Author's Note: This is basically my idea of what 4-Kids entertainment would do to Kuroshitsuji if they got a license to dub it. This is the script for the first episode with all edits and plot abominations in-tact. I own nothing.
Narrator: This inspiring tale takes place in America a long, long time ago. Or, at least, that's where we're going to pretend it takes place. It is just another sunny day for Billy McFriendship and his butler, Butler Bob.
Bob (Sebastian): (as he's opening the curtains) Well, Billy, it looks like it's just another sunny day in the McFriendship manor.
Billy (Ciel): (sits up and rubs eyes) Indeed it is, Butler Bob.
Bob: What would you like for breakfast? I have already made you some type of children's drink that is not tea because tea would be too British to be mentioned by an American voice-over company, but I neglected to make the rest of your pure, all-american breakfast.
Narrator: Remember, parents, child neglect is a no-no.
Bob: (leaning down and whispering in ear) It has to be American, remember? Here. (hands list) I made a menu of 4-kids-approved breakfast choices.
Billy: (looking list over) I want…umm…that one pastry that looks like a scone. That way they don't have to edit the animation.
Bob: Good choice, Billy! (gives food and starts to leave)
(Billy throws a ball at Butler Bob which Butler Bob catches without turning around)
Bob: You really shouldn't play with balls in the house, Billy.
Billy: Okay, Butler Bob.
Narrator: The McFriendship manor is expecting a visitor soon, so Butler Bob helps clean the house with his servant friends, Monica the Maid, Greg the Gardener, and Clay the Cook.
Bob: Let's all work together to get this house clean! Using friendship and teamwork, we'll get this done in no time!
Narrator: Soon, the entire house is sparkling and just in time, because the visitor is pulling into the entryway now. The guest is a friend of Billy's parents who are on a very, very long business trip. His name is Joe.
Bob: Welcome, Joe! We've been expecting you!
Billy: Will you play a game with me?
Joe: Well sure I will, Billy, you little scamp!
(Billy and Joe go to the game room to play Billy's favorite game, Candy Land)
Joe: This game is an awful lot of fun! Even when I get stuck on the little dots, I keep a positive attitude about the game and still enjoy myself!
Billy: Oh no! I got stuck in a swamp! It's your turn.
Joe: Oh, alright then, Billy! (takes turn)
Narrator: By the time they are finished with their game, it is time for dinner.
Bob: It is time for dinner.
Narrator: The two go down to the dining room to eat their completely non-Japanese dinner.
Monica: Would you like some grape juice?
Joe: Yes, please.
Narrator: Monica then proceeds to pour the grape juice in Joe's cup perfectly because maids are normally not incompetent and it would be wrong to portray them as such. In addition, if the grape juice were to spill, it would create a terrible mess which should not be encouraged and neither should the method of cleaning it up that involves pulling a tablecloth off of a table.
Bob: (after dinner is over) I'm sorry, but it's getting late. I hate to ask you to leave, but Billy needs to go to bed. It's important for children to get a good night's sleep.
Joe: Oh, alright then. I wouldn't want to disrupt his schedule. I'll leave. (leaves)
Billy: I had a lot of fun today, Butler Bob! Let's have even more fun tomorrow!
Bob: Okay. But first, you need to get some sleep.
Billy: Okay. Goodnight, Butler Bob! (goes to bed)
End of Episode 1