Hey Arnold doesn't belong to me.

The party was starting to quiet down. I only had a few sips of beer but my peers had had a very eventful night. The teenagers who partied too hard were lying, scattered around the room, along with discarded red Dixie cups and various pieces of furniture and throw pillows. I'm sure there were even a few kids passed out in the backyard, sleeping in the flowerbeds. Those who could hold their liquor, however, were sitting in a circle on the living room floor having a fun conversation.

Phoebe and I were the only sober kids at the party. Watching our classmates drink themselves stupid was pretty entertaining. Strangely, my boyfriend was among them.

You know, there's always some thing I've wanted to get off my chest," Arnold interjected to the small group of teenagers. "I don't know why I always keep my opinions to myself."

"Then you should share them," Eugene suggested. "It's always great to be honest with your friends." All of our friends agreed.

"Alright then," Arnold began, "Stinky, Why do people call you Stinky? That's such a weird name." Our classmates gasped.

Arnold looked towards Rhonda, "And you," he pointed to the confused dark-haired girl, "I think you're a spoiled brat. You need to be more considerate to the people who can't afford to wear designer Casmir sweaters."

She was about to retort when he cut her off, looking towards Sid, "You know, you seriously need to see a professional about your germ phobia, and Eugene, no one likes High School Musical 3. So please, for the love of God, stop quoting the whole damn movie every minute of every day. It's weird to see a 17-year-old boy randomly break out in song in our school's hallways."

Arnold hiccupped and continued, "Gerald and Phoebe, would you two stop sucking face each time you see each other, especially when you're by my locker. That's freak'n disgusting. Lastly Harold, you're such a freak'n mamma's boy. Grow up, will you?" Harold didn't hear him. He was passed out under the coffee table.

Our classmate's faces expressed complete and utter shock. Never before has Arnold ranted in such a mean spirited and truthful way. He has always been so considerate to the feelings of others. My friends, as well as myself, had no idea how to react to Arnold's sudden drunken outburst. "I feel like I'm expected to deal with all of your problems," he continued. "Why can't ya'll cut me a break and figure things out for yourselves. I can't be the only mature person who attends our high school!"

"You're not being very mature right now." Rhonda spat.

"True, but I've had a lot of liquor. I'm actually seeing two Rhondas right now," Arnold giggled.

My face was turning crimson. Arnold had his foot so far in his mouth that he would need a surgeon to remove it. He was going to regret this conversation in the morning, if he could remember it.

"And Helga," Arnold began. I gulped. I didn't want to hear what he had to say. The truth would be devastating. I liked my ignorance. I like how my world consisted of an Arnold who loved me despite my terrible mood-swings, my anger problems, and vulnerability. I wanted to stop him but curiosity got the better of me. I wanted to know his truthful opinion of me. I winced expecting the worst.

"I think you're a freak'n fox!" he slurred.

"What?" I said in complete shock.

"I said. You are a freak'n fox! You have such and amazing body," he exclaimed with a half-lidded gaze. "I know I act polite all the time but I'm still a man! I have needs. I often think about doing so many things to you, babe. In fact, I want to ravage you right now."

I blushed, "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP," I screamed hiding my face in my hands.

He made his way across the floor to me. He tried to give me a hug but I defensively socked him in the arm. It wasn't a hard punch, but it was hard enough to get him off me.

"Have I ever told you that you're beautiful when you're angry?" He fell down, putting his beautifully intoxicated head in my lap. "I love you, Helga."

I couldn't help but smile. "I love you, too, Football-head."

-Again, I wrote another perverted fanfic. I think it is okay, though. I'm fairly certain that most of the Hey Arnold community consists of adults. Hey Arnold came in the 90's and I think most of us have grown up quite a bit since 1996. Speaking of which, Happy birthday Arnold! He turned fourteen three days ago.

I got a lot of inspiration for this story from the episode, "Helga's Show," where she points out the faults of her classmates. Arnold, apparently, has the same talent. I was also inspired by Arnold's drunken adventure in ThriLLer89's "Supernova" fanfiction. Despite the Wolfgang/Helga pairing at the beginning, it's one of my favorites.

-Twelvepercent :3