Make Me Wanna Die


England 1348

Wasn't Helen supposed to be the good one? Oh pretty, sweet Helen, never did anything wrong. I happened to know better. Like now, why I was helping my sister sneak out into the Night, well I wasn't even quite sure. She mentioned something about a boy.

"Oh Deirdre" she had said "You simply must help me" "Why should I?" I answered, all I could think of was how last week I told Thomas Rennes what a worthless git he was, well it's true, but I still felt horribly guilty about it. I wasn't looking to get in any more trouble. "I'll help you sort out Thomas" she said "It's just over the hill Deirdre, I promise I'll never tell you helped me" so here I was, I could hardly see, but Helen seemed to know the way

"Helen!" I hissed "Deirdre keep up" I heard her voice up ahead. And I tried, "Who is he Helen?" Helen giggled, oh good god. "No one" "Well obviously that isn't true Helen, you wouldn't drag me out in the middle of the night if he was no one" "Fine, he is some but I cannot tell you his name" "I don't wish to know it" "Oh yes you do" "I don't care Helen, if you want to hurt yourself with a boy you don't know, but please do be careful" "I shall little sister, don't you fret" "If father ever found out" "Well he isn't going to, is he?"

Helen said sternly. Helen disliked Father very much, but I wasn't supposed to tell anyone. "No of course not" "Then don't mention it" we walked more of the way in silence. "You can leave me now Deirdre, I can find the rest of the way on my own" "Helen I don't want to leave you in the dark" "I'm fine Deirdre, really, good night"

So I turned away as did Helen. But I didn't leave as Helen ordered, instead I lingered. I heard Helen giggle "Oh, I thought you would never come" I heard a muffled, low voice, Helen giggled again, and my chest felt heavy.

This was wrong, I should not help Helen frolic with Boys, I had done it before and each time it felt wrong. The least of my worries were Thomas Rennes, I realised quickly. Oh Helen why do I let you pull me into these messes? Except they weren't messy at all, no one ever knew, no one except Helen and I, and that was almost the worst, Secrets were heavy, and I wasn't sure how many I could carry without falling. So I turned away and left my sister in the arms of a dark stranger.