Letter: To Fanfiction

Level of Urgency: Very VERY High


Dear Mr. Fanfiction,

Hello, I should introduce myself. My name is Nagihiko Fujisaki, and maybe you already know me. Yes, I think you do, or more likely, your writers know me. As you can see, most people call me Fujisaki Nagihiko, but since this is a Western site, it is turned the other way. If you still don't know who I am, just click the button on the Anime/Manga section, scroll down to Shugo Chara, and I guarantee you one hundred percent there will be a story about me

Point A: The Problem

Okay, so, let me tell you about myself. I live in Japan and with a crazy mother who likes to dress me up like a girl, long purple hair, and often mistaken for my twin, Nadeshiko. Okay, so that's not entirely true, but that's my personal life. Chief of Fanfiction, sir, you can see that I'm not the type of guy who gets easily annoyed, but this … is disturbing.

What do I mean by this, you may ask? I mean your writers, Mr. Fanfiction. Yes, what they call, fan fiction stories.

I understand why people would get the wrong impression. I often save Mashiro-san, I help her, I talk to her etc. etc. etc. But please let me make this clear; I am only Mashiro-san's friend. That's right. We are friends.

That was a three word sentence. I'm sure you can see, but I'd rather not go into further discussion about our relationship. And NO, I was not implying anything by writing 'relationship'.

I've seen the things people call 'stories' about this whole commotion. What is it your writers call it? Right, they call this a shipping. The name is our names combined together, Rimahiko.

Not that I don't find it very, uh… creative of your writers, but isn't there possibly anything else they have to do? Such as doing their homework, perhaps? Or assignments for school? Doesn't anyone clean their house because it's fun anymore? Or kill mice and rats with naginatas? Other than writing all these stories that are never going to come true, don't you read through the stories before letting them post them up? It's rather uncomfortable for me to be sitting in front of the screen, reading all these love stories for this Rimahiko shipping.

I'd rather not be blunt and straightforward about this, but all this… fan fiction is truly alarming me. Is it possible that your writers are love-sick crack heads? I'm terribly sorry for that remark, but I am being very truthful and honest.

Is there really no other way for these people to live their lives? Just sitting at their desks, typing away stories that involve me… gulp, becoming perverted?

Go ahead, read some for yourself. There have been sections in a story where I kiss her violently, assaulted her, beat up people who want to kidnap her and apparently, in very rare occasions, sleep in the same bed as Mashiro-san.

What is the world COMING to? Have I not been a good girl, er, boy and listen to everything his mother told him to do? Have I not rescued my fellow Guardians at least once, not just Rima, but all of them? Have I not followed up to the expectations in my life? So then, tell me Mr. Fanfiction, why is that there are such embarrassing pieces of writing about me and Mashiro-san's relationship going much too far for a bunch of pre-teens?

I am sorry, but I do not have such feelings for Mashiro-san. None. Non-existent. Nothing. Fictional. Imaginary. Unrealistic. Oblivion. A void. Do you see it now?

Yes, I have had two bizarre women follow me around before, then a whole camera crew, but my life has been more than crazy, so I didn't notice them at first. Then a manga came out, one with all our personal information on it. Our names, our birth, our sign, our gender, blood type, what we like and don't like, our charas, our family, our friends, and pretty much our entire identity. I feel like my very being is exposed to the world.

How could someone do this to us? We are innocent, loving children, excluding Ikuto who is a teenager and Utau of course, but we don't deserve this treatment. Just as we thought nothing could be any worse, a show came on. Guess what it was called? That's right, 'Shugo Chara!' Now the entire world knows us. What are we, a live reality show?

Pardon my rudeness, because this is not your fault, but you need to see where I am coming from. I mean, the LEAST you could do is to NOT promote this sort of disgrace to youngsters. And I thought kids these days had no respect for our elders. Seems to me everything has turned the other way around.

Point B: The Solution

Sir, I think the only way we can fix this mess is to put restrictions. Lots of them. Oh, and you must read them through. If you are busy, please hire someone to do the job, because I will NOT sit here idly while watching story go on after story about lies that don't even describe me. I must sound very picky, Mr. Fanfiction, but I am being brutally sincere about this. Though I am a foreigner to this site, this does not mean it gives me no right to make a complaint. I thought America and Canada were countries where you had the freedom to speak, last time I heard in Geography class.

Another suggestion is to remove the Shugo Chara section. We are people, and having our lives recorded for entertainment is cruel and unfair. ESPECIALLY very personal things to be recorded, then discussed on blogs, while people put their own opinions on every 'episode' and 'chapter' with 'reviews'. Chief of Fanfiction, please do something. ANYTHING to stop this disaster. We are good little children and deserve to live our lives like NORMAL little children do.

Has it occurred to anyone that saving and purifying eggs can be life-threatening? It should not be taken as a joke, so, please, think my request over before putting it in a pile where you would never show your face ever again.

Finale

To sum up everything, do something about those girls that happen to start showing up at school. Especially the ones who mumble strange things like, "Oh my God! HE'S SO HOT!", and other ridiculous comments such as, "He looked better as a girl." or, "I can understand why Rima likes him," drool all over the floor. Excuse me? Since when have I gotten new fan-girls? Especially ones who drool all over the place? No, I think I have just found those writers. It's especially embarrassing that they call my name out and stalk me home, watch me brush my teeth, eat, comb my hair, and wave butterfly nets around so they can catch Rhythm and Temari, my charas who have been scared out of their living daylights.

So, please, Mr. Fanfiction, I BEG you to do something about those strange girls and their stories.

Sincerely,

Nagihiko Fujisaki


Gekko: Hey, it's me, Gekko.

So Yeah, I decided to write a little something, since, boys are easiest to write. I actually didn't know until later that it was NessieWinsa's birthday today, so yeah, don't say I didn't give you a birthday present.

Route X: Gekkie, you horrible little child! GET YOUR FACE OVER HERE SO I CAN SLAP THAT COMMON SENSE IN PROPERLY.

Anyways, it's OUR present on Fanfiction, other than the one we already gave you. Other than that, hope you liked it, everyone :D

Gekko: I think there was one of these Dear Mr. Fanfictions I read a while ago... just can't remember. I forgot the name too, so if anyone knows, tell us so we can give them credit for the inspiration.

Route X: Yep, 'night. I'm heading for the kitchen.

Gekko: What...?

Route X: I need a fork so I can stab you if you start sleep walking again...

R.X. and G.