Unbearable

Chapter 1

Copyright: I do not own the characters or the Mortal Instruments, that belongs to Cassandra Clare. All original ideas and concepts belong to me.

First off I would like to apologize for the long note that is to follow, but I feel there are some important things I must address. This story will be a love story between Alec and Magnus set in AU, also meaning it will be OOC. I will try to remain as true to the original story and characters as I can but there is only so much I can do. There will be romance, angst, and other more touchy matters. If you have any problems with pain, loss, abuse, etc... I warn you now that I will touch on those sensitive matters. They will involve Magnus as I have changed his canon story to an AU story. The fanfic will also include a physical relatioship between Alec and Magnus, (lemons and fluff) so if you are uncomfortable with reading such content, again I warn you.

Now I would like to touch on my updating. I have made it my resolution to try (keyword: try) to update quicker than I tend to. I will attempt an update every week but don't be surprised if I update in two or three weeks. I will try, but I will not guarantee anything as my life gets extremely busy sometimes and the creative juices just don't flow. Now to take a quote from Cassandra Clare's advice page, I will attempt to exercise BICHOK (Butt in chair. Hands on keyboard). We'll see how that works. I will try to tell you if an update is going to take some time so you're aware ahead of time. Also, I am going to apologize ahead of time too.

Finally I would just like to say thank-you for reading and I hope you enjoy. Also, please, please, please review. Reviews are one of the banes of my writing existence and good or bad, they're worth the same. I think any writer, here or elsewhere can atone for what I'm saying, so please review.

Thank-you.

Chapter Songs:

I've Just Seen a Face-Across The Universe

I only have one for now but I have a lot of songs planned for coming chapters.


"Careful Izzy, you could break something."

Isabelle glared up at her brother from between the strands of her black hair. "Hey, if you want to take all the boxes up here yourself, that's fine with me. I'm sorry for trying to be a good sister." Isabelle straightened, putting a hand on the small of her back as she cracked it. The soothing feeling spread through her spine as she placed her hands on her hips. She turned around to look at her brother who stood-almost lost-within the many boxes that were scattered on the dormitory floor.

Today was moving day.

And Alec had chosen the hottest day on record.

Isabelle had sat scrunched between Jace, Max and Alec for four hours, with the AC cranked and the most boring landscape passing by. It was like reliving a nightmare where she had nothing to wear but a t-shirt and jeans. All Isabelle could say was that she was really looking forward to a nice dip in the pool that would bring her temperature down twenty degrees.

"Izzy, I didn't…" Alec paused as Jace's voice penetrated the room.

"Thanks sweetheart. And don't worry, I'll call you." Jace turned into the room, a box in his hands and a loose paper floating on top. A cocky grin was spread across his face which only got bigger when he saw Alec and Isabelle. "Well, don't stop for my expense. I know my god-like good looks can be too much to handle, but really guys, you're family. That's a little disgusting."

Alec and Isabelle both scowled, having gotten used to Jace's comments. Isabelle hit him in the shoulder as she left the room to grab another box from the car.

"Ow, that hurt." Jace looked offended as he put the box down at his feet, shoving the girl's number into his pocket. He straightened, meeting his brother's gaze. "Nervous?"

Alec looked up at Jace, barely registering his words. His mind kept wondering. It wasn't really to any place in particular, but it was somewhere. He was nervous, more nervous than he thought he ever could be. Coming to Idris Institute had been a decision he had made so that he could break away from home and start his own life, but there was still the dark feeling inside of him that ate him up at the aspect of leaving home. He knew it was childish to still hold on to home like he did but his family had always been really important to him. He loved them more than he loved anything else. The thought of starting over with new people, so far away from home was daunting. He'd never had to start over somewhere and because of that he didn't really know how.

Alec met Jace's gaze, his gut clenching. It clenched for two reasons. Reason number 1: the thought of not having Jace's sarcasm and negative attitude keep him grounded. Reason number 2: not having his golden eyes to look at every day, to reassure him that it wasn't so bad to have woken up that morning. He knew it was wrong to think of Jace that way, since he was practically his brother, but he still did. He still looked at him as he should look at a woman, and it pained him every day, every second to think that he felt that way. He hated himself for it, and in a way leaving home was one of his ways of trying to purge those emotions from his heart. If he wasn't near Jace, he couldn't look at him like he did.

Alec tore his gaze away, forcing himself to look down at his hands which were playing sub-consciously at one of the holes in his shirt. He always did that when he was nervous. Alec heard Jace's shoes against the floor as he crossed over to him in quick calculated steps. A shadow loomed over Alec as Jace stood in front of him.

"You know bro, you're going to have to lose those clothes because you will never score any chicks dressed like that."

Alec's gut clenched once again. If only Jace knew.

Alec looked up at Jace, his eyes level with his. His dark blue met Jace's gold and a smile tugged at Alec's lips.

A grin broke out on Jace's face. "See, I knew you could smile. You just needed to exercise those muscles like the rest of humanity. But no, seriously. Are you going to lose the boring, drab clothes that are two sizes too big?"

Alec groaned. "I told you five years ago I wouldn't as I'm telling you now. I like them."

"Well, whatever suits your fancy. But don't hate me if you remain a virgin for the rest of your pathetic existence."

"You're a complete ass, you know that?"

"I pride myself on it." Jace grinned as he turned to explore the room. Seconds passed between them as Jace maneuvered his way around the dozen boxes. Jace stopped, turning to look at Alec. "So, who's your roomie? Any idea?"

"Nope."

"I bet he's got an obsession with feet, and he's really touchy feely." Jace met his gaze with Alec's, his eyes burning into Alec's. His voice got low as he spoke. "He's also addicted to Cheetos and only showers once a week." Jace started walking towards him. "He calls his mom every hour and he's a got pet Tarantula named Fluffy."

"Fluffy?" Alec cocked an eyebrow at Jace as Jace came to stand in front of him.

"I'm not that creative, give me a break." Jace grinned. "But I bet you it's true. And with your dreadful luck, he'll probably be worse."

"How did you know he's not just a normal guy who's just here to get a degree in Physics?"

"Again, with your dreadful luck?" Jace raised an eyebrow at Alec as he smirked.

Alec hit him on the shoulder, contacting in the same place Isabelle had minutes earlier.

"Jesus Christ, what is the problem with you and your sister?" Jace went to continue but paused when Alec hit him again, this time in the other shoulder. Jace looked at Alec who was set in the fighting stance that they had adapted over the years. "Oh, I don' think so." Jace grinned to himself before adopting the same stance as Alec.

The two locked eyes and then went for it. Blows were given back and forth. Jace received a nice hit to the jaw while Alec got a good one to the gut. Before long they were on the ground, simply wrestling.

They stopped when they heard an exasperated sigh from the doorway. "Really boys? I can't believe I call you Neanderthals family." Isabelle dropped the box at her feet, crossing her arms over her chest.

Jace looked from Isabelle to Alec who was underneath him. He stood up, throwing out a hand for Alec to grab hold of. Alec grabbed Jace's hand, feeling a small shock rush through his body. Alec got to his feet, brushing off the butt of his jeans as he did. He would miss fighting with Jace. It was his way of having fun while also letting out all his pent up anger on Jace. And Alec had to say, Jace didn't hold back on the anger exertion either. He could already feel the bruised forming on his ribs.

"Mom and Dad said to come down as soon as you can. They said we've got to go soon or we'll hit rush hour." Isabelle glanced from one brother to the other before turning to leave, her hair cascading around her as she exited. A geeky freshman stopped in his tracks as she exited, his eyes nearly falling out of his head as Isabelle walked by. Jace and Alec just had to laugh to themselves. Surprise, surprise that Isabelle would catch the eye of even the geekiest boy on campus.

Jace looked at Alec before following Isabelle out the door. Alec looked around him before following.

Alec exited Harrison Hall shortly after Jace and Isabelle, catching his parents and Max standing across the quad near the visitor's parking lot. Maryse smiled up at her son as Alec ascended the steps. He could almost swear that he saw tears forming in her eyes, but Maryse never cried. Ever.

Alec stopped in front of his parents, gasping as his father took him into a suffocating hug. Alec brought his hands up a little belated, surprised at the suddenness of his father's movements. Robert let him go slowly, slapping him on the back softly as he looked down at his son. "Good luck son. We know you'll do great."

"Thanks Dad." Alec looked at his mother from the corner of his eye, waiting for another one of the hugs his parents weren't necessarily famous for. And then it came. Alec breathed in sharply as her arms folded around him. She pulled him to her, holding him like he was her most prized possession. He thought he felt a cold wetness seep through his sweater, but it appeared just as quickly as it was gone. Maryse, pulled away, looking up at Alec. She took his face in her hands, holding it softly. "I love you Alec and I'll miss you. But I know that you will do absolutely amazing things here."

"Thanks Mom." It was almost mechanic. He had heard the same thing from his parents over the summer about a hundred times and it had become a little redundant. But still, he knew they meant it with the most sincerity.

"Don't let anyone get in the way of your dreams and you just be the man that I know you are."

"I will Mom." I'll try to be the man you think I am.

She smiled, laying a soft kiss on his cheek before pulling away. "We'll see you at Thanksgiving Alec." She looked to her other children. "Meet us at the car when you're ready." And with that, she took her husband's hand and led them away in the direction of the parking lot.

Alec turned to look at his siblings, first glancing down at Max who was looking less than his normal self.

"You'll come back home, right Alec?" The sadness in his eyes broke Alec's heart.

Alec leaned down, sitting on his heels. "Of course I will Max. I'll miss you too much." Alec tickled under Max's chin as Max squirmed away from him.

Max threw his arms around Alec's neck, holding him so hard Alec thought he'd have permanent indentations of Max's arms. Finally, Max's arms loosened and without another look at Alec he was gone, running to the parking lot to meet his parents.

Alec stood up, looking at Isabelle and Jace. Jace was his typical nonchalant self while Isabelle appeared to be conflicted about something.

"I'd say I'll miss you, but in all honesty I won't." A grin played at Jace's features as he slapped Alec on the back. "Good luck bro. And seriously, I meant it when I said lose the clothes." Jace laughed, pulling away before Alec could hit him. Instead he ran right into the one Isabelle had aimed at him. "Come on guys, you're going to kill me."

"Can't say that would be a bad thing," Isabelle smirked, looking at Alec. They met eyes for a few moments before Isabelle through her arms around her brother's neck.

"Iz, you got to let go a bit. With all this hugging I'll die from being smothered to death."

"Now, I can't say that would be a bad thing," Jace smirked but both Isabelle and Alec ignored him.

Isabelle let her brother go slowly looking up to meet his gaze. "Find yourself someone Alec, I'm tired of watching you mope around alone." She took a few steps backwards and left, leaving Jace and Alec alone.

"She's right, you know. You got to lose the moping."

"I do not mope."

Jace raised an eyebrow at Alec as Alec let out an exasperated breath, defeated. "Just go. I'm tired of seeing your ugly mug."

"My ugly mug?" Jace put a hand on his chest offended. "Oh, bro, you need to find yourself a mirror, and fast."

"Screw off."

"Well, I'll screw her, but I don't really want to screw off." Alec followed where Jace had pointed his eyes falling on a petite blonde with the blue eyes and perfect curves that Jace found 'absolutely divine'. Alec could see her looking over at them and she knew it was definitely not to look at him. And he was definitely not looking at her.

Behind her, his back against the trunk of a tree was a man who stood out amongst the people around him. His jet black hair was spiked haphazardly on his head and Alec could almost bet that it was glittering in the sunlight. He could say though that his pants glittered, and so too it seemed did his skin. He couldn't make out his profile but the side of his face was angular-his nose flat and long, his cheekbones high and soft. His thin figure was hunched over a sketchbook, his hand darting listlessly across the pad. He was completely observed within his work, not even the energetic motions of the friends around him catching his attention. Alec couldn't see his eyes, but he was captivated. He wanted to know the man who sat there. He wanted to see him head on and he wanted to know his name.

"Alec! Hey, earth to Alec."

Alec spun around, Jace's face appearing in front of him. Jace looked confused and clearly agitated at trying to get Alec's attention.

"No offence dude, but you couldn't score her if you tried."

"Thanks for the reassurance." Alec took one last look over his shoulder at the man by the tree, but he was still drawing, his face draped in shadow. Alec turned back to Jace.

"That's what I'm here for."

"Jace, would you hurry your ass up?" Isabelle's voice could be heard from the parking lot as she looked at Jace impatiently.

"You can wait."

Alec thought he could see her lips form 'He's such an ass' and rather he was right, he knew she was at least thinking it.

Jace turned back to look at Alec. "Make sure you call every week, I want to know everything that's going on." The sarcasm was lidded in his words.

"Oh, don't worry. I'll make sure I tell you everything."

Seconds passed between them before Jace spoke again. "See ya Alec." And with that he hit him on the shoulder and walked away. Alec watched as Jace joined his family and a pang of sadness overtook him. He would miss them more than he would ever let on.

Alec through himself down on his bed, the springs bouncing him up and down for a few moments. He was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. He had spent the last hour and a half unpacking his many boxes and now they all sat in a jumble in the corner, waiting to be recycled.

He had attacked the unpacking vigorously, hoping the exertion would help him forget about the man he saw in the courtyard. But it worked to no avail. Alec felt drawn to the mysterious man, intrigued to know about him. It couldn't decipher why but it was this small pull in his chest, like a string wrung too tight.

Obviously the guy had a girlfriend, as could be seen from the blonde girl whose hands kept caressing the man's biceps, but still Alec was captivated. He kept telling himself to forget it because it was wrong. He shouldn't be thinking that way about him, he didn't even know his name. It was bad enough he looked at Jace that way, but now this guy. What's wrong with me? He thought. He didn't want to think that way. He didn't want his heart to yearn for the male gender. He just wanted to hook up with some chick like Jace did so easily. He wanted to feel something for her, feel intrigued by her. But he couldn't. He'd tried, and he couldn't.

Alec had tried to come to terms with who he was but it was getting harder every day. Every time someone looked at him he thought they knew and they were judging him. He felt like the whole world was bearing down on him and there was no escape. He kept looking for a door-a way out, but he couldn't find any. He knew this was who he was, but he scared of how people would view him.

Alec sighed, letting the air caress his lips. He closed his eyes, the darkness enveloping him. But within that darkness, behind his eyelids was the glittering man. This time Alec didn't have feelings of trying to forget about him. This time he just let the image of him engulf him as the darkness did. It was easier that way, just letting it be.

And it was then that Alec fell asleep, the man's image imprinted in his mind.


Thank-you for reading and I hope you liked it. Please review as it would be greatly appreciated.