AN/ Okay, so, I've read a shit load of fanfic in my time and figured I would have a try. This fic will have dark themes running throughout it, as well as some hottness. This takes place just after the newborn army with Cullen's.

Thanks to my girls, you know who you are for lending your support and love while I wrote this.


Purplish grey smoke filtered up into the early afternoon sky. Dotted all around the clearing were the rancid remains of a fight, the battle that had just taken place. It was over. The newborn army had been defeated, bar one tiny little newborn that was intent on kicking up a fuss.

I could hear Carlisle talking to her, trying to keep her calm and letting her know if she did as she was told then we wouldn't hurt her. He was speaking for himself and the rest of the family; he was in no way, shape, or form speaking for me. If the opportunity should arise, she will join the rest of the army in the pool of purplish smoke. Though, I know either Carlisle or Esme will stay by her side, not allowing me the chance to finish her off.

They were worried I had become unstable. They had every right to be worried. While I won't attack either Carlisle or Esme to get to her, they aren't willing to take the chance that I won't go through the rest of them.

On my knees, I stared at the fire wishing she had told me. She should have told me, yet for reasons I will never know, she never did. I was powerless to move from the spot but I had to. The world's most deadliest predator, and I couldn't muster the strength to move from where she lay burning and turning to ash.

"Is Jasper all right?"

I snarled hearing her words. How dare she even ask if I was all right! I was far from all right and I doubted I would ever be all right again.

I tuned out after hearing her voice. This was all because of her. All of this, this mess and my pain and suffering was because he couldn't stay away from her. If he had managed to stay away from that girl, none of this would have happened. The battle would have never taken place. My love wouldn't be burning and I wouldn't have to try and control myself from any rash decisions I may make.

Placing my hands on my knees, my fingers twitched towards the fire. Did I want to burn? No, but she was in there. Her remains were there inside the fire, and I wanted them. I wanted what I couldn't have back, which was nothing more than ash now. Yet, the fire still burned, taunting and teasing me, not letting me have what I want.

My mind raced. A million thoughts and memories raced through it, all perfectly clear, yet I couldn't say what I was thinking or what I seeing in my minds eye. It was all a blur. Inside, I had become empty. The light, the love, the happiness I once had, even a few hours ago inside me had gone. All I could feel was numbness. Even the feelings, the emotions that my so called family were releasing, had little effect on me. Numbness was all I felt.

A light, gentle, bubbling giggle hit my ears and something inside of me snapped. In a blink of an eye, I was on my feet and charging full speed towards the offending noise. A gasp of shock and a scream of terror ripped through the quiet clearing and I had her pinned against the tree.

No sooner had my forearm been pressing against her windpipe, I suddenly was being pulled off her by Emmett and Carlisle while Edward crouched down, letting out warning growls. Teeth bared, I thrashed in their grasp, solely focused on one thing... her.

"Let me go!" My demands fell on empty ears. There would be no way they would release me, not now that I had shown what my intent had been.

My eyes were on her, not Edward, who was willing to protect her. He was nothing but a small paper wall that I would easily take down to get to my target. Her eyes, wide with fear and terror, stayed glued to me. Her weak body trembled, hiding behind Edward as she saw me in my truest form.

"Jasper...I'm sorry," fell from her trembling lips in the briefest of whispers.

"Sorry? You're sorry?" I spat, still thrashing in Emmett's steel grip. "This is all your fault. If he had stayed away from you, this wouldn't have happened!"

"Jasper, this isn't Bella's fault," Carlisle tried to reason with me, though his words had little effect. He and the rest may have bought into the innocent little girl's act, but I hadn't.

"How can you say that? If it wasn't for her, the newborns would have never arrived, the battle would have never taken place, and Alice wouldn't be ash!" I screamed out, keeping my eyes fixed on her.

"Emmett, take Jasper away from here. This place won't be helping him," Carlisle said while standing in the middle of us with his arms stretched out.

"You'll pay for this. Mark my words." My threat was not empty. I would make her pay, not him, but her.

Being pulled by Emmett out of the clearing, I heard Carlisle trying to reassure both Edward and Bella that my threat was empty and that I was grieving. I was grieving; what made me complete and content had been ripped away from me. Yet, that didn't make my threat empty, it only fuelled it more.

Slowly, I began to stop pulling in Emmett's grip. There really wasn't much point in continuing to fight against it. Edward would have moved Bella out of the clearing by now and, in any case, running in with all guns blazing wasn't going to get what I wanted. I needed to calm down and rethink, to plan my mission or my attack so that they wouldn't see it coming.

Breaking out of the woodlands, we emerged down by the river banks. Emmett finally let me go, knowing that I wouldn't turn and run back. Dropping down by the water on the bank, I stared blankly at the water. Emmett sat down beside me and began skipping pebbles across the water.

"Did she know?" Emmett asked as another pebble skimmed across the water.

"If she did, she never said."

"Man, I don't even know what to say. But, you can't seriously look at punishing Bella for Alice's death. It's not her fault." His words made me snort.

Pulling my knees up and wrapping my arms around them, I looked at Emmett. "This whole battle was because Edward couldn't stay away from the human. She has brought nothing but trouble to this family. After what happened...with James, Edward should have the decided to either leave her be or change her, yet he didn't."

"She has upset our lives and I could argue that she's made them more interesting," Emmett said on a sigh and threw another pebble, only this time it didn't skip across the water like the others had. "If it was me... if Rose had been the one who ended up in the fire, I would blame her too. Well, I would blame both of them, not just one."

"I do. I blame them both, but I blame her more," I seethed. Emmett looked at me and sighed deeply before turning his head slightly to the warming sun that was just starting to break through the clouds

"Edward will keep Bella away from the house for a while, you know, just until you've regained control again."

I snorted loudly at his choice of wording. Regaining control was out of the question. "I know you're pissed and all, but don't make me pull you off Bella again. I don't think I would be able to stop myself from kicking your ass."

"Then don't be in the way and I won't have to rip you apart in the process."

Emmett chuckled at me, thinking I was joking. He fucking wishes, but I let it slide. There was no point in telling him I was being serious because he would find out soon enough that I was far from joking.

"You wanna head back to the house, or just..?" Emmett trailed off. Today's events, or more so what had happened between me and Alice, had left Emmett restless and anxious to get back to Rose.

"Go, Em. I'll be okay here," I answered rather sullenly.

"Jay, come with me, please? I don't like the idea of leaving you here by yourself right now."

Turning my face to look at him, I saw the sincerity on his face that married with his words.

"I'm old enough to look after myself, Em. I don't need a babysitter."

Emmett smiled and threw his arm over my shoulder.

"You may be old enough, but you certainly need looking after right now. You've just lost your mate. I can't even begin to imagine what it must feel like, but at a random guess, being alone doesn't seem like the best idea in the world." Squeezing my shoulder tightly, he let go. "Guess were staying here for a while. Mind if I just call-"

I didn't give him chance to finish. "Just go Em."

"I'll be just there, okay?"

Answering with a shrug, I looked back at the water.

Time passed me by, yet how long had passed I was unsure of. Unmoving from my spot, I tried to think of my life without her, and how different it would be. The last fifty or so years had been filled everyday with her in it. How would I move forward when everything feels like such a loss right now? She was the one who understood me, who told me I could handle the bloodlust and be around humans without going on a killing spree. Now she wasn't here to provide her love, comfort, and support. How would I control myself?

It was no secret that I was the weak link in the family. Everyone could control themselves; they could be around humans and not lose it. Me? Every passing day was another new struggle. It never seemed to ease or get any better; it was always the same. My years in the wars, being the monster I truly was, was hard to let go and adapt to this lifestyle of not killing humans.

Right now, I wanted the monster within to be in control, to give in and hunt that little clumsy bitch down and drain her. If only Edward had caved that day and took her life, this wouldn't be happening... this wouldn't have happened.

Before dusk set in, Emmett dragged me back to the house. He had grown far to impatient for me to settle enough to willingly agree or even suggest we went back. In all honesty, I didn't care. The first shot of rage that had hit had now left me, leaving in it's wake the emptiness of losing my mate. Vampires mated for eternity. Losing your mate would result in an eternity of morning their loss, almost as though your life force had been removed. I guess, in a way, that was true.

Grief, sadness, and uncertainty, to name but a few, hit me like a ton of bricks the moment we reached the front door. Silence followed as Emmett opened the front door and let us in. I wanted to scream at them for their sudden silence now that I had returned home. There was no need to pussyfoot around me and be choosing in their words, or lack of. I wasn't going to blow just yet; I still had a lot of planning to do.

Coming into the living room, I saw the collection of ash sitting in a large glass bowl on the coffee table. With my eyes locking on it, I waited for the confession to come before I said anything about it. Whoever had touched her ashes had no right. they where mine. Anger flared through me as I felt the guilt begin to seep out from Esme.

"How fucking dare you?" I spat in a low, menacing tone. I was aware of the shift of bodies in the room, yet my eyes hadn't left the bowl of ash. Carlisle had taken his position in front of Esme, protecting her in case I charged at her. Emmett was suddenly very close to me, with Rose on the other side of me.

"Jasper..I-"

"How fucking dare you touch her ashes? You had no fucking right to do that, Esme." A sob left Esme as her remorse picked up. "What fucking else have you done?"

"Jasper, Esme just tried to ease your suffering. No disrespect was meant." My eyes flickered to Carlisle for a spilt second before looking back at the ashes.

"She was not yours, Esme, she was mine. Do not go touching anything of hers, or meddling. You do, and I will dismember you piece by piece and burn you to ashes, understand?"

Esme gasped at my threat, shock radiating from her as my words sunk in.

Moving out of the living room and up the stairs in a flash, I found myself in the middle of mine and Alice's room without even realising it. Everything seemed to stop for a second. I almost expect to hear some faint sound of music drifting slowly to my ears, getting louder and louder, but there is nothing. Instead, I stand in the middle of our room, her clothes still covering the floor from this morning when she suddenly decided it was time for a clear out.

I feel nothing for this second. I smell nothing nor do I hear anything, and then it hits.

Her smell, the scent of her, hits me with a force I wasn't expecting. It's almost crippling, making me drop to my knees and cry out in anguish. Fists clench as my sorrow and pain take over. Being in this room, in our room, is too much for me to handle, yet I can't move. I can't pull myself to my feet and leave this room. My dead, un-beating heart breaks, shattering into a million tiny little pieces as everything inside these four walls close in on me.

The smell of sex still lingers in the air from this morning, bombarding me with all I have lost and something I will never have again. Growls and cries of pain leave me as I mourn her, wishing that I should have been there. I should have noticed, yet I didn't. In the blink of an eye, she was gone and out of my eye sight. Why didn't she listen to me? I told her to stay near me and to not, under any circumstances, was she to leave my side. If she had stayed, she wouldn't be in a glass bowl right now. Instead, she would be here, telling me about some latest fashion she must have, boring me to tears with it. What I wouldn't give to hear that now.

"Oh, Jazz," is all I hear before I am being pulled out of my room. I don't want to leave it, yet in the same breath I can't wait to get out of there. I put up no fight in being pulled out of the room by whomever. My will just isn't there anymore.

Before I can fathom where I am going or who with, I find myself on Emmett and Rose's bed. Rose is next to me, holding me close to her and lightly stroking my back, trying to soothe me. It's a pointless act; the notion won't soothe me or take my pain away, but I don't tell her to stop. In some strange way it's oddly comforting, yet not for the action itself. It's her emotions. She isn't pitying me, nor is she sad for me. Her hatred towards Bella has increased tenfold and she blames her almost as much as I do. And while she is sad and grieving over her sister, she wants revenge. Her emotion of revenge is soothing to me; it's comforting while I plot. Unbeknownst to Rose, her emotion of revenge is only fueling the fire in me and awakening parts of me I had long forgotten and buried.

Night begins to turn to day and I haven't moved from the spot Rose placed me in. Emmett has been in a few times, talking to me or to Rose, though I didn't answer anything he asked me. The prospect of talking seemed something far too great for me handle. The fear was there, that if I opened my mouth to talk, I would just scream or growl and either one was something I wished not to do while I grieved over her.

"Rose?" Esme's voice broke through the silence in the room. "Can I have a minute with Jasper?"

Rose moves, taking her hand off my back as I continue to lay face down on the bed.

The bed dips and evens out as she gets off. I hear her gentle footsteps across the flooring followed by the door closing and clicking. A fresh wave of guilt hits me as I smell Esme's scent. It's not guilt from her, though it is there. It's my own guilt for speaking so out of turn to her. Her footsteps move around the bed to the side I am now currently facing. The bed dips again as she sits and looks at me. Her butterscotch eyes hold love and compassion, yet I am unable to keep eye contact with her.

"I'm sorry," I whispered out as Esme laid down besides me and pulls me to her. Curling into her side, I wrap my arms around her motherly form, taking what little comfort I could find from her.


AN/ Okay, so how was my first try? Did you like it? Hate it? Wondering what the hell I maybe smoking?

Reviews would be great, whether you liked it or not.