The Spicer Monologues

By: CrystallicSky

Disclaimer: I don't own Xiaolin Showdown or any of its characters, nor do I make any money off the writing of this.

Warnings: Language, sexual situations/implication, etc.

Notes: THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT- this story is part of a collab with Silvarbelle, in which she wrote as Chase Young and I wrote as Jack Spicer for an entire year of 'diary' entries. This project is already entirely finished on both of our ends. However, both on my deviantART account and my Fanfiction account, I am only posting this half of the story to roughly the midway point. This is because, for various reasons, Silvarbelle and I have decided to showcase the Diary Project exclusively on LiveJournal, at least in its completely finished form. See the A/N for more information.



Happy fucking New Year! I could care less that I'm in China and today has no significance: January 1st=New Year as far as I'm concerned.

So, I guess the obligatory 'journal introduction' is supposed to go here, right? Okay, well, I'm Jack Spicer, Evil Boy Genius. Of course, I'm perfectly aware of that fact, but if anyone ever reads this, they might not be privy to such. Then again, I'm not really sure who'd be reading this. Huh.

Anywho, my mom got me this journal as a New Year's present. Don't get excited or anything, she didn't actually give it to me: she passed it off to one of my bots to give it to me. Thanks mom, I feel the love./sarcasm

But you know, seeing as no one's home (but what else is new?) and I'm bored as hell, I figured maybe writing in this thing might be a way to kill a couple of minutes. The upside to nobody being here is definitely that there's nobody to mock me about having a diary.

Yeah, right: diaries are for girls; this is a journal, thank you very much, or as I call it, a primitive blog.

So what's going on right now? Not much of anything, really. I'm just sort of sitting here watching TV (there's nothing good on, hence why I'm doing this instead), drinking some cider and thinking about the fact that its 2009 already. The cider's pretty kick-ass, I'll have to remember to ask that lady who does the shopping where she bought it.

In any case, I'm not too thrilled about making it through another year.

My evil career's not doing so great lately, and…I don't know. I mean, it just really, really, really sucks balls that I have the coordination of a Weeble. You know, Weebles wobble but they don't fall down? Except that I do fall down. Frequently.

If I had some semblance of equilibrium, I might actually be able to compete with the Xiaolin losers, because I know all of their moves. I know the names of them, the styles they stem from, the period of time they were created in, all the physics of it; hell, most of the time, I know what one of them is going to do before they even do it!

The problem is the rest of me: my body just won't respond quick enough or well enough to what I'm telling it. Like, I'll know Pedrosa's going to punch me in the head thirty seconds before he does, and my brain goes, "Oh crap, fist coming at your face in a matter of seconds: commence evasive action!" And then it's either that there's a delayed connection between my brain and my body or that my body heard it loud and clear but there's only one way to avoid the knuckle-sandwich and I can't possibly bend that way without tearing a couple muscles.

I don't know, it just totally sucks.

I mean, how the hell am I gonna rule the world if I keep fucking up because of that kind of thing? Not to mention what it does to my (rapidly-declining) reputation. I can't even begin to imagine how much of a failure I must look like to Chase. I swear, if I just had half that guy's awesome, I might actually be able to make something of myself, but as it stands…

Well, he hates me, let's leave it at that.

Maybe I need a break from this whole thing? Just a week or two to relax and clear my head, then come back refreshed and ready with new ideas. Yeah, I'll probabl


A/N: Continuing on from the above notes, this story will only be available in its entirety on LiveJournal. The Spicer Monologues (this half) can be found at tech(UNDERSCORE)lord dot livejournal dot com. Chase Young's Diary (the counterpart to this half) can be found at dragon(UNDERSCORE)lordcy dot livejournal dot com. In order to be able to read, you must have or make a LiveJournal account, which is completely free to do, and friend both journals so that I may friend you back. This was a safety filter meant to keep it so that only people who want to read (AKA, those who won't flame or report the story because they don't like it) can read. After you friend the journals and are friended back, all of the entries from both Jack and Chase's diaries will be available to you.

Other than that, I have nothing to say but I hope you enjoyed the story! :D