Here you go. The first fic chapter I ever wrote. It is completed and I will be posting the chapters here on a regular basis in between the chapters I'm working on for Dark Matter, my story in progress.
I didn't write New Moon from Edward's side from the very beginning because after I read Midnight Sun I thought that the particulars of what happened at the party weren't the most relevant part of Edward's choice. I felt that he would have left Bella at some point anyway. He always wanted to leave. What Jasper did just served as the catalyst for him to finally do it. He was always waiting for the right reason, for a motive that was powerful enough to give him the resolve to walk away from her.
The first chapter is about what was going through his mind when he decided to leave Forks. It takes place while Bella is sleeping the night after the party
Disclaimer: All characters, locations and situations are the property of the original writer. I do not own them, nor am I affiliated with any entertainment entity or with any owners or creators of any entertainment franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Event Horizon is defined as "the outer boundary of a black hole, from inside which light cannot escape" (astronomy)
Songs for this Chapter: Save You by Matthew Perryman Jones and Bad by U2.
"I will never put you in danger again, so it's a moot point."The words from that fateful conversation earlier this afternoon echoed mockingly in my head as I watched Bella sleep fitfully in my arms. She was restless tonight, no doubt because she was in pain from the injury she'd sustained to her arm earlier this evening.
It seemed like a million years had passed since I said those words while we sat on Charlie's faded old sofa downstairs watching Romeo and Juliet. The memory of that seemingly simple conversation as I held Bella in my arms this afternoon was a sharp contrast to the horrors that followed just hours later.
The images of the subsequent nightmare that had marred the evening were as burned into my mind as the promise I had made to never put her in danger again. Bella cutting her finger on a piece of wrapping paper, the site of her blood as it oozed from the tiny wound, me throwing myself at her to stop the others from attacking, Bella's horrified face as she fell to the floor, the broken glass, the gash on her delicate arm from the fall, Jasper's empty predator eyes filled with bloodlust. And, worst of all, the smell of Bella's blood burning my throat and the macabre pictures that had formed in my own head as I carried her bleeding body to the kitchen table so that Carlisle could suture the wound; images of turning her fragile face away from mine and touching my lips to her soft throat, not to kiss, but to kill. This memory scorched me like fire, tormenting me even more than my empty vow to never endanger Bella's life again. Sure, I had quite a bit more control than Jasper, but what if I had slipped?
I had made so many promises where Bella was concerned, but tonight, the promise to keep her safe was the only one that really mattered. I had known from that inauspicious day in our biology class all those months ago that I was a danger to Bella, perhaps the greatest danger she would ever encounter, and yet, I had thought that my love for her could somehow conquer the monster within me, but I was wrong.
For the last few months, my world had been blissfully perfect; the closest thing to heaven that I could ever hope to experience. Since Bella first came into my life, I had felt more human than I ever remembered feeling in my entire existence. I had fallen madly, hopelessly and irreversibly in love with her so quickly I didn't even grasp what was happening to me at first. In spite of my best efforts to stay away from Bella, I had not had the strength to leave her alone. Alice had predicted as much. When I realized Alice was right about my inability to stay away from Bella, I promised myself that I would at least make sure that the other predictions Alice had made about her would not come true. Because Alice had also foreseen that I would either kill Bella myself or she would become a vampire.
I refused to believe it, refused to acknowledge that either outcome was possible. I would not end her life in either way! My love for her was stronger than the killer instinct I possessed, and I would not take her soul and ruin her future. I would be strong enough to control myself, and selfless enough to love her and leave her human, no matter what Alice said. I had believed that.
I was an arrogant fool.
I was wrong.
The pictures Alice's visions had painted in my mind's eye all those months ago were clearer to me now than they had ever been. They seemed more probable than ever because Alice's bleak predictions had almost come true just a few short hours ago. To the outside observer, it was my brother that had almost killed Bella this evening, but he wasn't the only one in danger of losing control. I had wanted Bella's blood tonight too, wanted her more than Jasper, more than all the others put together. Her blood's appeal to me had not waned in spite of my love. I had been stronger than Jasper tonight, but I was still tempted. Bella's blood did not appeal to him nearly as much as it did to me, and my love for her was only a little stronger than my monstrous instincts, so I didn't lose control.
Jasper, however, in his weak moment had almost taken Bella away from me forever. What if Jasper had managed to get to her? What would I have done? Even if I could have prevented him from killing her, could I have prevented the spread of the venom that would've stopped her heart forever? Could I have managed to halt the process of the transformation that would take her soul and turn her into living stone? I had stopped it when James had bitten her, hadn't I? But what If I had been too late this time? What if I had tried to stop it and killed her myself? Or, worst of all, what if I had pulled Jasper off of her, but in the ultimate act of selfishness, I had allowed the venom to spread…
Could I have been just as self-serving tonight as I was that fateful night I'd driven Bella home from Port Angeles? The night she'd confronted me about my true identity. Out of pure selfishness, I had not turned away from her then when I realized she had feelings for me. I would not have let her die tonight, even if the alternative was a soul-less existence. Because if Jasper had bitten her, I would have wanted to keep her with me at all costs. If it was too late for me to keep the venom from spreading, I would have been too selfish to let her keep her soul.
I had consistently been too self-centered to leave her alone, to let her have her own life, a real life with real people. To give her the chance to love someone mortal and warm, a man who could kiss her and hold her without being afraid of killing her. Someone who could throw her a birthday party that wasn't hazardous to her health.
And, she had been so depressed today about turning 18! Her 18th birthday should have been a happy rite of passage; this particular milestone was a happy one for most human girls her age. It should have been a day of celebration, of freedom from the constraints of parental control, a time to embrace adulthood. It should have been a day for her to think about having a whole world of possibilities in front of her. She was on the threshold of her life, and because of me, there was a monster waiting for her on the other side of the door. So instead of celebrating like a normal girl, my selfishness had allowed her to spend her special day being depressed about aging, hanging out with dangerous monsters, and nearly getting killed.
Bella stirred again, whispering my name as usual in her sleep, telling me she loved me as she snuggled closer into my icy chest. I stared at her pale, heart shaped face in the quiet darkness, memorizing the way she looked in sleep for the last time. I pressed my lips to her hair, my useless heart aching with a terrible sadness and grief at the thought of what I had to do now to save her from the greatest threat to her happiness, to her future.
I had to save her from me.
I attempted to comfort myself with images of how wonderful her life would be without me. I pictured her in a cap and gown, graduating from high school, then from college. Then I imagined her in another kind of gown, a gown of white satin and lace, Charlie walking her down the aisle toward a faceless human man who would father her children and grow old with her. It was a vain attempt. My stone heart ached as I wished more than ever to be a real man, a human man.
My decision was going to hurt Bella terribly. I knew that, but she would move on. She's a living, breathing, changing girl; beautiful, smart, brave, and good through and through. I had never deserved her, I had no right to intrude on her life the way that I had. But, perhaps I could right some of the wrong I had done by making the hardest choice of all. I would prove my love to her in the healthiest and most selfless manner I could. I would walk away from her now, before it was too late. I would never move on, never love anyone else for as long as I walked this earth, but she could. She could have a normal life, she could live it to the fullest, and she could go to heaven someday when that life was over. And, when that day came, I would make sure that I ceased to exist as soon as I could. But, that day was not going to come anytime soon.
I thought I would die of the pain as I realized that I now loved her enough to do what I should have done a long time ago. I was going to leave her.
I gently extricated myself from her arms and wrapped her in the old quilt she had kicked aside during her restless tossing and turning. I stared at her for another long moment before slipping out of the window. I would come back before the sun rose so she wouldn't know I had left in the night. I needed to prepare for my departure before I had time to talk myself out of the hardest thing I'd ever have to do.
Okay, so there it is. Thoughts?
I originally posted this story on Twilighted and it is complete. I will be making a few changes here and there, mostly for the purposes of editing and "cleaning up" little things that I didn't notice when I first posted. I didn't have a supervisory beta for the story and I was totally green to writing anything besides my own little drabbles and poems.