A/N- Making Sherlock a three episode series is the greatest crime since the crucifixion- it should have been ten episodes minimum. This will be continued when I come up with more rules.

Dr. John Watson's guide to living with Sherlock Holmes

1. Bear in mind at all times that Sherlock is a high- functioning sociopath.

2. Ignore any and all suspiciously drug shaped packages- the police know they're not yours anyway

3. Make sure Sarah knows not to ring the apartment and leave a message- Sherlock will deem it unimportant and mentally delete it

4. If you have labelled something 'Property of John Watson, Do Not Touch under any circumstances' do not be surprised to come home and find that Sherlock has eaten/borrowed it.

5. When Sherlock gets bored, things get damaged

6. Random weaponry in the apartment should only be worried about if there is a random stranger to go with it

7. It doesn't matter how many people have died- the case won't be taken unless Sherlock decides it's interesting

8. If you come home and find Sherlock angry with you- it's probably because he asked you a question while you were out and you didn't reply (being on the other side of London at the time)

9. If Sherlock says that something will be fun, remember Rule 1

10. Asking Sherlock to fill the fridge will result in coming home to find various human body parts inside it.

11. Don't bother Mrs Hudson after her 'evening soother' unless you want to be patted on the head and told you're a good cat

12. Don't be concerned if the police arrive to perform a drug bust- it simply means Sherlock has been withholding evidence.

13. Do be concerned if Mycroft Holmes approaches you- because Sherlock is the saner of the two brothers

14. Keep in mind that Sherlock doesn't understand the concept of personal space- unless it's his own.

15. If you want food that isn't take away you will have to cook it yourself- Sherlock doesn't use the kitchen unless it's as a substitute morgue or science lab.