Warning: Contains scenes of drunken behaviour, and mild swear words.

Summary: The Doctor carries out his plan to get Donna drunk. Written using a suggestion by juliet316 and at the request of sczep84.

Disclaimer: If I owned Doctor Who and its characters, I wouldn't live here for a start!

Chapter 2 - One More Drink Donna?


It had started as quite a normal day; well, normal for them. They had rescued a family on Glexoscex from a stromea serpent, when Donna had slapped it into submission closely followed by the Doctor using the sonic to persuade it to behave itself and be captured. There had been no need for it to almost vomit over Donna; thankfully, the Doctor had grabbed her out of the way in the nick of time. Whether or not that remark from the mother of the Glexoscexan family about eating it later had been a joke or not Donna decided not to worry about. After all, she was enjoying the walk back to the TARDIS in companionable silence with the Doctor in the late evening sunlight. It had been a tiring experience, with a lot of running about, and they trudged home hand-in-hand avoiding cracks, potholes and muddy puddles.

Donna broke the silence, "Do you know what I fancy right now?" The Doctor threw her a puzzled expression. "A drink. A tall glass of something cool with ice, an umbrella and a twiddly straw," she told him.

"I think I might be able to rustle you up something like that, if you want me to?" he offered magnanimously.

"Ooh! I do!" Donna almost bounced up and down in her excitement at the prospect of such a drink again. She knew the Doctor couldn't provide a hunky barman to serve it to her, but she could still wish, couldn't she?

With renewed vigour, he led her away in a slightly different direction. They ended up in a small township, with a few meagre shops and several bars. The Doctor chose what looked like the largest hostelry, and escorted Donna in. The place was buzzing with life inside, but they managed to find seats near the bar. To add to Donna's enjoyment there was waiter service, and not a bad looking waiter service at that! It gave her plenty to ogle while they waited for the promised drink.

She gave the Doctor's hand a grateful squeeze. "This is wonderful!" she told him as she sipped the largest glass of booze she had ever had topped off with a fancy accessory. "How did you know this was here?"

He grinned back at her, taking hold of her hand again properly, "I didn't! It just seemed logical that a place like this would be here."

"I could get to love your logic!" she told him, gladdened to see him blush at her words. She noticed some movement over in the far corner of the bar. "Are they setting up a band over there?" she asked him.

"Why yes, it looks like they are! This should be entertaining," he replied.

It turned out to be very entertaining indeed. The locals obviously loved the music played, dancing and singing along. All the music was unfamiliar to Donna, but she could follow it easily, and it grew on her considerably. When a bloke from the bar grabbed hold of her arm and urged her to get up and dance with him, she gave in quickly, letting him spin them around. She also made a point to ignore the Doctor's scowl as she whirled by, and promised herself that she'd grab him up at the first opportunity.

When her dancing partner finally let her go, she made a beeline for the Doctor, and tried to pull him up. He resisted her efforts at first, but the atmosphere in the bar was very persuasive, and he got up to dance with her. She was surprised that he was as good a dancer as his previous drunken state had suggested; and that he used the excuse of the bar being packed to draw her closer to him. As if she couldn't see that ruse a mile off! Still, it was nice to be the centre of his attention for a while, and she let him confidently guide her through several dances.

The music slowed down, and Donna steeled herself for the Doctor to stop dancing with her, and return them to their seats. But he pulled her body closer to him, swaying them in time to the rhythm. Okay, the dance floor area was packed but she hadn't expected him to hold her so enticingly close to him that it almost took her breath away. In fact, it was seductive, the way he moved his hands on her lower back and pressed himself against her, bringing his face and lips so near to her own that all she had to do to kiss him would be to move a few millimetres. And she was beginning to want to, very much. She began to thread her arms up to wrap them around his neck when a tall, black-haired man parted them abruptly.

"Doctor! Fancy meeting you here!" exclaimed the stranger; and quite a good looking stranger at that, Donna noted.

Several emotions crossed the Doctor's face, including anger and guilt, but 'miffed' would have been the word Donna chose. He recovered himself quickly, and returned the hug the stranger had insisted on bestowing him with. "Jack! What are you doing here?" he greeted Jack with all the enthusiasm he could muster.

Jack turned to consider Donna, and a wide grin lit up his face again. "Captain Jack Harkness at your service, ma'am," he schmoozed, taking one of her hands and pressing his lips to the back of it.

If Donna had said Jack had no affect on her she would have been lying. She found herself instantly interested in him, even though she knew this routine backwards. The Doctor gave her a very dark look, and she knew that she shouldn't have, but she gave him her best cheeky 'why not?' look back.

"Ah! Jack, this is Donna, Donna Noble. Donna, this is Jack, Captain Jack Harkness," the Doctor made the necessary introductions.

"The infamous Jack at last!" Donna giggled. "I've been suitably warned about you."

"I hope you've heard lots about me, all of it bad!" Jack winked at her.

"Not all of it. Just most of it," she confirmed, smiling at him.

"Anyway," broke in the Doctor, "we were about to head back to the TARDIS."

"Yes, I could see you had decided something like that," Jack held his gaze. "But surely you can have one more drink with an old friend?"

Donna looked expectantly at the Doctor. "We've only just met up with Jack, Spaceman! Don't be so rude!" she turned back to Jack. "I'll have something long, cool and alcoholic, please."

"I'm beginning to like you, Donna!" he laughed at her, and waved over a passing waiter.

A nearby female local made a grab for Jack a few minutes later, and he laughingly allowed himself to be whisked away onto the dance floor. Donna took the opportunity to quiz the Doctor. "Are you going to tell me what the problem is?" she asked taking his hand.

"Which problem?" he answered vaguely.

"The problem you obviously have with Jack," she fixed him to his seat with a glare. "Come on, out with it; and don't pretend you have no idea what I'm on about!"

He sighed. "Jack often means trouble, that's all," he started, but Donna didn't look convinced. "And he… he has this effect on people… because he makes them fancy him."

"How does he do that then?" Donna asked, finding herself intrigued by this.

"Pheromones. He gives off pheromones, they make people act as if they've been drugged," he finished succinctly. He wanted to ask her exactly how they'd affected her, but he felt hesitant.

"Blimey! That explains it then!" she smiled at him. "I wondered what was happening for a minute or two there."

"So you…," he couldn't bring himself to say the words.

"Yeah, I did for a bit, despite knowing what he was trying to do," she chuckled. "Just goes to show you can teach an old dog a new trick. And I am aware that I referred to myself as a dog there, so no funny comebacks, Spaceman!"

"As if I would! Nope, not saying anything me!" he laughed. Donna always managed to make him feel better, no matter what his mood was. Before his good mood could disappear, he found himself asking her, "Do you want to dance again?"

"Try stopping me!" she replied as he escorted her to the dance area. It obviously did the Doctor good to have a bit of competition it would seem. As she thought that, her mind rapidly worked out over whom they would have competed in the past, and she correctly guessed where some of the animosity came from.

The music was a little bit faster this time, and the Doctor seemed a bit more… 'fumblier' would be a good word, if it existed, but Donna wasn't sure if it did. They hadn't been on the dance floor long when a stomping great big local bloke trod heavily on her foot, making her yell out in pain. "Donna! What's happened? Are you alright?" the Doctor asked her with concern.

"No I'm not! I think I might have broken a bone in my foot!" she tried to hobble, but she held grimly onto the Doctor's arm.

He half carried her to sit at their table, and lifted up her foot into his lap to examine it. She winced painful as he removed her shoe and gently massaged her foot. "Let's keep it elevated to reduce swelling," he told her, continuing his administrations. Donna was finding it extremely soothing, and marvelled at his talented hands.

Jack appeared again at the table. "How are we doing, kiddies? Would you like another drink?" he steered the last question towards Donna.

"Anybody would think you're trying to get me drunk!" Donna smirked.

"Oh no! You've discovered my secret!" he grinned. He noticed Donna's foot in the Doctor's lap. "Is there something going on here that I should know about?"

"Nope!" Donna got in before the Doctor could reply, "And I'll have the same as before."

In fact, Donna had quite a few more drinks the same as before as she sat there. Jack had taken up the odd invitation to dance or mingle with the locals, but the Doctor kept the same position, holding Donna's foot in his grasp. It was a harmless vice, after all! All that Donna had done differently was giggle more as his hands caressed her foot, especially when he slowly crept up her calf towards her knee.

"You'd make a fortune, you know," she told him conspiratorially. "Doing that."

"Doing what?" he asked. "Oh, you mean the foot rub! Nah! I don't have time for that."

"Shame, cos I'd pay money… to… to erm… what was I saying? The foot thing…," she slurred, as she wavered slightly towards him and gave him a clear view down the front of her blouse. He quickly tried to politely avert his gaze, without success, since Donna's body seemed determined to give him the full show when she exclaimed, "Boy is it hot in here!" and undid a few buttons.

He reached out to do the buttons up and then thought better of it. "Donna? Do you think you ought to… adjust yourself?" he queried.

"Why? What's the matter, Timeboy? Can't stand to see a bit of flesh?" she looked down at herself. "Or is the problem who… no, I shouldn't ask that one!" She hiccupped.

"You can ask me any question you like. You know that you can," he reassured her.

"Same here! I mean… the asking thing… to me," she looked into her glass. "What the hell did they put in this thing? I can't control my words!"

"Perhaps it was some sort of truth serum," he joked.

"Oh, you want to know the truth do you?" she tried to peer at him quizzically, but it came off as looking as though she'd got a bad smell under her nose. "Go on then, ask me anything!"

"Anything?" he squeaked. "Well, I'd love to know…"

"What do you think of me?" cut in Jack as he sat down next to her.

"Pfft! That one's easy!" Donna chided. "I think you are far too handsome for your own good, Mr Captain man!" she laughed at her own joke. "Though you could learn something from him," she accused the Doctor.

He glared at her, "Why, what could I learn from him?"

"How to take chances, go out on a limb once in a while, stuff like that," she answered, leaning heavily towards him again before grabbing hold of the edge of the table.

"What do you mean? I take chances all the time!" he indignantly replied.

"Yeah, with your life maybe, but not your love-life!" she insisted, and turned to Jack. "What do you think?"

This time the Doctor cut across Jack's reply, with "If I didn't take chances why are you slowly getting drunk, eh? Answer me that one!"

Donna and Jack both looked at him gob-smacked, but it was Donna who responded, "Pardon me? Are you saying that you've deliberately got me sozzled?" She would have slapped him then and there but she was unsure of her aim in this state. But she still took the pose.

He suddenly went wide-eyed, "Did I say… oh, I meant that… of course I wouldn't do that to you!"

"I think you would," Jack put in. When the Doctor glared at him, he replied, "I'm only saying that it's possible, judging by what I saw… earlier."

"And what was that?" Donna demanded, as best as she could.

"The Doctor dancing," Jack answered simply.

The underlying meaning of that statement was completely lost on Donna, though to be fair, she was in no fit state to understand anything of a deeper meaning. The Doctor looked appalled.

Donna considered both of them. "I'm not getting caught up in some… some stupid fight thing where you two prove who's got the biggest red bum, or whatever you aliens do! I'm going to go home now, and I'm beginning to not care how I get there or who with," she told them shakily. "Doctor, if I could have my foot back please?"

"Donna," he began, "let me help you."

"Only if that's all you're offering, Martian! I can't be doing with all this blokey alpha-male rubbish right now," this would have come across better if she hadn't stumbled at that point and the Doctor niftily caught her before she hit the bar-room floor.

"Still throwing yourself at me, I see," he quipped, steadying her as she attempted to put her shoe back on. He took pity on her as her efforts proved fruitless and took command.

"And you keeping dreaming the impossible," she remarked, causing Jack to roar with laughter.

"Makes a change, doesn't it Doctor?" Jack winked at him. "Nice to see you're not irresistible for once," Jack smirked.

"Is that the pot calling the kettle black?" Donna asked Jack, amusing the Doctor this time. "Getting a little above yourself there, Sunshine!"

The Doctor knowingly grinned at Jack above Donna's head, "Can't put anything past her, Jack! She'll wheedle out all your secrets."

"How many of yours have she discovered, Doctor?" Jack asked, remaining impressed.

"Oh, will you two just stop it!" ordered Donna. "You'll be having a pissing contest next!" she scowled at them both, before having a laughing fit. "I almost want to watch that but… but… I don't think I care enough. I gonna go… back wherever home is… can somebody steer me in the right direction?" she staggered towards the bar, obviously testing out her internal GPS.

"Come on, Donna, I'll take you home," the Doctor grabbed her elbow to guide her. "Ready to say your goodbyes?"

"Yeah," she twirled towards Jack and hugged him enthusiastically. "See ya Jake… Jack… whatever your name is!" she wiped some of her dribble off his collar. "Look after yourself and… and… what was I saying? No, it's gone! Laters!"

Jack let the Doctor help her to shift herself away from him, "Bye Donna, it was a pleasure!"

Donna snorted a laugh as a reply, waved vaguely in his direction, and clung to the Doctor for dear life.

"Bye Jack," the Doctor grinned at him, seemingly afraid to let go of Donna in case she aimed for the floor again.

Jack watched them, with much amusement, manoeuvre themselves unskilfully out through the bar. He felt certain he'd see the pair of them in the future, and wondered what state they'd be in and whether they'd have specific news for him. He couldn't wait!

The cold night air hit Donna with a vengeance. Her legs practically gave way, along with most of her motor and cognitive skills. The Doctor was in two minds whether to just lift her up and carry her home or continue with the present plan of assisted walking.

"He seemed nice," Donna slurred. "Am I allowed to say that?"

"You can say anything you like," the Doctor told her.

"I wasn't asking permission, I was thingying," she replied. "D'you think you could stop moving about so much? I can't hold onto you."

"I don't think it's me that's doing all the swaying," he chuckled. He took a firmer grasp of her, around the waist, and asked, "Do you want to carry on walking, or shall I take over totally?"

"What? You can walk for me now? Can you do that?" she looked at him in wonder. "I'd be like a puppet or something! Blimey, you ain't 'alf talented!"

He laughed again, "I meant that I could pick you up and carry you the rest of the way!"

"Ooh! Didn't think of that! That's clever too, but in a totally different way, and… and…," she stop talking, as if the words had gotten away from her. "Can I tell something?"

"Go ahead," he encouraged her. As she staggered into him, he prepared himself to lift her up.

"I fink you're lovely, d'you know that?" she nodded at him. "I don't understand why you haven't got a wife or someone, 'cos you should 'ave."

"Do you think so?" he bent down and hoisted her into his arms. "What do I do about it then?"

"Go to a bar, pick a nice woman up; take 'er back to your place, y'know, all the usual. I could help you find someone if you like?" she offered. "It's quite nice up 'ere," she looked around, "might even stay for a bit."

"Are you referring to Glexoscex or my arms?" he asked her. Seeing her puzzled frown, he reminded her, "Glexoscex is the name of this planet."

"Oh, yeah, forgot for a minute. Well, forgot for several hours, but we weren't counting, were we?" she gave him her best cheesy smile. "It's nice being carried by you. Why don't you carry me more often?"

"Because you won't let me. That's probably the main reason," he supplied.

"Good point." She patted him on the head, "Carry on Jeeves! Or should that be 'home James'!" She laughed at her own joke heartily, and the Doctor joined her.

"I'm not your pet dog!" he exclaimed in mock anger, and readjusted his hold on her.

"No, but you are my pet alien, aren't you?" She patted his head and stroked his sideburns, "All cute and furry, but strangely not green."

"Ribbit!" he went, and Donna folded up in giggles, making it suddenly harder to carry her. "Careful, Donna! I almost dropped you then!"

"So stop making me laugh!" she giggled. "And I promise not to do…. whatsername too!"

"Yeah, that would be it," he smirked. "Anything else I should stop doing while I'm about it?"

"You could stop taking so long to get to the TARDIS! Did we really walk this far?" she quizzed, snuggling against him, and holding him tighter around the neck.

"Yep, every step." He allowed himself a slight nuzzle back, "It's not too far now. Anything else you want to tell me?"

"Erm… I don't like staples, they freak me out. They attack when you aren't looking." She whispered secretively to him, "I used to do up Mum's presents with them when she pee-d me off. I knew she'd return the gifts; she never likes anything I get her! Call it a little bit of revenge if you like."

Donna's breath against the skin below his ear was doing things to him, things that he intended to never admit in a million years. "I'm sure she appreciated the thought," he told her.

She lifted her head to look him in the eye. "You have met my mother, haven't you Doctor?" as he nodded she replaced her head, "There you go then, case proved. Why are you talking about Mum?"

"I wasn't! You brought her up," the Doctor said.

"That's not the only thing I'm about to bring up! Can you put me down for a tick?" he quickly followed her instructions as she heaved. He also held her hair out of the way with one hand, and rubbed her back with other. "Sorry about that," Donna said hoarsely, "never could hold my drink inside my body very well."

"Did you want to walk the end bit?" he asked, still holding onto her waist.

"I think I'd better, just in case I… you know…," she still looked a bit green around the gills. "But can you…?"

"I'll make sure you're fine, don't worry," he gave her a gentle, reassuring squeeze.

"You're a star, did you know that? My friend of the friends," she stumbled into his grasp. "And I'm still a bit drunk. O-h dear! Got to make sure I don't make the same mistake you did."

"What mistake was that?" he couldn't stop himself asking. "There are a few to choose from."

"Hmm, out of all of them, I'd say the kissy drunk lunge was the winner," she answered thoughtfully. "Kinda killed things for a while." She swayed and then clung onto him for grim death.

"Killed things? What things?" he needed to know. He gently released her fingers from where they were digging into the flesh of his neck but kept her hands there.

"Us! Us as mates I mean." Seeing his worried expression up close, she added, "Weirded me out, sorry and all that, but it did." She caressed his cheek when his expression showed his self-disgust, "It didn't last long, 'cos you made it better again. Don't beat yourself up over it." Then she replaced the caress with a light press of her lips.

He saved himself from having to reply immediately by fumbling with the TARDIS key whilst keeping her upright. Ushering her in, he asked, "Would madam like coffee to be served before bedtime?"

"I don't… I don't think coffee will help… it's too late. I'll have some water instead, I think… might fend off a hangover," she staggered through the console room assisted by the Doctor, and let him lead her towards her bedroom.

When they got there he said, "I tell you what, how about you get ready for bed and I'll fetch you that water, eh? I'll make it long tall and very cool."

"Sounds like the man of my dreams!" she chuckled. "Go on then, you've persuaded me!"

He found her several minutes later sitting on the edge of her bed in her pyjamas and looking despondent. "What's the matter, Donna? Feeling sick again?" he sat down next to her and took her hand.

"Only a tiny bit," she turned to look at him. "Jack just says those sort of things, doesn't he? Do you think I'm… Oh, never mind. Who am I kidding?"

"Are you saying you want Jack to be interested in you?" he felt a part of his hearts die at the thought.

"Not exactly… I'm saying… oh I wish someone was interested… interested in me!" she said forlornly. "But that doesn't happen. They lust for a time, but they…," she burst into tears, unable to finish her sentence.

The Doctor hugged her to him, "Don't say that! Plenty of men are interested in you."

"Name one!" she sobbed next to his chest.

"I… erm… I…," he stammered, as he wondered exactly how truthful you had to be with a depressed drunk. "I'm interested in the person you are, for making me feel better about myself, for being brilliant," he got a watery smile for that bit, "for caring, for being here with me, for being a true friend; in short, for being Donna."

She beamed at him, threw her arms around his neck and kissed him soundly. "Oops! I promised I wouldn't do that!" she guiltily confessed.

"That's okay. I forgive you," he smiled, hoping she wouldn't notice his arms were still around her. "Revenge is sweet."

She yawned, and turned to consider her bed. "I'd better turn in and get some beauty sleep. Hopefully I won't have to spend tomorrow grovelling for my… misde-… thingamajigs," she managed to hiccup and yawn at the same time.

He pulled back the covers and helped her get into bed, taking care to tuck them in around her. "You've no need to grovel, by the way," he told her. Thinking she was almost asleep, he turned to stand and walk away, but she sat up slightly, "What is it?"

"In answer to your question, the one you won't ask me, the answer is 'no'," she informed him.

"No?" he looked shocked and more than a little crestfallen.

"I know you've been running around with young bits of impressionable fluff the last few years, but I'm made of sterner stuff," she tapped the side of her nose, "I know more and I'm not attracted too much by the shiny! I won't leave you for Jack, all right? So don't you fret!"

She patted his hand, as he smiled, "Okay Donna, I won't!"

"Good! Now bugger off and let me sleep," she laid back, and closed her eyes.

The Doctor thought it best to do exactly as he was told.