a/n: Me (formerly ashley286) and YourKarmaHitMyDharma (formerly nothings0irreversible) wrote this together several weeks ago on a whim. It was fun to write, and we posted it with some minor grammar errors on YourKarmaHitMyDharma's profile on the Bones fandom, but it wasn't very well-read. So I'm just now editing this and reposting it as a crossover. This is a parody, but I think it's very fun and light hearted, and we could all use some random nonsense that isn't really nonsense at all. :D
Disclaimer: We do not own any of the characters mentioned below, or any of the tv shows, movies, etc...
*cue the scary music*
It is Friday the Thirteenth in Washington D.C., The day of bad luck and creepers! Brennan and Booth randomly walk along the darkened streets because they were taking part in Washington DC's city-wide game of manhunt and they decided to team up (no surprise there!) and were meeting with their other team members (Michael from Lost and Shawn Spencer from Psych) in their super secret strategically planned planning area.
Booth- OMG! Bones!
Booth- I just noticed its Friday the thirteenth! WE'RE GOING TO DIEEEE!
Brennan- But—but I'm too young to die!
*Brennan falls to the ground and starts to bawl.*
Booth- GET A GRIP, WOMAN!
Booth- Well, it was your idea to take part of this weird man-hunt thingy... Once I think about it, why did you want to do a man-hunt?
Brennan- Because...*long pause* I wanted to?
Booth- Ohhh-kay...well...where did we strategically place our planning area, anyway?
Brennan- IN THAT DARK, CREEPY, ABANDONED WAREHOUSE...DUH, Booth. Jeez, you can be so stupid sometimes.
Booth- Wow you are SO hormonal today.
*Booth and Brennan bicker for a while then enter the abandoned warehouse*
Booth- Hey, Bones?
Booth- That's when two people become one...
Voice 1- WAAALLLTTTTTTTT!
Brennan- HOLY MC-SHIZZLE! What was that?
Booth- *whispers to himself* Please don't be a clown, please don't be a clown, please don't be a clown...*in somewhat stronger voice* who's there?
Voice 2- IT IS I, SHAWN SPENCER AND MY TRUSTY SIDEKICK-
Voice 1- I'm not a sidekick, you idiot!
Voice 2-Shawn Spencer: AND MY GOOD FRIEND, SOME WOULD SAY 'SIDEKICK', CHEX McTRADITIONAL!
Voice 1-Chex McTraditonal- Shawn, stop naming me after whatever you happen to be eating at the moment! *takes away Shawn's Chex Mix bag* you don't want me to start the whole one-word-vocabulary thing again, do you?
Shawn Spencer- I do not know to what you are referring. I neither named you after my chex mix, nor remember you having a one-word-vocabulary. *pouts like 5 year old when attempts at snatching chex mix bag back fail*
Voice 1(Michael) - *face palm* Ughhh. *whispers* Lord, give me strength... *now turning to Shawn* Fine, now you've asked for it...
Shawn- SHUT YOU'RE CAKE-HOLE, Chex McTraditional! We've got company...and one of them has a gun...
*Shawn takes out a cream puff*
Michael- Okay, ONE, their on our team, so no throwing perfectly good cream puffs at them.
*Shawn frowns and stuffs the cream puff back into his pants' pocket*
Michael-TWO, the guy who has the gun is an FBI agent. And THREE, you have really got to stop saying those cheesy overused lines...seriously.
Shawn-PUT A SOCK IN IT!
Booth-Can we start? I'm getting extremely fritzy over here!
Brennan- Fritzy? Is that even a word? It sounds like something my century-old grandma would say. Hehee...I'm SO mean...
Shawn- *ignoring the past few moments*ON TO THE PREPARATION!
*Shawn takes out his superman cape and makes airplane noises while he 'flies' into the next room. Michael rolls his eyes while Brennan and Booth follow.*
Shawn- WELCOME FRIENDS, SIDEKICK...
Michael- Call me sidekick ONE MORE TIME! *aims mace/paintball gun*
Shawn *in a very high-pitched voice*- AHHHH! DON'T SHOOT!
Brennan- Why don't I have a gun?
Shawn- Yeah, me too!
Booth and Michael- Oh God...
*Brennan and Shawn run off momentarily, then return with a four-wheeler with an attached machine gun filled with giant corn burrs*
Shawn- Okay! We have ammunition, ammunition firing devices-
Brennan- *smiling widely* GUNS!
Shawn- Yes, guns. Now all we need are minions and Scottish accents. But since we can't do Scottish accents, we need to come up with a war cry.
Michael- War cry? I vote for 'WAAALLLLTTTTTT'!'
Booth- I vote 'RANGERS LEAD THE WAY!'
Shawn- Um, no. Me and all my raccoon friends agree that we should use... *Shawn starts chattering like the stone crabs from Pirates of the Caribbean*
*mice run away in horror*
Brennan- (to Booth) He does have a point there... *GASP!* Do y'all hear that! Enemies are approaching!
Shawn- *puts index and middle finger to temple* Yes, I see it now. A crazed group of scientists heading this way... a curly haired blonde with a tattoo on his left arm... a gangly-ish young boy with long hair and oven mittens for hands... a 12 year old, not a scientist but a doctor *gasp* they're ALL DOCTORS!
*curls into fetal position and whimpers while sucking thumb*
Michael- DON'T JUST SIT THERE, MAGGOTS! LET'S ESCAPE!
*they all pile onto the 4-wheeler, with Brennan driving (causing Booth to be praying, huddled in the back basket of the vehicle) and Shawn with one hand on the trigger of the machine gun and his bag of Chex Mix in the other hand (which was why Michael was praying with a very concerned look on his face)*
Shawn- *chattering like stone crab*
Brennan- Hold on everyone! *pulls gas lever thingy all the way down, sending the 4-wheeler straight through 3 walls to the outside of the warehouse*
Booth, Michael, and Shawn- *screams like a little girl*
Brennan- MWA HAHAHAHAHAA! If it has wheels—
Booth- SHUT UP WITH THE CHEESY LINES AND STEP ON IT!
*A clown car suddenly speeds up next to them and the people inside start screaming insults in Japanese*
Booth- A CLOWN CAR? CLOWWNNSSSS?
*Booths starts to rock back and forth with a dazed look on his face, then he starts to cry (again)*
Shawn- So...they're Japanese Clown Doctors? HOLY CRAP. This is fudgin' messed up-
Michael-Of coursee you would be the one to use fudge—
Brennan- Shut up and focus!
*everyone goes quiet, Booth stops crying but then starts to hyperventilate*
Booth- Clowns, clowns, clowns-
Brennan- Okay, think! We have a group of Japanese clown doctors chasing us in a clown car.—
Booth- *starts crying and screaming*CLOWNSSSSS!
Brennan- WHAT DO WE DO.?
Shawn- We take a bazooka and shoot 'em until they all blow up into tiny pieces, so their guts splatter—
Booth- *suddenly happy but in a bad-ass way* I'LL DO IT!
*Booth takes out a big-ass bazooka from his pocket and begins to shoot like there is no tomorrow.*
Booth- TAKE THAT, CLOWN-BUTT-FACE! FEEL THE WRATH OF THE BAZOOKA! MWA HA-HA!
*Booth eventually blows up the whole clown car which turns into a hazardous situation for the other drivers on the road. But Booth remains pleased and sits back into his seat with a smile*
Booth-I feel much better now. *evilly chuckles*
Michael- I don't know if I should fist-pump you, be scared of you, kill you, or scream 'WALLTTTTTTT'...
Shawn- *casually eating chex mix, apparently unphased by all this* I think you should do none of those and give me $50,000. Those of you, who agree, say 'I'.
Shawn- *mildly offended* Well then! No one told me it was be-mean-to-the-guy-with-the-gun day! *sulking* Where are we even going?
Brennan- The president had the White House evacuated. Where do you possibly think we're going?
Shawn-...the cream puff factory?
Booth and Michael- *face palm*
~10 minutes later. The White House=total chaos~
*Shawn, Booth, Brennan, and Michael (with duct tape over his mouth to ensure he doesn't scream 'WAAALLLLTTTTTT') are hiding in a closet to escape the monkeys with experimental government jet packs. 19 manhunt players are outside, unconscious, due to being run down by flyaway monkeys and jetpacks. Shawn becomes tired of hiding and bursts out of closet, chattering (again). All monkeys flee except one particularly large gorilla, which Shawn knocks unconscious with a cream puff*
Shawn- Friends, comrades, sidekick *braces himself for punch, which immediately comes*, I have saved us all! Look! It's my old friend Ace Ventura!
Ace Ventura- Who goes there? Are you friends or enemies?
Shawn- It is I, Shawnicus Spenceris! The monkeys were friends of yours?
Ace Ventura- *overly dramatic (like only Jim Carrey/Ace Ventura can do) gasp* you found the one weakness of my monkeys! *starts pretending to melt* you fool! *faints*
*Brennan and Booth are watching all this is speechless shock. To Michael, this is just an average day around Shawn Spencer*
Michael- *rips tape off mouth* Well, let's move on, shall we? Shawn, bring the manhunt mobile around!
Shawn- *gives Michael a 'don't-expect-me-to-do-any-more-than-necessary' look before running off to get the 4-wheeler, making train noises the whole way there*
Michael- *sighs* Idiot...
*Shawn brings in the Manhunt Mobile and everyone jumps in the vehicle, Booth screams, "FLOOR IT!" In a very odd way that you can only find in really bad action movies. Shawn –floors it—and everybody jolts back due to Shawn –flooring it-*
Brennan- WHAT TO WE DO NOW, SHAWNICUS SPENCERIS?
Shawn- The thing that we always do, Tream Bruff...SAVE THE WORLD!
Booth- Tream Bruff...
Michael- Ugh...he mixed her name with 'cream puff' and got—yeah, you get the point.
*Michael shakes his head as they drive off to who-knows-where. During the drive, Shawn continuously hums to the song 'California Girls', Booth and Brennan bicker which obviously ends up in Booth giving a long speech about two people becoming one (followed by a goo-goo eyed staring contest), and Michael screaming 'DOORKNOB', every time they pass a farm with the scent of cow manure*
Brennan- Are we there yet?
Booth- No, stupid-face of course we aren't! *sticks out his tongue to Brennan*
Brennan- You're a stupid BUTT! You won't get any girlfriends because you're face looks like the back end of a DONKEY!
Booth- I know you are but what am I?
Michael- OHHH BURN! *gives Booth a high-five*
Shawn- DON'T MAKE ME COME BACK THERE!
Michael, Brennan, and Booth- Sorry, Shawn...
Shawn-*shrugs* We're here! I expect all of you to be on your best behavior—
*Shawn gets cut off when he realizes everyone got out of the car already. He eventually catches up to them and walks into a large pink building with a sign that says, "the large pink building.'*
Booth- *Looking up at the sign*Well that's original.
Shawn- Let's moooooovee out!
Michael- I think we should split up into partners.
Shawn- I CHOOSE TREAM BRUFF!
*Shawn skips over to Brennan and takes her by the arm. Booth walks up and punches him in the face very hard which leads to Shawn fainting*
Booth- I CHOOSE BONES!
*Booth and Brennan walk off into the hallways hand-in hand*
Shawn- *jolting up from being unconscious* I guess I'm stuck with you...trusty sidekick—
*Michael kicks him in the head which makes him fall to the floor, unconscious, once again. After about half a second, he springs back up.*
Shawn- I shall not be knocked unconscious! *muttering* Stupid temperamental sidekick.. *runs after Michael (*chattering*) then jumps on his back and forces him to give him a piggy back ride* ONWARD!
Michael- Yeah, just be lucky that your dad made me promise to keep you safe and not kill you myself...
Shawn- I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THIS!
*Brennan and Booth skip down hallway, still holding hands. Booth's attention is drawn away from Brennan to a non-suspicious door that says 'NOTHING SUSPICIOUS PERTAINING TO THE MANHUNT GAME GOING ON IN HERE.' Booth suddenly has an alarm going off in his head after reading this.*
Booth- OMG Brennan! Look at that non-suspicious door over there that ultimately leads to nothing 'important'! We should go make out in there!
Brennan- *upon reading sign on door* Hmm... Okay!
*as they enter the room, about 9 alarmed manhunt players dive into hiding places. Among them are; Eliot and Parker from Leverage, Walt (commonly misconstrued as WAAALLLLLTTTTTTT) from Lost, Alexis from Castle, Johnny Depp from like everything remotely strange/different, and some oompa-loompas.*
Eliot- DANGIT Walt! I thought you said that sign was completely unsuspicious!
Walt- Shut up!
*Brennan and Booth enter, completely oblivious to the others' presence. They give each other a peck on the lips then run back out, completely ignoring the heavy manhunt ammunition and tools. The 9 all breathe confused sighs of relief.*
~5 minutes later~
*Shawn, Michael, Booth, and Brennan have rendezvoused (?) in a mausoleum in the creepy graveyard in the back. Shawn is mildly upset about this rendezvous spot, but has no choice considering Michael handcuffed him to the Manhunt Mobile then took away the key when Shawn tried to jump out a window into a pile of mud. Shawn was planning on shooting on shooting him once he could reach his banana-shooting gun.*
Booth- *secretly praying that no zombie-clowns come out and steal his pants. It WAS Friday the 13 after all...* so, me and Bones Tream Buff didn't find anything suspicious. How about you two?
Michael- All areas were clear. Should I let Shawn free?
Shawn- YES, YOU SHOULD!
Brennan- I agree. As long as he gives me his banana gun, he's planning on shooting you with it.
Michael- *with a faraway, scarred look in his eye* Don't worry about it, he's done much worse...
*Michael shudders, Shawn grins. Shawn is then set free and re-claims his place as a piggy back rider, only this time on Brennan's back. Shawn ignores Booth's glares, and Booth does nothing more than glare because he is slightly afraid of Shawn and paranoid about clowns.*
Shawn- Come on Tream Bruff, let's find somewhere more interesting!
*They all pile back into the Manhunt Mobile, with Brennan driving (again), only this time she activates the new speed booster jet packs and travels even faster than last time. Booth and Michael only throw up twice :)*