Author's Notes: Written for this prompt on the glee_angst_meme: "unrequited Kurt/Finn - Kurt never gets over his crush. Never." Warning - there are Harry Potter references in here which are both gratuitous and spoilery
Kurt could kiss him. Really, it would be easy. There is at most ten inches of space between their mouths as is; this couch is ridiculously small. Admittedly, Ellie is curled up on Finn's lap, but she's tiny – she's three – so her presence wouldn't really factor into how easy it would be. He'd just have to remember not to accidentally suffocate her. If the poor baby didn't just die of shock from seeing her Daddy and her Uncle Kurtsie making out above her head.
Don't be ridiculous, Kurt tells himself. He has long given up on stemming all inappropriate thoughts of the man who has been his stepbrother for almost half his life now (twelve years out of twenty-seven; holy shit, when did it become twelve years?) – pretty much after the fourth boyfriend dumped him for calling out Finn's name while they were, uh, in coitus. He gave up and gave in long ago. But right now... No. He's helping mind Finn's daughter, for christ's sake; he is not allowed to have romantic fantasies at this particular moment.
Okay, given their pseudo-relation, he's not really allowed to have romantic fantasies about Finn ever. Still, just pointlessly holding onto his hopeless teenage love for over a decade and never saying a word is probably healthier than some other attitudes he could take. Most of which would probably feature Rachel's death, so no, not a good idea. Still – she held onto her high school romance forever and ever, even when it looked like it would never happen, and she married him in the end. If she's trying to set an example to shoo his feelings away – which she's not, because the poor woman has no idea – she's doing a terrible job of it.
Rachel. He wishes he could hate her for being who she is; Ellie's mother, Finn's love. He used to; he remembers that – back when they were in high school, when she was just the annoying diva in Glee who somehow stole Finn's heart like he never could, just by virtue of having (not even particularly large) breasts. She never really did anything to him, but he didn't care, because he was sixteen and stupid and jealous and capable of rationalizing anyone he disliked for any reason into a crystal-clear black-and-white 'villain' role, no matter how little it was actually their fault.
He misses that, sometimes. Rachel became his friend in junior year, when she and Finn were finally an 'official' couple and he was 'over' Finn. Ha. Ha. They're still friends; they talk about Broadway and family and their old memories, and he pretends looking at everything she has doesn't kill him.
It was easy when he hated her. When he could convince himself it was okay to do anything he could to sabotage her chance with Finn (he dressed her up like a whore), because after all, it wasn't like she deserved him or anything.
If he's being brutally honest, then yes: he still wants to tear them apart. He wants to convince Finn Rachel's wrong for him, and have the love of his life come crawling to him for comfort afterwards. He can't help it, okay?
But of course, he can't. He knows Rachel now – she can still be a little overenthusiastic and verbose, but she is truly a kind, generous woman now, and she deserves the picture perfect white-picket-fence life she now leads. Even if he didn't think that, he's mature enough now to recognize sabotaging a healthy relationship for selfish reasons would be wrong in so many ways he can't even name them. And even if he did, it wouldn't help – Finn wouldn't want him, not with the small problems of 'being straight' and 'being Kurt's good-as brother.' Kurt's his daughter's uncle, for god's sake.
If he ever comes into possession of a time-traveling machine, he'll aim some serious violence toward his sixteen-year-old self for somehow coming to the conclusion that introducing pseudo-incest into his infatuation with Finn was the way to ensnare the boy's heart.
Sometimes, he just hates Ellie. Of course, she's his niece and he loves her and she's adorable; he wouldn't give her up for the world, but – she represents everything about Finn's life he cannot stand; his perfect, happy, heteronormative life. Kurt can't have any of that, not because he's gay – he's seen perfectly well how sickeningly sweet the Mr. Berrys are (okay, 'heteronormative' still doesn't apply) – but because he's him. He's him, and he's too stupidly obsessed with his first high school crush; his happy, straight stepbrother, and he'll never be able to move on like a sane person.
"I don't get it," declares Ellie, snapping Kurt out of his reverie.
"What is it, honey?" Finn immediately cooes, possessively twirling a finger in her curly dark hair – as if the movie is something he can and has to protect his baby girl from (Kurt's honestly not sure how appropriate it is to show this movie – second half of Deathly Hallows – to a three year old, but Finn insisted on his daughter being taught 'classics'). Kurt's not sure if he finds it more adorable or just heartbreaking.
"She doesn't love him," Ellie says. "Why does he still love her?"
Finn doesn't look like he's got a good answer. "Uh, 'cause he does? You'll get this some day; feelings like that are... kinda hard to control. And why are you asking this; you're three."
She ignores this. "But why?"
Finn just shrugs. Kurt's chest feels to tight and his throat to thick to speak, but he accidentally winds up blurting out "Maybe she was worth it."
Ellie seems to accept this, and settles back against her father's chest. Finn grins at Kurt over her head. "Nice save," he mouths.
Kurt just smiles at him, and hopes he doesn't look like a fawning schoolgirl.
This moment of depression is interrupted by Rachel's voice from the kitchen. "Finn, Elle, Kurt!" she calls. "Dinner's ready! It's something new; I think you're going to like it."
Neither, he, Finn nor Ellie try to hide their grimaces to one another, since Rachel can't see. Rachel is a fabulous cook when it comes to a very select range of dishes; normally, when she says she's made something new, it results it potential new biological weapons. Still, Kurt's a good brother-in-law, so he won't say anything until Rachel realizes this and admits it (as she always does eventually, though it'll never stop her trying) – Ellie usually points it out for him anyway.
Rachel leans against the doorframe. "Stop the movie?"
Finn nods, and gently prods his daughter back up. "Come on, baby girl. Having dinner requires walking." She does so, and he gently takes her tiny hand in his to walk her to the kitchen. It's both so unnecessary, and so sweet, that it definitely breaks Kurt's heart.
As no-one else has remembered to, he reaches for the remote as he stands. The movie is toward the end of Snape's pensieve memories, and Kurt hesitates before pressing stop.
"After all this time?"