A/N: Um…so yeah, I don't even know how or why this idea came to me. I guess it's because I view Logan as an overachiever, much like I was up through high school. Something about him settling for a C+ average in 'Welcome Back Big Time' didn't set right with me. Huh. Look at that. I guess that's the how and the why.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Report Card Blemish
The school year was over. Today was the day all the Palm Woods students found out how they had done because today was the day we all got our report cards. This is the day that most kids dreaded, but not me. I had nothing to fear. My report cards were always the same. Throughout all of my schooling, I had never got an A- or lower on a report card. Today should be no exception.
Kendall, James, Carlos, and I were seated on the orange couch in the living room. As the unofficial leader of our group, Kendall opened his report card first.
"Math—B. English—B+. Science—B-. History—B," Kendall said, as he read us his grades.
I wasn't really surprised. Kendall was pretty good at keeping a solid 3.0 G.P.A. He was kind of our leader, so it would be counter-productive if he wasn't at least somewhat smart. Kendall nodded his head in agreement. He had no problem with his grades.
"My turn," James said, before opening his report card. "Math—C+. English—B-. Science—C+. History—B-," James read.
James looked satisfied with his grades. He didn't stress over his grades. He always told us that being smart has nothing to do with being a model. Besides, he reminded us that stress was bad for his complexion.
"Ooh! Me next!" Carlos said excitedly. "Math—B+. English—A-. Science—B. History—B+," Carlos said, with wide eyes.
I looked over at Kendall and James, and saw that like me, their jaws had dropped. Did Carlos really get an A? It wasn't that Carlos was stupid or anything. It's just that he usually had difficulty focusing on one thing for an extended period of time. I mean we had to practically strap him in his chair so that he would do his homework.
"Huh. I'm smarter than you," Carlos commented, pointing his thumbs at both Kendall and James, who he was sitting in between.
Kendall rolled his eyes. James looked unfazed.
"Your turn, Logie," Carlos said.
"Oh please Carlos, we already know what his says. Straight A's like usual," Kendall commented.
I opened my report card and quickly perused it. I quickly shut it before the others could get a look at it. I stood up from the couch, and rubbed the back of my neck.
"Yep, you guessed it," I said, hoping the others wouldn't pick up on my nervousness.
I headed for the front door. I had to get out of here and the sooner the better. I couldn't believe it. Maybe I was seeing things. I tried to think back to when my last visit to the eye doctor was. Maybe that was it. Maybe I just needed glasses or contacts or something. I mean that couldn't be right, could it?
"Logan, dude, where are you going?" James asked.
"I think I'm going to take a walk in the park," I replied.
"We'll come with you," Kendall said, standing up from the couch.
"No! I rather be alone."
Before they could interrogate me any further, I left Apartment 2J. The first garbage can I saw, I crumpled up my report card, and tossed it in. I could feel my eyes start to get moist. Great. Now, I was crying. I couldn't believe I was being such a baby…over a report card.
I was no liar. I really did go for a walk in the park. I could use the time by myself. I needed to just be alone with my thoughts. I spent so much time with Kendall, James, and Carlos that it was good to get away from them for a little bit every now and then. I knew they were probably going to follow me here, which made me increase my walking speed.
Maybe it was this whole boy band thing. Yeah, I was so distracted by all the singing and dancing Gustavo was making us do, that I wasn't able to give my studies as much attention as I should have. I mean, surely, if I wasn't a member of Big Time Rush, and just a normal student, that…atrocity wouldn't have ever happened in the first place.
Or maybe it was because I had a girlfriend now. Yeah, I mean I spend a lot of time going on dates with Camille or just hanging out. Time I could have been spent studying and doing my homework. Wow, I sound like an awful boyfriend, don't I? Blaming my girlfriend for not getting the grades I would have liked to get.
I didn't understand it though. I had always been good with time management. Even back in Minnesota, when I had hockey, I still found the time to give my schoolwork as much attention as it deserved. Out of our group, I was the only one who was good with time management. The other three often let time get away from them. All the more reason their parents were glad that I was their friend too. I was the responsible one. I was the one that reminded them when we had things to do.
I sat on a park bench, and buried my face in shaking hands. Some more tears rolled down my cheeks. I felt like such a failure. I was supposed to be a genius. I was supposed to be the brains of the group. Geniuses don't get…those…grades. It was the first time I had ever seen something so hideous on one of my report cards.
Maybe everyone held me to such high expectations, that it wasn't feasible for me to live up to them. Listen to me. I'm blaming everyone but myself for my report card. It's true though. When you're known as the brains of the group, you have a certain reputation to uphold. No matter what anyone's expectations of me are though, no one has higher expectations of me than I have for myself. See, I know what I am capable of.
Maybe I should have done more extra credit. I just thought I was in such good shape that I became complacent. Lesson learned. Never again will I pass up an opportunity for extra credit.
Being smart is practically the only thing I have going for me. Without that, I'm nothing. I'm not a star hockey player or a born leader like Kendall. I wasn't blessed with the voice of an angel or movie star good looks like James. I wasn't as good of a dancer or as much of a thrill-seeker as Carlos. I was smart, and that's all. The thing is I didn't even feel smart anymore. Now, I felt stupid.
"Logan?" Carlos said my name. "Are you crying?"
I wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my t-shirt. I didn't realize they had caught up to me so fast. I thought I was walking quickly too. I guess I'm not even good at that either. James and Kendall were standing beside Carlos. All three of them had concerned looks on their faces.
I was horrified when Kendall held up a crumpled piece of paper in his hand. I immediately grabbed for it. He held it high above his head. I kept jumping up and tried to grab it, but he was too tall. I couldn't reach it.
"Kendall, give it back!" I whined.
He did as I asked. I quickly snatched it from him before stuffing it in the front pocket of my jeans.
"Logie, we already saw it," Kendall said.
"You looked at it?" I replied, incredulously.
I was mortified. It was one thing if they hadn't seen it, but they had. It suddenly became very hard to breathe. I was hunched over, and my hand clutched my chest. They were probably so ashamed. They were probably so disappointed in me, and they had every right to be. I was ashamed of myself. I was disappointed in myself.
"Logan, are you okay?" James asked, as I felt the bench sink a little deeper when he sat on it beside me.
I scooted away from him. I was probably being childish, but I didn't care. I can't believe they looked at it. There was a reason I threw it in the garbage after all. They didn't understand. How could they?
I closed my eyes, and tried to take deep, cleansing breaths. I tried to will my panic attack away. Mind over matter, Logan. If you didn't think there was anything to panic about, your body won't have a panic attack. I started mentally reciting digits of pi in my head. Usually, that helped to calm my frayed nerves. 3.14159265358979323846264…
"Logan, it's just an A minus. As in one. It's no big deal," Kendall said.
"Don't do that! Don't make it look like I'm being ridiculous! It is a big deal to me! It's the first A minus I've ever gotten on a report card!" I retorted, my eyes brimming with tears.
I felt the bench I was sitting on sink a little more when Carlos sat down beside me. I was in a dilemma. If I scooted away from Carlos, I would in essence be scooting closer to James. Of course, I could just stand up from the bench altogether, but then Kendall was standing in front of me. What part of I wanted to go for a walk alone did they not understand?
"Hey, you're still smarter than me," Carlos commented.
Despite my best efforts, I couldn't help but crack a smile at Carlos' comment.
He playfully nudged me in the shoulder.
"See? At least I got you to smile," Carlos said.
"You mean you guys aren't disappointed in me?" I asked, hopefully, with tear-clouded eyes.
James scooted closer to me, sandwiching me in between him and Carlos. He draped an arm over my shoulder, and I rested my head on his shoulder.
"Are you kidding? Logan, you're the smartest guy I know, and I'm not just talking about kids either. I mean literally, you are the smartest person I know!" James remarked.
"Yeah, but I got an A…minus…in History," I said, even saying the word was hard enough.
I sniffled. Just my luck, I had a runny nose, I was crying, yet I didn't have any tissues with me. Usually, I was better prepared than this.
"You did better than the rest of us. We had a talk with Miss Collins, and she told us that it was a difficult course. Even so, you got the highest grade in the class," Kendall stated.
"Besides, you got an A+ in Math, an A+ in Science, and an A in English," Carlos added.
He scooted closer to me, and draped an arm over my other shoulder. He rested his head on my shoulder.
"Yeah…but…school…is…the only…thing…I'm…good…at," I replied through intermittent sobs.
"Are you kidding? You're responsible like our parents, but way cooler!" Carlos exclaimed.
"Gee Carlos, thanks?"
I think there was some sort of compliment in there somewhere. It kind of sounded like Carlos called me a parent though. I should probably be insulted by that. After he snuggled into my shoulder, I lost all desire to take offense to what he said.
"Yeah, and remember when we performed at Rocktober? You had way more signs in the crowd than anyone, even me. Let's see what was there? 'Logan Rocks.' 'Kiss me Logan.' Help me out guys," James said.
"There was a 'Logan is smokin' one," Carlos added.
"Oh, and don't forget 'Logan is so hot,'" Kendall replied.
"No fair! I wanted to be the heartthrob!" Carlos remarked.
I felt my cheeks start to heat up. I wasn't a heartthrob. The idea of that was just absurd. I looked down, and saw Carlos' goofy grin. I tried my hardest to stifle my laughter.
"Plus, I don't know if you've noticed this or not, but Gustavo has been giving you solos and the lead a lot lately. I'd be careful if I were you, Logie. I think you might be his favorite," Kendall commented.
Maybe they were right. Maybe there was more to me than just being smart.
"Thanks guys! You're the best!" I said, as my tears started to subside.
"Group hug!" Carlos called out.
"No, Carlos! Not that!" I protested, but it was too late.
A/N: Um…so yeah, I don't even know how to categorize this. It probably sucked too…