Sam takes a hard, shaky, long breath before he looks at her with those piercing green eyes she missed so much.
"Because I love you."
Jess shakes her head, trying to get her tears under control. She didn't miss his present tense. But… really?
"Oh… okay. You dumped me because you loved me?", she changes the tense on purpose. "You left me in the middle of the night, with not even a good-bye note… because you loved me?"
"Tell me how that even makes sense?"
His answer takes her by surprise.
"How well did you really know me, Jess?"
She pulls back, but he holds her hands in his and she can't force her way out. His stare never falters.
"I never talked about my family, Jess. About my past. I insisted on keeping a loaded gun in the house. I wrote symbols on our door frames. I woke up screaming from nightmares three times a week. How well did you really know me? Really"
She just stares at him. He shakes his head, drops it down and snorts something akin to pain.
"My family…", he stops himself. "No, no… that's not right… My life… my life is dangerous. I thought I could get out of it, you know?", he looks back at her and he's crying now. His left hand lets go of her to dry his eyes. "I really did.".
Sam smiles the saddest smile she ever saw. No light in it. "But I couldn't. And… I loved you so much. I love you so much. Jess, still…you have no idea how much I miss you… God…", he lets go of her entirely now. Turns his back.
Jess is dumbstruck silent as he continues. "I love you and that's why I had to leave you and I had to make it look like I didn't care about you. Because my life is dangerous and you were in danger by being with me and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to you…"
Jess doesn't know what to say. Just… what? A part of her brain that sounds like Kara is yelling "bullshit", but… he's Sam. Sam…caring and loving and nice. Half the problem of the past two years was her inability to match her Sam to a guy that left without a note.
She doesn't know what to say.
But then Sam's turning around and holding her and kissing her and, oh god, she missed him. She missed him so much and she melts against him and it's Sam. It's Sam.
He holds her head in his hands tenderly after the kiss ends and just stares at her for minutes that are both too long and too short. He smiles.
She knows this is good-bye.
"I love you. I do. I never stopped loving you. I miss you everyday".
He kisses her again and then he turns around and walks out.
Jess watches him go and get himself in a black car she recognizes from a picture.
He doesn't look back.
Her eyes have dried and she thinks she should be pissed at him, maybe, but she can't.
She understands, even if she doesn't.
Somehow, she feels saved.