Disclaimer. Don't own Twilight or Buffy just thought it would be fun if they met in a realistic way. Please review.

Shout out to my friend&beta:Peroxide for co-writing this with me. Check out her fanfiction page.


When the phone rang on Harmony's desk, it was three in the afternoon. "Hello, Wolfram and Hart. This is Harmony." came her usual over cheery tone.

"Will you please connect me to Liam?" Carlisle asked.

"Who? Like, um I think you, have the wrong number." She hated when people called her phone instead of the dry cleaning place that was just one digit off.

"Oh," Carlisle paused, and then heard Alice say, "Carlisle, she's kind of dumb; ask for Angel."

"Um, excuse me I can hear you. I'm not dumb. And, Angel's asleep."

Alice grab's the phone from Carlisle saying, "Sweetie, I know you're a little dumb. But it's okay, because you are really nice."

"Aah, thank you, he's still asleep. Can I ask you some screening questions?"

Carlisle whispers "Alice, I wasn't done with the phone." She hands it back to him whispering, "I could have told you he was sleeping."

"Yes, you may ask me some screening questions." Carlisle responded in a business like tone.

"Ok good. What is your name?"

"Carlisle Cullen."

"Ok… And are you alive or not alive?"

"I am a vampire, if that answers your question sufficiently."

"It does thank you, and are you a boy, girl, or like…gross?"

"Excuse me? I don't think I understand your question."

"You know…like a boyish girlish slimy whatever. Gross right?"

"I am male?"

"Ok good. um…where were we…"

Alice grabs the phone after seeing Carlisle's face. He looked as if Harmony was speaking gibberish.

"Oh yeah! Here we are… do you have any additional abilities or powers not associated with your being?"

"Yes. I can tell the future, well, as it relates to me anyway."

"Oh… Um… I though you were male…and like not gross."

"I am Alice, you were talking to Carlisle. He is a little behind the times."

"Oh well, since you can tell the future, can't you just like, tell me the answers to all the questions? I hate asking them all."

"Yes, yes, no, never, don't recall, yes, always, not since the last time, no, no, animals, not kittens, yes, yes, no, no, dismemberment and fire, no, no, yes, werewolves, no, sometimes, sparkle, yes like diamonds, no, mostly, always, yes, no, no, no, and absolutely not."

In the background Harmony could hear another male voice asking, "What are you talking about? Who are you talking to?"

"Excuse for one minute Harmony," Alice added. "It is for Carlisle. He needed some help for Renesmee's adoption papers. The secretary is kind of dumb so I am helping him."

"Oh. Great." Edward rolled his eyes, pinched his nose and said, "Just get it done Alice, alright?" He then ran his hand through his hair and left the room mumbling to himself.

"Can you please just wake him up?" Carlisle asked when he got the phone back from Alice.

"Yeah…Sure, I'll try." Harmony answered while walking to Angels room.