Disclaimer: Don't own the show, the song, or... well, pretty much anything really.
So many people are looking to me
To be strong and fight, but I'm just surviving.
I may be weak but I'm never defeated
And I'll keep believing in clouds with that sweet silver lining.
Sweet Silver Lining – Kate Voegele.
She's been an optimist her whole life, although she can't honestly say where she got it from. It wasn't blind optimism; it still isn't. She knew her father's last drink was never going to be his last, she knew her cheating boyfriend's apologies were hollow and meaningless, she knew that marrying an addict was never going to be easy. And she knows, now, that things are not always going to be without difficulties, that Cal isn't going to become a Saint, that their problems aren't going to vanish, that happy endings aren't waiting for them all just around the corner.
But she's optimistic that things will be okay, somehow, in the end. It doesn't matter that everything seems like a struggle now; that's life, and she accepts that, respects it, even.
Of course, it doesn't help that people seem to see her as some sort of superwoman who can do no wrong; she has to be the one to solve the problems, to dig the company out of its financial problems, to tame Cal and his wild ways. She has to be the soother, the healer, the comforter, and pick up the pieces as Cal sweeps through their lives like a tornado.
She manages. She copes. People are looking to her to be strong, to support them, to guide them; she isn't going to let them down. Of course, they don't realise that half the time she's barely keeping her head above water, but she knows that the ebb and flow of the tide will work in her favour one day.
She's realistic; she sees the truth in the situation, she is perceptive, she judges what she sees. But she keeps that optimism; that desire to see the best in people, to keep swimming despite the raging torrent of water that sometimes seems to be rushing towards her, that ability to see the silver lining of every cloud. Even the darkest ones.
"Mess with my finances again, and you and I are through."
She bites her lip as he walks away, and wills the tears not to fall. His words have cut her deep, and she fears the change she is noticing in him, worries how their relationship is going to change. But a deep breath calms her, then another. It'll all be okay. She doesn't know how she knows this; she doesn't know it, really; but she believes it. She has to.
Two days later, when he's in her office proffering an orange slushie and an apologetic half grin, she exhales slowly.
"I'm sorry, darling."
There is a reason, she thinks, why she keeps believing in those silver linings, even when the darkest clouds are looming above her.