Warnings: M/M, bad language, drug use (just pot cause it's fun), Adult Themes like cutting and depression (this is sort of my way of venting about recent issues that have come up and my own cutting)
Summary: Spike has convinced Xander to skip the usual Halloween hijinks and run off with him to an abandoned house to have their own kind of fun. (Inspired by Burnout by Green Day on their album Dookie cause… THEY'RE AWESOME)
Disclaimer: I don't own any Green Day songs or anything of theirs. They are just too awesome to not include. I also don't own Spike or Xander, *Sad face* i'm just borrowing them. They belong to Joss because he is GOD! lol But seriously i don't own them. But i do have a birthday coming up...
"I dunno about this Spike, I mean yeah I should have more fun on my own without so much estrogen surrounding me but… I dunno I can't help but feel you're trying to turn me into a burn out punk." Xander stared at the CDs Spike had bought him. He'd allowed the vampire to talk him into skipping the usual Halloween fun with his friends and spend the holiday at an abandoned house supposed to be haunted.
Spike rolled his eyes, "come on whelp, I picked a current band. True, Green Day is startin to branch out from the punk sound but their message is still the same: Smoke some weed, 'ave a bloody good time, an if you don't like the music well fuck off." Spike plopped on a couch covered by a dust cover, dust rising all around him as he did so. He was glad he didn't have to breathe sometimes.
"Now I know your trying to turn me into a burn out punk." Xander plopped down next to Spike on the same couch only this time he coughed as he kicked up some dust. "They actually called their album Dookie?"
Spike took a swig of his bottle of whisky and nodded, "I'm not gona tell you wot they wanted to name it. Just trust it was gross. This is their breakout album, just raw punk. Their newer stuff varies now." Spike watched Xander shuffle through the albums. The selections ranged from Dookie to Nimrod to American Idiot and the newest 21st Century Breakdown.
Xander sat the CDs in his lap and looked up at Spike, "I thought you loved Sex Pistols and there would be no other band."
"Oh, don't get me wrong whelp, still love Sex Pistols to death. But this is a band in your generation that you'll like. Not exactly my generation but they're good." Spike picked up 21st Century Breakdown to read some of the songs. There were quite a few he really enjoyed listening to, for example Horseshoes and Handgrenades.
"Spike, Sex Pistols wasn't even your generation technically." Xander took his CD back and sat them to the side.
"Oi, one more crack about my age an it'll be over my knee." Spike warned as he sat his bottle of whiskey down and pulled out the portable CD player hooked up with speakers. This was the perfect opportunity for making out and he wasn't about to waste it. Add in a chance to corrupt Xander a little more and this was the perfect night for Spike.
Spike grabbed the Dookie CD and had to pause when he heard what Xander said, "could be fun." Spike looked at Xander for a long moment and a smile slowly lit his face.
"Your comin' along nicely, pet." Spike slapped the CD into the CD player and turned back to Xander as Burnout started to play, "could 'ave fun cultivating your kinks, luv. Bet deep down there's a dirty minded rebel, underneath all that Country an Blues shite."
"I'm here aren't I?" Xander asked as he sat his pile of CDs off to the side and leaned in to Spike who could only smirk as Xander started to initiate a make-out session. He'd been working to bring Xander out of his shell around him. He was the goofy guy around the girls, but when it came to a relationship, a healthy relationship, he was a shy teen. Out of the boy's habits, Marijuana was the only one Spike would allow. Hell, it was fun to get high once in a while, so he couldn't bug Xander on it too terribly much since he did it too.
Spike was happily letting Xander lead the dance of tongues when his sensitive fingers found something he wished he hadn't. His hand had been running up Xander's arm, slowly pushing the sleeve up toward his elbow, when his fingertips encountered familiar lines and scabs. Spike pulled away from Xander and looked at him angrily while seizing the boy's arm in a vice like grip. He tugged the shirt sleeve up all the way to see the cut marks on his arm, always the left arm. This time a few came dangerously close to the tender veins running just beneath the surface of his wrist. "Tryin to kill yourself, whelp? Told you not to do that shite unless I were around. Even then I don't like you doin it."
Xander tried desperately to tug his arm away and hide the cut marks he'd made. "No! I mean, I know you told me and all I just…" Xander looked everywhere but at Spike and Spike had to manually calm himself down and take a breath. Yelling at Xander wasn't going to do any good; it'd only make the boy retreat further.
"Wot was it this time, then?" Spike asked as he let go of Xander's arm. There were only 4 cuts and they had scabbed over so he wasn't worried about them. He was only worried about Xander making new ones.
Xander wrapped his arms around himself and pulled his knees up on the couch. He listened to the music and could get the message behind it; maybe Spike was right in getting him to listen to punk music. It could be another way for him to get out all the bad feelings. "Buffy… I uh… I had to skip out early on the meeting the other night to go to work and she said something about "off to shit job number 237" and I know she didn't mean anything by it really, just fooling around. But it started me thinking that that's my whole life isn't it. Shit job number 237 until I get fired and then it's off to find shit job number 238. The girls are off doing new exciting things, they're doing the college thing and I'm kinda stuck here taking shit jobs and trying to pay for a basement apartment that my parents over charge for."
Spike could guess where that train of thought lead. Xander wasn't saying it, but he knew that once the boy got thinking about his parents that was it. And who could blame him with shit parents like he had? Spike was surprised, and proud, that Xander had turned out as well as he did with crap parents like that. He could tell that the best way to salvage this evening is to pour some TLC all over Xander and Spike was not too proud to resort to the mushy stuff. Whatever got his boy better faster.
Carefully Spike grabbed Xander's injured arm and pulled the boy over to him. "You know wot I see when I look at you, luv?" Xander looked up under his bangs as Spike pulled him over to lay across the vampire's cool body. He shook his head a little, and Spike was reminded that sometimes when shit got real bad that this was more or less a scared boy in his arms, not the man he should be right now. "Wot I see is a boy workin hard to be the man his friends need an to prove right by his da. First off, you ain't got nothing to prove to no one. Not the shit friends you got that call every job you 'ave a shit job, not the shit parents you 'ave, an not even me. Only person you've got stuff to prove to is yourself."
"What if I'm unhappy with all this?" Xander asked, almost as if he were hinging on every word Spike said.
"Then you change things, of course. But you don't get discouraged if stuff don't go the way you want right off the bat." Spike leaned in and kissed at each cut on Xander's arm. "The only time you should feel inadequate to yourself is if you quit tryin to improve yourself to be who you want to be. S'all that is, luv."
Xander listened to what Spike had to say and he was right, he didn't have to prove anything to anyone but himself. And he wasn't happy with how things were going right now. He wanted his own apartment to share with Spike, he wanted a better paying job, hell he wanted a job that he would be able to advance in. He had a few ideas, but in order to implement them he had to stop thinking of himself as this shit joke that hangs around with the Scoobies. Maybe hanging around with Spike and having him rub off on Xander was a good thing.
Spike could feel the shift in the boy as he took Spike's words and digested them. While they had achieved something bit, the beginning of Xander believing in himself, they still had a long way to go before he was out of the woods.
Time for a reward. Spike dug in his coat for the stash he kept in one of the deeper back pockets and Xander sat up looking excited. You'd think he'd just pulled out puppy treats or something like that instead of pot. "Thought we both could use a joint, luv."
"You can say that again, all this self reflection is getting to me." Xander said as he waited for Spike to roll the joint.
Spike got out the papers and started to get it ready, "you an me both, luv. Self reflection has never been me strong suit y'know. Prefer to just..do..stuff." He smirked at Xander, making sure the boy got the innuendo.
Xander's cheeks heated lightly as he blushed at the insinuation. He liked it when Spike did…stuff too. As soon as Spike had the joint rolled Xander snatched it from between Spike's fingers and started to frisk Spike for the lighter. "Oi! Watch the merchandise here, whelp." Xander crowed happily when he found the beat up old Zippo and left Spike laying there to light up the joint, "Want to take another feel around the coin purse, you forgot your change."
Xander almost snorted smoke out his nose as he laughed. He coughed on the smoke he'd already inhaled and Spike thumped him on the back a few times to help. While Xander was distracted from coughing Spike stole the joint back to take a hit. He sat back as he inhaled the smoke and the drug slowly started to take effect. He handed it back to Xander and put his feet up. He was getting that nicely buzzed feeling now and the good music was only making it better.
Xander looked down at the half smoked joint in his hand, took another drag, and let the smoke out thoughtfully, "Spike, would you turn me if you could?"
Spike raised a brow as he looked up at the boy, where was all this coming from then? "You know I would, pet. Make a right fine vampire, you would." Spike let a little smile cross his face, "imagine you'd be a terror as a vampire. All that pent up rage an hate waitin to get out an unleash itself on some unsuspecting victim. So, where's all this comin from then?"
"I dunno, I was just thinking-"
"Whoa there pet, best you give the rest of that to me. Getting dangerous, thinkin when you're smoking a joint like that." Spike teased lightly.
Xander reached over and punched Spike's arm, but gave up the joint anyway so Spike could take a hit. "I'm not joking Spike, I was just thinking that…I'd like to have the alternative." He looked over at Spike seriously, and how funny it was that Xander could be so series while high but goofy the rest of the time, "If I ever like, am close to death or about to die or I'm going insane from all this…" Xander waived his hand to his arm where the cuts were, the 'all this' he referred to was the crap he had to take every day, "…then I want you to turn me. I don't want to leave you."
Spike wasn't sure what to say, he'd never been asked by anyone to be turned. But the idea was very appealing, having Xander by his side for eternity reeking murder and mayhem where ever they went. It'd be better than him and Dru because Xander more than likely wouldn't be barmy like Dru and he'd have all the bad intentions needed to cause some serious destruction. Hell, maybe they'd be able to actually blow up a few towns. That'd look awesome.
Spike made the firm decisions that once he found a way around the micro chip in his head, and he would find a way around it, he would turn Xander regardless of if he were dying or not. Chances were the boy would need it, the problems he was experiencing now would be bad by then. He had no illusions of Xander getting better from this; if he wouldn't leave his shit friends it'd only get worse. And if he knew Xander, and he did know the boy very well, he'd never abandon his friends no matter how they treated him.
Spike pulled Xander closer and ran his fingers through the boy's hair, keeping his head still as he plundered his mouth. "You 'ave my word as Spike, William the Bloody, childe of Drusilla childe of Angelus, upon my blood if this chip ever stops wrokin' or when I find a way around it you will be m'first childe."
Xander felt a weight on his chest leave; like he could breathe again knowing Spike would be there. He didn't have to worry about falling when Spike was there to catch him at the bottom. He laid his head against Spike's shoulder, enjoying the buzz from the joint, "Amazing, the one person that makes me feel safe and good is a soulless vampire when my friends are the ones that makes me feel ugly and worthless."
"Demons ain't got the only market for evil, luv. Your friends, they ain't evil really. Suppose they just don't know any better. " Spike said as he ran his fingers through Xander's hair, a move that soothed the boy he'd found out.
"They know better, they just don't care. Well… Willow probably doesn't know any better. But Buffy does and so does Giles. There's really no excuse." Xander lifted his head looking down at Spike, "I want to have sex."
Spike chuckled, not disappointed in the boy's libido. They'd be talking about evil and crap one moment and he'd be ready for a round the next. "Gona 'ave t'do the work, luv. Feelin a mite baked here, probably the best I can do ya is getting me cock out." To prove his point Spike reached down, unbuckled his pants, pushed them down a little, and pulled his cock out so it was standing upright. It was undoubtedly ready for some dirty bad fun, but Spike was feeling too relaxed to start all the work.
When Xander saw it his mouth began to water but he was too eager to get to the main event to spend any time on preliminaries and suck Spike. So Xander instead scrambled up to his feet, kicked off his boots, removed his pants after locating the tube of lubricant in one of the pockets, and straddled Spike's hips again. The rough material of the black denim serving to thrill him more as it rubbed against tender flesh. "I think I can do that, no problem."
"Fuck, your enough to tempt a priest luv." Spike mumbled as his cock was trapped between Xander's hot cheeks and the hard planes of his stomach. As Xander rubbed down against Spike the vampire moaned, the underside of his cock being stroked by Xander's hot cheeks, the front trapped against his stomach.
"Well, good thing I've never been very religious." Xander confessed as he bit his lip and rubbed his ass against Spike's cock. He loved teasing the vampire like this. He loved to watch Spike go insane with pleasure. Sometimes Spike would just take over and fuck Xander into whatever flat surface was handy. Sometimes he'd endure and let Xander lead the dance. It helped more than Xander could say that Spike let Xander lead often, putting no pressure on the boy.
Knowing Spike would have some, Xander searched around in the vampire's jeans pocket for the tube and found the lubricant right where he thought it'd be. "Well, get on with it whelp, or do I 'ave t'get rough?" The mischievous glint in Spike's eye told Xander he better hurry or he may be the one getting fucked into the floor. And how was that a bad thing again?
Xander could only grin as he put some of the lube in his hand to warm it up, as fried as his brain was at the moment he could still remember that Spike didn't like it cold like that. He smoothed the gel on Spike's cock, stroking only slightly so as not to set him off yet, and then held himself over Spike's cock. He had not bothered to prepare himself because he needed the pain to center himself. Spike noticed this and would have said something but it was light-years better than cutting. Whatever he could find as an alternative to that he'd enforce, thus the only reason he indulged Xander to the occasional joint.
Slowly sinking down onto Spike's cock he let out a hollow groan as the huge meat stretched him to accept it. The burn was there and not wholly unpleasant. However, now that he was centered and focused on Spike and the pleasure he was eager for the pain to go away. He rose up and slowly sunk back down; nodding to Spike when the vampire looked up at him to acknowledge that he was ready and when he heard the song playing, Longview, he couldn't help but smile. What a perfect song for the moment.
Spike, giving Xander no time to ready himself, grabbed Xander's hips and started to pound up into the boy's waiting hole. He wanted to keep him off balance and wanting more so Xander would remember that the only happy drug or release he needed could be found only in Spike's arms. Xander gasped, reaching down to hold on to Spike's arms, and held on for the rough ride, "fuck, Spike, I thought…"
"See wot thinkin got ya?" Spike said as he pounded into Xander, brushing Xander's prostate every time with the head of his cock. Spike sat up so that they were flush together, the new position pushing him even deeper into Xander's cavity. He ran his fingers through Xander's messy brown hair, gripped, and pulled his head to the side.
Having his neck exposed like this made Xander blaringly aware of how much he wanted, desired, needed Spike's bite. To have the vampire mark him as property, to feel the fangs sliding into his skin, to feel his blood leaving his body to nourish his lover – his master. To know that he belonged so completely to someone was something he could take comfort in when the darkest nights grew darker and he could bear no more. He was so desperate to feel the fangs in his neck…
…but he knew it wouldn't happen, not now. He cursed the Initiative again. Even though the chip had forced Spike to slow down and see Xander for who he was, it still was preventing them from experiencing the one thing they both needed. It was more frustrating than stopping in the middle of sex, and Xander was getting tired of so thoroughly desiring something and never getting it all because of a little piece of metal and silicone.
Instead of biting Spike only kissed the area he wished to mark and then started to suck, sucking hard enough to raise a bruise to the surface. He watched as the blood bloomed beneath the surface of the skin and the idea that he was so very close yet so far away served only to further frustrate him. It also served to cause the chip to give him a warning zap. Spike growled in frustration and focused on the task at hand, fucking Xander into next week so the boy knew who was boss.
Xander heard blood rushing in his ears as the pressure built, the need to scream out growing by the minute not just from sexual excitement, but also from desperate frustration and again being denied the marking he desperately needed. The moment he felt Spike's hand on his cock he popped, unable to withstand the onslaught of pleasure and pain so tightly mixed together they were nearly one. Xander cried out this time, mostly in physical release as his cum painted Spike's chest white. As his muscles contracted and squeezed Spike's cock the vampire thrust once, twice, three times more and filled Xander with his spunk.
Spike sat back as he basked in the afterglow, pulling Xander along with him so that they lay together. Even as he basked he knew that the mood couldn't be more somber. Xander pressed his forehead against Spike's and Spike decided that the first thing he did come tomorrow was make a trip to the local library. His Xander was too important to worry about imagery or being seen in a library or book store.
Still locked inside his lover, Spike couldn't help but take notice of the glaring contrast in the situation. They had no trouble finding release physically; it was the emotional and claiming they needed help with. And he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that if he didn't make a move soon Xander would not be savable. Slowly being beaten down, both physically and emotionally, had taken their toll on him and if Spike wished to mend what was left he had to do something soon.
Spike gently traced his fingers down Xander's spine slowly, counting the vertibret as they passed his fingers, and made the final decision, if any were needed, in his plan of action. He was fully committing himself to Xander as his human, his consort. All that was left now was the marking and as soon as he visited that library he was sure he'd have a solution for them.
As Xander relaxed on top of Spike, the vampire continued to sooth the youth. Listening to the current song as it changed tracks he listened to Basket Case and how ironic it was that this song would play now? He wouldn't let that happen to Xander, his boy would get better, he wouldn't allow Xander to become another Drusilla whatever it took. He leaned his head to the side and kissed Xander's ear gently before mumbling something that made Xander crack a smile, "anythin' for you luv, I would die for you." And Xander knew without doubt that Spike was telling the truth.