"Fuck you, Edward Cullen!"
I stood there dumbfounded. He didn't even give me a chance to explain. I didn't mean it the way it came out. He didn't understand how confusing it all was for me.
Or maybe he did, and I was just an asshole.
I brushed my fingers over my lips. I done it a million times since we kissed. God, his lips against mine was the most incredible sensation I'd ever felt. I wanted to feel that way again, but I needed to think about this.
I wasn't gay; I was sure of it. I had liked women...and men, if I was being honest with myself...as long as I could remember. I had never once acted on my feelings until that night with Seth. And I was in love with him. I was sure of that, too.
But could I be open about this? If that's what he wanted, I wasn't ready to give that to him.
I slouched down on the couch, my head in my hands. How was I going to face another year on campus seeing him and not being able to touch him? And why didn't I think of that before I fucking kissed him?
When the door creaked, I didn't look up. I knew it wasn't Seth. A dip in the couch was followed by a tiny arm wrapping around my shoulders.
"What did you say to him?" There was no accusation. She was just asking a simple question based on knowing me her entire life.
I leaned against her. "I asked him what the fuck he wanted from me."
She sighed. "You know what he wants. He wants you. He wants to be able to tell everyone he loves you."
She placed her hand under my chin and raised my head until I looked at her. "Of course he does, you big dummy."
"Where is he?"
"He's at the gay club we've been going to."
I jumped to my feet. "What gay club?" I screeched. "Why are you two going to a gay club?"
Alice stood up slowly and poked her bony finger into my chest...and it hurt. "Because Seth is gay, dumbass, and he wanted to meet other gay men that might be remotely interested in him instead of pretending he's not the hottest piece of ass they've ever seen." She backed up a little, jutting her hip out and placing her hand in the I'm-a-little-teapot position. "And he's quite popular, by the way."
My jaw dropped. My little sister was taking the man I love to a gay club to be pawed at by other men. "You knew how I felt, and you still took him there?"
Her defiant posture relaxed. "He needed to see that he could find someone if you never...but you did, Edward, and I thought...I thought he wouldn't go back without you."
Jesus fucking Christ, I was an idiot. He only went when he thought I didn't want him. And he obviously thought I didn't want him now.
"Get your things, Alice, and take me there."
Twenty minutes was all it took to do three things.
I came out to my sister, who seemed to be a little disappointed that I wasn't completely gay. She was finally happy once she realized being bisexual wasn't something I was doing to "mitigate your gayness." Whatever the hell that meant.
I listened to my sister explain that Seth wasn't doing much with the men at the club, and going there made him realize that he was the beautiful, desirable man I never told him he was. I wasn't too thrilled about the covert hand jobs. I also wished I could go back in time and unlearn how much my sister seemed to like watching.
I decided that Seth was mine, and no one was going to take him away from me.
The car was barely in park before Alice rushed out and dashed to the club doors. I ran to catch up. Alice explained to the bouncer that I was with her. She apparently was well known, which didn't make me feel any better.
As soon as we walked through the door, a guy I recognized from my history class gave Alice a big hug. "Hey there, baby girl. If you're looking for your boy, he's out back with Emmett."
I may have just come out of closet, but I watched enough QueerasFolk to know what going out back meant. I looked around and, finding the door on the opposite side of the club, began to push through the crowd.
Alice grabbed my sleeve and tugged hard. "Wait for me!"
Intent, I pulled Alice along with me until I finally pushed my way through the heavy door leading to an alley. Yep, just like QaF. I couldn't see Seth, but I heard his shaky voice. It was the same voice that spoke to me after our kiss.
"I just want to feel something."
Walking toward the sound, I found him. He was pinned up against the wall, a muscular man with dark, curly hair licking under his ear. Seth looked up at me, his eyes glassy. My stomach sank; the man's hand was resting on the button on Seth's jeans. I was furious that he was going to let this man touch him, but disgust overwhelmed me when I realized it was all my fault.
Before I could stop myself, I pushed the man back as hard as I could. "Get your fucking hands off my boyfriend!"
Seth smiled briefly before he glared at me. "Last time I checked, I wasn't anyone's boyfriend!"
The man threw his hands up and grinned. "That is my cue to leave." He looked past me to Alice. "Hey, baby girl, wanna watch me dance with some pretty boys?"
Alice laughed. "You know it, Emmett."
My eyes were locked with Seth's, and neither of us looked away as Alice and Emmett left. Seth's face was flushed, and I wasn't sure if it was an after-effect of his make-out session or if he was just that angry.
He was just that angry.
"What do you think you're doing?" He grabbed the neck of my t-shirt and pulled me closer. "You have no right to interfere. I can fuck who I want to."
I wrapped my arm around his waist and my free hand around his neck. Without a word, I pressed my lips against his. He struggled in my arms, refusing to move his mouth. I just continued to kiss him, to caress his lips with mine. Slowly he melted until he finally opened his mouth with a sigh.
I slowly slid my tongue against his, and he tasted so much better than I remembered. There was a hint of alcohol, but it was mainly just him. He angled his head, allowing me to explore him. His hands loosened their grip on my shirt and slid down my chest. I alternated deep, penetrating kisses with small, quick pecks, pulling his full bottom lip between mine.
Breaking away, I looked into his eyes, deep brown and watery. "Let me take you home."
"Why?" he whispered.
I buried my face in his soft hair, taking deep breaths of his scent. "Because I need you. Don't make me say what I have to say here, Seth." My lips rested against his temple. "Come home with me."
He nodded, and I led him back into the club and toward the front door. As we passed Alice, she smiled and waved me off before returning to her drink and Emmett's floor show.
She and I were really going to have to talk.
The drive home was quiet. Seth's eyes would dart to me every few minutes, and he was jittery. Finally, I placed my hand, palm up, on his thigh. He put his hand in mine, and, when our fingers laced together, he smiled.
I didn't let him go until I had to park the car, and then it was only long enough to get to him and lead him to my apartment. Hand in hand we walked, and I didn't care who saw us anymore. I only cared about Seth and taking back the stupid words that drove him away.
All my good intentions flew out the window the second the apartment door closed behind us. Only one look at Seth's handsome face led me to pin him against the wall. He spread his legs to let me nestle against him, and we were both hard.
I steadied his hips with my hands and ground my cock against his. His eyes popped open wide, and he gasped. He wrapped his arms around me, his hands resting on my ass, and he showed me how hard and fast he wanted me to move. Each stroke against him was torture. I wanted him naked beneath me, but this felt so fucking good.
"Edward," he said between moans. "Please tell me you meant it."
I ground against him hard. "What, baby?"
He let me go just long enough to pull his shirt off over his head. "Am I your...boyfriend?"
"Yes." I leaned down and bit his shoulder. I sucked hard, marking him for everyone to see. "You're mine, Seth. And I'm yours."
I threw my head to the side, offering him my neck. I closed my eyes and sighed when I finally felt his teeth on my skin. He took my flesh into his mouth, and, even as the suction became painful, I clutched him tightly. With a flick of his tongue, he released me, pulling back to look at his work.
"Shit, you'll never be able to cover that up." He kissed the mark. "I'm sorry it's so bad."
"I don't want to hide it." I stepped away from him, taking his hand. "Come to bed...please."
Once in the bedroom, we undressed each other. There was just enough light from the streetlamps outside to see his body, lithe and perfect. I followed the faint trail of hair to his cock, which stood up hard against his stomach. I just wanted to touch him.
Never someone to hesitate, Seth walked over to me and lined up his cock with mine. He grabbed my hand and wrapped my fingers around us both. My strokes were slow, my hand tight around us. We leaned against each other and moaned in unison. I found his mouth with mine, and our tongues darted into each other's mouths as I stroked faster.
When he began to buck up into my grip, I knew he was close. I fought against my own orgasm, knowing there was only one place I wanted to come. Continuing to stroke, I fell to my knees, taking Seth into my mouth just as he came. He grabbed the back of my head and thrust into my mouth with each pulse of his cock. I drank every drop of him, wishing there was more.
I stood back up and kissed him. He licked himself off my lips.
"Fuck, Edward," he gasped when he was finished. "So good."
"Yeah?" I walked over to the bedside table and retrieved a condom and a bottle of lube. "Well, we aren't done yet."
Seth smiled, a wicked look on his face, and he laid on the bed. When he motioned me to follow, I lay beside him. He reached up and ran the palm of his hand over my stubble-covered cheek.
"Do you know how long I've wanted to touch you like that?" He swiped his tongue along the edge of my jaw. "I like how rough it feels against my skin."
I popped the cap on the lube and coated my fingers. I trailed them down his body until he lifted his hips and allowed me to massage his tight entrance. "Do you know how long I've wondered what it would be like to be inside you?"
"You don't have to wonder any more."
He took a deep breath, and I felt him relax under my fingers. I slowly pushed one finger inside him. With each new deep breath he took, I inched further inside until I was in completely. I pulled out slightly, pushing back in harder. When I was fucking him fast with one finger, I began again with two. When I could enter him easily with two, I added a third.
By then, I was between his legs, holding myself up over him with a locked arm while my other hand thrust into him. His face and chest were flushed, and he was begging me for more.
I sat back on my knees and smoothed the condom down over my cock. Seth grabbed the lube and slicked me up with his warm hand. He eased back on the bed and lined me up against him as I hooked his legs over my arms and leaned down.
The cry that left his mouth as I pushed my head inside him rattled the thin glass of the windows. He took a gulp of air and released it slowly. When he finally nodded, I pushed further. Each time I thrust forward, he winced in pain briefly and tensed. A sharp intake of air followed by a loud exhale relaxed him, and I'd continue. Finally, our bodies were flush, my cock deep inside him.
My lip was raw where I'd bitten it to keep quiet. I ran my tongue over the wound then dipped my head to kiss Seth. He kissed me slowly before also licking my sore lip.
His smile was shy. "I love you."
"God, Seth, I love you, too." I kissed him gently. "I'm so sorry for what I said."
"I know." He gazed up at me, and I felt forgiven. "Make love to me, Edward."
I didn't want to keep silent anymore; I wanted him to hear what being inside him did to me. I slowly pulled out and groaned loudly when I thrust back into him. Jesus, he felt incredible. He was like a glove around me, and his heat set my skin on fire. Each time I entered him it felt like I was losing a little more of myself. I was never again going to be a whole person without him.
Looking at Seth, it was clear he felt it, too.
"More," he begged. "I need more of you. Please."
I grabbed his thighs and pushed them until his ass lifted and he opened up wider for me. I drove into him harder and deeper than I thought possible. Still, he cried out in pleasure, assuring me that it felt good, that I was hitting just the right spot. The smack of our bodies meeting drove me wild, and I wanted to hear it again and again.
Seth grabbed his cock and tugged it. "Oh, fuck...oh, God...I'm gonna come!"
I watched in amazement as he came in streaks of white against his dark skin. His ass tightened around me with each tremor. I was barely hanging on, pounding into him. When he offered a sticky finger to me, I took it in my mouth and completely lost all control.
"Yeah, that's it." Seth ran his thumb over my nipple. "I bet your balls are so tight right now. You wanna come, don't you, baby?"
I panted. "Yes."
He pinched my nipple between his thumb and forefinger and pulled. "Then do it...for me."
My words were gibberish, and I screamed as one, two, then three thrusts sent me over the edge. I came hard deep inside him, and I wondered if he could feel every throb of my release. My entire body shook, and I finally fell on top of him, unable to hold myself up anymore.
Afraid that he couldn't breathe, I shifted off Seth and onto the bed. I threw the condom into the wastebasket then turned to take Seth into my arms.
"So," he said, running his fingers through the hair on my chest, "are you gay or just gay for me?"
"Neither. I'm bi."
He looked up at me, a pout on his face. "Then Bella wasn't a beard."
"Nope, not a beard. Just not meant to be." I cupped his face with my hands. "Just not you."
That made him smile. "We're together then? Publicly, not in the closet?"
"Yes, together...for everyone to know. I told Alice. I gather you did, too."
"Alice first, then my parents."
I was surprised then worried. "Really? When did you tell them? What did they say? Are they mad?"
"Whoa whoa whoa!" Seth sat up on the bed and nudged me to do the same, facing him. "I told them the night we kissed. They said they're happy as long as I'm happy, and they want to meet you."
I took his hand. I understood now how much my reluctance to be a public couple hurt him. He'd already accepted himself and even come out to his parents, and I had let him down.
I reached across the bed and grabbed the phone.
Seth laughed. "What are you doing? I hope you're ordering pizza, 'cause I'm starving."
"I'm calling my parents."
"You don't have to do that right now." He tried to take the phone away from me but couldn't. "It's enough that you told Alice and that you held my hand downstairs." He looked down, and his voice fell to a whisper. "That meant the world to me."
"Oh, baby." I threaded my fingers through his hair and eased his head back until I could kiss him. "I'm sorry I've been scared. But that ends now."
He continued to protest as I dialed my parents' number. I mouthed "I love you" to him as soon as their phone began to ring.
"Hey, Mom. Yeah, I'm good. Wonderful actually. Could you get Dad on the phone, too? I need to tell you both something."
A/N: Thank you rmhale for buying this story at FGB and supporting Alex's Lemonade Stand Foundation!
Many thanks to my beta jadedandboring for editing this on very short notice.
On this National Coming Out Day, please support The Trevor Project, a national 24-hour, toll free confidential suicide hotline for gay and questioning youth:
http:/www . thetrevorproject . org/