Disclaimer: I own nothing. All belongs to Glee writers and creators.
A/N: Yes, I know I haven't been doing a lot of serious work lately, but I am so stressed right now I need these little one-shot breaks. I hope you understand.
Big Gay Beard
"Well, I, uh, have a…girlfriend."
Rachel turned her head away, trying to mask the jealousy that completely swamped her expression as soon as she heard that fateful word. Of course Finn had a girlfriend. What had she been thinking? He was so cute, and so talented—and the captain of the football team! Obviously some lucky girl had swooped him up. The only question was—
There was an affection in his voice that hadn't been there before when he answered, "Quinn Fabray."
Rachel's head snapped back up so quickly she knew she'd be putting an ice pack on her neck later. Quinn Fabray? He had to be joking!
"Cheerleader Quinn Fabray?" she prompted, and he nodded, getting uncomfortable again. "The president of the celibacy club?"
That hung in the air for a moment, and Rachel thought fast. It all made sense now. How sweet Finn was, how sensitive. She couldn't believe she hadn't seen it the moment they met. Suddenly she felt ten times better about his apparent reluctance to embrace his role as her male lead.
"So you're gay," she said cheerfully.
Finn's eyes bulged. "Wait, what? No! I'm—"
"It's all right," Rachel assured him hastily, giving him a reassuring pat on the arm. "It's perfectly natural for you to be hesitant to reveal your true sexuality, what with its potential to destroy your popularity. Don't worry; your secret is safe with me." She smiled. "Although, I do recommend telling Quinn. It isn't fair to lead her on in this fashion, making her believe you return feelings you simply aren't capable of. Unless she knows? Perhaps you have some sort of arrangement that benefits both parties? It would make sense. She is the president of the celibacy club, so advances from hormonal teenage boys are likely unwelcome."
The freakishly tall boy had gone pale, and his jaw flapped soundlessly at her. He was obviously in shock at having his secret discovered so abruptly. Rachel smiled comfortingly and patted his arm again.
"…I…" Finn managed.
"It's all right, Finn. I completely understand your reluctance to confide in me. We have only just met recently, after all, but I assure you that I am here for you no matter what you need. My dads are gay, you know." She grinned.
"Oh! We're going in." Rachel linked arms with him, as though with one of her gal pals. Finn sputtered. "I'm so excited!"
Quinn stabbed her pudding with her fork, idly wondering why cafeterias always seemed to supply the exact opposite utensil of what you need to eat the food you got. Maybe it was a conspiracy. Lunch ladies across America were known for being belligerent and hating children, so it might make some sort of sense. They were just trying one more thing to make high schoolers everywhere a little more miserable.
Just the fact that she was considering silverware conspiracy theories was a testament to how bored Quinn was. But then, Finn was talking. So it wasn't really that surprising.
It was only when the blonde saw Santana and Brittany exchange a glance that she decided to listen in, to see what they were looking so disturbed about.
"And she thinks I'm gay, Quinn!" Finn exclaimed, and she noticed for the first time just how red his face was.
Quinn brushed that aside in favor of trying her hardest not to giggle. Some girl thought Finn was gay?
"Wait. Who thinks you're gay?" she asked, forcing her mouth into a frown so she wouldn't grin.
He huffed his exasperation. "Rachel? From glee club? We were—"
The chatter in the cafeteria was pierced by a high, feminine laugh, and Quinn buried her face in her arms in order to quell the body-quaking laughter. She heard Finn fume beside her, but that only made it worse. This was the best thing she'd heard all day. Scratch that—all month.
"It's not funny, Quinn!" Finn barked, and she just knew he was folding his arms like a two-year-old.
"No, no, you're right, it's—" She couldn't even finish that sentence.
Rachel…what was her last name again? Carrie? Fairy? Dairy? Oh, right, Berry! Rachel Berry, the overly talented, obnoxiously dressed loser from glee club and Quinn's Spanish class thought Finn was gay. Quinn might have to hug her the next time she saw her.
"Okay, you know what? Girls are mean. I'm not talking to them anymore," Finn grouched.
Quinn could not resist. "So you've decided to come out, then?"
A grin split her lips and her two cohorts were now snorting behind their hands. If Finn were a cartoon character, steam would've come out his ears. He threw up his hands, disentangling himself awkwardly from the bench, and stormed out in a huff.
"Girls!" he bellowed.
The blonde snickered as she turned back to her pudding, but a petite brunette sitting a few tables away caught her eye. As soon as Rachel tore her worried eyes from Finn's retreating form, Quinn grinned at her, and the singer hesitantly smiled back.
If Rachel only knew how ironically funny that really was, Quinn mused.