Disclaimer: kiss kiss, bang bang, Harry, Perry, and Harmony all belong, for good or ill, to others. They don't make me any money, but I love them anyway.

Notes: This is a little snippet I wrote quite a while ago, but never posted anywhere before because I wasn't sure it was funny enough. A friend liked it, so I'm going ahead and posting it here.
*To anyone waiting on a Pleasant Valley Blues update: worry not, it is NOT discontinued. I know where the story is going and will continue it when I get over my likely temporary enthusiasm for other fandoms.


"Hey, Perry! Get out your wallet, man, 'cause you owe me five bucks!" Harry called out to his boss and housemate.

Perry looked up from his copy of GQ with an expression of long-suffering patience. "What are you on about?"

"Remember way back when we first met and I told you about that girl from high school – Harmony – and then you went off into your gay little daydream about Bobby Mills?"

"I can remember that, but I can't find a point anywhere in what you just said."

"Well, d'you remember I bet you five bucks that you could still get him?"

"Yes, and as I recall, the conversation degraded into some idiocy about a talking monkey."

"That's not the point. The point is you owe me five bucks." Perry just glared at Harry. "Come with me," Harry said as he pulled a grumbling Perry with him to the desktop computer. "Look," he said, pushing the other man down into the chair.

"What am I supposed to see apart from your appalling English?"

"Not that!" Harry said as he minimized his email client and clicked a tab on the browser. "I looked up Bobby Mills on Classmates dot com – I got the name of your high school off your yearbook – and this is what I found."

Perry looked at an internet profile with a photo of a rather robust looking woman in a tight pink dress. "Wait… She looks kind of familiar…" Then, he read the name at the top of the page. "Bobbi Mills!" Further speech failed him and his mouth merely opened and closed a few times.

"Looks like he got himself some fine boobs, too." Harry indicated the cleavage visible above the neckline of the dress. "And read there," he added, pointing to a section of the profile labeled "likes." He began reading in falsetto, "'I love big, strong men. I'm into men with guns. I enjoy long walks on the bea—'"

"STOP!" Perry looked almost as if his head would explode.

Harry was smiling like mad. "Told ya you could still get him."

Muttering something about "failure" and "gaydar," Perry handed his assistant five dollars.

"By the way, whatever happened to that talking monkey?"

A loud groan and the sound of a head hitting a keyboard were the only answers he got.


I've never used the website in question, so I'm kinda just assuming there is some place on the profile for users to comment freely about themselves.