He stood up. Standing up is the correct phrase here as he didn Lt slept at all. He is numb, both in his body and soul. She is gone, she really left. Its been barely a day since he gathered his courage and uttered the ultimate "I Will mend this broken heart" line.
" I may forget her name. Her face, her smile. But i will never forget that i loved Saber."
A Fate-Stay night One-shot.
Of course, it was easier to say that than to do it. He said it so confidently and with a smile as he feelt the breeze hitting his face. But deep inside, he held some regrets. Everything was so pure and fast. He probably wouldn´t change a single minute about their time together, still he knew he had more things to say to her. Almost inmediatly he plead to the heavens for some sort of extra time. A closure, one last moment feeling her true feelings. Maybe a thousand words. He must have at least that many left to tell her. Yeah a thousand words will do. One more hour and he will condense his heart in that many words.
But that won´t do. She is too far away. Both in time and space. The almost unveliable string of coincidential facts that bound them together for that marvellous days went into their normal configuration. So the miracle of them being together again cannot be anymore. All that he has are the memories, those bittersweet memories of happier times.
He knows that this will heal clean. He knows that he just have to bear with it for a bit. But in the meanwhile? What can he do in the meanwhile? He is used to grind his teeth and bear the pain. He got squashed protecting her after all. He is confident that both loved each other, and that this love will be a warm memory for both of them. But today it is just too painfull to bear.
A closure. He needs it to begin the healing. Before he begins to go to school as usual, before he can smile to his friends, before he can even walk outside his room. He needs a closure. And since she isn´t here anymore he must do so alone. He takes a deep breath and begins. He can´t go against his nature and tries to do it protecting her, even if he may be hurt a bit more while doing so.
I... I Love you.
The words still ring true. It´s a sad ring, but it is true nonetheless. That was his truth up until now and he needs to change it to another truth, little by litte. He tries to grasp her mirage, knowing that it is just faint air. Deep inside, she was always faint air. Two lives so far apart, so different with nothing but a single common goal and a single common feeling. Such a fragile bond is made to be broken. But it held good long enough to mean something. It held long enough for him to cry for her right now.
It´s been an honor to be with you.
With a chuckle he remembers how randomly it began. In a sense they were both naive. They were in a game. A dangerous game full of pitfalls. They lived through it against all odds. They supported each other and got to know each other way better than anyone else. They got so accustomed to each other that it was previsibly painfull to get away. But they didn´t care, for a while. They were one, for a week or two. They were one in body and mind.
I loved you. I really did. I dunno if u liked it or not.
He was freaked out when he found out that he loved her. She was so different and so like him at the same time. Both had shields to protect each other. But for some reason the shields just didn´t raised this time. All precautions flew away the very first day and all they got was their bare selves, seeing each other in surprise. Their strenghts, weakness, dreams, fears everything was just there to see, one question away of being discovered. He began to knew that girl. He fell for her inevitably. It was just so simple, the right thing to do. You can´t just know that girl and not fell in love for her. It is just that way. At least to him.
But i will get over it okay? so no hard feelings.
All is over now. Her faint smell that he might imagined. The fair smile she showed sometimes. Her straightforward actitude to everyone else and the loving one she showed only to him. He began to enumerate them while tossing them out of his head one at a time. She gave everything to him and he gave all to her. Now all that is left to do is to remember and forget. Remember how wonderfull that girl really is while forgetting all his feelings for her. He might just make a sword out of nothing, it is easier in a way. Still he bears with it, talking about it actually make it easier. That is just the way he is. And he feels his feelings decreasing a bit, just a bit. But for now is okay. He is one step closer to his goal.
I will go get some fresh air, i need to heal ASAP.
Even if he wants to keep this process still going, the world doesn´t stop so he can mend his heart. The thing that people call "real life" request his presence. Duties, obligations, social activities. Those things that we forget while being in love but come with a vengeance when we aren´t. He needs to cook, he needs to clean, he needs to go outside. He will do whatever he can so she isn´t the only thing inside his mind. He does so. But she still is in his mind. Still he notices that he chuckled heartilly to a good joke from his friend. For that instant, just for that instant he forgot her a bit. He knows that he still has a long way to go. But his closure may work.
Do the same please, i don´t want you to cry because of me.
However, she comes again to his mind. He cares for her. It is natural. She is not with him anymore. She is not his girlfriend anymore yet she is dear to him. And she must be suffering. The degree isn´t important. He doesn´t want her to suffer. He sweared to not let her suffer, along other things. He watched over her sleep. He is the keeper of her fears. He doesn´t want to see her beautifull face stained with tears. Not for him. He doesn´t deserve it. So he prays. Not for Unlimited Blades. He prays for her. Heal fast, my love. Go and take me out of your head quickly. I will follow your lead.
I really hope to see you later, maybe tomorrow.
And then there is hope. Hope for the unlikely. Not a second miracle of love, but for another miracle. A lesser one. To be able to see her again. That after both are healed, they can look back at this with a tender feelings. That is his hope. Because even if it is awfully painfull right now, it was even more wonderfull while it lasted. He wants to be special in a good way to her. He wants to know she is doing fine. That she, in whatever place she may be, will remember his name later and smile. Because he will. He will remember her with a bright smile in his face. Not unlike the one he had when she said yes.
Good night, princess.
He closes his eyes one last time. Remembering that elusive face of hers. Was it all a dream?. Was it all a lie?. It was truth for him. He hold her, he kissed her, he loved her. And she hug him back, kissed him back, loved him back. Was it a single night or a million?. It doesn´t matter. Just as life isn´t measured in age but in life experiences. Love is not measured in days, but in feelings. They were true. Those nights weren´t a lie. Those days existed. And when he wakes up, she will go to sleep. So he will just say it one last time. To acknowledge everything. With his gaze blurred because his own tears. He say it one last time: "Good Night Princess. Sleep tight. Ours was an awesome dream. A fated one. I hope you get the continuation of the dream."
Giving my heart a rest, I step out.
I still care. I still hurt. Nevertheless I begun with the process. Now I can say your name with a smile again. I still have tears in my eyes. But my smile is true too. I will continue tomorrow. I think I made good progress today.I still feel like i need more words to say. I went way over the thousand words i wanted to say and i still want to write more. But i think this ones will do.I hope that these reach you. And as i feel the breeze on my face too I shout that line too.
I may forget your name. Your face, your smile. But i will never forget that i loved you. Thanks for loving me back. I must have done something right.
We might never get to see each others bodies. But your soul is printed in mine. Now back to our normal lives. Let´s regain ourselves. I just hope that in some little, tiny way. I made your normal life a bit easier and happier. That is all i want to. For you to say to me one day that you are beaming happy, and not scared of anything. I will be by your side on your way until you find your next knight. Because you are a beautifull, wonderfull princess. That is all i know. That is my truth. That was our truth
I must have done something right
To deserve you in my life
I must have done something right along the way.
The end... Of this Fanfic.