Sheldon coughed loudly, a deep, wet, wheezy cough. Whenever he got sick, it would come upon him quickly. Always. Amy Farrah Fowler looked at Sheldon and backed up slightly.
"You are sick." she said, and Penny once again noted how very robotic her voice was.
"Apparently." Sheldon said dryly.
"Am... I supposed to do something for you?" she asked in a mildly confused tone.
Penny blinked. "Did she just make a nice, human gesture?" she asked herself silently.
"I suppose that would be nice... I should probably go to bed..." Sheldon nodded, and walked back towards his room, his non-girlfriend following.
"They are so weird." Penny whispered.
Leonard, Raj and Howard nodded in agreement.
After about ten minutes, "Shamy", as they had dubbed the "non" couple, came stomping out of the room.
"I am leaving, Sheldon. I am also not coming back. If you wish to engage in coitus with Penny, then do so."
Penny's eyes bugged, and her mouth formed into a little bow- her patented surprise face.
"I never said that, Amy Farrah Fowler!" Sheldon huffed, and went into a coughing fit. "Intercourse is just unsanitary..."
"Yes, of course it is..." she said through grit teeth.
"Then, I think you should apologize to Penny." Sheldon blurted. "That was just unnecessarily rude, and bad language. Momma has told me many, many times that one should not use bad language in front of a lady."
Amy looked like her head might explode. "But, aren't I a- oh, screw it!" she said. "You call that bad language? I'll show you bad language... fuck... you!" she yelled, and stomped off.
Sheldon blinked, perplexed, and their three friends were looking back and forth between Sheldon and Penny.
"Sheldon... what the hell just happened?" Leonard demanded, confused and a bit uncomfortable.
"Well, apparently Amy Farrah Fowler is an irrational and emotional... um... what's the word I am looking for?"
"Whack-a-doodle?" Penny supplied.
"Yes! Thank you..." he said, and then fell into another coughing fit. He looked at Penny rather hopefully. "I don't see what she was so angry about..." he explained.
"Well, sweetie, what did you say to her?" Penny asked carefully.
"She asked the obligatory social question of 'is there anything I can do for you?', and I said that I would ask her to sing 'Soft Kitty', but that I'm used to when you do it. Because I made someone else do it once- Leonard- and he wasn't very good at it. He butchered the song, and that just made things worse..."
"Oh..." Penny said softly, with a little smile playing around her lips.
"And, for some reason that seemed to annoy her. And, then she saw me reach for the Vickks and asked if I needed help applying it. When I declined, she seemed to get quite ruffled."
"Sheldon..." Howard said slowly. "How did you 'decline' her offer? And, why?"
"Well, I mentioned that she had 'man hands', because, she sort of does." Sheldon said plainly, no shame in admitting this. "And, that she looked like she hadn't had a manicure in a while, either, and that Penny has small hands with the almond shaped nails that kind of do the light scratching that feels nice when she puts the Vickks on in counter-clockwise circles. And, then I asked her if she understood the importance of counter-clockwise circles, and she threw the jar at my head!" he exclaimed, tossing his hands up as he sat down in his spot, and rubbed it lightly. "And, why is everyone looking at me like I have some sort of alien protruding from my forehead- oh, Lord, I don't, right?" he asked, suddenly alarmed.
"No, sweetie..." Penny laughed softly. "Come on, get in bed, and I'll sing 'Soft Kitty' for you?"
Sheldon looked pleased. "And put on some Vickks? And make me some Cinnamon Toast?"
"Of course I will..." Penny said, nudging him to the room. "I'll be right there, you go put on your PJs?"
Sheldon nodded, and happily went off to his room. Meanwhile, everyone turned to stare at Penny.
"Oh, stop looking at me." She whispered, and then walked towards Sheldon's room singing under her breath, though loud enough the other three men could hear, "Ding-Dong the witch is dead... Which old witch? The wicked witch! Ding-Dong the Wicked Witch is dead..."
And, Leonard allowed a smile to tug at the corners of his mouth...