Hello again Black Lagoon archive :)

So it's been a while for me, and I've had this little project sitting on my hard drive for probably close to a year now. It's nothing special really, just sort of a crude and simple experiment in writing first person. I don't really know what I'm doing whenever I take up something like this, I just sort of do it, and cross my fingers that it doesn't suck too bad.

Anyway, I don't own Black Lagoon, yada yada yada...


Everyday is Exactly the Same

I was so fuckin' relaxed; just barely awake and still swimming in alcohol from last night. My eyes were so fuckin' comfortable being closed, my ears never happier to not hear a goddamn thing and my brain perfectly content not dealing with anyone's bullshit. Unfortunately, golden nuggets of peace this fuckin' good never lasted in Roanapur.

"Revy!"

Did Rock have to yell? The walls in this building are paper-fuck thin and that asshole had to yell. He was out just as late as me; he drank just as much, why couldn't he just stay the fuck asleep for once?

"Hope you're decent in there." Doubt you'd look away if I wasn't. "Revy?"

Same thing day after day; he barges in and starts saying my name, over and over and over again. I could always just answer him, but I know he loved having a reason to put those perfectly groomed, businessman hands on me to wake me up.

I didn't acknowledge him, but that never stopped the little shit from going on, "Dutch asked us to make some rounds this morning. C'mon, get dressed."

Fuck that sun is bright this early. Okay, c'mon Revy, get your ass up. Rock looks perfect as usual. Hair; perfect. Gig-line; perfect. Tie; perfect. How the fuck does he do that anyway? If I gave half-a-fuck it would take me hours to get all that shit just right.

"Revy?"

Again with the indirect asking me if I'm alright; it's kinda cute. Here we go, on your feet, one foot in front of the other; bathroom's only a couple steps away.

"Revy?"

God fuckin' dammit, "Jesus fuckin' Christ Rock! I'm awake, would ya gimme a fucking second!"

Real fuckin' smooth Two-hands, now he's gonna make those glassy fuckin' puppy dog eyes at me and I'm gonna end up feeling guilty. How the fuck did he manage to make me care about him anyway? All he does is get into shit; shit I have to put my neck on the line for to save his dumbass.

Underwear off and…

"Jesus, Revy!"

I probably should've closed the door before I emptied my bladder. Door closed, top off; ice water here I come. A cold shower is a terrible idea, but nothing gets the blood flowing like frigid water.

…clothes back on.

Sure enough Rock's perched on the edge of my bed like a dog on his best fuckin' behavior, still glum about me losing my temper. An apology on my part would probably be nice; one day, maybe I'll give it to him.

Guns; check. Shorts; check. Tie back the hair and we're ready, "You fuckin' coming or what?"


I fuckin' hate this piece of shit car. Guess as long as I'm not paying for it I shouldn't be complaining but for fuck's sake, would it hurt Benny to get something with bucket seats, the next time our car gets destroyed?

"So where the fuck're we going anyway?" Cigarettes; that'll take the edge off.

"The rip-off church." Fuckin' lovely, "Sister Yolanda has our weapon shipment and Dutch asked us to pick it up and bring it down to the dock."

Ahhh, nicotine. The smell, the taste, even the sight of smoke as it dances out of my mouth; the black-death I fuckin' love sucking off. Moments like this were truly the ones to savor; holding that hollow burn in your lungs until there's no more rapture to take from it.

Wait what did Rock say again? That's right, Rip-off church, "Wonderful, headache the size of fuckin' Texas and now I've gotta deal with Eda and her bullshit."

That bitch. I guess we're friends, but the way she's always all over Rock like some cheap fuckin' whore. Dumbass he is, Rock's a decent guy; he shouldn't get involved with some rabid cunt like her. Who knows what the fuck she'd pass on to him?


What a fucking joke this place is. A church that deals in drugs and guns; like they don't make enough money off the poor saps in this fuckin' town. What a load of bullshit.

"Sister Yolanda? It's Rock from the Lagoon Company."

At least Yolanda liked Rock; fuck if I knew why. He was too smart for her bullshit, which just meant she couldn't get away with dicking us over anymore. Still, she loved his preppy ass. 'Oh Rock, would you care for more tea?' Blow it out your fuckin' ass sister.

"Hey, Rocky baby."

Fuck does Eda piss me off. She has the fuckin' nerve to call herself a nun; you'd think she could at least put her fuckin' tits away.

"Looking for me or is this business?"

All talk and no guns makes Rebecca a dull fuckin' girl.

"We're just here to pick up our weapon shipment."

"To bad, I'd love to hear your confessions."

So much for my fuckin' patience, "Save it would ya, you fuckin' skank?"

"Funny how you only get pissy when I start paying attention to Mr. Japanese here. I told you, Rocky-honey; mighty irregular that one."

"In about three seconds my good mood is gonna go to shit, bitch. Now can we get our guns and get the fuck out of here?"

"Nice deflection, Two-Hands; c'mon sweetie pie."

Deflection, kiss my ass ya fuckin' whore.


"One 50 caliber BMG. 1,000 rounds of .44 Magnum. 45,000 rounds of 9mm…really Rebecca, must you use those guns of yours so frequently?"

What is this, 20 fuckin' questions?

"What about the Remington 1100?"

"Ah yes, we've recently received another request for a Remington 1100 which unfortunately means it will command a premium."

Here we go; Yolanda tries to fuck us, then Rock calls her to the carpet and fucks her…Now there's a disgusting fuckin' thought. I used to love it when that old bag pulled this shit. But now, Rock just blackmails her with some nugget he picked up from who the fuck knows where, and all I get to do is sit on my ass and watch.

"I meant to ask sister, how have your relations with Hotel Moscow been these days?"

If you could only see the priceless fuckin' look on your face, bitch. That's right; smile. Smile like my partner didn't just catch you with dirty fuckin' sheets.

"You drive a hard bargain, Okajima."

"You flatter me sister. I just like to conduct business between our establishments fairly."

"Eda, have Ricardo add the Remington 1100 to Lagoon's crate. Throw in a case of buckshot as well."

He gets us what we came for, and more for his silence; good boy, Rock.


"So where to now, Rock?" Right, cigarettes.

"Rowan's…" Fuck my life "…then to the docks to drop off the crates."

Rowan; that fuckin' asshole. My cutlass are cold, and not getting to take them out at the fuckin' church puts that asshole in a bad place. He says one word about that fuckin' S&M show…Ah, fuck it. Hey, didn't I leave a flask in the glove box? Fuckin'-A.

"Jesus, Revy! It's ten in the morning!"

"And?" Rock was especially cute when he tried to take care of me. I know somewhere in that brain of his, the little shit's cooking up some grand fuckin' scheme to fix me. Anyone else and I'd just see them off to whatever bullshit God they chose; but not Rock. Fuck if I can put my finger on why, but I don't think I could shoot him, even if I wanted to anymore. Maybe I'm just a bit too curious as to what the fuck he's planning.


"Mmm-mmm-mmm…" Come on Rowan, surprise with some new fuckin' line about how great my ass is "…Whenever you're ready to make some serious money Miss Rebecca, you just let Jackpot know."

Look at that stupid fuckin' smile'a his. If Rock doesn't get on with it-

"600 bottles at pier 12."

"Fine work as always, my man."

I'm leaving now, Rock; move your fuckin' ass. Oh come the fuck on, you don't have to wave goodbye to that fuckin' sack of shit.

"We'll see you next week." Maybe you will dumbass; I'm calling in sick that day.


"I don't get what you're bitching about, Revy. This ain't different from any other day with no work. Three hours from now you can do whatever the fuck you like, but for now, we're all on the clock."

Fuck, these fucking crates are heavy, "We haven't had a fuckin' job all week, Dutch. Fuck what's left of today, and let's start the weekend early." Why the fuck am I the only one moving shit? "Hey, Rock? Are your fuckin' arms broken? Move your fuckin' ass and help me with this shit!"

Maybe if Rico hadn't squeezed these fuckin' things in the trunk.

"You know the backseats fold down, Revy."

What the fuck? "Way to tell me now, dipshit!"

"Hey!" Don't play like you don't love it when I hit you, dumbass. "Stop that!"

"She does have a point, Dutch." Thank you, Benny. "No phone calls, and nothing happening with the Triad or Hotel Moscow for the past few days; why not call the day?"

"I don't know, Benny boy-"

"How 'bout I buy the first round?" Nice. Win him over with alcohol, Benny; I fuckin' love it.

"Give Revy and Rock a hand getting those crates upstairs, Benny boy."

"And the rest of the day?"

I know that look, Dutch. "Fine, you win."


"You like that, cocksucker? Huh?" Fuck this place is really fuckin' hopping tonight. I love how Bao just stands there while people kick the shit out of each other in his bar. I guess it's only when they start shooting that he actually gives a fuck.

C'mon Rock, turn around; you know better than to stare. There you go, dumbass. Where the fuck is, "Bao! More fuckin' Bacardi!"

"I'm comin', I'm comin'."

"Tonight's looking like a record breaker, eh old friend?" Dutch and Bao knew each other from way back. Not quite sure how, and any minute now, I'm sure I'll stop caring enough to think about fuckin' asking.

"Looks like. Speaking of tearing up my bar, you ever planning on settling up, Revy?"

You've just gotta make me stand up, don't you? "What the fuck did I do? That fuckin' maid and Abrego's boys caused a shitload more damage here than I ever did, dumbass!"

"Calm down…" Fuckin' shit, stay out of it Benny "…Revy."

"You have broken a lot of bar stools, Revy."

You little shit, "You too, Rock?"

"Alright, Revy; come on and-" Oh fuck, that bullet almost fuckin' hit me. Well, here we go, up and over the bar, Rocky-baby.

"You said this would take a 50 cal, right?"

"When did you start speaking bullets, neck tie?" Ha! He called Rock 'Necktie'. Oh fuck, Bao's even uglier at six inches "Don't play like you don't know these fuckers, Revy! You're payin' for all this damage, hear me?" Of course I hear you, Bao. You're screaming right in my fuckin' face, aren't you?

Dammit Rock, quit fidgeting, you're gonna make me spill my drink, "Fuckin' knock it off would you, ya dumbass!"

"Revy!" I guess Dutch is still breathing.

"Yeah, boss-man?"

"You got Rock with you?"

"Uh-huh," of course I've got Rock with me, I've always got Rock with me, who the fuck else would be watching his dumbass?

"Benny?"

Wasn't he… "I think he's in the shitter, Dutch!"

"Maybe now would be a good time to settle up with Bao, Revy?"

Ugh, seriously, he's fuckin' atrocious, "How about it? I waste these fuckers for you, and we're even."

"No more free shots of 151, you hear me!"

"Got it," where are ya, Rocky-baby. That's right gimme those eyes "Stay the fuck down, Rock!" That's a good boy, just keep your dumbass down and let Miss Rebecca take care of this. Ha, I can never get tired of the sound of metal scraping against metal; like music to my fuckin' ears.

One, two, three, I don't remember seeing all these assholes when we came in. Four, five, six, seven, I'm not honestly going to have to reload for this shit, am I?

Thanks for that Dutch. Eight, nine, and ten; thank you drive through. Look at him looking up at me with those puppy dog eyes and that shit eatin' grin, "You're welcome, dumbass."


"I don't need any fuckin' hel-" Whoa, okay maybe I do need help getting upstairs.

"You cool to walk from here, Rock?" Wait what?

"Yeah; no problem, Dutch." Don't look at me like some spent fuckin' whore just cause I can't stand up straight. "Alright, Revy; here we go."

Hehe, my legs just don't want to fuckin' work. Whoops, yeah here we go is-

"Is that…"

What the fuck did he sound so worried about? Wait a minute…yep; that's my tit Rock's holding, "Yep."

Ah shit, tickles, tickles, tickles. "Fuck, Revy; I am so fucking sorry!"

I'm not gonna shoot you for accidentally copping a feel, dumbass. It's not like anyone else is grabbing them for me, "Don't worry about it, just get me to my bed."

Ah, the bathroom. Shorts and underwear off and…

"Revy!"

"Oh shut up," underwear on and here we go. One foot in front of the other; bed's just a couple feet away.

Even hammered like a motherfucker; nothing feels as good as falling into a cold bed.

"Are you alright, Revy?"

That's sweet Rock, always looking out for me, "See you tomorrow, dumbass."

Just like I could hear him coming, I could hear him going. I really don't know why he puts up with this place; with me. His life would be so much fuckin' simpler if he just went the fuck home.

Then again, who the fuck would wake me up tomorrow?


And that's all for this short little exercise. If you made it this far I hope you enjoyed it :)

Again, I didn't really know what I was doing, I just had the idea to try and do a day in the life of Revy, from her point of view. Interestingly enough, apparently I can write a fic without Revy and Rock kissing, though he did accidently grab her boob...

Anyways, thanks for reading,
-jm