Disclaimer: Don't own it.
His behaviour confuses her; nothing new there, really. One minute they're sharing tender moments, then he's snapping at her with an accusatory glare in his eyes. He goes from calling her his best friend to treating her like she's just an employee. He acts like he wants more from her, then he's acting like he doesn't give a damn about any of it.
Where are we?
She's wondered that a lot; when the lines between friendship become blurred, when they're in that transition phase of something and something else, and she doesn't even really know how to describe it. They shuffled slowly from acquaintances to business partners to friends to best friends, and the last few months, since her divorce, it seemed like they were moving towards something else. And now it's like they're moving backwards, and she cannot fathom why.
Perhaps he got scared of where they were heading, and decided to back off. Perhaps it was his insecurities and fears talking when he spoke to her so harshly about his finances. Perhaps his edging closer to the other side of every damn line he comes across isn't so much about what's on the other side, but what's on the side he's currently on – what's he trying to get away from. Ties with the FBI, rules that must be followed, a business partner who insists he toe the line.
Perhaps he's just had enough.
She wishes, mostly, that she knew – that she could unravel the mysteries of this complicated man, that she could get him to just listen to her sometimes, and to see, really see, what he's doing to himself and the people around him. But she doubts that will ever happen.
Where are we?
Mostly she wants to know, but there's a small voice in the back of her mind telling her that it doesn't really matter. Their relationship has never been simple; Cal Lightman does not run in straight lines, and she'd be a fool to think there would never be ups and downs, back and forth, highs and lows. Where they've been, where they are, where they're going – it all blurs into one sometimes, and the future seems irrelevant when she realises that she can't control it. What matters, really, is only one thing; they're here. She might not have a clue where here is, or what it means, or how long it will last, but it's a place that both of them inhabit, and that's enough for now.