This is really wordy and maybe not altogether realistic, but a lot of people asked to see more of Kurt and Finn's new relationship (actually, just the sex) but I didn't think things would go very well if they were sneaking around. So, here we go with the coolest parents on the planet.
"Are you sure you want to tell them?" Finn asked for what felt like the fiftieth time.
"No, Finn, I'm sure that I don't want to tell them, but I'm even surer that we have to."
"Yeah, but these are our parents. Your dad and my mom, who have a nice little fantasy of us becoming brothers or something if they ever decide to get married," Finn argued. "Won't it weird them out if we tell them that we want to have the same kind of relationship that they do?"
Rubbing his eyes in an attempt to ward off a headache, Kurt sighed. "Finn, if you're not ready for us to be a couple, or don't want to tell your mom that you're gay, just say so! You can live upstairs in your new room, and I'll live downstairs in my basement, and we'll just avoid each other as much as possible. We can forget all about what happened during Regionals."
He could not keep the bitterness out of his tone, or hide all of the disappointment he felt, and Finn responded by sliding a comforting arm around his shoulders and giving them a squeeze.
"Kurt, listen to me. I don't want to forget what happened. It was amazing and I'm glad we told everyone in Glee. I meant it when I said I want everybody to know about us. It's just . . . Mom and Burt. How are they going to react?"
"Why should they react badly?" Kurt asked stubbornly. "They love us and want us to be happy, right? At least that's what they always say."
Finn sighed. "I know they do, but this isn't like seeing other people. I mean, if you were a girl and we lived in the same house, do you think your dad would let me anywhere near your room? Just because we're both guys doesn't mean that'll be any different. What if he locks you in at night or something? Or, what if my mom gets weirded out and decides my going gay is your fault and moves us out? I want to be able to see you, Kurt. To touch you and kiss you." He blushed as he added, "To have hot, awesome sex with you."
Kurt smiled, rubbing a hand affectionately up and down Finn's thigh. "I want that, too. Believe me, I do! But I don't want to have to sneak around and divide our attention all the time trying to make sure that we don't get caught. Sooner or later, we would slip up and one of them would catch us. Do you really think it would go well for us if they were to walk in and find us naked and doing things together?"
"Things?" Finn replied archly, brushing his knuckles over the visible tenting in Kurt's tight pants, making his breath hitch. "Does the possibility of getting caught turn you on or something? Cause if it does, I'm all for keeping secrets."
With a blushing laugh, Kurt punched him lightly in the side. "Perv. You know what I meant." Wrapping his arms around Finn's body, he hugged him tightly. "It was such a relief to me to be able to be honest with our friends. You have no idea how much I've wanted to have the same right everybody else has to express simple affection in public. Just to be able to hold your hand, or smile at you without feeling like I'm doing something wrong. I don't want to turn around and hide again the moment we close our own front door."
Finn kissed his hair. "I never really thought about how hard it's been for you. I mean, I tried to hide it from my mom when I thought I'd got Quinn pregnant but she found out in just a couple of weeks anyway. And I hid how I felt about you for a long time but I've never really had to hide who I was from anybody."
"I don't want you to know how that feels," Kurt told him, his voice a bare whisper. "Not ever. My dad and I have been trying really hard ever since I came out, to be honest with each other. Not telling him how I felt about you was awful, and probably a big mistake, but it would be nothing compared to hiding this. To see you every day, knowing you finally want to be with me as much as I want to be with you, but never able to be open about it? That would be. . ."
"Torture," he agreed. "You're right. Even if they freak out, we need to tell them. Right away, before I have a chance to lose my nerve."
Kurt gulped, but nodded his agreement. They stood, squeezing each other's hand for courage.
"How do you want to do this? Should we tell them together, maybe at dinner tonight or something, or try to corner them separately?" Kurt asked, nervously rubbing his palms over the tight-fitting legs of his jeans.
"Together," he decided. "As soon as they get home from work, and I want you to let me do all the talking."
Kurt looked at him curiously. "Why?"
"Mom doesn't know that I'm gay. I want her to hear it from me first, and want them both to understand that it wasn't anything you did that made me this way."
A tender expression softened Kurt's tense features. "Are you sure?"
"Mom? Burt? There's something we want to say."
The two adults looked at the two teens, instantly recognizing that whatever this was about, it was important. Burt turned off the television and gave them his full attention, holding out his left arm for Carole as she came to sit beside him on the sofa.
"What is it, honey?" Carole asked her son. Seeing his nervous expression, she added, "It's all right. Whatever it is, you can tell us."
"Yeah, okay, yeah," Finn said, rubbing his hands over his shirt front to dispel the sweat gathering in his palms. "See, the thing is, I didn't mean it when I yelled all those awful things at Kurt a couple weeks ago. I was mad and scared and I lashed out because I thought he was getting a little too close to figuring out some stuff that I hadn't even admitted all the way to myself. So, I yelled at him instead of yelling at myself, like I wanted to."
Burt, whose jaw had tensed at the reminder of the scene in the basement, now looked confused. "What are you trying to say?"
Ignoring the man for a moment, Finn looked straight into his mother's eyes. "Mom? You know how I never had sex with Quinn, even though I thought I did? And how I couldn't make things work out with Rachel, even though everybody said we were perfect for each other?"
Carole nodded. "I . . . well, I didn't know the details, but I knew you'd had some problems."
"Problems!" he said loudly, making everyone jump. "Yeah, that's exactly it. I've had problems with girls ever since I first started dating, and I mostly hit on them because I'm a jock and Puck was my best friend and he said that's what dudes like us were supposed to do. But I wasn't happy, Mom. I was always jittery and uncomfortable and feeling like I was doing something wrong. Then I met Kurt, and he was really cool about who he was and what he was and then he became a jock, too, sort of, and I got to know him a lot better and started to realize that maybe it wasn't so weird to be into sports and cars and other things dudes are into, but to not be into girls."
Carole's voice sounded a bit choked. "Honey . . . are you trying to tell me that you're . . .?"
"Gay," he said clearly. He was getting a lot more comfortable saying the word out loud and he could not resist smiling at Kurt, who had taken a seat on the arm of the couch, a little bit distant from their parents. Kurt's fingers were laced tightly over his crossed knees so Finn could not hold his hand, but he nodded in support. "Yeah, Mom, that's exactly what I'm saying."
Burt looked from one boy to the other, brow furrowed. "You called him a fag," he said, causing all three listeners to flinch. "What was that, some weird kind of cover up?"
Finn hung his head. "No, more like some weird kind of freak-out. Kurt had a crush on me. I knew that and at first I wasn't cool with it. Then, I kept doing things that made sure I stayed close to him because I couldn't stop thinking about him. I liked being around him. I liked having him like me, but I tried to tell myself that it was just because he was cool and we were friends. Then, you guys moved us all in together and made me and Kurt share a room, and that was the first time I really had to face how I felt about him. It wasn't Kurt's fault I freaked out. He had no idea I wanted him, except for maybe some kind of subconscious gay-dar or something. Anyhow, I totally panicked because I was afraid somehow he would figure it out and I just wasn't ready for that yet."
Now, Kurt did reach out and squeeze his hand. "I thought he hated everything about me, Dad, but it turned out to be just the opposite. He finally told me the night after our Regionals performance. We were paired as roommates at the hotel and everything was really tense. We got into kind of a fight and during the course of that, Finn . . . well, he told me. He told me about everything. I didn't believe him at first, but he convinced me that it was true."
"Convinced you, how?" The words were flat, grim, and a little threatening as Burt's green gaze narrowed dangerously on Finn.
Both boys averted their eyes.
"He kissed me," Kurt admitted. He took a deep breath, letting it out in a huff that easily conveyed the wonder and happiness of that moment as he added, "I mean, he really kissed me."
"We sort of made out," Finn added, never one to easily pick up on subtlety. "And we talked a lot, and it turn out that making out with Kurt is, like, the best almost-sex ever. I didn't feel any of the wrongness I'd always felt with girls. Instead, I really just wanted to-"
"Finn!" Kurt cut him off quickly, his face turning red. Seeing the alarmed look in their parents' eyes, he hastily told them. "It's okay. We didn't . . . well, you know . . . but we decided that we both like each other that way and that . . . that we probably want to. Like, a lot. And, and, well, we weren't sure how you guys would take hearing that, 'cause it's kind of a really horrible thing to tell your parents, but since we all live together, I didn't think we could hide the truth for very long."
Burt and Carole looked at each other, communicating silently for a long time as their sons fidgeted. "Can you guys give us a minute alone?" Burt finally asked, jerking his chin to suggest that they leave the room.
The boys did not hesitate, leaping at the opportunity to escape. "We'll be on the porch," Kurt blurted, dragging Finn away by the arm.
"Oh, God, that was terrifying," Finn gasped, plunking down in the wide wooden bench that adorned the porch. Kurt sat beside him, squeezing his hand but unable to respond in words. "What do you think they'll do to us?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. Bolt us into separate rooms until school starts again? Throw us both out of the house?"
Finn shook his head. "My mom wouldn't throw me out."
"Dad wouldn't either. I wouldn't put it past him to get us a couple of those proximity alarm bracelets that home-prisoners wear, though. They'd beep if we came anywhere near each other."
"Or set up bunks outside our rooms at night to make sure we didn't try to sneak into each other's beds."
They sat for several minutes, thinking up more absurd and unlikely forms of punishment in an effort to keep their nervousness at bay. Finally, Burt opened the front door and they both bounced up like tightly coiled springs, following him back into the living room.
The two adults exchanged another long glance. Then Carole nodded for Burt to go ahead.
He took a deep breath. "First off, thank you for being honest. It means a lot to us both that you trusted us enough not to sneak around behind our backs. Second, we're aware that you're pretty close to adulthood and that our say-so won't be able to stop you from . . . being together if you're determined enough." He looked more than a little uncomfortable with that thought, but plunged on. "However, while neither one of us wants to split up and live in separate houses again, Carole and I are willing to do that if you feel that living together might be too much temptation."
"No!" they blurted in chorus, both horrified by the idea that their newfound romance might break up their parents' second chance at happiness.
Burt smiled, relaxing a little. "Didn't think so. Okay, so my point is that being close to grown-up isn't the same as being grown-up and while you're both living under our roof there's going to have to be some ground-rules."
This was already going better than either young man had expected and they nodded eagerly.
"Right," Burt said, steeling himself as if he was about to say something unpleasant. "For the sake of you boys, your mom and I have tried not to act too lovey-dovey in front of you. No graphic talk or making out in the family room or whatever."
Kurt and Finn each made a face, grossed-out by the notion.
"Exactly," Burt said, agreeing with their expressions. "So, we'd really appreciate it if you guys gave us the same courtesy. Hold hands, kiss each other hello, whatever you want, but no groping, no tonsil hockey, no dirty talk, and all clothes stay on at all times when we're around."
Kurt giggled. He couldn't help himself. "Sorry," he said when everyone looked at him. "This is just really embarrassing."
"Tell me about it," Burt sighed.
"What Burt is trying to say," Carole chimed in, "is that we're not going to stop you boys from being a couple if that's what you want, but we'd appreciate a little discretion."
Finn nodded enthusiastically. "Absolutely! We can do that!"
"And," Burt added, making them tense again. "I want your promise. Your solemn word of honor, that you won't go any farther than making out until you're both seventeen."
Carole held up her hand. "No, Finn. Burt is right. It may sound old-fashioned, and we do realize that the nature of this relationship means that certain things, like pregnancy, are not going to be an issue, but not every relationship is destined for happily-ever-after, especially at your age, and we don't want you two going too far, too fast. You boys have only known how you felt about each other for a few days. You've barely even had time to accept the idea of being attracted to Kurt, while Kurt has waited for a long time and gone through a lot of heartache waiting for someone to accept him and love him openly."
Kurt's eyes widened, surprised by the sympathy and understanding in his near-stepmother's voice.
"You've had a long time to build up a store of daydreams about the perfect relationship with Finn, Kurt," Burt added, flashing his son a wry smile. "Carole and I are worried that you'll both put too much pressure on each other if you move too fast. Flare up hot and fast only to fizzle out even faster. If that happens and you're living under the same roof, where you gonna go?"
Carole spoke again. "All that we're asking is that you give yourselves time to get used to being a couple, an out and proud gay couple, and all that's going to mean to yourselves and the world around you. Just make sure this is what both of you really want. If you still feel the same way when you're seventeen, which is only a couple of months away-"
"Three months," Finn interrupted.
Burt shot him a warning look. "If you still feel that way when the time is up, then you can move on to," he grimaced but bravely plunged forward, "having sex."
Kurt stood up and crossed over to hug his father and then Carole. "Thanks, you guys. That's not as good as we wanted but it's a lot more than we expected." He smiled, blushing again. "To be honest, I'm not sure either of us is ready for more than making out anyway."
Finn looked as though he might disagree, but since there wasn't anything he could do if Kurt was serious, he nodded. "No sex until we're seventeen. I promise."
"Me, too," Kurt said, eyes twinkling as he looked up at Finn and added, "Just think, Finn. Now I don't have to worry about what I should give you for your birthday!"
A grin spread over his face as he bent forward and kissed Kurt lightly on the lips. "Okay, but don't tell me. I want it to be a surprise."
"Oh, it will be."
"Yeah, okay, that's enough" Burt said, holding up his hand to stop the flirting. "Please, don't make me regret listening to Carole on this, okay? I was in favor of locking you guys up in separate bedrooms until you were twenty-one."
The boys laughed, enthusiastically returning the hugs Carole stood up to give them.
"Mom?" Finn asked, looking curiously into her eyes, which were sparkling with a haze of tears. "You seem way cooler about all this than I was expecting. Why is that?"
She smiled, smoothing a couple of stray curls back from his forehead. "Let's just say that there was more than one reason I was surprised when you thought you'd got Quinn pregnant."
Finn's mouth fell open, stunned. "You knew? Mom, why didn't you tell me?"
"Oh, honey. That isn't the kind of decision a parent can make for their child! It had to be yours and nobody else's. I couldn't be sure until you were." She kissed him gently on the cheek. "But I've been watching over you every single day of your life. Ever since you started puberty, I've been pretty sure the signs were pointing you in that direction."
Abruptly, he sat down on the couch. "Huh."
Petting a hand affectionately over his cheek, Kurt smiled. "Now you know how I felt when I finally worked up the guts to tell Dad I was gay, only to be told he'd known since I was three!"
Happy to have the uncomfortable conversation over with, Burt turned the television back on and wrapped his arm around Carole again. The teens looked at each other and nodded, doing the same on the opposite end of the sofa.
For a few minutes, everyone was tense, but eventually it began to feel nice and natural and everyone relaxed.
Kurt snuggled closer against Finn's side, wrapping an arm around his ribs with a happy sigh, not even caring that they were watching a baseball game.