Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
I want to thank my amazing beta MissRainLover A.K.A Kacey-Leigh Heathfield.
She is amazing and she will be beta-ing this story.
-Happy By Intwine-
Isn't it strange
That the stars don't shine no more now since you're gone
Isn't it strange
That we can't look back and see just what went wrong
I wanna know now where we are,
Should I pretend and let things be
And knowing what you've done,
Could you come face to face with me
CHAPTER ONE : Sam Uley Is Hiding In The Bushes again
I heard the phone ringing downstairs, I knew who it was; it was Jacob Black. That boy has been calling every day at the same time for the last week or so, wanting to talk to little ol' me.
Well don't I feel fucking special.
The first time I answered the phone and heard who it was at the other end, I hung up on his ass. He called back of course, but I didn't pick up the phone, Charlie did.
Charlie asked me to talk to him, to which I replied; 'No! No, and hell no!' You'd think that would be clear enough for Jacob, but that boy did never learn how to take a hint.
Unfortunately, he hasn't given up, he keeps calling but I've picked up the habit of not answeringthe phone...ever. No one but Jacob Black calls me anyway, so it doesn't matter. If it was something important...well, that's what answering machines are for right?
My thoughts about Jacob 'has his head stuck up his ass' Black, were interrupted by Charlie.
"Bells, didn't you hear me?" He asked slightly out of breath, "I've been calling you, Jacob's on the phone."
I heard him calling my name of course, I'm not deaf, I heard him him just fine, but I had no intention of accepting what he came here to offer. My dad knew how I felt about Jacob Black and his incessant stalking ways. He even knew what he did to earn my wrath; he just...didn't seem to care. Jacob could do no wrong in the eyes of Charlie Swan.
"Tell him to call back in a decade or so, I don't feel like talking right now." I said without looking at my dad.
"Isabella Marie Swan, you will get off your butt right now to answer your call. If you don't, so help me God!"
"No I won't." I said without any emotions.
"Bella, you better be downstairs in thirty seconds or...or I'll..."
"You'll what? Ground me for the rest of my miserable life. Go ahead, please, I don't mind, it's not like I actually have a life or...well you know...friends." He was at a loss for words for a couple of seconds before he started talking with a smug tone of voice.
"Or I'll make you come fishing with me, Billy, and Old Quil."
This did make me look at him, if only to judge how serious he was. He was looking quite smug, mixed with a desperate determination. When I saw his face, I knew I wasn't going to get out off this one.
"Fine!" I huffed. "I'll pick up the damn phone, but you didn't say anything about actually talking to that asshole." I said, looking just as smug as my dad just did.
His brow furrowed. "Now you listen to me young lady. You are going to pick up that phone, have a civilized conversation with Jacob Black, and you will not reject any plans that boy has. You are getting out of this house this weekend one way or another. You can choose to go out with your friend, or you're coming with me and the senior citizens brigade."
I groaned, "Dad!"
"Don't you 'Dad' me Bella, I'm sick and tired of this nonsense. Edward Cullen left you! He is not coming back! And I will not sit around any longer watching you put your life on hold, waiting for something that will never happen. You got it?"
Fuck! My dad finally decided to go pro-active on my ass. I wished I'd have known, I would've hid under the bed or something.
I looked at Charlie who was still watching me to see what I would decide. I knew he was just trying to help, but what he was doing wasn't helping, far from it. He thought I was acting the way I did because I was waiting for Edward Cullen to come back to me. I wasn't. I knew that wasn't going to happen, Edward sure as hell made that clear. And to be honest, I really didn't want him too. If I ever saw Edward Cullen again, I would try to kill him with a rocket launcher.
Hey...don't give me that look, it worked for Buffy...well kinda anyway.
I sighed and figured I'd better get it over with. I jumped off of my bed and ran downstairs. I heard Charlie's footsteps behind me, so I knew he was following me closely. The phone was still off the hook, waiting for me. I wondered if I could hang up and tell my dad it was an accident…
No...probably not. It didn't work the first twenty times I tried it, so it probably wouldn't work now. Besides, Jacob would probably just call back.
Like I said; he can't take a hint. Too fucking bad!
I picked up the phone in a less then friendly manner. "What do you want?"
"Well hello to you too I guess. How have you been?" Jacob asked.
"None of your Goddamn business! I asked you a question, answer it! What the hell do you want, and why are you calling me? Are you sure you're allowed to talk to me? Better hang up fast before you get in trouble Jake, Sam Uley is hiding in the bushes again."
I felt so much anger at the thought of Sam Uley. He was the reason I lost Jake. Every-time I tried to talk to him, Sam fucking Uley would come out of the fucking bushes telling me to leave.
Now I ask you, what the fuck is up with that?
Is he some kind of stalking tree hugger or something, and who exactly is he stalking… me or Jake? That guy has some serious creepiness going on.
"Bells, you know that's not fair. Sam lets me talk to you."
I felt consumed with anger again. Sam lets me talk to you. Lets. That's just all kinds of messed up. He needs permission to talk to his 'best friend'. What the hell kind of tree- hugging stalker cult is Sam Uley running, and why is Jacob a part of it?
I snorted. "Oh yeah, he lets you talk to me alright, that's why we've been having so many stimulating conversations the last five months... Oh wait, no we haven't! That must all have been in my imagination."
"Bells..." Jake groaned. "It's complicated OK? I'd explain if I could, I swear."
"No it's not OK, and frankly, I don't give a flying fuck. I neither want, nor care to hear why you've abandoned me for Sam Uley and his posse of steroid popping ass-holes. The same bunch of ass-hole's you once described to me as part of Sam Uley's freakish cult."
"Bella, Bella, please I understand OK. This must be very strange to you, but I swear I didn't abandon you. There is a good explanation for everything."
I yawned. "Yeah I'm sure there is, but like I said. ...I don't care." I looked at Charlie who was trying to make it look like he wasn't listening in on my conversation. Who was he trying to kid?
"Why are you calling me Jake? What do you want?" I asked with a sigh.
"I called you to ask if you wanted to hang out with me." He asked calmly.
"Hang out with you?" I started laughing my ass off. "Not fucking likely." I snorted after my amusement fled. The sad part off all of this was; it wasn't funny, not funny at all.
"Bells, please. We could do anything you want. We could go and talk somewhere, or we could go to the beach. The guys are holding a bonfire." He said pleadingly
"A bonfire? Oh now I'm welcome? The last time I came to a bonfire on first beach I was escorted off of Quileute land by two of those steroid popping freaks. You remember that don't you Jakie?" I asked mockingly.
"But then again maybe you don't, you were probably too busy with turning your back on me to see anything."
Jake didn't say anything. I could hear him swallow loudly. If I didn't know any better I'd say he cared. Well tough luck! That asshole could go to hell for all I cared. He deserved it.
"Please Bella? I'm begging you? Please?" Hearing him say that brought me back to the day I said those exact words to Jacob.
My mind was consumed with worry, something was wrong with Jacob. Billy wasn't talking, he was actually rather rude. Every-time I called him he said 'Jacob's sick and needs time to recover' and then without another word, he'd hang up on me. I knew he was lying because I'm not an idiot.
Something was wrong; I could feel it in the depth of my soul.
So I decided to take matters into my own hands. I was going to see Jacob, and no one was going to stop me! My dad told me he heard Jacob talking about going to the beach; I knew that it was the time to make my move. I was going to see if he was alright, I had too.
I got out of my beat up truck and made my way to first beach.
I was going to find out what the hell was going on and I was doing it right now.
Jake hadn't come by to see me for two weeks. He didn't call, didn't text, he didn't even send me a singing telegram. I knew something was wrong. Jacob would never abandon me like that, unless something bad was going on. I felt fear in every fiber of my being. They told me he was sick. What if it was serious? What if he didn't call me because he couldn't? I kept worrying all the way to beach. I didn't understand. If he was sick, then why would he be at the beach. I was so deep in thought that I didn't see Jake standing right in front of me until I bumped into him.
I fell down and looked up to see what kind of large ass tree I had walked into when I saw Jacob's eyes. He was watching me intently, waiting for something to happen. I think it didn't because I could clearly see disappointment mark his features. Disappointment and an edge of bitterness. The bitterness told me whatever it was he was expecting to find, he didn't, and wasn't happy about it.
Suddenly I remembered why I was there. I let my eyes roam his body. He looked fine. He Didn't look sick, in fact he looked better then fine. I could hardly recognize my Jacob in this tall muscular man looming over me. I said the first thing that came to mind.
"Your hair Jake. What happened to your beautiful hair?" I asked shocked.
His features seemed to soften for a moment only to harden again when he heard a yell. He looked at me with regret, and stiffened.
I looked behind me to see what could possibly have such an effect on my always smiling Jake, when I spotted Sam Uley and three of his cronies.
I instantly knew what had happened. Jake told me he was afraid of this, he told me this would happen, but I didn't believe him. I told him he was stronger than Sam Uley and his brainwashing technique. I guess I was wrong.
"What are you doing here Bella?" Jake asked menacingly.
I gulped. "I came to see you, I was worried. What happened to you? Did they get to you?" I whispered that last part.
He stiffened again. "Leave Bella, leave here and don't come back. Your kind is not welcome here." Well, I guess that answers that question.
"Jake, please. Why are you doing this? What do you mean I'm not welcome here? Jake what happened to you? Please tell me? Let me help you! We can get out of here right now! You can come with me! I know Charlie wouldn't mind if you stayed with us! Or if you want, we could go to Jacksonville; my mom would love to have you! Please Jake, you don't have to listen to them! Please, I'm your friend!"He looked tired and hurt. I didn't know what to do.
"Bella go home. It's too late for me, the Jake you knew doesn't exist anymore. He grew up," he gave me a pained look, "he had to."
He turned around to leave. "Please Jake don't...Please don't leave...you pr-promised."
"I guess I lied." He said without turning back.
He couldn't leave me, he promised. I watched him reach his friends, and without stopping walked to the forest.
"Please Jake? I'm begging you! Please?"
All I got in return was to see him vanish into the woods, followed by an anguished howl of a wolf.
I could relate, I wanted to howl like a wolf myself.
No! No! I couldn't let him do this. I had to try one more time. I started running towards the woods trying to follow Jacob but his friends had other ideas.
"Bella don't." Sam said softly.
He looked so caring, like he didn't want me to hurt. But I knew it was a lie. If he cared, he wouldn't have taken Jacob from me.
"Let me go, I'm going after him! I don't know what the hell you did to scramble his brain like that, you brainwashing piece of shit, but I'm going to unscramble them even if I have to hit him over the head with a baseball bat!"
"Bella..." One of Sam's cronies said softly. "You have to let him go." I looked to see who the asshole was who had the nerve to tell me to let go of my best friend. I startled, it was Quil. I knew Embry had turned into one of the asshole brigade but now Quil.
I gave him a hard look. "You too huh Quil?"
"Yeah" He answered softly.
I looked at Sam pleadingly. "Please just let me go! I need to find him."
Sam's eyes turned hard. "Bella! He told you to leave. He doesn't want to be your friend anymore. You need to accept it. He doesn't want you!"
I froze. He doesn't want you. He doesn't want you. Of course he didn't. No one did. Edward didn't. Check. Alice Didn't. Check. Emmet didn't. Check. The rest of the Cullen's didn't. Check. It only made sense I could cross Jacob of my list too.
I looked at Sam. "He doesn't want me." I said tasting the words one more time. I saw a brief flash of guilt cross Sam's features. I didn't understand why he would feel guilty. I probably misinterpreted the look. It was probably just indigestion.
I felt dazed. No one wanted me. I was unwanted. The unwanted me. I laughed.
The asshole brigade gave each other uneasy glances. I realized I probably sounded like a complete maniac.
I felt like I was nothing, like I was worthless, a distraction. I wasn't worth the air I breathed. I gave one last longing look to the forest Jake disappeared in and turned around. I had to get out of there. The air I breathed felt wrong. I could taste salt on my lips and that's when I realized that I was crying.
I heard Sam utter a curse. "Embry, Quil get her out of here. Make sure she gets home!" He barked.
I wanted to laugh through my tears. I was being thrown of their land with a fucking escort. Sam Uley obviously had delusions of grandeur, well if you wanna call playing rent-a-cop for the tribe grandeur.
Quill and Embry followed me home that night. Making sure I wasn't polluting their land by breathing.
I didn't give up though. After my initial shock and hurt at what happened at the beach, I went back to La Push and tried again. That's when I noticed Sam Uley and his cronies were always around, watching me, watching Jake. It creeped me the hell out. He would just pop out of the forest and tell me to leave. It seemed like Sam Uley was always hiding in the bushes, and would come out to ruin any progress I made with Jake.
My last attempt at talking to Jake happened two weeks after the incident at the beach, I found Jake alone-thank God- and tried to talk to him.
"Jake, please tell me what's going on with you, why are you treating me this way? Why are you keeping secrets?" I asked, my hurt apparent in my voice.
He started shaking. "Secrets, Bella? You are the last one to be lecturing me about keeping secrets don't you think?" What did he mean? What secret am I keeping from him? I didn't have any secrets to keep, especially not from Jake. The only thing I could think of was the Cullen's.
"What secrets? I don't have any secrets from you, Jake."
His shaking increased. "How can you stand there pretending to be my friend and lie to me like that? You know what kind of secrets I'm talking about and don't pretend for just one second you don't." He spat, he was starting to scare me. My Jake was nothing like the stranger looming over me. I saw nothing of the things I loved about Jake in this person. Determination washed over me. I needed to get him back. He saved me from myself, I was going to save him from Sam and his gang.
"I am your friend Jake." I said quietly
This only seemed to upset him further. I heard a sound behind me. I didn't even have to look to know who it was, and for the first time in my life, I was actually glad to see Sam Uley.
"JAKE, CALM DOWN NOW!" He yelled with authority
"Bella stay back!" Sam said while standing in front of me in a protective manner. Wow Sam was actually protecting me. Head-rush!
Jake's shaking seemed to decrease. It seemed to me like he was calming down. What the hell was this, why was he shaking? Was it because of drugs? Is Sam giving him drugs?
"What the hell is this? What did you do to him?" I yelled at Sam.
He turned around with an angry face. I quickly took a step back.
"What did I do to him? What did I do to him? You did this you little idiot, I told you to stay away from him! What the hell are you doing here?"
"Fuck you Sam! I am not giving up on my best friend, I told you that!"
"I am not your friend!" Jake yelled "I told you to leave me the hell alone! I don't want you, I've got better things to do then waste my time on you, you're not worth it!"
My mind flashed to the night I first saw James. I saw Jasper and me standing in the entryway waiting for Alice. I heard Jasper telling me 'You are worth it.' I put my arms around my body, holding myself, trying to keep myself from falling apart.
"Oh God Jasper, you were so wrong." I said with a voice filled with sorrow.
"Bella..." Sam started; it startled me enough to bring my eyes to his. When he saw my eyes he flinched. I'm not sure what he saw there, but I saw pain cross his features.
I looked at Jake for the last time. I saw the regret and guilt on his face.
I turned around to walk away and that's when I decided friends are overrated.
"Bella! Bella!" I heard Jake yelling in my ear.
"Oh nothing, I just thought you hung up on me."
"Well isn't that the smartest suggestion you've had all day?" I said before hanging up.
Take that asshole! I thought while chuckling softly.
I looked up to see Charlie standing there looking at me with a pissed off expression on his face.
"What? Did I forget to say bye or something?" I smirked
He opened his mouth only to close it again. Shit he was pissed.
The phone began ringing again. We both knew who it was, but there was no way in hell I was going to pick up that damned phone to have a civilized conversation with Jacob Black.
"Pick up that phone right now, Bella Marie Swan." Charlie said through clenched teeth.
"Nope," I said with a peaceful smile on my face. "You can middle name me all you want Charlie, it ain't happening."
"First off all, it's Dad, and second of all, pick up that phone and talk to that boy. This nonsense between the two of you has gone on long enough." He said angrily.
The phone stopped ringing only to start again after a couple of seconds.
Charlie looked at me expectantly. "You can look at me all you want, I'm still not answering the damn phone!"
"Fine!" Charlie said. He walked over to the phone and picked up. "Swan residence. Hi Jacob...yeah...no not a problem, she's right here. Yeah, she'll talk to you in a minute OK?
Just a second." He said before handing me the phone.
"Talk to him. When he asks you to go to the beach with him, say yes. Give the boy a chance, I mean it Bella. It's either that, or you're coming with me and the guys on our fishing trip- oh and just so you know, we're leaving for the entire weekend. So you can either spend some time with Jacob, or spend the whole weekend with us. Your choice Bells."
Jeez spend the entire weekend listening to old geezer's gossip like little girls, that was so not happening. But going down to La Push to see Jake...that wasn't something I wanted to do either. I took a deep breath. I was going to have to discourage Jake from calling me again anyway.
I glared at Charlie before I picked up the phone.
"Yeah?" I spat.
"Hi, we...um...must have gotten disconnected." He said trying to be polite by ignoring my rudeness.
"What are you...in denial? I did it on purpose you dipshit!"
"BELLA!" My dad hissed.
I gave him an innocent look. "What? I did!" He just sighed and rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, I know alright. I'm not stupid!" Jake said quietly
"Pfft, could have fooled me" I muttered.
"Anyway, my dad is kinda blackmailing me into going to the beach with you...thanks for that by the way. Ass-face! So, I'm gonna see you there." I said with a cold voice.
"He is? That's great!" He said excited.
"What, you think it's great that my dad blackmails me? You really are an asshole!"
"No no Bella that's not what I meant. I just meant I'm glad that I'm gonna see you again that's all."
"Yeah I can honestly say I don't feel the same." I said with venom dripping from every word.
I ended the call without another word. I turned back to Charlie with all my anger showing on my face.
"Look dad. What you just did is totally screwed up. If I don't want to hang out with Jake, then I don't want to hang out with Jake. I have my reasons and you should respect them. You pressured me into doing something I really don't want to do, and-"
"Bella, I just did what's best for you. You've been avoiding your friends and I just
"Yeah dad! That's right...avoiding my friends, Jake is not my friend. If you would have listened to anything I saidthe last couple of weeks, you would have known that. I am no longer friends with Jacob, and there is nothing in the world that will change that situation, including your screwed up match making tactics." I sighed, I was sick and tired of Charlie's selective blindness. "
Look Charlie...just don't try this again okay! I'm nineteen years old,that means I'm legally an adult. You can't tell me what to do, and if you try to force my hand like this again, I'll move to Jacksonville with Rene and Phil." Charlie looked at me with a slightly panicked expression.
"Bells, I was only trying to help!"
"I know dad, but don't! I don't need it. It's like I said, it's my life, my choice. Jake is no longer my friend and this little trip to beach isn't gonna change that!"
Charlie nodded "Alright, fair enough. No more pressure...or blackmail."
"Good!" I said smiling at Charlie. "Because next time I'm picking the fishing trip, and trust me...you're not gonna like it if I go with you!" I grinned
I said goodbye to Charlie and went up to my room to put some clothes on for my not date with Jacob Black.
I opted for my favorite jeans with a black hoodie. I was going for comfortable today.
I was going to the beach but it didn't mean I'd have to be nice to Jake...or any other of his asshole friends.
Fuck! I so didn't wanna do this! I put Jake behind me...or tried to at least. When he left me I decided that having friends was just not worth it. He hurt me so much. Even with everything he knew about Edward and the Cullen's. Even when he promised, he still left me.
Now you tell me, what the hell kind of friend does that? No, friends and boyfriends are clearly not for me. I'm not gonna let myself become vulnerable again...not like that. Maybe later I'll change my mind, but not now.
If I did decide to get a boyfriend, I wouldn't emotionally attach myself to them. It would have to be a physical relationship...sex. I was still a virgin but I was thinking more and more about finding someone and just get it over with. Maybe I'll do that...maybe not.
I walked downstairs and found my dad staring out of the window with both his hands in his pockets. He didn't hear me come in so I had the opportunity to watch him. He looked upset; I knew it was my fault. When Jake, my supposedly best friend abandoned me, I retreated within myself. I didn't go catatonic; I didn't have a break-down. I just cut myself off from everything, love, life, and my father.
I'm not even gonna pretend I didn't know it would hurt him, but it was either that or explode. It was an act of self-preservation and I have never regretted it more than I did this second.
Don't get me wrong, I know it had to be done. But I hurt my dad...again. I made a silent vow to never do that again. I wanted to change things, change the awkwardness and empty words between me and Charlie, I just didn't know how.
How do I make myself care about Charlie again without caring about anything else? I didn't know the answer, and was afraid I never would.
I must have made a sound somehow because Charlie turned around. He gave me a tight smile. "Hey Bells, are you leaving already?"
"Yeah, I figured, the sooner I get there, the sooner I get to come home." I said while shrugging my shoulders; it was obviously the wrong thing to say because Charlie's smile became even more forced.
Damn, I can't do anything right.
I turned around quickly and grabbed my car keys of the hook. "I'm gonna head out, I'll see you in a couple of days. Bye dad." I said without turning around.
"Bye Bells." I heard Charlie say softly.
I walked outside before Charlie could see how upset I was. The trouble with burying your emotions was, they're always there, just below the surface looking for a weakness in your armor, looking for a way out.
I hoped to hell tonight was not the night they'd finally succeed.
So...what did you think?
Was it any good? Do you want to read more?
Please review, I need some feedback.
XXX Hanane XXX