She felt as if she were being completely controlled by centripetal force. The straight line she usually followed was now as straight as a circle. She was a complete mess, she didn't know up from down, right from left, top from bottom. The moment he told her he knew, her life as she knew it was over.
She didn't believe in love. Not anymore, at least. Once her parents disappeared and her brother took off, she knew love wasn't real, knew love couldn't exist. If love was real, they wouldn't have left her all alone. They wouldn't have let her go into foster care and be abused by the new people who were supposed to care for her. She had a variety of relationships. All of which she knew would never last. She had planned on it. The breakups arrived like clockwork. Men knew her philosophies on relationships were as queer as a clockwork orange. But none of them cared. What man was going to complain about a meaningless, sex promised relationship? On the rare occasion she encountered the man who wanted a long-term, committed relationship; she ended it as soon as it started.
But dealing with her partner in a romantic context was more than she could handle. Her fight or flight response engaged and she pushed him away.
Had she had a normal childhood, growing up with a father who taught her what he knew, a brother to protect her, and a mother who explained to her about true love, maybe she would've turned out like her one of her greatest friends. Insanely happy and in love, get married spontaneously but still kept a level head on her shoulders. Angela hadn't changed, but despite how much she wanted to change for him, she couldn't. She was starting to fall for her partner and her best friend. Something told her emotions were bad. She shouldn't be feeling what she did.
This curved, winding path she had followed recently, this wave caused by her centripetal force, was tearing her up inside. She didn't want to go, but she needed to. To get away from this downward spiral she was on and straighten out her path again. She was afraid. Not of what he would do to her, but of what she would inevitably do to him. She couldn't feel. She didn't know how. And what he felt for her scared the shit out of her because she knew, no matter how much she wanted to love him back, she couldn't. Because once she realized she loved someone, they left her.
She didn't want to do this. She didn't want to leave. But if she knew anything about anything, centripetal force was an easy concept.
He was her center.
They were the center.
Though centripetal force compels a person to follow a curved path, it always leads right back to the center.