somewhere deep down in her mind - perhaps to resurface later, perhaps to remain locked up forever.
Of course, during my long existence I had overheard many thoughts like the aforementioned. Years ago I had misused my talent of hearing to punish those I had deemed incurable, those who chose to fulfill their raw fantasies. I had been playing God, without stopping to listen to my own thoughts, without stopping to judge myself in the same manner I judged others. But I always knew deep down that I would return to the ways Carlisle had taught me eventually; I just never admitted to myself that what I was doing was a giving in to a period of teenage rebellion - I wasn't killing those human monsters because of their crimes. I was killing them because I was selfish and weak and thirsted for their blood. There is only a short journey to travel between battling against monstrosity and taking part in it. And so eventually I returned to Carlisle, ashamed and loathing myself. And after that I willed myself to be good, to deserve his respect.
Of course, this determination did me little good today.
"Hmm, I wonder what sort of underwear she's wearing? I bet it's something white and innocent. I like that..." Steve Wells was thinking, sitting on the right.
"I think I could see down her top if she would bend over. I wonder if she'd pick up my pencil case if I pretended to drop it in front of her...might be worth a shot..." Mike Newton was musing behind me. The git.
"God, I can't even look at her in the eye after seeing that dream... I wonder if this means I'm a lesbian? My mom is going to kill me...maybe I should talk to her, try to become her friend..." Lucy Barker was thinking at the back of the classroom.
"I bet she and Cullen are doing it... That would be kinda exciting to see... uh, no, maybe that would be just weird...I wonder if she goes down on him?" Tyler Crowley was pondering, sitting next to Newton behind us.
My pen snapped in half in my fingers. I turned to throw a furious glance over my shoulder at him. He met my gaze with surprised eyes and shivered at the unexpected anger radiating from my eyes.
"God, Cullen is just so creepy sometimes...I think he's doing drugs or something. His eyes are so weird..."
I held his gaze for a moment while nervous thoughts rummaged through Crowley's head. Then I slowly turned back towards the front of the classroom where Mrs. Crewe was holding her tedious history class. History classes were always the worst. Firstly because coincidentally nearly everyone participing in this course at the same time as Bella and I happened to be male. Secondly because our current subject was prehistory. Thirdly because Bella and I had been assigned to sit almost at the front. The two first reasons combined with the third resulted in a classroom full of hormonal, bored males who, instead of concentrating on Paleolithic human types, concentrated on staring at Bella's back and daydreaming about her in various degrading and unrealistic pastimes. How irritating.
"I wonder what she looks like when she's having sex with Cullen? I can imagine it... her moaning when he's sliding into her...him sucking at her breast - the left one...damn..." Newton was letting his imagination go wild.
Hmm. Not only was this irritating but it also made it very, very hard to concentrate on what Mrs. Crewe was telling about microliths, when I was secretly rather intrigued by some of the thoughts I picked up. I peeked at Bella out of the corner of my eye. She was sitting and scribbling down her notes, perfectly unaware of the dirt she was subjected to in the heads of her classmates. She was absent-mindedly twisting a lock of hair around her left hand, all innocent and sweet, the only person in the classroom who even tried to concentrate on the subject. I reached to brush the lock of hair behind her ear and covered her hand with mine against the table.
She turned her beautiful eyes towards me and gave me a smile. She was so beautiful and so undeserving of these surroundings that I wanted to grab her and run out immediately, take her to my car and speed away, possibly somewhere where we could be alone and spend hours kissing... and I could make her blush by caressing her cheek, kissing the sensitive skin of her neck, teasing myself as well as her... pull her body close and hear her moan my name... continue kissing along her neck, smell the sweet fragrance of her skin, let my hands roam over her soft body, open the buttons of her blouse...
I shook myself out of it while Tyler Crowley continued to imagine opening the buttons of Bella's blouse and letting his mouth wander along her skin. I turned and gave him another poisonous glare.
"Freak." his thoughts replied at my hostile stare, but at least he turned his eyes away and towards his notes.
"Are you all right?" Bella murmured next to me, my sudden change of mood clearly not having escaped her attention. I forced a reassuring smile back on my face.
"Yes. Crowley's just getting on my nerves today." I murmured back. She smiled understandingly and stroked my palm with her warm fingers. Her touch was like fire that fueled my already slightly incoherent mind. Perhaps over-active male hormones were catching somehow? I wondered, closing my eyes and trying not to think of her caressing some other parts of my skin. Get a grip of yourself, Edward Cullen. You're acting like any one of these vile litte boys... I thought to myself, feeling a familiar sense of self-loathing wash over me. Bella would think so lowly of me, knowing what sort of thoughts were currently parading through my head, I realized.
I opened my eyes and focused my eyes on Mrs. Crowe's over-weight and withered form, blocking all thoughts and things out of my mind. If only Bella's hand would stop caressing mine so torturously, if only her thigh wouldn't brush against mine in such a tempting way.
"Maybe they haven't even had sex. I mean they're always together but they don't touch much in public. Apart from this hand-holding stuff and him constantly staring at her as if she was his lunch. Jessica seems to think they haven't... if I was together with Bella I would touch her all the time, ha... maybe Cullen's too intimidating. Maybe she doesn't even want him to touch her..." It was Crowley again, his mental voice clearly bitter about my earlier glares. I felt like smashing his stupid, petty head against the table.
"...And Bella is so innocent. I bet she wouldn't let him touch her..." his annoying voice continued in my head, pushing me to my limit.
Instead of turning and snapping his spine in half I very slowly untangled my hand from Bella's and lowered it down. I let it fall on her knee, caressing it softly before sliding it up to rest on top of her thigh . Only Crowley and Newton who were sitting directly behind us would see this gesture.
"Wow.. okay. Um. That's... pretty hot." Newton was thinking, staring at my hand. For a moment Crowley's thoughts were completely silent when he gaped at the sight.
"Well, maybe she would, then." He finally concluded. Both of the boys continued to stare at my hand, willing for it to move towards... but I didn't dare finish my thought. Not with my hand actually this close to...that.
I looked at Bella nervously, ready to pull my hand away if I sensed it made her uncomfortable. She had frozed slightly when I had put my hand there and I could hear her heart beat rapidly in her chest. She wasn't looking at me but she wasn't making any notes either. There was blush on her cheeks. I was just about to pull my hand away, embarrassed and regretting my bold and unnecessary action when something hit my sensitive senses.
I was certain of it. I could smell it, the tempting scent. And suddenly it felt as if my hand was glued on her thigh. Her skin felt very soft even through the fabric of her jeans. I was very aware of the unsteady beating of her heart and the way the blush was deepening on her cheeks. I was also very aware of the two boys gaping at us from behind. I was frozen to my track, unable to pull my hand away, mesmerized by the unexpected reaction my touch had brought out in her. I knew I shouldn't have encouraged it. I knew I shouldn't have been intrigued by it. And then, when I thought the moment couldn't get more awkward and charged, I realized I was aroused as well.
Couldn't the class end already?
We continued to sit like that for six torturously slow and long minutes, staring at Mrs. Crewe scribbling time division duplexes on the blackboard, not listening to a word of what she was saying. My hand felt warm from resting against her for so long. Her arousal was becoming more evident every minute. I wondered if she had noticed mine. At some point I tried to move a bit closer to the table to hide my lap underneath it. In the process my hand moved slightly on her thigh and I heard her gasp quietly. My mind was wandering, thinking what it would be like if it were just Bella and I in this classroom, if I was free to move my hand where she seemed to want me to move it...
Finally the bell rang. The charged moment came to an end - I was up in a flash, pulling Bella with me. She started to gather her things while Newton and Crowley got up. Newton walked past us. I saw in his mind what was about to happen a mere second before it happened.
"Aww, shoot! Bella, do you mind...?" He said when his pencil case slipped from his fingers and fell on Bella's chair. Bella was about to pick it up for him but I grabbed her hand almost roughly, my eyes throwing daggers at Newton who took an automatic step back.
"Don't worry about it, Bella. I'm sure Newton can pick it up himself." I said, my voice strangely rough in my ears. I kicked the chair with the pencil case out of our way and pulled her behind me when I rushed away from the classroom. She followed, not reluctantly. I started walking briskly towards the parking lot.
"There they go, probably about to get steamy in his car or something..." Newton was thinking bitterly, staring after us.
"Edward, what... where are we going? We still have English," Bella reminded me when she realized where we were headed to, trying to slow me down. I continued to walk, wrapping my arm around her and pulling her with me.
"I can't stand another minute in there." I murmured into her hair. "All of those things people were thinking about you..."
"What were they thinking?" She sounded upset. "Something bad?"
We reached my car and I opened the passenger door for her and gently pushed her in. I was in the car in a flash and started it. She was staring at me, her eyes big. And upset, still upset.
"Don't worry, it's nothing serious..." I didn't continue further. What could I tell her? That I was upset and wanted us to ditch school because I couldn't handle a bunch of teenage boys thinking about having sex with her? I couldn't even imagine what she would say.
We drove to her house in silence. She was biting her lower lip, looking worried. She had crossed her legs - I wished, like so often before, that I could hear what she was thinking.
"Will you come in?" She asked me when we reached her house. I turned to look at her, smiling. It was easier now that we were alone.
"Of course." I said simply. She smiled back at me. Then she reached to give me a slow, tentative kiss. I liked it - it was quite rare for her to kiss me. Usually she waited for me to be strong enough to kiss her - even now that I was so used to it that the chance of any accidents happening was rather minimal. Nowadays I was normally very much in control of my bloodlust. So I gave in to her kiss, raising my hands to caress her cheek and her hair. She was so soft...
We continued like this for a moment. The kiss had started out innocent enough but soon transformed, becoming more passionate and urgent - she was kissing me with more force now and my lips were returning the favour. I clasped at her sides, undoing her safety belt and pulling her closer. She was panting against my mouth and the sound was more welcome and tempting than any sound I had ever heard her make. My stolen fantasy slipped back into my mind. Kissing her neck, licking at her ear, slowly opening the buttons of her blouse...
"You don't know how much it makes me go mad, listening to the perverted thoughts of Newton and Crowley on History classes," I confessed against her lips. My voice came out ragged because she was kissing me as I spoke, her hands around my neck.
"Hmm... I think I know how it feels...to go mad," she said in a similiar ragged tone of voice, claiming my lips. "You touching me..." I pulled her into my lap. It was slightly uncomfortable with the amount of space between me and the wheel so I forced the seat back. She fell into my lap, her thighs on each side of mine. And she was aroused again. I couldn't think, I just crushed my lips against her in a way I had never let them crush them before. A part of my mind was yelling at me to stop - a bigger part of it was saying: "Just a while longer..." she was clasping at the sides of my face now, desperately kissing me. God, I wanted her, more than I had ever wanted anything.
Please...I was thinking, but I didn't know what I was asking - to find the strength to stop or to find the strength to continue? She corrected her pose into a more comfortable one. Her center brushed against mine and even through the clothes I felt it; her incredible heat. She drew in a sharp breath and I was panting. Please... was thinking again. Please let me be strong enough.
And I pulled her lips away from mine, holding her face close to mine. She opened her eyes and looked into mine. I gasped at the sight - she was flushed, her pupils had dialated, her eyes were black, similiar in their colour to mine when I hadn't hunted recently. Her hair was tousled and flowing down like a wild river around her face. Her lips were swollen and red from my kiss, my venom glistering on them. She looked...sexy. As I watched she licked my venom off of her lips, and I could've sworn I had never seen anything more sexy and desirable than her red tongue when it claimed my venom into her mouth. Her heated center was pressing against mine, the scent of her arousal strong in the air.
I was lost.
"Bella." I said, my voice breaking. I pulled her back, desperately, urgently, forcing her mouth against mine. She wrapped herself tightly against me and I hazily realized I was reaching for the door handle, opening it, pulling her with me. She wrapped her legs around my middle and we never broke our kiss when I sped to the front door. She was clumsily reaching for the key in her pocket - I was quicker, pulling it out and opening the door. Charlie wasn't at home and wouldn't be in hours - I flew the stairs up and into her bedroom. Only a second had passed since I opened the door before I laid her down on the bed. She seemed reluctant to untangle her legs from around me. I chuckled into her mouth and let her get her way. I pulled her against me, with my back against the wall. I started trailing kisses along her jaw, making her whimper my name quietly. I had been wrong; that was the most tempting sound I had ever heard in my existence.
I kissed the skin underneath her collarbone, her warm body burning mine, so pleasantly inviting me closer. I pulled myself even closer to her, knowing that no amount of closeness would be close enough as long as we were wearing clothes. She shivered. I realized she was shaking from the contact with my skin and lifted my head, pulling myself a bit further away from her warmth, to give her more room. She misunderstood.
"No!" she whimpered, staring at me with huge eyes. "Please, Edward, if you'll stop now, you'll kill me."
Her choice of words woke me up. I had merely intended to pull a cover over her but hearing the words "kill me" from her mouth shook me back to reality. What in the love of God was I doing? We needed to stop - immediately. Nothing had changed but the over-drive of hormones inside my brain; I was still dangerous and definetely way too close to her bare skin to keep my self control in check. Like an animal fleeing from destruction I jumped up from the bed and rushed to the other side of the room, pressing my back towards the wall. Having some space in between of us seemed like a good idea at the moment.
Not so good anymore when I heard a sob escape her lips. She hadn't moved, instead she was still facing the wall, her left hand that just a moment ago had been in my hair placed in the spot where I had been just a moment ago. It was quiet for a moment; I was listening to her reaction, worried. It pained me to think that I had hurt her. And when a second sob wretched itself out of her chest I knew with absolute certainty that I had. I moved quietly back towards her, sitting on the edge of her bed. I reached out for her but hesitated before my hand touched her - would she accept my consolation when it was I who caused her this pain? Time and time again.
Her shoulders were shaking soundlessly. I sighed.
"Believe it or not, Bella, I am not trying to hurt you on purpose... I just can't do anything right." I almost whispered to her, looking at the floor boards. I felt embarrassed for some reason I couldn't really fathom. Ashamed... I reflected upon the unforeseen emotion. I felt like... like I wasn't a man for not being able to satisfy her. Like I was impotent. The comparison made me feel twice as ashamed.
"Why can't you be mine, then?" Bella asked quietly, her eyes still to the wall in front of her. "Why can't I ever have you?" She turned on her back and looked at me, blinking through her tears.
"Bella, you do have me, I swear..." My voice was full of emotion and I clasped her hand in mine, begging wordlessly for her to believe me. Her teary eyes looked into mine, full of doubt, and I wished I could cry with her. To show her that I meant it. Every word.
She smiled at me joylessly. "But I can never have you completely. And I want it... I want you... " And her voice broke and her face grimaced when tears spilled over her eyes again. I wished I could die to not have to watch her cry tears that I had caused as surely as if I had beat her. I laid back down next to her and gathered her gently into my arms.
"Shh, Bella, please don't cry. " I begged her, helpless as a child. I didn't know how to comfort her, I didn't know how to make everything all right. "I love you, I love you so much, too much..." I was whispering into her hair, trying to make her understand, to make her calm down. But I knew I could do nothing - something had changed today, we were past the point of explanations now. The last drop had fallen.
"How could you? How could you touch me so casually? How could you make me hope?" she demanded me, her voice stronger now. She was becoming angry. I welcomed her anger.
"I'm sorry. It was something Crowley was thinking of, something that set me off." I confessed. I heard how feeble my explanation sounded and was ashamed again. I had been acting like a little boy. She didn't say anything. I cradled her in my arms, uncertain wether ot not she wanted me to speak.
"Edward," she seemed to hesitate. "Why exactly won't you...well... sleep with me?"
I sighed. "You know why, Bella. You know I might lose control and hurt you."
"But it's been easier for you lately, right? To stay in control, I mean." she asked me. There was something in her voice... I had a sudden strange feeling that she was trying to lead me to say something. I hesitated.
"Yes." I finally said, trying to keep the suspicion out of my voice. She lifted her head up from my arms and looked at me with a strange look in her eyes. She looked... calculating. I narrowed my eyes at her.
"Then what if we wouldn't exactly sleep together?" she asked me. Her voice was barely more than a whisper, and had I not been frozen out of suspicion I probably would've shivered at the tempting sound of it.
"What does 'exactly' mean, exactly?" I questioned her. She smiled slightly at me and bit her lower lip, letting her eyes travel from my eyes to my lips. She rolled on top of me and bent down to kiss my lips very softly.
"Just relax, Edward. Don't move." She whispered against my lips.
She started trailing small, soft kisses over my jawline and over my neck. My body was frigid - I didn't know what she was planning and it made me nervous. I squeezed my eyes shut and concentrated on what she was doing, determined to pull her away from me if I felt like things were about to get out of control.
"I said 'relax'," she whispered against my ear, letting her tongue travel over it. I shivered out of pleasure and tried to relax myself. "That's better." She said and giggled, taunting me. Her teeth bit at my neck and suddenly I felt very, very aroused. Her tongue travelled moist paths down my neck and I felt her hand move slowly to open up the buttons of my shirt. She had some trouble with them so I decided against my better judgement to help her open them. I opened the buttons in a few swift movements - after all I didn't feel like I was losing control yet and this felt very, very pleasurable.
She circled my wrists with her hands and pulled my arms over my head, pinning my hands over my head.
"I said, 'don't move'." She reminded me, enprisoning my hands against the pillow. It would've been physically easy for me to shrug her hands off, but I felt strangely incapable to do so. And very, very reluctant. My arousal was throbbing painfully in my trousers and I hoped she wouldn't notice.
Then I felt her mouth against mine and I lost my trail of thought. What did it matter if she noticed my arousal, a less civilized part of my head was wondering, willing for her to press herself against it. Her scent intoxiated me, she was desirable and delicious and sexy - I didn't know if I wanted to bite her to feed off of her or to mark her, and those two seemed to be confused in my head - her lips were so close to mine and I was imagining how easy it would be to bite her lips, to shed blood from them. How it would taste to have it drip into my mouth. My lips crushed against hers and I felt almost desperate in my need for her. I was grateful when her lips moved from mine and started to explore my chest. She was no longer pinning my hands over my head, instead letting them wander along the blades of my icy chest. I let my hands stay over my head anyway - I was afraid of what I could accidentally do if I let myself touch her head; if my hands slipped, hurting her in my eagerness...
"You are so beautiful," she murmured. I opened my eyes. It was getting dark in the room, the thick clouds blocking the sun. I could still see perfectly. I admired the vision of her lips on my skin, and relished in the feeling of them. She looked up at me and smiled a bit shyly. And then she did something I certainly didn't expect and that definetely didn't match her shy smile. Her hand slipped from my stomach, purposefully searching its way down. And lower. I gasped violently when her hand pressed against something it had never pressed against before. My hands reflectively grasped at the pillow behind my head and I stared at her in shock. Her eyes were dark and unreadable. She moved her hand again and I groaned.
"Bella...please, you need to stop... I can't..." I was stammering. But even when I was saying it what I actually meant was: "Please continue, please don't stop." And this seemed to be what she heard, because as I watched her and she watched me her hand slipped - so slowly - beneath the fabric of my trousers. I squeezed my eyes shut again, grasping at the pillow as if I were a drowning man and it was a life vest thrown at me. Her hand was so warm around me and my brain was hazily thinking that my coldness must have felt repulsive to her. But I felt her open the fly of my trousers and slip her hand properly inside. And then I simply didn't think anymore. It was bliss. It was heaven. It was the single most pleasurable thing I had ever felt in my life. Her hand stroked at my length, very softly. I was panting.
And then I felt something else. Something...incredible. And wet.
"Bella!" I moaned - powerless to move, powerless to stop her, powerless to want to stop her - when her hot mouth closed around my arousal. My voice sounded weak, as if it was coming from somewhere very far away, when I repeated her name, over and over again. It was like a rope keeping me attached to a rock of sanity, the last piece of sanity I had left. Her mouth was doing things to me that I hadn't dared to think about; things I had heard in the thoughts of other people but had chosen not to listen to, out of secret envy. Because I had been wrong. Because I had been thinking this pleasure, this intimacy would never be possible for me. I hadn't realized I was holding my hands on each sides on her head, caressing her hair and grasping at it. The scent of her arousal was filling my senses, clouding my mind. It was a powerful thing, to know her want for me while I wanted her this badly. I was shivering underneath her touch.
And I didn't want her blood anymore - it was irrelevant. Something way more primal had been awakened inside of me, an animal that wanted not to hunt but to claim - I wanted to do things to her body that would make her as powerless underneath me as I was in her care. I wanted my name to escape her lips the way hers was escaping mine. I wanted her moaning, her hands clasping at the sheets. I wanted to fill her every need. I wanted her to become a part of me, so that instead of two missing pieces there would finally be just one. Complete.
I continued to whisper her name when her lips and tongue were doing wonderful things to me, working me towards something grand, something that beckoned me closer like a furious wave. It would've been so easy to give in, to let myself be devoured by the darkness and light. But I was afraid of it. I was afraid of what would happen when I would finally fall over the edge. I fought against the wave of pleasure, gently pushing her mouth away. She lifted her head up, looking at me with a dissappointed look on her face.
"What's wrong? It wasn't... good?" She asked me, uncertainty in her voice. I stared at her incredulously while she pushed hair out of her eyes and moved to a more comfortable position.
"Are you serious, Bella? I thought my reactions were a rather obvious give-away." I laughed and pulled her to lie next to me. I felt drunk from desire. She looked at me, suddenly happy again, and all I could think was how much I wanted her. I kissed her, tasting myself on her lips. It was a strangely arousing thing. I felt myself harden more, if possible. I pulled her closer to me. My erection was pressing against her thigh and I felt her take a deep breath. I continued to kiss her, letting my hands wander down her collarbones and to her blouse. I smiled satisfactorily to myself when I started to open up the buttons - the same buttons Crowley had fantasized about opening earlier. Ha, I thought, pressing my mouth against her left breast and licking at the curve that begun from in between of her breasts and would end underneath the cup of her bra. Which was indeed white, I marked.
She fidgeted a little, opening up the bra. I pulled the blouse and the bra off of her while she moved on to her jeans. I gasped at the sight of her when she came back to rest next to me, wearing nothing but a light blue lace...thing. It looked rather skimpy and I resisted the urge to rip it apart immediately and push myself into her. A monster in my head was very much in favour of this idea. The rest of my mind, luckily, was in favour of some slightly more tactful moves.
"You are beautiful," I said, remembering as the words left my mouth that she had said the exact same words to me earlier. Lifetimes ago, it felt. She blushed at my words - which was quite ironic, actually, considering the things that she had just done - and I brushed her cheek before letting my hand wander down her hot body. She shivered and licked her lips. Her eyes were eager and I guessed that she was afraid that I would stop anytime now. But I was past the point of stopping.
My fingers traced the skin over her rib cage, over her navel. It was insanely arousing to touch her in this manner, to touch her in a way no one else had ever touched her before. She seemed to be holding her breath when my fingers made a circle around her belly button.
"Do you want me to continue?" I whispered, my fingers wandering over her hip bone. My fingers hesitated, waiting for her confirmation. She had squeezed her eyes shut. She nodded slightly.
My finger slid down, along her smooth skin, till the edge of the skimpy lace underwear. I let it rest there for a while, enjoying the sound of her quick heart beats and shallow breaths. Then I moved it over her pulsating heat.
She was wet, I could feel it even through the underwear. The knowledge that it was I who had caused her evident arousal, the wetness underneath my fingers, was unbearably exciting. I pressed my fingers against her heat, tentatively, not sure I was doing it right. She gasped in pleasure and her back arched slightly. She parted her legs more, possibly unconsciously. My erection was painful now, demanding. I tried to not think about it and concentrated back on her - I caressed her through the lace, and her body responded by bringing her hips closer. Her scent was everywhere, enveloping me in the evidence of her need for me. I kissed her heat and she moaned. Her womanhood was swollen, I could see the lines of it through the fabric, I could feel it against my lips. I looked up at her. She had opened her eyes and was looking at me, her lips parted.
"Could I... Do you mind if I remove...?" My voice was hoarse, quiet and low. She understood and nodded to me, her eyes locked into mine. I never removed mine from hers when I pulled the underwear off of her and tossed it to the floor. She gestured towards me and I paused, uncertain. Then I removed my trousers and slipped my already open shirt off of my shoulders. I looked down.
It felt right. We both saw each other completely naked at the same time and there was no awkwardness, no uncomfortability. She was so heartbreakingly beautiful, her skin cream smooth and white, inviting me in. There was a faint blush on her cheeks and her cleavage. She didn't try to hide herself and I liked that - she parted her legs slightly. And when I looked there I couldn't look away. It was the most sexy, desirable thing ever imaginable. She was pink and swollen and there was wetness on her thighs where they had rubbed against her womanhood. The pinkness of her flesh stood out against her pale complexion like a rose against snow. I lowered my mouth against it, wanting to taste her. She was gasping and her hands flew to my hair, grasping tightly. The desperation of it excited me. I tentatively licked the bud I guessed would be pleasurable for her and she arched against me. I had to pull my head away for a few seconds, the suddeness of her movement catching me off guard. Then I went back, sucking and licking gently. She prisoned me between her thighs, tearing at my hair and moaning. I felt powerful and wondered if that's how she had felt earlier, when it had been me writhing against her mouth. I wanted to push her towards the wave of pleasure that I had barely escaped.
I lifted my right hand and felt out her reaction when I pressed against her entrance with my finger. She pressed against it, inviting it in. I spead some of her wetness on it and pushed slightly in. It was met by a slight obstacle that I guessed to be her hymen. I was careful with not being too rough with her. I returned to my previous task of kissing her wetness while I worked my finger inside of her. She was tightening around it and I noticed that every time she did so she was moaning slightly more and rocking her hips. I pushed my finger slightly upwards inside her and sucked her bud and suddenly she screamed and clasped at my hair violently, her back arching and she was tightening around my finger. Then she seemed to stop breathing, and her heart skipped a few beats.
"Bella?" I asked, worried. She was lying completely motionless for a moment, staring at the ceiling. Then she looked at me, sat up and pulled me on top of her so that our faces were only inches apart. Her hair was like a dark waterfall on the pillow; I was mesmerized by her beauty.
"Edward," she said, her face very solemn. "If you don't make love to me right now I swear I will never, ever forgive you."
I was only too happy to oblige. Even though it had always been her trying to convince me to give in to her bodily demands, at this very moment it felt as if it had been I who had begged her to make love to me all along. My head felt clear and I had trouble remembering why I had resisted giving in this long. Could I hurt her? Yes. Would I? Never. I would just have to be very, very careful.
She helped me by leading my painfully throbbing erection against her entrance. We both gasped out loud as the tip of my arousal touched her wet folds for the very first time. I was overcome by the sudden urge to press myself inside. I quickly defeated it, pausing at her inviting wound. She opened her legs slightly wider to grant me easier entrance and massaged my tip against her wetness. I gasped a little, feeling as if I might slip inside. She smiled at me. I never broke eye contact with her. I was trying to read her eyes, to check for any uncertainty in them - oh please God, don't let me find any, please - but was met by two dark orbs full of trust. I pressed slightly harder against her and she removed her hand and clasped at my back. I bent my head to kiss her softly on the lips and we breathed as one.
And then our bodies came together.
She gasped violently and buried her head against my shoulder when I penetrated her walls. I held very still for a moment, giving us both time to get used to the alien sensation. She was frigid underneath me, tensing her every muscle; her body instinctively fighting against the pain. She was holding her breath and I realized she was shaking, her heart beating rapidly like a bird's wings against a cage. I could smell the scent of her blood and tasted venom seeping into my mouth. I swallowed it and tried to concentrate only on the feeling of being inside of her, tainted as it was by her suffering.
"Do you want me to stop?" I murmured into her hair, trying to hide my reluctance at the idea of stopping. She shook her head against my shoulder.
"No..just...give me...a minute," she gasped. I kissed her hair and held as still as I could, becoming a statue. I felt her starting to relax underneath me, her shaking form becoming more limp. When she seemed completely at ease I started to move tentatively inside of her.
She felt hot. And incredible. I couldn't have begun to describe being inside of her - even though I had seen this all in the heads of others, it couldn't come close to how it felt to be one with her. I had waited so long for her - for my Bella. She was grasping at my sides, pressing me deeper into her and I was so close to losing control right there and then - I could barely stop myself from grasping at her sides as she did to mine, breaking her fragile body with my passion for her. Instead I fastened my fists around the pillow behind her head, feeling it tear underneath my vigorous grasp. I buried my face into it as well, biting into it, my jaw locking around the fabric as if it were the skin of my pray. I would not hurt her, I would not bite her, I commanded myself. Please give me the strength.
I groaned and flipped myself and her over so quickly she had no time to realize what happened. I saw her eyes widen when she realized she was suddenly sitting on top of me. I pulled her down for a desperate kiss, still clutching at the pillow with my other hand. Her fingers intertwined with my hair and she kissed me passionately back, her mouth as hot as her deepness. I clasped at the sides of her hips and helped her move - she whimpered and this time it was out of pleasure instead of pain, her mouth slightly open and her eyes closed. I lifted my right arm to cup her breast into my palm, running my finger over her firmened nipple. She moaned again and I felt her tighten around my length. I brought her down to lie against my chest and pushed harder into her, pressing her body tight against me. She was panting and I realized I was whispering her name again, waves of pleasure rushing over me. I pulsated inside of her and I knew she could feel it because she responded to it, her muscles tightening around me again. We were moving in quick, small motions now and she seemed to enjoy this, grasping frantically at my shoulders, biting into my neck and making sounds of pleasure. I was driving her further, wanting to make her come again. I quickened my pace even further and she moaned my name in a way that made my head spin. Had my name ever sounded as beautiful as it sounded now, falling from her hot pink lips, accompanied by sounds of her pleasure?
I stopped for a split second, savouring the moment when she lifted her head up to look at me. The look in her eyes was full of lust and desperation.
"Edward." She said, her ravished lips swollen, her face flushed and her hot mess of a hair falling over her shoulders and her breasts. There was a few stray feathers in her hair and I realized I must have torn the pillow apart. She bit her lip and looked at me in a way I had never seen her look at me before.
"Fuck me, Edward."
I pushed hard into her and she pressed her face back against my shoulder, crying out. I did it again, the pleasure almost taking me over with it - for a moment I actually feared I was about to get pulled over - and then she shuddered, cried out again and I could feel her convulse around me when she started coming. I was about to give in and follow her over the edge, listening to her cries.
But then I heard something.
Or maybe 'hear' wasn't the right word any more than 'see' or 'feel' would've been. There was a sensation of a veil swaying away from a window for a fraction of a second, a sense of another source of pleasure entering my awareness. And a name - my name. It was fleeting and weak but I recognized it immediately.
But then I couldn't care less anymore, because she jerked her hips against mine one last time, her muscles clenching around my length - and her nails dug helplessly into my skin and my hair and oh Bella dear God she screamed out my name, moaning - Edward I'm coming - and I was gone, so gone and - Bella you feel so good Oh my God I'm coming too please please please Bella I love you - and I had to bite into my own hand to stop myself from biting at the delicate, flushed neck only inches from my venomous teeth and she whimpered in pleasure one last time and then fell limp on top of me, her heat welcoming the coldness that erupted from my pulsating member.
I couldn't think, I couldn't move - the only thing that mattered, the only thing I could remember and the only thing my lips could find the words for, the only thing that existed was Bella, and the feeling of her warmth against and around me. Only Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella. Bella, Bella.
It was very quiet after that.
There was a steady sound from my wrist watch, oddly intermixing with the sound of Bella's heart beating in her chest. She was still lying on top of me, her heart so close to mine that it almost felt as if it was my own heart beating. I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her as close as I could without hurting her, and irrationally I wished I could hold her like this forever - I was as one with her as I ever could become.
She stirred a little in my arms and lifted her head to plant a very wet kiss on my lips. Then she let her head fall back on my chest and I kissed her hair. We laid like this for a moment and then I was shocked to feel her giggle against me.
"What's so funny?" I inquired her.
"You are," she replied cryptically and lifted her head up to look at me. "Mr. I-Know-Best. You seemed to enjoy the reluctant ride quite a lot."
And she laughed again. I couldn't help but to join her and we both laughed for a moment, simply enjoying the moment of afterglow. I felt high from what had just happened - I couldn't believe we had actually managed to make love! She had survived, the bed had survived - everything was intact but the poor pillow I had accidentally torn to shreds in my hands when she had first laid her mouth on me. Remembering that made me harden again and she stopped laughing, looking at me incredulously.
"Really?" She had the time to ask me before I claimed her lips with mine. I flipped her so that she was lying underneath me, never coming out of her while doing so. She answered my kisses keenly, her body still ready. She spread her legs wide open for me and I started moving softly and slowly, less urgently now - I was just relishing on the feeling of closeness and intimacy rather than trying to satisfy my hundred years' worth of sexual frustration.
However, I soon had to abandon my intentions. She simply felt too good. And she was very, very wet. I hardened even more when I came to think that a big part of why she was so wet was because of my fluids inside of her. For some strange reason this made me not only feel smug but also very, very aroused. I wanted to come into her again, to fill her. Luckily her body seemed to agree with my plans, because it didn't take her long to start convulsing around me again.
"Edward," she panted. "A little...harder."
I complied. She threw her head back against the pillow, closed her eyes and grasped at my hips, directing me to move faster. I knew she was close to coming and I quickened my pace, making her tighten up and wrap her legs around me, pulling me deeper into her than I ever had been. I panted, sliding my member deep into her, her slick folds welcoming me with wet sounds with every thrust. She opened her mouth and gasped.
God, Edward! Please continue, please don't stop, I need this, I need you! - Yes! Yes! Yes! Edward!
And I let myself come together with her for the second time, her energy pulling me over, our bodies tightly intertwined together.
This time it was my turn to let myself fall limp on top of her. I wasn't exactly tired, but I felt extremely satisfied and complete holding her. She felt very soft and breakable underneath me - how had she survived, for the second time, how? - and I moved to the side, pulling her into my arms. She seemed exhausted, keeping her eyes closed and snuggling closer to me. It was already dark in the room, early night replacing evening. I looked at my watch - it said 8 pm. Charlie would be home soon. I decided to give us the luxury to stay like this for a moment longer. I wished I could sleep with her - it would've been the perfect end to a perfect evening. Instead I felt more alert and awake than usually, my mind working fast, going through everything that had happened after we left school. I wondered if Alice had seen this coming - I hadn't seen her in the morning and even if I had she probably would've guarded her thoughts from such an occurance. Which brought something else to my mind...
"Bella?" I whispered after a while.
"Mmm?" she answered.
"I could hear your thoughts."
She lifted her head up, looking at me with a look of shock on her face.
"What?" she asked me, nervously. I smiled at her.
"For a while anyway. When you were... climaxing." I smiled at the memory. She was still staring at me.
"Can you hear them now?" She asked me. I shook my head.
"Only when you were coming, Bella."
"Why do you think that is?" She asked me, biting her lip and looking unnecessarily anxious. I pulled her back against me and kissed the top of her hair.
"Don't look so worried, honey. I think it was very pleasant... but I think maybe some part of your mysterious guard goes down when you're climaxing."
I could feel her blush against my chest, her skin radiating warmth.
"What exactly did you hear?" She asked. I thought about it for a moment - actually I hadn't heard much that she wouldn't have said out loud. Perhaps that was the key; usually she kept so much inside of her that perhaps I could only hear her when she was giving her everything - willing me to hear her, so to say.
"Mostly you were simply saying my name. In fact I didn't hear anything much. I could just feel it... like a door being opened near me." I was caressing her back absent-mindedly. Then I stopped abruptly. She turned her head slightly to look at me.
"What is it?"
"Charlie." I answered. And then I looked at her, the corners of my mouth pulling down against my will. I didn't want to let her go. She kissed me on the lips and then separated herself from me. I heard Charlie park his car outside while Bella pulled an old, large t-shirt and sweats on and tried to smooth her hair. I got up and got dressed in a flash, leaving no evidence of anything unusual into my appearance. She groaned unhappily all of a sudden.
"May I ask?"
"I just feel quite... messy." She said, her cheeks flushing a beautiful shade of red. "I mean I'm kind of... dripping, if you know what I mean."
I laughed out loud. A little smugly.
We both heard Charlie get in. Bella went to greet him downstairs and I followed, slowly. I smelled pizza - he had probably brought some with him, which was good, because quite obviously Bella had been busy with something else besides cooking.
"Hi, dad!" She greeted him cheerfully (and very suspiciously if you asked me).
"Hello, " I greeted him.
"How was work?" Bella asked him.
Charlie put his gun down on the table and took off his belt. His thoughts sounded tired. "Nothing much, just a couple of speeding tickets off the highway and a lot of paper work..." He paused to look at Bella and frowned. Not good.
"Did you change your hair style?" He asked her. Her hand automatically shot up to her still slightly ruffled hair, trying to make it flatter.
"No..." She said, nervously.
"Oh," I decided to help her out. "Yes you did, honey, don't you remember how Alice was experimenting with your hair today at lunch? Perhaps you didn't notice she was actually back-combing it.."
"Oh yeah, that must've been it!" She said and faked a laughter. I'm sure Charlie noticed. "Guess I should look into the mirror more often, huh?"
Charlie was still staring at her, clearly trying to think if her hair was really the only thing that was different. Luckily he didn't seem suspecting. Then he waved his hands towards the two pizza boxes on the table.
"I felt like some pepperoni pizza and brought a cheese pizza for you, if you're hungry." He said, still pondering about the change about her.
"Great, because actually I didn't have the time to cook. I'll eat in a while, though..." And she pulled me after her back upstairs, leaving Charlie to his musings. To my surprise she led me to the toilet and closed the door after us. Suddenly it occurred to me that I had never been to their toilet before. It was small and there was a glass shelf covered with shampoo bottles, soaps, shaving creams and nail clippers. She pulled some toilet paper from the roll and started folding it and stuffed it down her underwear.
"Are you sure it's not too early to be doing that?" I whispered, pulling her closer in the cramped space.
"What do you mean?" She asked, confused.
"I mean that there's a game on tonight which will keep Charlie occupied for a couple of hours...And I don't happen to mind that you're a little... messy." I let my hands wander along the hem line of her shirt, creeping up to caress her abdomen.
She looked at me with narrowed eyes.
"Who are you and what have you done with my Edward?" She asked and playfully slapped my hand. I chuckled but didn't remove my hand.
Then she jumped into my lap, wrapping her legs around me and our lips found each other while I silently reached for the door knob behind me and started leading us towards her bedroom, our lips never parting on the way.
Author's Note: Wow, I had a lot of fun writing this. If you had a lot of fun reading it, please leave a review!
I have also added a bonus Epilogue chapter, just for your further enjoyment. Thanks for reading!
Oh yeah, and check out my other Bella/ Edward story "The Human Experience", which is yet to be completed.