"I'll love you more than anything. No matter what."
Imagine having nothing...imagine being the humble soul you are, think of a time where you were grateful for having just one thing and wanting nothing more.
Imagine the only thing you have ever wanted, the only thing you needed...being taken away from you in a heartbeat.
A stupid, filthy second into her eyes outweighed the millions of times he gazed in my own. All the times he proclaimed his love for me, all the times he promised me things that would keep me smiling literally meant nothing to him.
He promised me a house. He promised me a life forever in his arms. He whispered nothing but love in my ear. He took my virginity. He was my first, I was his first. And he was supposed to be my last.
But he ditched you. For your cousin. Because her genes matched with his better than mine did. Because she could give him wolf freak babies. Because I was a genetic end.
And try that while knowing that you were still, sadly in love with him. That said, imagine the pain you felt when he simply glanced at you and you still had pathetic hope that maybe he'll come to his senses...maybe he'll come back to you. Then imagine the disappointment, when he failed to have any sprang of emotion dance in those fiery eyes.
Then learn, that the one person you've only ever wanted, desired for you to just go away.
Think about the times where I was stuck listening to him think endlessly about her, the sickening way he felt for her would hit me and I'd grow even more furious. He'd think about her in ways that made me sick to my stomach...sick to my mind...sick to my heart.
His love for her was literally a disease, it was killing me and he didn't even think twice about me, he didn't even care. I was suffering so badly...but he didn't even care.
Imagine knowing that despite all this, you'd still give him anything he would have wanted...but knowing that he'd just throw it away as if it was nothing.
When it was everything to you.
"Chicks before dicks,"
You had only one best friend in your life. One person who you could giggle and laugh with, a sister even. Someone who'd always be there for you. Someone who'd die for you. Someone who'd die before even thinking of betraying you...
I know there are only a few people in this world that'd be willing to do as such. I was so stupid to think she was one of them. The heartbreak when learning that she did indeed betray me, was even more for me to handle. As if my pain wasn't even worth the happiness that she was about to embark on...
I was just as demented as the fact that two people who you trusted the most, were the ones who skipped along in the sunset together and caused you so much grief that it literally sent you into an insane, dark prison of your own twisted mind...
I could see them, her happy scarred face dancing around with him, they were so in love with each other that I always wanted to throw up when ever I saw them kiss. I never made amends.
A nauseating twirl of sharp conflict tore deep in my skin when I saw her face, it made me too hurt to even notice those around me, I only focused on the physical pain...it was the only thing that could be healed. Know that my mind was in a not so healthy place...my mind was demoniac and wrong, it wasn't what it was supposed to be and I had fear that it would never come back.
On top of that, know that when you were in so...so much agony, that you cannot even express the the pain in words, and knowing full-well that they were the happiest. That they were wallowing away, with smiles on their faces.
And I here I still was, the pathetic, emotionless creature, broken beyond repair. So numb, that nothing seemed to faze me anymore.
And all I could do was stick around and witness.
"I'll always be there, Lee-Lee"
Fire, burning hot acid soaked your skin now. Yet you cannot even feel it. You cannot even understand the hurt, that you're in so much denial to the point of insanity. You're rational sense serves no value in this world. This cruel world.
You cried and cried, and bawled your little eyes out but you're own selfish world was crushed when the very pedestal was knocked over in one treacherous blow. You were way to senseless to even feel the knockout, but you were so weak that the shock on his face cut you like a thousand knives, the pain that sprung all over his face will haunt you forever in undying guilt.
And later, you learned that you were the reason he was gone. The hard rock that you needed at this time, so desperately. The universe was being so terribly wrong to you, that it even took away the one shoulder you could cry on, the one where you knew for a fact that they would die before you were hurt; real family...
I didn't even have that anymore.
The pain of losing him only worsened my deep depression, until I hit rock bottom. Something in me snapped. The emotionless me was soon the bitter harpy...the bitch. It was what happened, that made me realize that my pathetic little pain was never going to make anyone feel sorry for me. No one came for me. No one asked me what was wrong. No one loved me.
The only one that would for sure, for the rest of my life, was dead.
"I'm always on your side,"
From the few people in this world, he was the most happiest. So much stuff has happened to this little guy, yet his gift in staying pure and happy always made me fight the urge to smile slightly.
I lied when I said I had no family. I still had him, he wasn't as strong as my original rock, but he would do. He would do.
Despite his earnest voice and severity of his face when he said that, he was still young and slightly broken at the time; I knew he was lying. However, he stuck with his promise, often times defending me when it was unnecessary, when he knew I was wrong. But he'd die taking my side. I never deserved someone like him and God thank you, for putting him in my life.
He betrayed me not to long, when his own opinionated views clouded his judgment and forced him to run away from my side. When he walked his own path. I knew it would happen one day, but the hurt wasn't avoided.
It was then that I realized that he wasn't the happy little kid I always knew and loved, but a new kind...a not so gentle, yet not so cruel, a strong character. I had faith in him.
It was my turn to return the favor, for all those times that he served as my strong rock, it was my turn to protect him until death; to watch him with my life. Even if it meant dealing with vampire stench for the rest of my existence
And even though he lied to me, I could have never been more proud.
"I never want to imprint,"
Out of them all, this one has got to be my favorite.
Before, he was the only one I could talk to. He was the most cynical and abhorrent of the idea...he was probably the bigger hater, but knowing what I went through, no one hated it as much as I did.
Yet, I was the one who wanted to imprint. I was sick and tired of still being in love with Sam while he had moved on a long time ago, I was sick and tired of being the pathetic ex. So I escaped, to someone who was possibly just as depressed as I was...but I doubt he was ever on my level.
He understood me, though it took time to get through his thick head, he listened. He chose to listen instead of ignoring me, like the other guys. He talked and heard; he was still in love with her, but I was there for help and he was there for me. Both sarcastic little shits talking about how the world was cruel, ha, we could of made a lifetime movie.
But, you said you never wanted to forget about her. You said you never wanted your choices taken...you said you wanted to fall in love, the normal way.
And now, you've imprinted. And not just that, the devils spawn itself. You bask in her attention, you forget all about me...you forget all about how we used to converse and think, how we used to console each other; how you were my confidant.
You left me in the ditch. I was left alone, again.
And though, I am happy to see you happy, I can't help but think and wait about my own happy ending. I can't help but wonder why everyone around me gets their happy ending, I can't help but wonder why fate must have some sort of personal vendetta against me.
I can't help but wait for my happy ending...
Where is it?