So this is a challenge my friend, tym4change, set up for ourselves. We both decided to use this song in a songfic and see how it turned out. Hers is a different pairing (Sirius and Remus) but you should check hers out and tell us which one you like better. And if you want to join in on this challenge feel free!
Disclaimer: Don't own story or song
Italics are flashbacks
Severus put his head in his hands. The coffee cup stood next to him, still steaming, but he ignored it. He felt the tears start to well up and try as he might; he couldn't stop them from falling. The few tears that fell down his face landed on the kitchen table with a small 'plop.'
I heard there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing hallelujah
Severus' long fingers flew across the piano softly and he smiled to himself. He heard the front door open and close. Smaller arms encircled him and a kiss was placed on his pale neck.
"Hello Severus." Harry whispered gently in his ear.
"Hello Harry." Another kiss was placed on his neck and the piano was soon forgotten.
Severus sipped at his coffee gently as he recalled that moment. It was a few of their soft moments. It was one of their peaceful ones. They didn't have many of those anymore. It just seemed to be fights and yelling. Anger and tears.
Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
"Ginny, you are so beautiful." Severus felt his heart break and he turned from the whispered conversation.
"Thank-you Harry." Severus felt tears attempt to slip from the confines of his eyes but he held them back. Tears would get him nowhere.
She tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the hallelujah
At least the Ginny thing was over quicker than it had begun. Severus wiped his cheek with the back of his sleeve and stirred his coffee.
"What has she done to you Harry?" Harry stared back at him with those empty eyes and tilted his head.
"What are you talking about Severus?" Severus lifted Harry's chin and looked him in the eyes.
"When was the last time you talked to someone about how you really feel? Your friends are dead and you just keep it all bottled up…" Harry moved his head slightly, breaking Severus' grip on his chin.
"She prefers if I don't talk about the war. She says it will only bring back unwanted memories. She says I need to get over it and move on. It has been three months." Severus put his hand on Harry's shoulder.
"Do you love her?" Harry seemed shocked by the sudden change of subject.
"I tell her I do, don't I?" Severus chuckled slightly.
"Sometimes those words are forced out. You don't mean it, do you?" Harry seemed to ponder this for a moment before he gazed at Severus in fear.
"No, I don't."
From then on it had been smooth sail, so he had thought. Severus refilled his cup and sat down again. His fingers ran through his long and he just hoped they could fix thing. They had gotten so bad…..
Baby I've been here before
I know this room and I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
Severus couldn't say he was new to the whole single thing. He knew what it was to be alone. He just hoped that he had finally found someone he could love. Harry had been there for him throughout all of their relationship it seemed. He could be who he really was around Harry, or so he thought. Now it seemed that every offhand comment or gesture started some argument. He tried to keep his temper, he really did, but they just seem to be spiraling downwards.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
But love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
Severus knew the truth now. Love wasn't wild or passionate. It wasn't pure nor was it forgiving. Love was not something to celebrate. Love is a sigh. It is tears and it is cold. Severus felt the tears start to seep and he smiled bitterly. For someone who was accused of not showing any emotion he sure was crying a lot.
There was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me do you?
Harry used to tell him everything. He always knew how his younger lover trusted him with everything. Harry was so much more complicated than he had originally seemed. He needed a constant reminder that he was loved and accepted for who he was. Years of fighting and fear had scarred him in a way that some people had never seen. Severus had seen it. He had held Harry while he cried and had kissed him when he needed it. He was always there for Harry, but now it seemed that Harry didn't want comfort from him. He kept all his emotions bottled up until they would explode and Severus wasn't sure what to do.
I remember when I moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was hallelujah
Severus pushed into Harry with a groan. Harry held onto him for dear life as he threw back his head and moaned. Severus started thrusting gently, wanting to make love to Harry for their first time together. Harry thrusted backwards to meet his slow gently thrusts and they both sighed at the same time. It seemed to go on like this for ages. Severus would speed up until they were both at the brink then he would pull back. Finally, when they both found their release, it was with a soft moan and a whisper.
"I love you Harry."
"I love you Severus."
Maybe there's a god above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
Severus stared at him empty cup with an empty feeling. He didn't know when Harry would be back. Maybe he would never come back. Severus had no idea. Severus only knew one thing now. If Harry didn't come back Severus was giving up on love. All he ever learned from it was how to hurt someone, and be hurt in return. Love was pointless if Harry didn't come back.
It's not a cry that you hear tonight
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
Love is not good. Love is not clean. Love is not something that one understands. It's not quiet and it's not trustworthy. Love is a plea. It is dirty. Love is confusing and love is a liar. So he thought.
"Severus?" Severus looked up from his empty cup, and tried to get his eyes to focus through his tears. Harry stood in the kitchen doorway timidly.
"Yes Harry?" Tears welled up in his lover's eyes.
"I'm sorry." Severus scooted back his chair and opened his arms, a question in his eyes. Harry rushed over to him and crawled into his lap. Severus kissed his head and rocked them both back and forth.
"I'm sorry as well." They sat there in silence for a while and Severus thought. It wasn't perfect but it was hopeful. Maybe this could work out after all. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe love was good. Hallelujah.