The Slytherin Prank
"I'm BORED." Blaise Zambini sprawled across the couch opposite Draco Malfoy in the Slytherin Common Room. The Slytherins were milling around, and poor (spoiled) Blaise was bored out of his mind.
"Really, Blaise? I didn't realize." Draco said dryly, staring at the table, aimlessly turning a quill in his hands. Blaise snorted, letting an arm drape over his eyes. Several minutes passed. Crabbe and Goyle started making balls of parchment and flicked them at each other. Draco hunched lower over his quill, and Blaise sank further into the couch. The voices in the common room seemed to quiet down some.
"I wonder if Snape ever washes his hair." Blaise spoke randomly, an arm still over his eyes. Draco raised his eyebrows, but kept twirling the quill. "It's just so…greasy." Blaise continued. Draco thought about doing a face-palm right then. "I wonder if he greases it, or slicks it back or something."
"Blaise!" Draco shouted, pelting his quill at him. "Why the hell are you thinking about Snape so much?"
"Don't get so bloody annoyed," Blaise grumbled, picking the quill out of his hair and throwing it on the floor. "I'm just bored is all. I was thinking about Snape's essay I'm blowing off, and then I just got to wondering."
"Oh, for Merlin's sake, find something to do. You know what? Take that thinking brain of yours and find something for me to do. I'm just as bored, but I'd rather not think about Snape too long." Malfoy snapped, running a hand through his perfect hair. Blaise's eyes followed the movement, and he suddenly had a grand idea.
"Oh, that's it!" Blaise sat up, swinging his legs over the couch and resting his arms on his knees, eyes glittering with excitement. "Hair. Snape's hair. Let's prank the shit out of him."
"You want to prank the Head of our House? Merlin, are you suicidal as well as bored, Blaise?" Draco asked, Summoning his quill back and throwing it into his bag.
"Oh, come on. Don't be such a pansy."
"What?" Pansy Parkinson asked, turning around from her conversation with Millicent Bulstrode a few yards away.
"Nothing," the boys sighed as one, but the damage was done. Pansy left Millicent and sat next to Blaise.
"I'm bored. What are you doing?" she demanded.
"Nothing." Draco repeated, but Blaise held up a hand, his eyes glittering with new excitement. Draco new that expression well- Blaise was plotting again.
"Hey, Pansy, don't take this personally, but how many spells do you use on your hair?" He asked, fingering a lock, making Pansy giggle.
"Only a few." She replied, batting her eyelashes, which Blaise ignored, dropping his hand.
"Do you know one to take the grease out of hair? One to straighten it?" He asked, and Pansy nodded, looking confused now.
"Great," Draco said, catching on. "Just perfect. Drag a girl into this."
"Shut it," Blaise and Pansy said at the same time.
"Listen, I'm bored, he's bored, your bored. Everyone is bored. I just thought of the best prank ever, but I need your help." Blaise explained, and Pansy sat back, crossing her legs.
"What's the plan?" She said a bit warily now, wondering who the hell she would have to jinx. When Blaise plotted- he plotted.
"Simple. It's late. Snape is probably asleep. If not, we'll wait for him to fall asleep. Then, You'll jinx the grease out of his hair and straighten it." Blaise explained, and Pansy started laughing.
"You're on." She said, standing up. "Coming, Drakey?" She mocked, and Draco bolted to his feet with a scowl.
"Don't call me Drakey." He muttered, following Blaise out. Pansy only smiled smugly. They snuck out of the Common Room and down the twisting passageways of the dungeons towards Snape's office. When they reached the door, they shared a look before unlocking the door and sneaking inside. The office was deserted, but the door behind his desk was open, a crack of light streaming in.
"Come on," Blaise mouthed, creeping on the balls of his feet to the door and peeking in. Pansy looked below him, and Draco above. They couldn't see anyone, just a high-backed chair in front of a low fire. Books were stacked everywhere, but other than that, Snape kept his room spotless. Plucking up his courage, Blaise snuck into the room. He slowly inched around the chair, and then relaxed. Snape was asleep, sunk down low into the chair, a stack of essays in his lap. A quill was on the floor, fallen from his hand, and a pot of ink was wedged between Snape's leg and the arm of the chair. Blaise motioned over his partners in crime, and they came. Pansy instantly pulled out her wand upon seeing Snape asleep.
"Rectus Saeta. Aufero Valde." She breathed, and their eyes widened. Snape's hair now hung perfectly straight around his shoulders, a healthy sheen to it. The thick greasy strands were gone. It made him look almost presentable. Biting back a laugh, Draco ushered everyone out, closing the door behind them. They silently sprinted out of his office and into the hallway. They didn't stop until they were back into the Common Room. Once safe, the three burst out laughing.
"Merlin. We have potions tomorrow." Draco forced out, breathless from laughing, starting a whole new round of laughter.
Professor Snape was not at breakfast.
"Merlin, this is excellent. Excellent." Blaise stressed over his toast, and evil grin on his face. "I'll bet he's greasing it down."
"I think he's staring in the mirror saying, 'Oh, Merlin, what happened?'" Draco sniggered, making Crabbe and Goyle laugh too.
"What's so funny?" Marcus Flint asked across the table.
"Do you have Potions today?" Blaise asked, making Pansy snort with laughter.
"Yeah. So?" Marcus demanded.
"You'll see." Draco supplied, considering Blaise and Pansy were now gasping for air, they were laughing so hard. "You'll see."
Trying to keep straight faces, Blaise, Draco and Pansy went into Potions. They sneered at the Gryffindors, as usual, but once at their seats, they started to laugh silently, trying not to give themselves away as class got closer and closer to starting. The other Slytherins and Gryffindors looked at them in confusion, obviously thinking they did something to someone else in the room. "Shut up, he's coming," Draco said, his voice cracking as he tried to hide his mirth. After another moment of listening to Snape's footsteps get closer, the three neutralized their expressions. Draco started doodling, Pansy primped her hair, and Blaise leaned back in his chair, arms behind his head, his expression full of boredom.
The door swung open, and after a moment, there was a collective gasp from everyone in the room. Immediately following, giggles started up, and a few wolf-whistles. Draco, Blaise and Pansy looked up, feeling grins spread across their faces. His hair hadn't changed at all from last night- stick straight and non-greasy. "How chic." Pansy whispered, collapsing into a silent fit of laughter.
"Settle down," Snape said acidly, walking over to his desk like he had a broom up his butt. All of the Gryffindor's mouths were open, staring at him.
"Who shampoo-ified Snape?" Someone asked loudly, making the class burst into laughter and applause.
"Quiet!" Snape hissed, but only after a few minutes did the class calm down. "Whoever said that is lucky that I did not see them. If anyone has another remark to make, you'll all be in detention." Snape bared his teeth he was so mad, making Pansy laugh even harder, still silently, of course, but harder none the less.
Blaise looked over at the Gryffindors. Even Saint Potter was trying very hard not to laugh. Most of them were looking into a book or had an arm over their face- muffling their laughter. "Hey, Blaise," Draco whispered, tapping his shoulder. "I'm never doubting you again."
"Good, because if we're bored tonight…" Blaise started, and the boys shared evil grins.
A one-shot that I dreamed up at work. I couldn't help myself. Rectus Saeta means 'straighten hair' and Aufero Valde means 'remove grease' in Latin. I hope you enjoyed some Slytherin style pranking!