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It's A Humpty Dumpty Kind of Life

So I grab my bags and go
As far away as I can go
Cause everything ain't what I used to know

Ghost In The Machine :: B.o.B

It's sleepless nights, and there is nothing he wouldn't give for even an hour of sleep, because there is not a thing that his subconscious could conjure up would be worse than the nightmare that he is living.

He had friends – he had a family – and had finally begun to understand what it meant to be loved. Everything was great, perfect in its way – or as perfect as he could expect his life to be. In an instant he went from having everything, to having it all stolen away – like a cool breeze freezingfreezingfreezing his heart. Lily, James, and Peter dead, gone for good – and Sirius as good as dead.

Sirius.

The name echoes through his mind, through his soul – it slices, it cuts, and it rips everything apart – because he would never have expected him to betray James, he would never have expected Sirius to betray him.

Maybe it was a life built on lies and empty promises, but it's still hard to see it that way, to forget and ignore all the secret kisses and whisperings of sweet perfect nothings in his ears. Maybe Remus meant nothing to him, maybe he was just another of Sirius' conquests, but it's still so hard to see it that way.

Even if he didn't mean anything to Sirius, it still doesn't change the fact that Sirius meant everything to him. Even if Sirius was able to betray him and forget him without even an ounce of guilt, it still doesn't change the fact everything reminds him of Sirius, and it hurts like hell. Even if Sirius was able to betray his friends, his family – or so Remus thought – and still remain whole, it doesn't change the fact that Remus is shattered into piece after piece after piece.

Because Sirius took everything from him: his friends, his family, his heart. Took everything from him, and left him with nothing, with no one. Shattered him into pieces, and scattered them everywhere – so there would be no hope of him ever being able to put himself back together.

And so he closes his shabby suitcase with a resounding click that echoes through his empty flat. He takes the suitcase in a clammy hand and apparates on the spot. Disappearing to everywhere, and yet at the same time, nowhere. Because if everyone he's ever cared about can disappear, never to be seen again, then there is no reason why he can't do the same.

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